Have you ever ended a relationship with a good friend, why?

Macavity. · 06-10-2014 02:11AM #1

An acquaintance of mine is an alcoholic and one time as a joke his best friend put vodka in his drink when he wasn't looking. He was coming up to 200 days off alcohol at the time. He obviously knew once he had taken a sip and was quite understandably furious. He said that he ended the friendship there and then and has never spoken to the "friend" again. They had known each other for 15+ years.

Have you ever ended a long friendship on bad terms, or know anyone who has?

Lalealynn · 06-10-2014 02:15AM

Yeah you have to move on sometimes.

Dreannz · 06-10-2014 02:21AM

That guy was not his best friend,not understanding their friends recovery from alcoholism and jokingly spiking them with vodka.

Macavity. · 06-10-2014 02:23AM

Dreannz wrote: »

That guy was not his best friend

Yeah, it was a shocking thing to do. But they were very close up until the incident occurred. He would have considered him a best friend.

Kevin McCloud · 06-10-2014 02:24AM

the key couldnt fit the hole

Dreannz · 06-10-2014 02:29AM

I had a friend my whole life he was in our group of friends. A sound really funny guy. He is an alcoholic and drug user and it came to a stage with it became unbearable to be around him and even dangerous because you did not know what he was involved in. We all had to end our friendships with him after years of trying to help him. It's sad he has such potential a smart good guy but six years later he is still in the same place.

BetterThanThou · 06-10-2014 02:47AM

I ended my friendship with my former best friend(who I was friends with for about 9/10 years) because he started putting off plans and making up lies, when in reality he was just spending all his free time with his girlfriend, after giving him a few chances to redeem himself, which he didn't, I decided to end the friendship. The fact he wanted to spend all his free time with her isn't even what bothered me, it was the lies that bothered me. Truthfully, I don't regret the decision at all, in hindsight, he was probably the most annoying, selfish, ungrateful person I've ever met.

CaptainInsano · 06-10-2014 02:48AM

Shut out my best friend a while back, we've known each other since primary school, both in our late 20's now.
Started to realise we have nothing in common any more after he went down a different road a few years back with guys that I'd have no time for, scummy types. The last straw, and no where near the worse thing he has done, but just the one that broke the camel's back, was when we stopped at a chipper on the way back from a concert and he threw all the rubbish out of the car window outside the local graveyard while driving by, he refused to go back and pick it up, said I was too sensitive and we had a few words, he didn't see the big deal and dropped me home. I went back the next day and picked it up, the next time he called I told him to not bother contacting me again and hung up.
That was that, enjoying a much less stressful time of things now.

R.D. aka MR.D · 06-10-2014 03:10AM

Honestly, i ended a 20year friendship with my oldest friend because she had kids and now is the most boring person in the entire world.

She kept saying 'oh you should have kids' even though the world and it's mother knows that I'm never going to have kids. I'm in my late 20s but have been adamant about it since i was about 7.

I have other friends with kids but they manage to have a conversation about things other than their children/pregnancy/car seats....blah...blah...blah but the minute she got pregnant it was like she lost her entire personality and after the birth of her second kid, i called it a day on the friendship.

random1337 · 06-10-2014 04:41AM

Unfortunately yes..

My bro who I knew since junior infants, best buds til about 15, started growing apart but remained good friends nonetheless.
However in the last year we've hardly spoke. Didn't fall out over anything in particular but we just had nothing to talk about any more and had no chemistry like old times. Tis life I guess.

TheBeardedLady · 06-10-2014 06:25AM

Yep.

DazMarz · 06-10-2014 08:01AM

It happens. It really does. Loads of friends I've had in the past, and we've drifted apart. Sometimes it's amicable; they have emigrated, or we have just gently drifted apart or whatever. We would still meet up and so on when they come back home or for a drink when they're around and so on.

Other times, however, friendships break up for far more sinister reasons...

whatdoicare · 06-10-2014 08:05AM

Had a really close friend for nearly ten years but she started acting a bit off towards me when we went to college.

It was like she was angry with me but wouldn't tell me why. She just cut contact with me one summer, so after a few attempts at contact I just left it assuming that was that but then she started texting me again out of the blue and still wouldn't explain what the cut contact was all about but I was a bit of a soft touch back then so let it go and resumed friendship.

She mentally tortured me for a few months after that, asking to meet up then cancelling, ditching me in bars, coming up to where i was in college, not telling me or meeting me but meeting my roommate who she wasnt pals with instead and general odd stuff like that. It was very strange.
She started doing weird impulsive stuff too, like accepting drugs off random passers by (I've never done drugs and am very strongly against it but all of a sudden she was mad into them) drinking drinks left on tables, just weird self destructive stuff and I was starting to feel like her minder all the time.

My mam was giving me a present of a holiday and not knowing what was going on invited this friend to go with me, she for some reason agreed, did all she could to try not go after it was booked and paid for, disappeared the whole holiday, tried to leave half way through and spent all her money in the first few days. Luckily for me, I was there with my boyfriend of the time too or I would have completely lost the plot. The holiday was a pure nightmare!

So about a few weeks after that and her texting me obscure riddles and asking me to meet somewhere weird to tell me what I did to her I just snapped and told her to fup off and cut all contact. I had started getting very depressed and was getting to the point of suicidal at this point but whatever way she worded this last text kinda woke me up from it all and I got angry. It was a real turning point for me.

Never spoke to her since, still don't know what I did, she told a load of my friends that I did horrible things to her that weren't true but luckily they didn't believe her. I don't hold any grudges, maybe I did do something to her, Ill never know, I wish her well but no way would I put myself through that again. It was a horrible time in my life.

Its filed under "WTF" in my life story.

HalloweenJack · 06-10-2014 08:27AM

Had a pretty good mate a few years back. We'd always go out at the weekends and stuff. Anyway, I went to college, he didn't. I couldn't go out as much as I was studying and didn't have a job anymore. He was rolling in it. He'd always want me out but financially, I couldn't do it.

Anyway, it came to a head one night when he paid for me all night, despite me insisting he didn't have to. On the way home, I said I was heading home and he said I should stay at his house as it was a lot closer than going up to mine. It was in the middle of one of those massive snowstorms a few years back. I said no, just insisted that I was going home. He flips and starts calling me ungrateful and that he should do what he says because he'd been buying me drinks and stuff.

For the next few weeks, he sent me abusive texts but I didn't respond to him. Eventually, he apologised and we started hanging out again but we weren't as close as before, at least on my part. A few months later, I left Ireland and a few months after that he left too for a different place. I've talked to him once or twice in the last few years but we've just grown apart.

Tangatagamadda Chaddabinga Bonga Bungo · 06-10-2014 08:35AM

R.D. aka MR.D wrote: »

Honestly, i ended a 20year friendship with my oldest friend because she had kids and now is the most boring person in the entire world.

She kept saying 'oh you should have kids' even though the world and it's mother knows that I'm never going to have kids. I'm in my late 20s but have been adamant about it since i was about 7.

I have other friends with kids but they manage to have a conversation about things other than their children/pregnancy/car seats....blah...blah...blah but the minute she got pregnant it was like she lost her entire personality and after the birth of her second kid, i called it a day on the friendship.

Kids can change people. It's a pity that you say your friend lost her whole personality and all her time to just being a parent but sh1t happens. Maybe she needed a friend like you to give her a life outside of being a parent. To show her she can still have a good time and enjoy herself without her kids.

I don't know you and I'm not judging you but kids are the biggest life changing event you can go through bar none.

Mr. Incognito · 06-10-2014 09:18AM

Moved in with a mate.

She wanted things to happen. I didn't. She left in a huff one day and left me high and dry with the bills.

Haven't talked since.

Little CuChulainn · 06-10-2014 10:00AM

I'd imagine most of the answers her will boil down to booze or sex.

whitewave · 06-10-2014 10:15AM

Yep was close (or so I thought) friends with a girl all through college. Realised after a while that she wasn't a friend at all - everything was about her, always. Finally realised it when she didn't care at all when I was going through a tough time with a family member becoming critically ill, and she never once asked how I, or they, were doing, instead preferring to whine about boyfriend problems. Stuck it out til college ended and cut contact after that.

The one good thing is that it opened my eyes to how hurtful it is to go through something like that and not have a friend be a support - it's made me more aware of being there for other friends now!

Gannicus · 06-10-2014 10:44AM

A couple years ago I ended a friendship all be it by distancing myself from the person as opposed from flat out saying it.

He got into a relationship with a girl i absolutely could not stand. among other things like her attitude and how stupid she was, we'd go out for beers and she'd never be off the phone to him. Sometimes she'd "coincidentally" appear in the pub we were in with "a mate who had just gone" when I know he'd text her saying we were in XYZ watching a match etc..

Instead of being one of those people that delivers him an ultimatum or tell him I hated her I just bowed out.

They're still together today as far as I know and I wish him all the best in the future.

anncoates · 06-10-2014 10:50AM

Yeah. One of my best friends for 24 years. Just felt he was taking it for granted and that I couldn't rely on him. No big drama. Just cut him loose.

There's actually another good friend that I'm considering doing it to as well.

Friendship isn't an absolute. It keeps growing or it doesn't.

WinnyThePoo · 06-10-2014 10:55AM

Gannicus wrote: »

A couple years ago I ended a friendship all be it by distancing myself from the person as opposed from flat out saying it.

He got into a relationship with a girl i absolutely could not stand. among other things like her attitude and how stupid she was, we'd go out for beers and she'd never be off the phone to him. Sometimes she'd "coincidentally" appear in the pub we were in with "a mate who had just gone" when I know he'd text her saying we were in XYZ watching a match etc..

Instead of being one of those people that delivers him an ultimatum or tell him I hated her I just bowed out.

They're still together today as far as I know and I wish him all the best in the future.

I've had to do the same in the past with very good mates who get into relationships with utter bastards.

When the relationship ends, they flock back.

D_D · 06-10-2014 11:01AM

Funny this thread has come up. In a similar situation myself, except it's not one friend but a group of few lads.

Issue is that I went to college and now have a good, secure job in my field of study. Happy out. A few of the lads in the group tried college, but dropped out after one, maybe two years...

Now they are either unemployed or work in jobs they hate, and with this comes boredom, and with boredom comes many, many drugs.

Every conversation with them now is about drugs, where to get them, what happened when they were on them, what they feel like when on them... It's got to a point where I no longer have anything in common with them. Also, as I'm the only one in the group that hasn't gone down the drug path, they keep threatening that they'll just spike my drink one night to 'see what I'm like on them'.

I'm thinking of just calling it a day and bowing out...

Gannicus · 06-10-2014 11:05AM

D_D wrote: »

Also, as I'm the only one in the group that hasn't gone down the drug path, they keep threatening that they'll just spike my drink one night to 'see what I'm like on them'.

I'm thinking of just calling it a day and bowing out...

Would they be the type of lads that would actually spike you or are they just joking.

To be honest you're probably better off bowing out. Would it be worth the risk to hang around.

MsBubbles · 06-10-2014 11:05AM

Similar situation to Whitewave. Friends with a girl that I met in College. We're close then in the lead up to her wedding she became stand offish I thought it's due to being busy organising a wedding.
Things were never the same after that.

When I lost my job and she used to spend hours on the phone complaining about her job. This went for about a year then she got pregnant I tried for 6 months to arrange to meet up for a coffee/dinner she was always busy.

The final straw was when she told me she had arranged to meet up with people she met once before at an industry event.

I felt like she would rather meet up with anyone else but me.

Wabbit Ears · 06-10-2014 11:10AM

Had a good friend who I went travelling with. It was a long distance driving thing for charity. Found out the hard way that he didn't just like to drink, he was a full blown alco who couldn't go a few hours without a drink.

Anyways, On the way back (the cars were donated to charity) he got absolutely plastered before getting on the plane and I had to endure a 6 hr flight with him drunkenly rip me, my personality and everything else to shreds. It was fcuking horrible to be taken apart like that. We had an layover in heathrow and I just walked away from him then. Saw him briefly at the airport next day, he remembered nothing of it and was confused when I started throwing digs at him in the airport. Walked away before security got there and never spoke to him again.

Aglomerado · 06-10-2014 11:14AM

Twice.

When I started college in Galway I went into a house share with one of my best friends from school. She soon decided that I was no longer good enough and used to boss me about in front of other people, about my posture, my language, etc which was humiliating. We shared for the rest of the year but rarely saw each other.

The second time it was a girl I used to work with, 8 years older than me but we became friends because we liked a lot of the same books, films, music etc. She was never able to hold down a job for long (various reasons, not getting on with colleagues etc) and a few years later when I got a public service management grade job, she had to mention it at every opportunity: like when we were visiting friends and the children were misbehaving she would say in a sing-song voice: "Behave yourselves, Aglomerado's in charge, she's a big manager.... :rolleyes:" Eventually decided I'd had enough of this so gradually cut her out of my life. We have mutual friends still, but I have not seen her in 4 years.

Friends should make you feel good, not worse, when you meet them. I am glad I do not have any toxic friends at the moment.

06-10-2014 11:20AM

I had a good friend of about 8 years. In the beginning we were mutually supportive and interested in each others lives but over time it evolved that we spent the vast majority of our time together - 90%+ - talking about her life, relationships, work, etc. When I started to notice, I would make a point of seeing what she asked me about my life, and one three or four consecutive occasions she never asked me about my life at all, even though she knew I was going through some critical times and making some huge decisions. The final straw was after a life changing event, which she knew about but didn't even text or call me about. I didn't see her for months until the dust settled and then she started filling me in on what I missed in her life.

So I just asked her to stop speaking for a moment and laid out the whole thing. She was furious and marched off. I was really relieved, because I often wondered if I was just a bad friend or something.

TL:DR? You have to listen to your friends, but when you do nothing but listen and are never listened to you're not really a friend, you're just an audience.

Daith · 06-10-2014 11:21AM

Yep. Friend drifting apart from me but would still call me his best friends but never make time to meet. Realized he was just lying to me for the past two years. Got drunk called him a c*** a few times.

I think if we had just been honest with each other we would still be on good terms or at least civil. Now when I see him he gives me a fake smile and I stand there silent.

MsBubbles · 06-10-2014 11:26AM

you're not really a friend, you're just an audience.[/QUOTE][/B]

Candie that's exactly how I felt and a brilliant way of describing it.

Berserker · 06-10-2014 11:28AM

Personally, no but a very good friend of mine did with a best mate of his. I didn't know the other lad that well. These two were inseparable all through school and first year in university. The other lad started dating a girl, his wife now and my mate passed a silly remark about her, not unusual from him, more slagging than anything. Anyway, the other look took exception to it, walked away and they never ever spoke again. That was over 10 years ago.

Lads usually argue or even fight over something and then all is good again but not in this case.

Wabbit Ears · 06-10-2014 11:29AM

Also had a friend that literally only ever spoke about themselves. At 29 she got pregnant, her BF was overjoyed, she had enough savings for a good deposit on her house, a stable job but she decided she wanted to have an abortion. She, of course talked all about getting it terminated but I didn't agree that she should do it, I'm pro choice but don't subscribe to te idea that pro choice means decisions are unquestionable and its a carte blanch agreement that its always an ok thing to do. Like all girls, she really shouldn't ask a guy for his opinion as often we don't just nod and agree but stupidly give feedback as if we were actually really being asked our opinion.

Anyway, she went ahead and did it and then very soon after completely regretted it, freaked out at me saying I thought she was a baby killer and Ive never seen her again. Good riddance really, fecking baby killer.

Have you ever ended a relationship with a good friend, why?

Comments