Another girl kissed me - what to do?

LegacyUser · 07-08-2014 03:57PM #1

I am posting anonymously for this one.

Here are the facts:

The other day I got very drunk when out.
I do not remember anything of the night, I am ashamed of that too.
The following morning I was informed I had a moment with someone.
Apparently she was older than I and made a beeline for me.
She came over and locked lips.
It lasted a second or two.
I walked away in another direction.
My friend hinted that she was chancing it given the state I was in.

I am beside myself over this. I am in a loving relationship with my dream girl. I worship the ground she walks on. We both have things going on at the moment meaning I cannot mention it to her even if I wanted as she needs a clear mind and is out of the country with work.

I'll be honest I am petrified to say anything.

If anything this has made me even more aware of how great she really is, and how much I want to be with her. I had been considering proposing the last number of weeks to be honest.

I am looking for advice on how to handle this best. I couldn't even make it into work today I am so distraught over it.

Taltos · 07-08-2014 04:02PM

Are you sure this even happened and that your friends are not trying to either play with your head or to teach you a lesson if you can't remember how bad you were?

Neyite · 07-08-2014 04:06PM

You didnt kiss her though. You were standing there minding your own business. She kissed you. You didnt encourage or flirt with her. And if you were more sober, you may have reacted quicker, but I doubt that you'd be much quicker than 2 seconds, and you walked away.

If we want to get technical about it, its assault. Its unwanted physical contact from someone. Not cheating. And thats the view I'd take if someone kissed my partner without his permission.

If the reverse happened to your partner, wouldnt you be angry with the guy? I bet it wouldnt even cross your mind that your girlfriend was in some way to blame for a random person coming up to her and forcing unwanted physical contact.

Tell her as soon as she comes back. If you hide it, it will look like you have something to hide, and you dont.

LegacyUser · 07-08-2014 04:08PM

Taltos wrote: »

Are you sure this even happened and that your friends are not trying to either play with your head or to teach you a lesson if you can't remember how bad you were?

At first I did not believe it at all - it's not me.

I knew I was drunk in the worst possible way but I thought one of them was pulling the p. I went to pieces in front of him. I asked another friend separately and they gave the same story, although with the level of detail as above. I don't think both of them would do this to me. The one that gave me this level of detail even said to me they should have said nothing at all.

LegacyUser · 07-08-2014 04:36PM

I forgot to add the other friend I need to quiz in more detail.

I want to check their stories. It was with a group I would not usually spend time with and another person close to one of my friends mentioned it to me. He too said it was nothing but I want solid, hard facts on this.

I know in my own heart that and soul I didn't chase anyone.

LegacyUser · 07-08-2014 04:43PM

Neyite wrote: »

Tell her as soon as she comes back. If you hide it, it will look like you have something to hide, and you dont.

I understand, but she has something very important that she needs to have a clear mind for. This would muddy the waters I'm afraid and go against her.

homersimpson · 07-08-2014 04:50PM

Confused2014 wrote: »

I know in my own heart that and soul I didn't chase anyone.

It was two seconds and you walked away.

It was in no way your fault that this happened.

Say nothing and move on from it :cool:

LegacyUser · 07-08-2014 04:56PM

I'm the most ant-cheating person there is, but honestly hun, you really don't have anything to feel guilty over.

She pursued you. She kissed you. YOU WALKED AWAY.

I'm guessing that the real issue is that you are worried because you can't remember anything. If this happened to you sober as a judge you probably wouldn't be in the predicament you are in now and your lack of memory is probably making you worry that you didn't react properly (ie. blow a gasket, push her off, and tell her you have a girlfriend).

If your girlfriend is emotionally mature, tell her if its eating away at you. However, if she isn't you may be causing more harm than good to a relationship with someone you're mad about. In that case, forgive yourself and don't get that drunk again.

LegacyUser · 07-08-2014 05:18PM

jgjhgkjhgjkhb wrote: »

I'm the most ant-cheating person there is, but honestly hun, you really don't have anything to feel guilty over.

She pursued you. She kissed you. YOU WALKED AWAY.

I'm guessing that the real issue is that you are worried because you can't remember anything. If this happened to you sober as a judge you probably wouldn't be in the predicament you are in now and your lack of memory is probably making you worry that you didn't react properly (ie. blow a gasket, push her off, and tell her you have a girlfriend).

If your girlfriend is emotionally mature, tell her if its eating away at you. However, if she isn't you may be causing more harm than good to a relationship with someone you're mad about. In that case, forgive yourself and don't get that drunk again.

The permutations of what happened running through my head are absolutely endless. And not knowing myself has driven me mad since I was told.

The fact that I walked away is my only conciliation here. My friend who gave me the details said I walked in a different direction pretty sharp-ish but in my head it's how sharp-ish. Did I react correctly? I can't answer that if asked. I would be pretty certain I did and the story I was told would say that but all I am going on is secondhand information here.

I am going to interrogate another friend tonight. Two stories I have asked seem to point to something very quick but I need as much detail as possible.

I have already made a conscious decision that maybe alcohol isn't for me anymore, I am happy with that decision and can live with it.

Thanks for the replies so far, I am taking everything onboard and words cannot express how helpful it is to have an outlet for this.

Buona Fortuna · 07-08-2014 05:50PM

I agree with Neylite, if it were me I'd mention it to my wife. Probably in the context of not getting so off my head again.

macplato · 07-08-2014 06:53PM

Stop panicking, OP, nothing's happened. At all. If you were my partner and you told me what your mates told you, the only thing I'd worry about would be the fact that you let yourself get so drunk, that you have no memory of the whole night. I'd seriously worry about your health, especially if that kind of drinking is a regular thing for you. The kiss would be a non-event, I'd probably even have a giggle about it, considering your reaction to the whole thing.

Tell your girlfriend as soon as she is back - no need to be all serious and guilty about it - tell her in a casual manner, in an fyi type of a way. If she is a reasonable woman, she'll think nothing of it.

LegacyUser · 07-08-2014 07:21PM

I just spoke to the friend that told me.

He said it was definitely her that made a move for me. It was a couple of seconds. His opinion was she took advantage. Apparently I was in such a rush I knocked a few drinks getting away.

That said he had a good go that I wouldn't be in this mess if I had taken a sensible drinking pace. He's absolutely right. I have a blackout of the night and that's something I need to sort out. I wouldn't drink that much usually but I suppose this is really seeing the power of alcohol. It's quite scary.

I asked him these questions in detail and he matched the other friends account which is comforting.

LegacyUser · 07-08-2014 07:30PM

macplato wrote: »

Stop panicking, OP, nothing's happened. At all. If you were my partner and you told me what your mates told you, the only thing I'd worry about would be the fact that you let yourself get so drunk, that you have no memory of the whole night. I'd seriously worry about your health, especially if that kind of drinking is a regular thing for you. The kiss would be a non-event, I'd probably even have a giggle about it, considering your reaction to the whole thing.

Tell your girlfriend as soon as she is back - no need to be all serious and guilty about it - tell her in a casual manner, in an fyi type of a way. If she is a reasonable woman, she'll think nothing of it.

I really don't want to keep this from her at all. The relief from speaking to another friend who basically said I moved away is enormous.

But I am confident she will accept it from me now that I am convinced that I have not wronged her or out relationship bar being extremely drunk. I really hope I don't bottle it though.

retro:electro · 08-08-2014 01:29AM

Good luck op. You seem like a good guy, I'm sure she sees that in you.

osarusan · 08-08-2014 07:27AM

Sounds to me like as soon as your drunk mind realised what was going on, you stopped it.

I don't think you did anything wrong.

In fact, with a generous recounting of the story by your friends, you could come out of it looking very good indeed.

and don't get so drunk again.

Mr. Loverman · 09-08-2014 02:04PM

The bigger issue here is your problem drinking.

Do you get drunk like this often?

What happened with the girl is nothing, someone grabbed you and tried to kiss you. Forget about it.

But try to be honest with yourself about your drinking.

LegacyUser · 10-08-2014 05:28PM

Mr. Loverman wrote: »

The bigger issue here is your problem drinking.

Do you get drunk like this often?

What happened with the girl is nothing, someone grabbed you and tried to kiss you. Forget about it.

But try to be honest with yourself about your drinking.

I never get drunk like that. I can't remember being like that in the past. But at the same time I don't want to be like that again.

I might have a few drinks (4-5 bottles of beer) maybe twice a week, normal levels I suppose. I have made a decision after this that I'm not going to drink for a while anyway and see how it goes.

Will be telling her in the next hour. Thanks for the words ladies and gents.

Mr. Loverman · 10-08-2014 08:15PM

Confused2014 wrote: »

I might have a few drinks (4-5 bottles of beer) maybe twice a week, normal levels I suppose.

"Normal" in Ireland, the country with a huge amount of denial about it's drinking problem.

According to the medical profession you are almost binging twice a week.

http://www.drinkaware.ie/facts/what-is-binge-drinking/

Be careful!

Kevcol · 11-08-2014 11:53AM

Mr. Loverman wrote: »

The bigger issue here is your problem drinking.

Do you get drunk like this often?

What happened with the girl is nothing, someone grabbed you and tried to kiss you. Forget about it.

But try to be honest with yourself about your drinking.

Although I agree with the sentiment of this post, I feel that it's a bit harsh to say that he has a problem drinking. He did say that he never usy gets that drunk.

On the other hand I suppose a good kick up the a*se to say ''don't drink like that again' is no harm.

Back on topic, Op, I don't think you did anything wrong but I'd be careful about how you mention this. I don't really see it as much of an issue the way your friends describe it. You could easily mess up the way you tell your gf and make it sound like you're covering your tracks. I don't think it's enough of an issue and potentially getting your gf worked up over a non-issue.

Another girl kissed me - what to do?

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