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Most cringe worthy thing that ever happened during sex?

24567…14

Comments

  • #32
    whupdedo
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,513 ✭✭✭whupdedo


    I pulled a young wan one night in Limerick when I was on a stag, things were getting along well and I brought her back to my hotel room, into bed with the lights off with her forgetting to mention the fact that munster were playing at home that night (if you know what I mean)

    Anyway, queue yours truly giving her the meat injection for the guts of an hour or so, got up and switched on the light to see my way to the jacks

    It's like a scene from the texas chainsaw massacre, blood on my cock, on the crisp white linen, on the pillows and worst of all on my face and nose, I swear to **** i nearly had a heart attack thinking I was accidentally after bursting an artery or something, it was awful and I still have convulsions thinking about it


  • #33
    Fat Christy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,866 ✭✭✭Fat Christy


    sleepytrees wrote: »
    Yes it was doggy style actually.. Should be called Fanny Fart Style..

    It's easier to get air trapped in their doing it that way, especially if he's coming out a lot. I'd say it's still tight, never mind the rest of them. :p


  • #34
    Fat Christy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,866 ✭✭✭Fat Christy


    whupdedo wrote: »
    I pulled a young wan one night in Limerick when I was on a stag, things were getting along well and I brought her back to my hotel room, into bed with the lights off with her forgetting to mention the fact that munster were playing at home that night (if you know what I mean)

    Anyway, queue yours truly giving her the meat injection for the guts of an hour or so, got up and switched on the light to see my way to the jacks

    It's like a scene from the texas chainsaw massacre, blood on my cock, on the crisp white linen, on the pillows and worst of all on my face and nose, I swear to **** it nearly had a heart attack thinking I was accidentally after bursting an artery or something, it was awful and I still have convulsions thinking about it

    I have sex on period the whole time. Sure, it's grand.

    Okay, I'm leaving this thread because the only posts I found cringey was the farty one and the poster who peed herself. :pac:


  • #35
    House of Blaze
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 627 ✭✭✭House of Blaze


    Fat Christy wrote: »
    I have sex on period the whole time. Sure, it's grand.

    Okay, I'm leaving this thread because the only posts I found cringey was the farty one and the poster who peed herself. :pac:

    Looks down, sees penis that looks like it has been used to perform open heart surgery...

    Feels like a man! :cool:


  • #36
    Frosty McSnowballs
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,396 ✭✭✭Frosty McSnowballs


    I used a Chupa Chups lollipop on a girl years ago. Wasn't bad at the start then she tensed and it slipped out of my fingers and got sucked in. I panicked and kept trying to grab the stick with my fingertips but just ended up poking it in further. I eventually got it back out, put it in my mouth and started riding her. After a few minutes, the stickiness and messiness of the lollipop started to really fcuk it all up. Thrusting in was fine, pulling out was like ripping a plaster off a fresh wound. Jesus that was sore, had to stop and shower in the end....brutal!


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  • #37
    sleepytrees
    Closed Accounts Posts: 348 ✭✭sleepytrees


    whupdedo wrote: »
    I pulled a young wan one night in Limerick when I was on a stag, things were getting along well and I brought her back to my hotel room, into bed with the lights off with her forgetting to mention the fact that munster were playing at home that night (if you know what I mean)

    Anyway, queue yours truly giving her the meat injection for the guts of an hour or so, got up and switched on the light to see my way to the jacks

    It's like a scene from the texas chainsaw massacre, blood on my cock, on the crisp white linen, on the pillows and worst of all on my face and nose, I swear to **** it nearly had a heart attack thinking I was accidentally after bursting an artery or something, it was awful and I still have convulsions thinking about it

    I don't know if I should laugh or cry :mad: What a witch for not letting you know:mad:


  • #38
    beano345
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,105 ✭✭✭beano345


    sleepytrees wrote: »
    Soz dat I havs made thats mastake :D

    http://m.imgur.com/gallery/Bitbi7w


  • #39
    sleepytrees
    Closed Accounts Posts: 348 ✭✭sleepytrees


    Senor Fancy Pants wrote: »
    I used a Chupa Chups lollipop on a girl years ago. Wasn't bad at the start then she tensed and it slipped out of my fingers and got sucked in. I panicked and kept trying to grab the stick with my fingertips but just ended up poking it in further. I eventually got it back out, put it in my mouth and started riding her. After a few minutes, the stickiness and messiness of the lollipop started to really fcuk it all up. Thrusting in was fine, pulling out was like ripping a plaster off a fresh wound. Jesus that was sore, had to stop and shower in the end....brutal!

    oh god why..............


  • #40
    anthonyos
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,019 ✭✭✭anthonyos


    Mate of mine left a skid mark on the bed sheet of his birds bed and they both stood there looking at it in silence


  • #41
    Walshey96
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 215 ✭✭Walshey96


    raze_them_all_ wrote: »
    A fanny like a hippos yawn

    Lovely set of beef curtains


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  • #42
    pq0n1ct4ve8zf5
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,070 ✭✭✭✭pq0n1ct4ve8zf5


    Senor Fancy Pants wrote: »
    I used a Chupa Chups lollipop on a girl years ago. Wasn't bad at the start then she tensed and it slipped out of my fingers and got sucked in. I panicked and kept trying to grab the stick with my fingertips but just ended up poking it in further. I eventually got it back out, put it in my mouth and started riding her. After a few minutes, the stickiness and messiness of the lollipop started to really fcuk it all up. Thrusting in was fine, pulling out was like ripping a plaster off a fresh wound. Jesus that was sore, had to stop and shower in the end....brutal!

    ...what were you thinking?

    Ok this didn't happen to me, swear to god, it was a friend of mine. A lad she'd been casually seeing for a while came back to hers after a night on the drink, away they go and then in the middle of things he stops and goes "eeh, do you feel something wet?" they turn on the the lights and there's blood everywhere. He starts accusing her of being on her period but turns out that whatever move she made she'd torn something or other of his. He was hammered as well so it was a LOT of blood. Poor guy had to go to hospital. I saw her the day afterwards and she was actually really upset by the whole thing, her room looked like a horror film too.


  • #43
    Frosty McSnowballs
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,396 ✭✭✭Frosty McSnowballs


    sleepytrees wrote: »
    oh god why..............

    Alcohol....obviously like.


  • #44
    Manc Red
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 293 ✭✭Manc Red


    anthonyos wrote: »
    Mate of mine left a skid mark on the bed sheet of his birds bed and they both stood there looking at it in silence

    So you were watching?


  • #45
    Fat Christy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,866 ✭✭✭Fat Christy


    Ignacio Nutty Trucker wrote: »
    ...what were you thinking?

    Ok this didn't happen to me, swear to god, it was a friend of mine. A lad she'd been casually seeing for a while came back to hers after a night on the drink, away they go and then in the middle of things he stops and goes "eeh, do you feel something wet?" they turn on the the lights and there's blood everywhere. He starts accusing her of being on her period but turns out that whatever move she made she'd torn something or other of his. He was hammered as well so it was a LOT of blood. Poor guy had to go to hospital. I saw her the day afterwards and she was actually really upset by the whole thing, her room looked like a horror film too.

    Ouchies, sounds like a banjo string snapped.


  • #46
    sleepytrees
    Closed Accounts Posts: 348 ✭✭sleepytrees


    anthonyos wrote: »
    Mate of mine left a skid mark on the bed sheet of his birds bed and they both stood there looking at it in silence

    I expect skid marks in the bed when I'm with a guy.. :) I'd be looking in silence if there wasn't any :P


  • #47
    Frosty McSnowballs
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,396 ✭✭✭Frosty McSnowballs


    sleepytrees wrote: »
    I expect skid marks in the bed when I'm with a guy.. :) I'd be looking in silence if there wasn't any :P

    Dirty bastard.


  • #48
    LizzieJones
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,459 ✭✭✭LizzieJones


    A few years ago I was with my FWB and for some reason he was taking FOREVER to get to the 'main event'. I had already gotten to mine so he decided he was going to finish himself off with his hand.

    So there I was naked in bed and all cuddled up to FWB. My head resting on his shoulder and happily watching him bring himself to completion. When it finally happened it was so forceful that I got hit square in the eyes and dammit does that stuff sting.

    As I wiped the cum out of my eyes all I could hear was FWB laughing his ass off but once he determined that I wasn't going to be blind for the rest of my life and a lawsuit wasn't happening he chuckled to himself for the rest of the weekend. The next week he brought me a brand new pair of safety glasses should I ever need them again.


  • #49
    Manc Red
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 293 ✭✭Manc Red


    This thread is making me vomit. I can't believe people don't shower before having sex or at the very least, wash after having a #2.


  • #50
    sleepytrees
    Closed Accounts Posts: 348 ✭✭sleepytrees


    Manc Red wrote: »
    This thread is making me vomit. I can't believe people don't shower before having sex or at the very least, wash after having a #2.

    Who said anything about NOT showering before or after sex?


  • #51
    pq0n1ct4ve8zf5
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,070 ✭✭✭✭pq0n1ct4ve8zf5


    Fat Christy wrote: »
    Ouchies, sounds like a banjo string snapped.

    Ouchies is right. Though they were still seeing each other for a couple of months afterwards so she must have been doing something right


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  • #52
    Ihatecuddles
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,986 ✭✭✭Ihatecuddles


    LizzieJones wrote: »
    A few years ago I was with my FWB and for some reason he was taking FOREVER to get to the 'main event'. I had already gotten to mine so he decided he was going to finish himself off with his hand.

    So there I was naked in bed and all cuddled up to FWB. My head resting on his shoulder and happily watching him bring himself to completion. When it finally happened it was so forceful that I got hit square in the eyes and dammit does that stuff sting.

    All I could hear was FWB laughing his ass off but once he determined that I wasn't going to be blind for the rest of my life and a lawsuit wasn't happening he chuckled to himself for the rest of the weekend. The next week he brought me a brand new pair of safety glasses should I ever need them again.

    Happens to me regularly, its a 12 hour swollen stingy eye!!


  • #53
    sleepytrees
    Closed Accounts Posts: 348 ✭✭sleepytrees


    Ignacio Nutty Trucker wrote: »
    Ouchies is right. Though they were still seeing each other for a couple of months afterwards so she must have been doing something right

    Her vagina is so tight it snaps penises ? :D


  • #54
    Fat Christy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,866 ✭✭✭Fat Christy


    mauzo! wrote: »
    Happens to me regularly, its a 12 hour swollen stingy eye!!

    That's why you swallow, don't you know? :pac:


  • #55
    Maphisto
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,014 ✭✭✭Maphisto


    sleepytrees wrote: »
    I expect skid marks in the bed when I'm with a guy.. :) I'd be looking in silence if there wasn't any :P

    Classy :o


  • #56
    pq0n1ct4ve8zf5
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,070 ✭✭✭✭pq0n1ct4ve8zf5


    sleepytrees wrote: »
    Her vagina is so tight it snaps penises ? :D

    Can't say I've checked :pac:


  • #57
    LizzieJones
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,459 ✭✭✭LizzieJones


    mauzo! wrote: »
    Happens to me regularly, its a 12 hour swollen stingy eye!!

    Fortunately that never happened. I just had to listen to FWB gloating the rest of the weekend.:rolleyes:


  • #58
    Schwiiing
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,747 ✭✭✭Schwiiing


    sleepytrees wrote: »
    I expect skid marks in the bed when I'm with a guy.. :) I'd be looking in silence if there wasn't any :P

    Again

    http://replygif.net/i/132.gif


  • #59
    Maphisto
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,014 ✭✭✭Maphisto


    LizzieJones wrote: »
    A few years ago I was with my FWB and for some reason he was taking FOREVER to get to the 'main event'. I had already gotten to mine so he decided he was going to finish himself off with his hand.

    So there I was naked in bed and all cuddled up to FWB. My head resting on his shoulder and happily watching him bring himself to completion. When it finally happened it was so forceful that I got hit square in the eyes and dammit does that stuff sting.

    As I wiped the cum out of my eyes all I could hear was FWB laughing his ass off but once he determined that I wasn't going to be blind for the rest of my life and a lawsuit wasn't happening he chuckled to himself for the rest of the weekend. The next week he brought me a brand new pair of safety glasses should I ever need them again.

    Fat White Boy?
    Filthy Wee Brother?


  • #60
    sleepytrees
    Closed Accounts Posts: 348 ✭✭sleepytrees


    Schwiiing wrote: »
    Again

    http://replygif.net/i/132.gif

    The stories I could tell...


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  • #61
    Fat Christy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,866 ✭✭✭Fat Christy


    Maphisto wrote: »
    Fat White Boy?
    Filthy Wee Brother?

    Friends with benefits. :p


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