If the ground could swallow me..

I've been away in Portugal for the past few weeks renting a gaf from this Scottish couple. They run a little holiday villa space so they live next door to me and rent out another little villa across from me. The garden and bbq area are communal so inevitably I see them every day.

They're sound and we always exchange a few words when we meet in the yard but inside I'm dying and want to just push past them and run away. I just clam up, pull stupid faces and feel awkward. I tend to find landlords or boss types a bit intimidating and this woman has HUGE knashers you can't help but stare at!

There's a pub up the road I've been going to most nights to have dinner and a few beers. The barman is from New York so speaks perfect English. I just sit at the bar eating pizza drinking beers with him. When I walk in, he gives me a headnod and opens me a bottle. My pizza arrives a bit later without me even asking for it.

Last night I went up to watch the football. I sat at the bar and said the usual. Next minute my landlord/neighbours walk in. I was sitting at the bar and they pulled up stools beside me. They asked if I'd had the food there before and if I was having dinner and i said no, no just stopped in for a quick one before meeting a friend. With that I downed my drink and left.

I was starving and really wanted to watch the game so I went up the road to a different bar and decided to have a beer and dinner there instead. As I sat there, it dawned on me that when I said the usual, the barman would have assumed I meant a beer and a pizza. He'd even put a napkin and cutlery beside me which is probably why they asked me if I was eating there. This hadn't occurred to me at the time as I was too busy dealing with my irrational paranoia!

So as I sat there thinking of plausible excuses I'd make if they asked me wtf I was doing, they walked into the bar. I almost died. They looked at me, then at each other, then at me again bewildered before sitting at a table miles away from me.

I threw back my drink and legged it. I've managed to avoid them since but will definitely have to see them again:(

CRINGE!!! Make me feel better with your tales of mortification!!