Anyone bang their landlord/lady?

holystungun9 · 05-05-2014 04:13PM #1

I just popped next door to pay this month's rent to my landlady (I moved to new place a month ago) and my jezus was she looking fine. She is usually wearing lycra and tight sports wear as she is very active (oh yeah!), always running, cycling etc. She is married and has two kids but she is serious eye candy for all who know her.

I can't do sexy time on myself much more thinking about her as after the last one, smoke came out of my w1lly. All the scenarios are playing out in my head and there they shall stay but has anyone crossed the line in real life?

According to my mate, this kind of scenario happens all the time in sexy films. "Oh no, my boyfriend left me and stole my money. I can't afford this month's rent and I have no where to go. How will I ever pay you back if I don't have the money?"

Has anyone done the nasty? Can you give us a summary?

keeponhurling · 05-05-2014 04:16PM

Didn't you move back home last month, so your landlady is your Mum ?

AlanS181824 · 05-05-2014 04:19PM

My last land lady was a 60 odd year old lesbian so no, can't say I have.

shopaholic01 · 05-05-2014 04:20PM

keeponhurling wrote: »

Didn't you move back home last month, so your landlady is your Mum ?

:eek:

:D

Well played, sir!

Lucifer MorningStar · 05-05-2014 04:20PM

Yes

in my dreams

KingOfFairview · 05-05-2014 04:21PM

My landlord is the bank and they are already screwing me hard enough, thank you

Wrrrrrrrrrayyyyy, the definitive Irish post-2009 status

cloud493 · 05-05-2014 04:27PM

My landlord is a giant hairy unattractive man with a wife and three kids so no.

The Backwards Man · 05-05-2014 04:28PM

As a landlord, I can say that until such time as the ESB allow me bang a representative of theirs in lieu of payment for electricity, I will be refusing offers of sexual favours in lieu of rent.

AnonoBoy · 05-05-2014 04:38PM

holystungun9 wrote: »

I can't do sexy time on myself much more thinking about her as after the last one, smoke came out of my w1lly.

I've heard of people getting a burning sensation but this is off the charts! :eek:

holystungun9 · 05-05-2014 05:01PM

AlanS181824 wrote: »

My last land lady was a 60 odd year old lesbian so no, can't say I have.

A challenge, eh?

holystungun9 · 05-05-2014 05:07PM

keeponhurling wrote: »

Didn't you move back home last month, so your landlady is your Mum ?

This is like being back in the playground in 1995

Your mother's so ugly, that when she plays Mortal Kombat Scorpion said "Stay over there"

AlanS181824 · 05-05-2014 05:07PM

holystungun9 wrote: »

A challenge, eh?

AH Answer:
Oh she certainly was, got there in the end though

Normal Answer: I'm gonna be sick... :pac:

Roger Hassenforder · 05-05-2014 05:09PM

We'd a flat next to auld ones (80ish) house on galway years ago. We paid fcuk all rent, just did jobs around the house for her.

She used to bring us apple tart and tea in her house coat, which was usually open, and sit on our beds for the chat.
She only wore a house coat.

Her younger sister wasnt half as gamey.
Ah, Edith...happy days.

holystungun9 · 05-05-2014 05:19PM

Roger Hassenforder wrote: »

We'd a flat next to auld ones (80ish) house on galway years ago. We paid fcuk all rent, just did jobs around the house for her.

She used to bring us apple tart and tea in her house coat, which was usually open, and sit on our beds for the chat.
She only wore a house coat.

Her younger sister wasnt half as gamey.
Ah, Edith...happy days.

House coat? I'm intrigued...

dee_mc · 05-05-2014 05:33PM

holystungun9 wrote: »

House coat? I'm intrigued...

Like a dressing gown only worse

Witchie · 05-05-2014 05:37PM

I banged my next door neighbour and then he bought my house from me so that sorta counts.

erkifino · 05-05-2014 05:44PM

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-_d3Vw3muQA8/TzmKa2VOPLI/AAAAAAAABHo/ueEE0f-bK5o/s1600/C_71_article_1085305_image_list_image_list_item_0_image.jpg
Housecoat

dee_mc · 05-05-2014 05:51PM

erkifino wrote: »

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-_d3Vw3muQA8/TzmKa2VOPLI/AAAAAAAABHo/ueEE0f-bK5o/s1600/C_71_article_1085305_image_list_image_list_item_0_image.jpg
Housecoat

A particularly fine example of the housecoat in action

Roger Hassenforder · 05-05-2014 05:51PM

erkifino wrote: »

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-_d3Vw3muQA8/TzmKa2VOPLI/AAAAAAAABHo/ueEE0f-bK5o/s1600/C_71_article_1085305_image_list_image_list_item_0_image.jpg
Housecoat

But unbuttoned...

kneemos · 05-05-2014 05:55PM

No.

the blunder years · 05-05-2014 05:55PM

Witchie wrote: »

I banged my next door neighbour and then he bought my house from me so that sorta counts.

Excellent sales strategy.

Witchie · 05-05-2014 06:00PM

Well sex sells!

the blunder years · 05-05-2014 06:13PM

Witchie wrote: »

Well sex sells!

NAMA should use that as their tag line

Dr Turk Turkelton · 05-05-2014 06:16PM

Witchie wrote: »

I banged my next door neighbour and then he bought my house from me so that sorta counts.

So in a roundabout way your neighbour paid you for sex.

Witchie · 05-05-2014 06:19PM

A lot of money too coz it was pre-housing price collapse.

Dam I am good.

Menas · 05-05-2014 06:19PM

You are watching too much porn OP! Does not happen in real life any more than banging any other member of society.

Roger Hassenforder · 05-05-2014 06:22PM

Witchie wrote: »

A lot of money too coz it was pre-housing price collapse.

Dam I am good.

He might have paid more if he didnt have to ride you!

Witchie · 05-05-2014 06:26PM

He didn't have to, he wanted to!

kfallon · 05-05-2014 06:33PM

Reminds me that I haven't watched Kingpin in a while!

*shudders*

errlloyd · 05-05-2014 06:34PM

Witchie wrote: »

Well sex sells!

Not for her it didn't

http://www.independent.ie/world-news/europe/woman-who-fell-down-a-well-during-sex-left-in-the-hole-after-her-lover-fled-the-scene-30148936.html

Roger Hassenforder · 05-05-2014 06:53PM

errlloyd wrote: »

Not for her it didn't

http://www.independent.ie/world-news/europe/woman-who-fell-down-a-well-during-sex-left-in-the-hole-after-her-lover-fled-the-scene-30148936.html

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jeklvJViuNE&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Ill get me coat

Anyone bang their landlord/lady?

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