Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie

Girlfriends Sister:( [mod warning post #24]

  • 02-05-2014 08:07PM
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi There,

    I'll start by saying that I love my girlfriend very much but I've found myself in a situation I never thought I'd be in - I think I'm in love with her sister. Worse then that, I acted on it last weekend and I'm terrified it's all gonna come out over the long weekend we're sending with her family.

    A bit of background, I've been with my gf for just over a year and we're both in our late twenties. She's a great person and I love her but she can be clingy and jealous and I feel like she puts alot of pressure on me. If I'm going out with my friends and she knows where we're going, I'll still get texts saying 'where are you? Many people there?'. Stuff that like really bothers me. I don't want to spend my night updating her on my whereabouts. She also freaks out over tiny things and can't handle my past at all. She's always banging on about ex-girlfriends and no amount of reassurance is enough.

    I do love this girl though and I'm really cut up over what's happened/happening.

    Her sister was living abroad but moved home a few weeks ago and I met her for the first time at her welcome home drinks. The minute she walked in, my jaw hit the floor. She's stunning, no man wouldn't want her, that's just a simple fact. I'm sorry if that makes me sound like a pr*ck, it's just the truth.

    She was smoking hot. On top of this, she's so cool. She's the most chilled out, laid back, funny, smart , sexy woman I've ever met. I was in awe of her and how she handled the room that night. My gf is shy and stuck by side and it's just not attractive. Again sorry but let's face it, confidence is more attractive then shyness.

    Long story short, we kissed last week. We were drunk, my gf wasn't around and I ended up drunkenly telling her how hot she is. We kissed and were all over each other but just as it was about to go further she started freaking out and left. She was in tears and seemed disgusted by me.

    I am SCREWED now. This weekend we're invited to a BBQ at her parents farmhouse and we're supposed to stay for 2 nights. I'm scared her sister will get drunk and will tell my gf. She's a bit of a messy drinker.

    Any advice on what to do?? Please go easy on me, I'm torn to pieces and feel guilty enough as it is. If my gf finds out she'll leave me and her sister seems to hate me now anyway so I won't get her either. It's lose lose or can I turn it round?

    Help, I'm only human and being honest and decided not to sugar coat anything.


«13

Comments

  • #2
    ViveLaVie
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 984 ✭✭✭ViveLaVie


    How are you in love with her if you just met her?
    You speak very badly of your gf despite it being YOU who has behaved scandalously. You could have destroyed her relationship with her sister forever for a quick fumble!

    Her sister obviously isn't a good sister either getting carried away like that.

    Break up with your gf. She deserves much better.


  • #3
    Tasden
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,166 ✭✭✭Tasden


    sistershame wrote: »

    Any advice on what to do?? Please go easy on me, I'm torn to pieces and feel guilty enough as it is. If my gf finds out she'll leave me and her sister seems to hate me now anyway so I won't get her either. It's lose lose or can I turn it round?

    .

    Seriously?

    You "wont get her either"?

    Seems like you don't love your girlfriend all that much tbh

    Tell her, let her decide


  • #4
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    She's always banging on about ex-girlfriends and no amount of reassurance is enough..

    Well she's clearly very initiative. She had her suspicious that you were an untrustworthy, unfaithful cheater and you've proved her right.

    Do your girlfriend a favour and beak up with her, you describe her as someone one you don't even like, let alone love.
    again sorry but let's face, confidence is more attractive then shyness
    oh the irony...you say confidence is attractive but her sister must clearly have some serious serious self esteem issues if she is willing to cheat with her own sisters boyfriend just because he told her she was hot. Definitely not the actions of a confident secure woman.

    Have some respect for your girlfriend and break up with her, you've committed the ultimate betrayal don't rub her face in it further by actually having the audacity to turn up in her family home pretending to be the loving, faithful, trustworthy boyfriend you're so very very clearly not.


  • #5
    Neyite
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 25,948 ✭✭✭✭Neyite


    Sometimes people drift in an ok relationship, and believe themselves to be in love, but in reality, are settling. Its only when someone comes along and challenges your feelings with something that is sexy and exciting and different that you realise its not really working anymore.

    To me it sounds like you are one of those people who will only let go of one vine when you have another in your grasp, ie, you will only relinquish one woman when there is another possible on the scene.

    Honestly, neither of these women are for you in my opinion. The sister has only shown you what is missing from your relationship, but she is not up to much if she would cheat with her own sisters boyfriend. So why not break up with your girlfriend and find someone who is sexy, confident, and loyal to family?


  • #6
    retro:electro
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 21,039 ✭✭✭✭retro:electro


    "I won't get her either"

    Wow. I feel bad for your gf. Just break up with her, your behaviour is disgraceful.


  • Advertisement
  • #7
    Flippyfloppy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,749 ✭✭✭Flippyfloppy


    Honestly, it probably will come out. If not this weekend, the next big get together. Or on a random week night when you least expect it. What's the point in waiting?

    Why are you only staying with your gf because you know the other one won't go with you? Why are you settling?

    Just break up with your gf now, and take it as a lesson learnt about what you want in a relationship. And I agree with a previous poster, it would take a woman with serious self esteem issues to cheat with her sisters boyfriend.


  • #8
    missjm
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 268 ✭✭missjm


    In my opinion, you're not mature enough to be in a relationship at all. No matter who you're in a relationship with you will always at some stage encounter somebody more attractive, smarter or cooler. That's life and if you care one ounce about the person you're with you just accept that with a glance. Think 'Oh, they're pretty' end of story. The fact this was her sister and you acted on it is beyond disgraceful. Give your girlfriend a chance of happiness and finish it now. She sounds very loyal and caring and deserves somebody who appreciates it.
    Whether you want to tell her the truth is up to you, I don't know if it's wise given that her sister is involved. Maybe in time the sister can come clean but I do think it would be a hell of a lot to deal with in one go.

    I think for now, have a few flings and don't commit until you've grown up a lot.


  • #9
    Ann84
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 304 ✭✭Ann84


    I think that if you really feel guilty, and you want to fix this you should;

    A) break up with your girlfriend tonight sighting lack of love for her (do not mention kissing her sister)
    B) do not contact her ever again

    C) absolutely do NOT go to her parents house this weekend

    This way, she may not ever know what a s**t boyfriend you really were, what a b****h her sister is, and she is saved from being with someone who really is not the man for her.
    This is not going to go away, if you stay with her, it will come out, it is likely seeing you 'getting away with it' will most likely drive her sister to rat you out...
    This will really damage their relationship and that is sad.

    Boyfriends come and go, family (crap and all as they can be) are forever.

    So OP, how guilty do you really feel and do you really want to fix this and save your girlfriend some real pain?


  • #10
    midnight_train
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 74 ✭✭midnight_train


    When I was with an ex of mine, after time went by, I was feeling less and less satisfied with him and with the relationship. But I didn't have the balls to break up with him at the time. I remember meeting his brother for the first time and thinking about how much cooler, funnier, more mature, better-looking (ETC ETC ETC) the brother was. I felt shi**y about feeling that way. It did take time, but I broke up with my boyfriend, and I was glad I did, because I obviously wasn't feeling it, if I was comparing him to his brother.

    You should break up with your girlfriend too, for all of the reasons outlined by other posters.


  • #11
    Stavro Mueller
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,673 ✭✭✭Stavro Mueller


    Don't fool yourself into thinking if the sister says nothing this weekend that you're in the clear. If you think she's the sort of person who'd spill the beans with drink in her, the worry about her saying something will always be there. You don't need me to tell you that the consequences of this will be unpleasant and far-reaching.


  • Advertisement
  • #12
    Tramps Like Us
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,062 ✭✭✭Tramps Like Us


    Mate I'd just break up with her, jesus the bbq would be hell.

    You should say to your gf what happened if you want any chance of staying with her. But tbh you dont sound that happy with her so it'll be easier if you just make up some other excuse and break up with her (no point ruining her relationship with her sister if she has no plans on telling her)

    I dont see how could turn this around and get either of them tbh it would be a bit of a miracle


  • #13
    onerone
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 28 ✭onerone


    don't mind these posters bro. this gf of yours has been destroying the relationship by constantly nagging you. its weakened the bond and in this weakness you cheated, I know my gf cheated on me cos I was too clingy. tell your gf what happened explain it and see if you can get anywhere with either of them, if u still want to be with our gf tell her that maybe this is a wake up call for your gf and her previous behaviour


  • #14
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 3,505 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    There's only really one thing you can do OP: break up with your girlfriend. You can't in good conscience stay with her knowing you've kissed someone else (her sister no less), and you seem to have realised that you haven't been happy with her anyway (you've even described how you find her behaviour unattractive). You can't get with the sister for obvious reasons.

    If I were you, I'd cut and run. There's no reason to say anything about the sister, just tell your girlfriend how unhappy you are with her other behaviour and that you don't think things are working out, and leave. There's no fixing it, and trying to repair it isn't going to reap any rewards here.


  • #15
    Big Bag of Chips
    Administrators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 15,540 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Big Bag of Chips


    sistershame wrote: »
    I'll start by saying that I love my girlfriend very much
    sistershame wrote: »
    I think I'm in love with her sister.
    sistershame wrote: »
    she can be clingy and jealous and I feel like she puts alot of pressure on me..... Stuff that like really bothers me.
    sistershame wrote: »
    She's always banging on about ex-girlfriends and no amount of reassurance is enough.
    sistershame wrote: »
    My gf is shy and stuck by side and it's just not attractive.
    sistershame wrote: »
    I do love this girl though...

    From all the quoted bits above it doesn't sound like you do love your gf, to be honest. It sounds like you are with her, "just because". The quoted bit below also proves that you're not too bothered who your gf is just so long as you have a gf..
    sistershame wrote: »
    If my gf finds out she'll leave me and her sister seems to hate me now anyway so I won't get her either.

    You don't love your gf. If you did you wouldn't be considering going out with her sister when she breaks it off with you. If your gf did break it off with you, and if her sister didn't "seem to hate you" would you try it on with her again? Would you try get her to go out with you?
    sistershame wrote: »
    ...can I turn it round?

    Turn what around? Make it up to your gf or persuade the sister that you're a good bet as a bf??


  • #16
    ElleEm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,981 ✭✭✭ElleEm


    If you have any amount of decency in you, you will split up with your girlfriend and walk away from the whole situation. What do you think will happen? You split up with your girlfriend this weekend and attend the next family barbecue as her sister's boyfriend? Cop on!
    The sister sounds less than lovely too. She could ruin her relationship with her sister / family forever.
    Walk away.


  • #17
    Czarcasm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,076 ✭✭✭✭Czarcasm


    sistershame wrote: »
    Help, I'm only human and being honest and decided not to sugar coat anything.


    Yeah, OP we're all only human, so that's no excuse for your behaviour, which makes for an hilarious story I imagine you'll tell your mates down the pub when you don't give a shìt any more about either girl (well, if you're not even going to attempt remorse for your behaviour, I don't think you should expect anyone here to sugar coat it for you or go easy on you either!).

    Seriously, read over your own OP again -

    You say in one breath how you love your girlfriend and she's great, then without so much as a punctuation mark, you launch into how she is clingy and jealous and you feel like she puts a lot of pressure on you and is woefully insecure, etc. From the way you go on, I'm not surprised your girlfriend is insecure, what surprises me is the fact she's even still with you.

    So then you make a move on the smokin' hot sister who you assume "no man wouldn't want", and then go on to describe her as a "messy drinker" and is now disgusted by you (can't say I blame her, and at least it sounds like she's disgusted with herself for kissing her sister's boyfriend, leaving her with the dilema as to how can she warn her sister that her boyfriend is an ass, without confessing her first hand knowledge of the fact).

    And then there's you, the teenage lothario... wait a minute, late 20's right? Jesus wept. You're wondering how can you get the best outcome between a your girlfriend who you say is insecure and jealous, or the sister who seems to be just as insecure and jealous, better looking than your girlfriend, but a messy drunk and disgusted by you. Ohh the decisions you find yourself having to make, eh?

    Yeah, as for advice on this particular situation, I'm sure you're used to bullshìtting your way out of trouble, I've no doubt your girlfriend will swallow your lies, because her sister will probably be too ashamed to blab about the fact she had anything to do with you.

    Seriously? Break up, and grow up. You sound like a miserable low-life who has no idea how to be in a relationship with anyone but yourself. You'll cause less trouble for yourself (and inflict less hurt on other people!) that way.


  • #18
    cavan4sam
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,176 ✭✭✭cavan4sam


    Go to her parents house and if her sister blanks you hit on her mother or any other female relation.....gwan ya boy ya


  • #19
    Tokyo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 22,656 ✭✭✭✭Tokyo


    cavan4sam - if you can't post maturely and constructively, as per the forum charter, please don't post at all. Anything along these lines again will not be tolerated.

    Regards,
    Mike


  • #20
    Lou.m
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,532 ✭✭✭Lou.m


    sistershame wrote: »
    Hi There,

    I'll start by saying that I love my girlfriend very much but I've found myself in a situation I never thought I'd be in - I think I'm in love with her sister. Worse then that, I acted on it last weekend and I'm terrified it's all gonna come out over the long weekend we're sending with her family.

    A bit of background, I've been with my gf for just over a year and we're both in our late twenties. She's a great person and I love her but she can be clingy and jealous and I feel like she puts alot of pressure on me. If I'm going out with my friends and she knows where we're going, I'll still get texts saying 'where are you? Many people there?'. Stuff that like really bothers me. I don't want to spend my night updating her on my whereabouts. She also freaks out over tiny things and can't handle my past at all. She's always banging on about ex-girlfriends and no amount of reassurance is enough.

    I do love this girl though and I'm really cut up over what's happened/happening.

    Her sister was living abroad but moved home a few weeks ago and I met her for the first time at her welcome home drinks. The minute she walked in, my jaw hit the floor. She's stunning, no man wouldn't want her, that's just a simple fact. I'm sorry if that makes me sound like a pr*ck, it's just the truth.

    She was smoking hot. On top of this, she's so cool. She's the most chilled out, laid back, funny, smart , sexy woman I've ever met. I was in awe of her and how she handled the room that night. My gf is shy and stuck by side and it's just not attractive. Again sorry but let's face it, confidence is more attractive then shyness.

    Long story short, we kissed last week. We were drunk, my gf wasn't around and I ended up drunkenly telling her how hot she is. We kissed and were all over each other but just as it was about to go further she started freaking out and left. She was in tears and seemed disgusted by me.

    I am SCREWED now. This weekend we're invited to a BBQ at her parents farmhouse and we're supposed to stay for 2 nights. I'm scared her sister will get drunk and will tell my gf. She's a bit of a messy drinker.

    Any advice on what to do?? Please go easy on me, I'm torn to pieces and feel guilty enough as it is. If my gf finds out she'll leave me and her sister seems to hate me now anyway so I won't get her either. It's lose lose or can I turn it round?

    Help, I'm only human and being honest and decided not to sugar coat anything.

    You need to leave both these women alone immediately take yourself out of their lives now.


  • #21
    Taltos
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 20,830 ✭✭✭✭Taltos


    Phil_Lives - we have removed your post.
    Welcome to PI/Ri - please read our charter - youtube/videos are not allowed here.

    Thanks
    Taltos


  • Advertisement
  • #22
    sadie06
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,706 ✭✭✭sadie06


    sistershame wrote: »
    Hi There,

    I'll start by saying that I love my girlfriend very much

    No you don't! You said nothing positive about her in your post at all, and snogged her sister. You do not love her.


    She's stunning, no man wouldn't want her,

    Fair enough, but any man who isn't her sister's boyfriend is entitled to act on that feeling. Surely you have seen other stunning women in the last year. Why this one?

    . On top of this, she's so cool. She's the most chilled out, laid back, funny, smart , sexy woman I've ever met.

    I dispute that she is smart or cool. No matter how messy a drinker, how does someone end up kissing their sister's boyfriend?


    She was in tears and seemed disgusted by me.

    She should be. She should be disgusted with herself too!



    If my gf finds out she'll leave me and her sister seems to hate me now anyway so I won't get her either.

    You can't in all seriousness think that you could start a successful relationship with your girlfriend's sister? You are hilarious! In fact, I now call troll.

    Advice: Do the decent thing and break up with your girlfriend so you don't ruin her relationship with her sister.

    .


  • #23
    Tokyo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 22,656 ✭✭✭✭Tokyo


    sadie06 - as a poster here for over 8 years, you should know that calling someone out in-thread as a troll is a sitewide offense. Report the post if you have a problem with it, and let the moderators look into it.

    Considering that this is the third in-thread warning now, further rule breaches by anybody will result in infractions being issued.

    Regards,
    Mike


  • #24
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Whoa, relax everybody. I didn't realise I was posting in a convent.

    So nobody here has ever been tempted or ever made a mistake? Is was a kiss, nothing more, nothing less. The girl ran away from me afterwards and believe me I'm suffering enough over this. I know they're sisters but they're not that close.

    I have a friend who's now going out with his brothers ex and his brother has no problem with it. For ages he didn't tell him cos he was worried his brother'd go mad but he didn't even care.

    It's not THAT big a deal, a kiss is a kiss. I'm just asking how to apply damage control at this stage cos clearly neither girl will want me now.


  • #25
    Tokyo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 22,656 ✭✭✭✭Tokyo


    Hi OP,

    no, you're not posting in a convent, but you did post here for an outside opinion, and considering that the opinions offered to you have been almost completely consistent, you may want to take stock of that and assess whether your viewpoint isn't just a little out of whack. In the same way that you state that you decided not to sugarcoat things, neither have the people who have taken the time to reply to you. And while you may not agree with them, you should respect that.

    You are right - we've all made mistakes, myself included, and I have been tempted too while in relationships. But from everything you have written here so far, the ONLY person you are thinking of is you. You talk about how YOU are suffering over this, how YOU want to apply damage control, how YOU'D like to turn it around rather than it being a lose-lose situation. Nothing so far gives me the remotest indication that you have any remorse for cheating on your girlfriend (and yes, that is what you did), nor do you seem to have any remorse for the fact that you may have done long term damage to a relationship between two siblings. Instead you're trying to find the best possible outcome for you, in what is a ****ty situation.

    My honest advice would be for you to end your relationship with your girlfriend - going by how you talk about her, your feelings for her seem to be tenuous at best, and even in the aftermath of what you have done, there's no real remorse there for what you have done to her - only that you might get caught out. And she deserves far better than that. AS for her sister, you should steer clear of her too. Despite your claims of them being not that close, it sounds like she's horrified with her actions and wants to put it behind her as best she can. If she decides to tell her sister the whole truth, that's up to her, but leave her be.

    I'm truly baffled as to how you think this can work out in any other way to be honest. Do you think that you'd break up with your girlfriend and end up next day in the arms of her sister? That your girlfriend wouldn't spend the next god-knows-how-long gutted at seeing you two together? That her sister wouldn't hate herself every day for what she did to her sibling, if she had a sense of moral fibre at all? Or that her parents would just stand idly by, saying nothing, and inviting you into their home as normal.

    It's not often I say this, but I truly think that you should stay away from relationships for now, and have a long hard think about what you want from one, other than to have the hottest girl in the room on your arm.


  • #26
    retro:electro
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 21,039 ✭✭✭✭retro:electro


    "It was a kiss, nothing more nothing less"

    It wasn't just a kiss though was it. You clearly have feelings for the girl, even stating you may love her. You couldn't have been more complimentary towards this women in your opening post while openly and unabashedly slating your girlfriend. So no OP it wasn't "just a kiss", your actions were the result of your behaviour and your attitude which quite frankly are disgraceful. You show no remorse for your actions or for the hurt you could cause your gf if she finds out, your only concern is how you can worm your way out of it so you come out of this as unscathed as possible. Disgraceful.

    As for your convent reference; did you think everyone was gonna applaud you for scoring the hotter sister?


  • #27
    Penny Tration
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,687 ✭✭✭✭Penny Tration


    You say in your second post that 'neither will want you.' That sounds to me as though you've made up you're mind to 'settle' for whichever will have you.

    These women aren't interchangeable. They're different people, with different morals, wants, needs and personalities. You can't just have whichever one wants you.

    Honestly you don't sound as though you actually know what love is. What you describe for the sister is lust. And what you feel for your girlfriend isn't love. Yes, you can cheat while in love. Mistakes happen. But you clearly want more with her sister, if she'll have you, but will settle for your girlfriend if the sister has had enough.

    That mindset is truly shocking. You don't want either of them, you just want a girlfriend.

    End things now, before you destroy THEIR relationship. You've already destroyed your own.


  • #28
    Katgurl
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,145 ✭✭✭Katgurl


    I sincerely cannot believe that you are considering not ending things with your girlfriend.

    You have no future together whatsoever. The way you described her is appalling.

    Finish it immediately and do not dream of going to a family bbq. How can you take a risk like that? You could ruin their relationship and give your girlfriend trust issues for years.

    Break up with her and leave this be. If the sister has any interest, something might happen in the future; neither of you sound like you would have any conscience about upsetting your ex.


  • #29
    Stavro Mueller
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,673 ✭✭✭Stavro Mueller


    sistershame wrote: »
    Whoa, relax everybody. I didn't realise I was posting in a convent.

    So nobody here has ever been tempted or ever made a mistake? Is was a kiss, nothing more, nothing less. The girl ran away from me afterwards and believe me I'm suffering enough over this. I know they're sisters but they're not that close.

    I have a friend who's now going out with his brothers ex and his brother has no problem with it. For ages he didn't tell him cos he was worried his brother'd go mad but he didn't even care.

    It's not THAT big a deal, a kiss is a kiss. I'm just asking how to apply damage control at this stage cos clearly neither girl will want me now.

    Heh. If it was "only a kiss" then you'd not be posting here would you? You've potentially stirred up a hornet's nest here and you know it. I can't see this ending well if your girlfriend ever finds out what happened.


  • #30
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    sistershame wrote: »
    Whoa, relax everybody. I didn't realise I was posting in a convent.

    So nobody here has ever been tempted or ever made a mistake? Is was a kiss, nothing more, nothing less. The girl ran away from me afterwards and believe me I'm suffering enough over this. I know they're sisters but they're not that close.

    I have a friend who's now going out with his brothers ex and his brother has no problem with it. For ages he didn't tell him cos he was worried his brother'd go mad but he didn't even care.

    It's not THAT big a deal, a kiss is a kiss. I'm just asking how to apply damage control at this stage cos clearly neither girl will want me now.


    So if it's not THAT big of a deal why don't you come clean to your girlfriend? Bet she wouldn't agree with you.. Take your head out of the clouds man cos honestly you're gonna get burnt big time, you could cause a massive fight with 2 sisters which could potentially affect the whole family. None of us know for sure what ripple affect you might cause but be sure that you will be found out eventually.


  • Advertisement
  • #31
    Corkblowin
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 622 ✭✭✭Corkblowin


    You were an idiot.

    The right thing to do now is break up with your gf. It's best for her in the long run & if you can't bring yourself to do it for her - then do it for your own selfish reasons - it's the only chance if you ever having any relationship with the sister!


Advertisement