Wedding Traditions - which are you following?

kkcatlou · 26-03-2014 11:33AM #1

Aahh, how can I change the poll options to multiple choice??!

kkcatlou wrote: »

I'm just listening to the Ray Darcy show and he's discussing traditional v non traditional weddings. They are mostly just talking about the church element, and he said he heard 20% of weddings last year were civil ceremonies.

I thought it would be interesting to see how many people on here have had or plan to have "traditional" weddings and what aspects of "tradition" people are keeping or getting rid of. Please add any more non traditional elements I've missed below!

Poll changed to Multiple Choice, if anyone voted in the last one, please vote again

eviltwin · 26-03-2014 11:35AM

I'm married and did only one of the above

We had a civil ceremony and went home for a party, there was no proposal, no rings, we did our own vows, we were living together and had kids so that was non traditional, no one gave me away, my dress was white but with purple bits and we paid for it ourselves. The only traditional part was the honeymoon.

ElleEm · 26-03-2014 11:42AM

My folks could never afford to pay for a wedding, nor would I expect them to.
My boyfriend has said he would not like to be proposed to, so he will ask me!
We both agree on asking my father for his blessing. We would be traditional in that regard. I am the only girl, so I think it would be important for my dad, even though it is a given that we will end up getting married at some point.
I am not catholic so a church wedding is out, but I would like something a bit more unique than a cookie cutter hotel reception. I am not against the idea of a coloured wedding dress, I change my mind all the time!

Typer Monkey · 26-03-2014 11:42AM

We're having a civil ceremony in the hotel where the reception will be so I suppose, apart from the ceremony, we're having a traditional wedding. I've left out anything I'm not interested in like cake, cars, favours, tails for groom/groomsmen but that's more of a personal preference rather than rejecting it because it's traditional.

I suppose we're including the things we like and excluding what we don't and not worrying about what is expected or traditional

26-03-2014 11:49AM

Oh No!! She is looking for an Irish Man and has never even been here?? And she is married 3 times already? She needs to get a reality check! I am Irish and live here and have met all types of Irish men and was married once only - very very hard to find "the one" 2nd time around!!!
So many people out there who aren't honest about what they want..... most men don't want committment. I wish her luck - hope she doesn't get hurt - maybe I have been unlucky - or maybe I am a bit too savvy now - the rose tinted glasses are gone :-)

kkcatlou · 26-03-2014 11:56AM

Deleted User wrote: »

Oh No!! She is looking for an Irish Man and has never even been here?? And she is married 3 times already? She needs to get a reality check! I am Irish and live here and have met all types of Irish men and was married once only - very very hard to find "the one" 2nd time around!!!
So many people out there who aren't honest about what they want..... most men don't want committment. I wish her luck - hope she doesn't get hurt - maybe I have been unlucky - or maybe I am a bit too savvy now - the rose tinted glasses are gone :-)

They are onto a different story now!! The one I was listening to was an interview with two different girls who had civil/ humanist ceremonies instead of church ones.
Yep, that woman on now is batty!!

With regard to the above, we're going with church, cos the building itself and community are very important to me.

Definitely not expecting parents to pay (is that completely gone??) and made it very clear to my boyfriend before we got engaged that nobody was to be asked my permission for anything to do with my life!! Also, I'd hate to think anyone would know before me that I was getting engaged!! I can't understand how that tradition is still so important to so many modern, liberated women, but each to their own!!

I should have added honeymoon to the above actually, as I see lots of couples now are opting for a delayed honeymoon instead of a traditional one. We'll be heading off two days after the wedding - really feel that's when we'll need the break the most!

Tasden · 26-03-2014 12:05PM

Both myself and my current partner (nowhere near even discussing marriage apart from critiquing the choices on don't tell the bride!

) both want a civil ceremony with just ourselves and one person each of our choosing and our respective children. I don't know how many other men would be interested in that though so maybe its a sign..

But a big ceremony doesn't appeal to me.
Although I do adore wedding receptions. However I know that family would be disappointed in that, especially parents so whether that would actually happen in reality I don't know.

The dress I would like a simple elegant vintage style cream/ivory/champagne type dress.

That's pretty much it

PhoenixParker · 26-03-2014 12:07PM

kkcatlou wrote: »

made it very clear to my boyfriend before we got engaged that nobody was to be asked my permission for anything to do with my life!! Also, I'd hate to think anyone would know before me that I was getting engaged!! I can't understand how that tradition is still so important to so many modern, liberated women, but each to their own!!

What really bugs me is that it's not even traditional.

Read Austen & Co. or the old etiquette books and you'll see that in every case the man asks the girl first and then they go to her parents. He goes in and tells her Father that he's asked "Mary" to marry him and she's agreeable. Then the prospective groom asks for the Father's approval of the match.

Yes the Father gave permission, but it happened after the female agreed to the marriage, not before.

If the Father said no, the couple then had to decide whether to proceed without his blessing. It's not really that different to how I'd expect a modern (non fake traditional) couple to do it, i.e. get engaged, tell your parents first. While I wouldn't explicitly ask for permission, being close to my parents, if they told me it was a bad idea, I'd reconsider. They wouldn't say something like that without good reason.

eviltwin · 26-03-2014 12:09PM

PhoenixParker wrote: »

What really bugs me is that it's not even traditional.

Read Austen & Co. or the old etiquette books and you'll see that in every case the man asks the girl first and then they go to her parents. He goes in and tells her Father that he's asked "Mary" to marry him and she's agreeable. Then the prospective groom asks for the Father's approval of the match.

Yes the Father gave permission, but it happened after after the female agrees to the marriage, not before.

If the Father said no, the couple then had to decide whether to proceed without his blessing. It's not really that different to how I'd expect a modern (non fake traditional) couple to do it, i.e. get engaged, tell your parents first. While I wouldn't explicitly ask for permission, being close to my parents, if they told me it was a bad idea, I'd reconsider. They wouldn't say something like that without good reason.

People often mention doing it out of respect for the father, I wonder has anyone ever had their dad give out because he wasn't asked and what if your dad isn't around? Does the guy ask your mother or just leave it?

Tasden · 26-03-2014 12:14PM

eviltwin wrote: »

People often mention doing it out of respect for the father, I wonder has anyone ever had their dad give out because he wasn't asked and what if your dad isn't around? Does the guy ask your mother or just leave it?

I'd want my partner to ask my dads permission first. If he wasn't around I'd like him to ask my mam. I don't know why I'd want this though, out of respect for my fathers traditions/ expectations maybe.

kkcatlou · 26-03-2014 12:34PM

Tasden wrote: »

I'd want my partner to ask my dads permission first. If he wasn't around I'd like him to ask my mam. I don't know why I'd want this though, out of respect for my fathers traditions/ expectations maybe.

But as Phoenix Parker said it is not even a tradition. It's just something people have made up in the past few years. :rolleyes:

My Dad made a comment about not being asked, and my boyfriend felt quite uncomfortable about it all, but rather than go on a feminist/ "I'm my own person" rant, I just said it was my decision, I had made it clear I didn't want anyone else knowing before I did, and a joke about him telling my Mam and my Mam having a big mouth, and everybody laughed and that was it!

In some ways, I think asking the Dad almost seems as though you are asking him to pay/ contribute? Or is that just me?!

Tasden · 26-03-2014 12:44PM

kkcatlou wrote: »

But as Phoenix Parker said it is not even a tradition. It's just something people have made up in the past few years. :rolleyes:

My Dad made a comment about not being asked, and my boyfriend felt quite uncomfortable about it all, but rather than go on a feminist/ "I'm my own person" rant, I just said it was my decision, I had made it clear I didn't want anyone else knowing before I did, and a joke about him telling my Mam and my Mam having a big mouth, and everybody laughed and that was it!

In some ways, I think asking the Dad almost seems as though you are asking him to pay/ contribute? Or is that just me?!

It depends what you mean by tradition though, if it was the done thing in his time and his parents time then it would be tradition in his eyes.

I'd never see it as a financial thing though, more a tie in with the "giving away" and so you ask permission first.

Like I said though, I personally don't have a particular rationale behind my preference.

Pistachios & cream · 26-03-2014 12:56PM

My Fiancee asked my dad for his blessing but he certainly wasn't asking for permission. I know my dad liked the gesture. However i'm the last of 4 girls to get married and none of my brothers in law asked for a blessing or permission. I think its up to every individual many people don't even think about it until after they have proposed unless its very important to the girl. I didn't mind either way but my fiancee liked the idea of asking for a blessing.

eviltwin · 26-03-2014 01:26PM

I think if you are going to do it its nice to include the mother in it, I know a woman who was walked down the aisle by both parents which was lovely, I'd never seen it before and when you think of it for a lot of people of our vintage our mothers did the lions share of raising us. Its nice for them to get the recognition.

Milly33 · 26-03-2014 02:40PM

Oh yes to multiple choice.. Think we follow as normal but for the dinner, ceremony (well go civil) and maybe dress well see.

Asking dad to be beforehand was a big must and himself had sussed me out with this beforehand. If my dad had said no it would have made a big difference to me, not that I would have said no but it is important for me to know that he asked Dad beforehand and that dad was ok with it

lazygal · 26-03-2014 03:28PM

Didn't have a church wedding but did have a traditional enough dress. My dad walked me down the aisle. As my mum signed the register it was nice for him to have a role. We had a fairly standard day which we paid for, mainly because parental contributions would've come with strings attached like loads of extra guests or different venues. He didn't ask my dad or mum before proposing and I would've thought it very weird and unlike him if he did.

berrecka · 26-03-2014 03:53PM

He did, much to my surprise, ask my father before he asked me. I always told him not to bother, but now that he has, I'm kind of glad he did. Though I wouldn't have minded at all if he hadn't.

He also got down on one knee on a very wet hilltop in December, with a ring already bought. I had also previously told him that I would like to choose my own ring, but I had pointed one I liked out during the summer and he bought that and held onto it until he was ready to propose. I love the ring, and I love that he did it that way. I really must work on him doing what he is told though!

I still haven't found my dress, but am veering towards much more traditional dresses than I expected to.

No hotels for us. Wanting total control (to be able to throw our own style of party) and not having a wedding the same as any one else decided that one for us. We're having a Humanist ceremony in a venue that has never been used for weddings before, so that should keep it good and unique! The church wedding was not something we even considered. We align our beliefs much more closely with those of the Humanist folk.

My dad will walk me up the aisle (or through the room as it will be).

My man has asked his best friend to be his bestman. I have asked two of my closest friends to be my bridesmaid and bridesman.

So plenty of tradition, much more than either of us thought we would go for, but only the bits that we like and mean something to us. And lots of stuff that is not at all traditional, but much more us.

To be honest, we just want to throw a great party with lots of people we love (and I want a pretty dress!).

conf101 · 26-03-2014 05:07PM

Before I proposed to my partner I told her her parents but didn't ask for permission. It's no skin off my nose and I knew they would appreciate the gesture so I did it. That's all there is to it for a lot of people

ABajaninCork · 26-03-2014 06:13PM

Oh - there's no multiple choice on the poll! But we did:

The nice proposal. Got engaged on holiday in Portugal. No ring until we returned to London though. And NO - I didn't know he was planning to propose!
He did ask for my father's blessing, but not his permission. I'm the only girl, and think my father appreciated 'the chat'.
We did have the church wedding. We're practicing Catholics and this was important to us.
Yeah - we had the cookie-cutter reception. So what? People came and had a nice time. I think if you try too hard to be 'different' when that isn't your nature, then it can backfire.
And HELL YEAH I had a nice traditional ivory dress with cathedral veil and tiara! Why not??
And we paid for the wedding ourselves.

cookiecakes · 26-03-2014 06:31PM

Since it won't allow multiple choices.

We:
had a traditional proposal, got married in a church, had a hotel reception and I wore a white-ish dress.

He most definitely did not ask my dad's permission or blessing. In fact, my dad said he would have said no if he had as he would have thought 'Jesus, does he know her at all?'

We also paid for a good bit of the wedding ourselves. Both sets of parents made substantial contributions which were very generous and much appreciated but they certainly weren't expected or demanded

Realtine · 26-03-2014 06:38PM

Well I think our wedding is mostly non-traditional, (August this year) firstly we've been together almost 30 years and we have grown up kids so I think for us going down the whole traditional route would have been useless to us, plus, we are non-religious in the traditional sense so the church was out and would have been hypocritical in my view.

However, we have opted for a spiritualist wedding, we like the flexibility of it and I hope less formal, our solemniser is female, I'm not bothering with flowers, nor cars nor bouquets for the parents, nor a photographer. Our son is best man and daughter is bridesmaid, they can wear what they want within reason, (actually my daughter recently bought a lovely dress in Awear closing down sale for a tenner) my H2B wants to wear new rock boots with his outfit, fine by me, we have invited family only (max 50) and open invitation to whoever wants to come to the afters.
Our invitations we did ourselves and I really like them.
He is sorting out the cake - something quirky but small.
We will have the whole ceremony in the hotel.
I do however want to wear an ivory/cream dress and probably something in my hair, and my friend will do the make up and hair.

We haven't booked a honeymoon but will probably take a couple of days away in Cork or Kerry perhaps.

My big thing is the afters, I guess, I want a great night, a night to remember, so here's hoping.......

ABajaninCork · 26-03-2014 06:53PM

eviltwin wrote: »

I think if you are going to do it its nice to include the mother in it, I know a woman who was walked down the aisle by both parents which was lovely, I'd never seen it before and when you think of it for a lot of people of our vintage our mothers did the lions share of raising us. Its nice for them to get the recognition.

My cousin did that. It was lovely, as she is so close to her parents. Sadly, my aunt has passed, but the look of sheer pride on her face was priceless.

I couldn't have that. My parents would be more interested in ripping each other's heads off, rather than escorting me down the aisle!

xzanti · 26-03-2014 08:21PM

He asked my Parents for their blessing (even though we're together 7 years with a Son)
He asked me on Holidays in Lanzarote with a token ring and I picked my real ring when we got home
We are having a Church wedding
We are having a Hotel Reception
I am having the big white (well ivory) dress with long 2 tiered veil
We are paying for the Wedding but our Parents have very kindly made big contributions and mine are buying us our Honeymoon

So yeah, all pretty traditional

xzanti · 26-03-2014 08:23PM

ABajaninCork wrote: »

My cousin did that. It was lovely, as she is so close to her parents. Sadly, my aunt has passed, but the look of sheer pride on her face was priceless.

I couldn't have that. My parents would be more interested in ripping each other's heads off, rather than escorting me down the aisle!

My Friend's Mother walked her down the aisle as her Father had sadly died a few years prior.. it was a very emotional moment, I must say.

Toots · 26-03-2014 09:27PM

OP, I can't edit the poll to make it multiple choice, however I can do a new poll with a different thread and move all the posts in this thread over. Let me know if you want me to do that and I'll sort it out.

Ms2011 · 26-03-2014 10:14PM

Getting married in just over 30hrs:eek:
We're;
Not having a church wedding (civil ceremony)
Having a hotel reception
Paying for everything ourselves

He did ask my dad for his premission which I love.
I'm wearing an ivory rather than a white dress.

And finally yes he proposed by putting a ring on a necklace around our son's neck Christmas morning 2012 ♡

kkcatlou · 26-03-2014 10:45PM

Toots* wrote: »

OP, I can't edit the poll to make it multiple choice, however I can do a new poll with a different thread and move all the posts in this thread over. Let me know if you want me to do that and I'll sort it out.

Cool, that would be great! Sorry for messing it up in the first place.

kkcatlou · 26-03-2014 10:46PM

Ms2011 wrote: »

Getting married in just over 30hrs:eek:
We're;
Not having a church wedding (civil ceremony)
Having a hotel reception
Paying for everything ourselves

He did ask my dad for his premission which I love.
I'm wearing an ivory rather than a white dress.

And finally yes he proposed by putting a ring on a necklace around our son's neck Christmas morning 2012 ♡

Wow, what are you doing on boards?! Go get some sleep or have a drink or put some teabags on your eyes...or whatever you do on your wedding eve eve!

Best of luck with it all!!! Hope it goes great!

Tasden · 26-03-2014 10:48PM

Ms2011 wrote: »

Getting married in just over 30hrs:eek:
We're;
Not having a church wedding (civil ceremony)
Having a hotel reception
Paying for everything ourselves

He did ask my dad for his premission which I love.
I'm wearing an ivory rather than a white dress.

And finally yes he proposed by putting a ring on a necklace around our son's neck Christmas morning 2012 ♡

Have the best day ever!

x

nosietoes · 26-03-2014 11:45PM

We're having a mixture of traditional and non traditional:

We're having a CoI ceremony because it matters to the groom - but with the bare minimum of religious readings/hymns etc in order to accommodate my strong lack of faith, and a Catholic priest there to bless the union to keep my parents appeased. We don't get married in a vacuum.

Hoping both of my parents will walk me down the aisle... tho I considered walking myself down the aisle and if my dad doesn't want to in the CoI I will.

Going for a white dress just because I like them.

Having a Marquee which has become tradition in my household but having a BBQ meal.

Em... haven't officially been proposed to. Been ring shopping both together and by myself (passed on the details of the one I liked), decided on a date, but OH wants to pick his time and buy the ring without me being there so it's traditional in that sense.

I'd rather my father isn't asked but my sister was outraged at the idea of the slight so I'll leave it up to OH whatever he wants. He thinks it would be more appropriate to ask my mum as I'm a real mummy's girl.

Oh and we're very lucky in that my parents are paying for the whole wedding though we will try and contribute towards some things.

flikflak · 27-03-2014 11:05AM

Where is the none of the above option?

Wedding Traditions - which are you following?

Which of these traditions did you follow/plan to follow? 102 votes

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