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What is the worst thing YOU have done in work?

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    #32
    Tzardine
    Registered Users Posts: 3,884 ✭✭✭Tzardine


    Sir Chops wrote: »
    Found a lass's hair bobbin on her desk. Put it around my balls and lower shaft and had a fap in the jax. Handed it back to her. She put it on her hair. Thought it might have some affect on her but no she stuck with her bf.

    Im sure it would if she found out where it was lol.


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    #33
    The Backwards Man
    Closed Accounts Posts: 18,299 ✭✭✭✭The Backwards Man


    Sir Chops wrote: »
    Found a lass's hair bobbin on her desk. Put it around my balls and lower shaft and had a fap in the jax. Handed it back to her. She put it on her hair. Thought it might have some affect on her but no she stuck with her bf.

    Jesus man, I think you need to refine that story a bit. A lot, in fact.


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    #34
    wanderer 22
    Registered Users, Subscribers Posts: 2,138 ✭✭✭wanderer 22


    Forgot to attach a cover sheet to my TPS report.


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    #35
    Tzardine
    Registered Users Posts: 3,884 ✭✭✭Tzardine


    colm18 wrote: »
    Forgot to attach a cover sheet to my TPS report.

    Terry Tate is coming for you !

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tbSpAsJSZPc


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    #36
    GreeBo
    Registered Users Posts: 27,121 ✭✭✭✭GreeBo


    colm18 wrote: »
    Forgot to attach a cover sheet to my TPS report.

    Did you not get the memo? Did you not understand the instructions?


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    #37
    jester77
    Registered Users Posts: 11,262 ✭✭✭✭jester77


    darkpagandeath wrote: »
    I did see a workmate fall for opening an attachment that shouts your watching porn full blast over the speakers.

    That happened me in the office, "Hey everybody, I'm watching porno over here"

    Did we work together :D

    I was meant to be going into work on a Monday morning, but ended up falling out of a pub in the south of France after all night lock in around that time. I phoned the secretary and left a message that I would not be in as I had missed a flight. Was talking to her a few days later and apologised for leaving what was probably an incomprehensible message. She looked at me confused and said "What are you on about, you were talking to me!" :o


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    #38
    Muise...
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,512 ✭✭✭Muise...


    jester77 wrote: »
    That happened me in the office, "Hey everybody, I'm watching porno over here"

    Did we work together :D

    I remember that from an internet cafe in 1999. It's still funny!


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    #39
    Cantona's Collars
    Registered Users Posts: 33,709 ✭✭✭✭Cantona's Collars


    Threatened to throw a junior manager down the stairs,went to work the next day expecting to be sacked only to find out unbeknown to me that several of my co-workers had filed official complaints against him earlier & he was being moved on.


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    #40
    bbam
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,410 ✭✭✭bbam


    Once made a mistake that scrapped ~$100,000 of material.
    Was fairly tight with my manager and we smoothe it over. Got a pay rise that year too.

    Had one real wise guy contractor in work. We set his explorer homepage to one of those porn links that bombs you with 100's of porn pop ups and then put explorer into his startup folder.
    Every time he started his PC it would just bomb him with porn at work and he haddent a clue what was going on. Had to ring it department to get it sorted and he got a fair grilling from his manager about the whole thing.


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    #41
    fathead82
    Registered Users Posts: 286 ✭✭fathead82


    I was preparing meat for pies in a factory I used to work in,shoving it off the table,down a chute into a bin.after around 10 mins I copped that I forgot to put the bin under the chute. There was a huge pile of meat on the floor. I got a shovel & put it into the bin & sent it out to the mixing tanks.Never told anyone.
    Dont ever eat steak & kidney pies.


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    #42
    cletus van damme
    Closed Accounts Posts: 960 ✭✭✭cletus van damme


    when i was 19 /20 I was seeing a girl and we both lived at home.
    So for action i used to drive us to the office at night and shag her in a meeting room.
    my mate caught me once but he was in the office up to no good too so we just laughed about it and said nothing to anybody else.

    got pissed and drugged up a few times on a friday afternoon in the job.


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    #43
    1huge1
    Registered Users Posts: 6,171 ✭✭✭1huge1


    colm18 wrote: »
    Forgot to attach a cover sheet to my TPS report.

    I hope everyone got this :-)


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    #44
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 17,378 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Threatened to throw kids of a balcony.


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    #45
    wazky
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,516 ✭✭✭wazky


    [Deleted User] wrote: »
    Threatened to throw kids of a balcony.

    Boring working in a creche is it?


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    #46
    urabell
    Closed Accounts Posts: 559 ✭✭✭urabell


    Last day working in a pub for an owner who was a complete tosser, went into his office with a stanley blade and a backpack I'd left in the garden for a week filled with meat. Opened up a slit in the back of his couch and filled it with the meat.


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    #47
    Pumpkinseeds
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,635 ✭✭✭Pumpkinseeds


    Sir Chops wrote: »
    Found a lass's hair bobbin on her desk. Put it around my balls and lower shaft and had a fap in the jax. Handed it back to her. She put it on her hair. Thought it might have some affect on her but no she stuck with her bf.
    I was going to say 'what kind of sane person even thinks of doing that', then I thought no, you're not sane, you need therapy Sir chops:D


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    #48
    Thargor
    Registered Users Posts: 17,895 ✭✭✭✭Thargor


    Ive made it seem like certain jobs take a lot longer than they actually do to the point where I only do about 3 hours of work in a day and spend the rest on Boards and Reddit, slowly going mad though, need to start looking for another job.


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    #49
    BNMC
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,231 ✭✭✭BNMC


    Used to work in a hotel as a barman. It was the morning after a wedding and there was 3 of us cleaning up after the usual mayhem the day before. There was me, another fella who was Polish, a really sound guy, and then a contrary old prick who nobody liked. You'd often find money strewn around the ballroom floor after a wedding, usually coins but a lot of notes too. Anyway, this particular morning the Polish guy and I spotted the miserable old prick opening a card he had found, he took out the money laid it on the floor underneath the long curtains and dumped the card in his black rubbish bag. I think he was hiding it and would come back for it if it wasn't claimed by the wedding party.

    He didn't notice that we had seen what he was up top so me and the Polish guy placed a hoover (with the brushy bit taken off) right beside the 2 big shiny green €100 notes and waited for this guy to come in and turn it on thus sucking up the monies.

    He duly did but didn't notice.

    Guess what the last job of the day was?

    €100 each. It was obvious he knew it was us that was behind the missing money as he was more of a prick to us than usual for a while after that.

    It was bad to take money that wasn't ours. Still feel guilty to this day.


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    #50
    porsche959
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,499 ✭✭✭porsche959


    GreeBo wrote: »
    Did you not get the memo? Did you not understand the instructions?

    I'm going to ask you to, ah, go ahead and come in to work over the weekend.


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    #51
    Semele
    Registered Users Posts: 753 ✭✭✭Semele


    When I was a psychiatric nursing assistant on a secure forensic ward I once let a very psychotic female patient from another ward in, thinking she was a social worker:(. Realised almost immediately but there was already chaos, 15 equally psychotic men making the most of the break in routine, alarms going off, and the emergency restraint team having to burst in a painfully long 5 minutes later and bodily remove her.

    I'd only been in the job 2 weeks and it had to be the day when all the big nob doctors were there for the weekly ward meeting. I have never felt so small or so stupid in my life as they all glared at me with a mixture of pity and disgust. I fully understand the blood-running-cold cliche now!


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    #52
    FudgeBrownie
    Registered Users Posts: 157 ✭✭FudgeBrownie


    py2006 wrote: »
    Dying to hear some juicy stories...

    How juicy would you like? I'm pretty good at making my lies extra beefy.:p


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    #53
    newbie2013
    Registered Users Posts: 405 ✭✭newbie2013


    **** in a mates sandwich and wrapped it back up in clingfilm and someone else got the blame and sacked lol


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    #54
    Red Kev
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,795 ✭✭✭Red Kev


    newbie2013 wrote: »
    **** in a mates sandwich and wrapped it back up in clingfilm and someone else got the blame and sacked lol

    That's just fukcing sick.

    I never understand people who mess around with sh!tting and p!ssing into other people's property. They usually need some sort of professional help. :mad:


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    #55
    Wotsername
    Registered Users Posts: 367 ✭✭Wotsername


    newbie2013 wrote: »
    **** in a mates sandwich and wrapped it back up in clingfilm and someone else got the blame and sacked lol

    It's posts like this that make me leave a thread. Bye /


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    #56
    MadYaker
    Registered Users Posts: 12,170 ✭✭✭✭MadYaker


    Sir Chops wrote: »
    Found a lass's hair bobbin on her desk. Put it around my balls and lower shaft and had a fap in the jax. Handed it back to her. She put it on her hair. Thought it might have some affect on her but no she stuck with her bf.

    You're a sick man hahah!


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    #57
    stimpson
    Registered Users Posts: 7,815 ✭✭✭stimpson


    I know someone who destroyed many millions worth of computer chip wafers in a fab. Got a month off and counseling and kept their job.


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    #58
    OldMrBrennan83
    Closed Accounts Posts: 26,658 ✭✭✭✭OldMrBrennan83


    This post has been deleted.


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    #59
    astonaidan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,456 ✭✭✭astonaidan


    Used to do stock sorting on a sunday morning from 7 till 11, really was asleep upstairs cause I knew the boss didnt turn up till half 11 then worked like a demon for half an hour to make up for it


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    #60
    dd972
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,563 ✭✭✭dd972


    Poured the Zyklon B down the hatch

    Heinrich aus Argentina


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    #61
    Daveysil15
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,301 ✭✭✭Daveysil15


    this.jpg


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