Things I don't get about Irish weddings MOD WARNING POST #322

eviltwin · 15-03-2014 01:16PM

I don't get why at big weddings the bride and groom seem to spend the entire day apart. I know manners mean you have to go around and chat to everyone but it seems sad on what is their day they have to spend so much time working the room.

January · 15-03-2014 01:18PM

BabysCoffee wrote: »

Oh dear.

I don't get why someone would choose to get married in a church to save a few quid.

Save a few quid? Churches can be more expensive than other venues by the time you pay the fee's that come attached to them.

amdublin · 15-03-2014 01:20PM

drkpower wrote: »

Do you get why they might choose a church because it's a beautiful building or because it holds particular memories?

No. Because it's much more that. It's a religious place of worship/house of God. And I dont get why someone would want to get married there "so much" but would be okay disrespecting the very reason for it existing.

eviltwin · 15-03-2014 01:23PM

amdublin wrote: »

No. Because it's much more that. It's a religious place of worship/house of God. And I dont get why someone would want to get married there "so much" but would be okay disrespecting the very reason for it existing.

most church weddings are like that though, I don't think the couple see it as being disrespectful esp when the priest is compliant in it. Maybe if priests refused to marry couples they know are taking the mick more thought would go into it but that won't happen.

drkpower · 15-03-2014 01:24PM

amdublin wrote: »

No. Because it's much more that. It's a religious place of worship/house of God. And I dont get why someone would want to get married there "so much" but would be okay disrespecting the very reason for it existing.

It is that TO YOU. To, me it is a beautiful, peaceful serene building with particular memories. The priest and the church are happy for me to use it. So am (was) I and my family.

But you feel the need to criticise and gripe. Obviously that means nothing to me but that you would do the same regarding your family and friends is quite sad.

amdublin · 15-03-2014 01:27PM

drkpower wrote: »

It is that TO YOU. To, me it is a beautiful, peaceful serene building with particular memories. The priest and the church are happy for me to use it. So am (was) I and my family.

But you feel the need to criticise and gripe. Obviously that means nothing to me but that you would do the same regarding your family and friends is quite sad.

Ok we are going to hsve to agree to disagree.

For me personally I don't get it when I go to a wedding in a church because it's "so important that we have a church wedding" and it's totally evident that the b&g never go to mass.

You get this. I don't. Fine.

drkpower · 15-03-2014 01:31PM

amdublin wrote: »

You get this. I don't. Fine.

Precisely. And since it is the bride and grooms day- and not yours - you might allow them to make their own choices without their friends and families' criticising them.

mrsbyrne · 15-03-2014 01:32PM

Drkpower can you see that any of your posts this morning can be used to illustrate my point?
Disrrspectfull, dismissive inappropriate?

drkpower · 15-03-2014 01:34PM

mrsbyrne wrote: »

Drkpower can you see that any of your posts this morning can be used to illustrate my point?
Disrrspectfull, dismissive inappropriate?

What was your point?

amdublin · 15-03-2014 01:35PM

drkpower wrote: »

Precisely. And since it is the bride and grooms day- and not yours - you might allow them to make their own choices without their friends and families' criticising them.

Dude I can state what I don't get about weddings all I like. I'm not dictating to you what you can or can't criticise.

Some other poster said it already, I don't get why people are not open to the fact that (imo!) Irish weddings could do with a bit of tweaking.

Like we can put up and shut up and nothing will change. Or we can comment, question and challenge and weddings might get even better!

BabysCoffee · 15-03-2014 01:46PM

drkpower wrote: »

But it is also a nice venue. And the owner is willing to rent it out.

With stipulations :-(

mrsbyrne · 15-03-2014 01:52PM

drkpower wrote: »

What was your point?

Its poi tless trying to debate with you. Your not reading the thread and you don't seem to understand the fundamentals of discussion and argument.
If you even went back 4 or 5 pages and read but you wont

BabysCoffee · 15-03-2014 01:55PM

January wrote: »

Save a few quid? Churches can be more expensive than other venues by the time you pay the fee's that come attached to them.

Tell that to to the above drkpower that I quoted. They see a church as an alternative to venues that charge a lot.

drkpower · 15-03-2014 01:57PM

BabysCoffee wrote: »

With stipulations :-(

Well every contract has Ts and Cs. Nothing too onerous, I wouldn't have thought.

rainbow kirby · 15-03-2014 01:58PM

Malari wrote: »

Can you not hire a church for a secular wedding? Or do people just use a priest because it's easier (cheaper?). Because a lot of them are beautiful buildings.

There's a strong argument to be made for a Unitarian wedding for these sort of cases, their ethos is to respect spirituality in whatever form it takes so there is a lot of freedom there. Tney have a gorgeous 17th century chapel near me and it's one of the options on our list.

Sligo1 · 15-03-2014 01:59PM

eviltwin wrote: »

I don't get why at big weddings the bride and groom seem to spend the entire day apart. I know manners mean you have to go around and chat to everyone but it seems sad on what is their day they have to spend so much time working the room.

Before our wedding I specifically said to my husband we are NOT to be apart during the day or night. We spent the day holding hands and the night going around everyone together. It was our day. The only time I remember being apart from him was at 4am when I was blotto sitting in a chair waitin for him to come back from the toilet co I couldn't stand. Fond fond memories....

drkpower · 15-03-2014 01:59PM

mrsbyrne wrote: »

Its poi tless trying to debate with you. Your not reading the thread and you don't seem to understand the fundamentals of discussion and argument.
If you even went back 4 or 5 pages and read but you wont

Ok ??

Malari · 15-03-2014 02:01PM

drkpower wrote: »

Precisely. And since it is the bride and grooms day- and not yours - you might allow them to make their own choices without their friends and families' criticising them.

In fairness, everyone criticizes everyone else at times. Friends, families, partners...it's human nature! It's not malicious, it's not personal because no-one is using names here. It's observations and general expression of fascination or bafflement on how other people do things. I don't see the harm or offense.

BabysCoffee · 15-03-2014 02:04PM

Malari wrote: »

In fairness, everyone criticizes everyone else at times. Friends, families, partners...it's human nature! It's not malicious, it's not personal because no-one is using names here. It's observations and general expression of fascination or bafflement on how other people do things. I don't see the harm or offense.

Agreed.

I don't get why some people are getting so bothered by a bit of constructive criticism.

There have been brides on this thread who have said they will be making modifications to their weddings because of this thread.

It's all good!

mrsbyrne · 15-03-2014 02:06PM

drkpower wrote: »

Ok ??

OK so......? Do you want to answer my point about the church not being a venue?

Dolbert · 15-03-2014 02:11PM

Malari wrote: »

Can you not hire a church for a secular wedding? Or do people just use a priest because it's easier (cheaper?). Because a lot of them are beautiful buildings.

There are a few hotels in Ireland with beautiful chapels on-site which can be used for civil ceremonies, e.g. Brooklodge in Wicklow, the Clarion Sligo, Mackree Castle in Sligo, Ashford Castle in Mayo, Glenlo Abbey, Galway.

digzy · 15-03-2014 02:11PM

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

It occasionally

And to bring this post back to what I hate about Irish weddings: stags and hens. I just don't see the point of having one final slutty weekend if you're actually in love and committed to marrying someone. And the rest (getting drunk, going out with the girls/boys) is still something you'll do after the wedding anyways.

It's funny you mention that.
I've been on a fair few stags, with different groups of lads. On every one the stag has been faithful, even the younger lads with girlfriends. It's the fellas with the wife and kids who're the biggest fcukers . I remember one in particular where 3lads who I didn't know got their own apt, all brought back your usual Liverpool slappers. Then I saw them at the wedding with their wives and kids.
Utter scumbags.

To get back to your point though, scoring on your stag/hen is the stuff of a Cnut.
I think I'd pull out of a wedding if I saw it go on.

eviltwin · 15-03-2014 02:22PM

digzy wrote: »

It's funny you mention that.
I've been on a fair few stags, with different groups of lads. On every one the stag has been faithful, even the younger lads with girlfriends. It's the fellas with the wife and kids who're the biggest fcukers . I remember one in particular where 3lads who I didn't know got their own apt, all brought back your usual Liverpool slappers. Then I saw them at the wedding with their wives and kids.
Utter scumbags.

To get back to your point though, scoring on your stag/hen is the stuff of a Cnut.
I think I'd pull out of a wedding if I saw it go on.

We had a joint stag/hen which meant no carry on of this sort

The reason for the combined do was that it just seems strange to me to have a girls only night out, most of my friends are male and my husband has a lot of female friends so the segregation of a traditional do wouldn't have worked. People thought it was crazy that we combined it even though everyone at it agreed it was a great night out not one of the people who got married after said tehy would even consider it.

freshpopcorn · 15-03-2014 03:21PM

Our local priest always says the church is open to people who want to get married. Whether or not they a practassing Catholics or not. Once your baptised into the church your part. He also says just because you attend mass doesn't make you more catholic/religious that some who attends all the time.

freshpopcorn · 15-03-2014 03:31PM

One thing I would say the whole expensive dress thing, inviting lots of people, venues, church, hens/stags, list goes on happen in loads of other counties.

BabysCoffee · 15-03-2014 03:34PM

digzy wrote: »

It's funny you mention that.
I've been on a fair few stags, with different groups of lads. On every one the stag has been faithful, even the younger lads with girlfriends. It's the fellas with the wife and kids who're the biggest fcukers . I remember one in particular where 3lads who I didn't know got their own apt, all brought back your usual Liverpool slappers. Then I saw them at the wedding with their wives and kids.
Utter scumbags.

To get back to your point though, scoring on your stag/hen is the stuff of a Cnut.
I think I'd pull out of a wedding if I saw it go on.

Disgusting!!!

I really don't get this!!

It never even crossed my mind that being unfaithful on stag parties was the done thing.

cuilteanna · 15-03-2014 03:34PM

In the course of reading this thread I've been surprised at how much resentment I still have over my own wedding (nearly 27 years ago). Unfortunately "compromise" often means giving in on something and (hopefully) having your own way on another thing.

We had a church wedding. I did NOT want it but at the time my OH was a practising Catholic and both his parents and my mother believed that only a church wedding was "real". My father was the only person who cared at all what I thought!

My mother hated my choice of dress, a pretty short silk dress with lace. For an easy life I got a gown she liked. I never bothered to get it cleaned because I cut it up for crafts.

There were loads more issues and nearly every one involved me giving in to what others wanted. I think a course of assertiveness training would have been in my best interests, I might even have ended up with one or two happy memories!

freshpopcorn · 15-03-2014 03:42PM

cuilteanna wrote: »

We had a church wedding. I did NOT want it but at the time my OH was a practising Catholic and both his parents and my mother believed that only a church wedding was "real". My father was the only person who cared at all what I thought!

Well if your husband was a practising Catholic wouldn't a church wedding have being important to him as well. Its not all about the bride,

BabysCoffee · 15-03-2014 03:51PM

freshpopcorn wrote: »

Well if your husband was a practising Catholic wouldn't a church wedding have being important to him as well. Its not all about the bride,

It's about the couple. It's not a compromise if one party gets exactly what they want i.e. a catholic wedding.

That's basically making the non-catholic person "put up and shut up"

It doesn't bode well for the marriage, methinks.

Tasden · 15-03-2014 04:05PM

BabysCoffee wrote: »

It's about the couple. It's not a compromise if one party gets exactly what they want i.e. a catholic wedding.

That's basically making the non-catholic person "put up and shut up"

It doesn't bode well for the marriage, methinks.

I sort of agree but then I think if one person has a strong belief and a wedding in a church is pretty central to that belief/way of life, does it really matter all that much to the person who doesn't believe to just go along with it seeing as it doesn't really mean anything to them either way?
Now if the non believer wanted a special venue or had their heart set on something else which they will have to sacrifice then that's different as its no longer a compromise.

Things I don't get about Irish weddings MOD WARNING POST #322

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