Things I don't get about Irish weddings MOD WARNING POST #322

GardenMadness · 15-03-2014 09:36AM

I got married last year and did most of the things everyone hates. Of course, that wasn't the plan at first, but real life comes down pretty heavily once the real planning starts.

I wanted Unitarian church on Stephen's Green/photos in the green/somewhere like the Odean for private drinks/dinner in a nice resturant.

Husband wanted a big hotel wedding.

We had a country house. Beef or salmon. Prosecco toast. Speeches. Cocktail sausages, the whole package.

We each have godchildren so they were flower girls and page boy because we wanted to give them a special role on the day. The little boy was too little to understand (but just adorable), the little girls loved it, which we were delighted about.

Everyone says you can have what you want. But you can't. You can't afford it. People have expectations too, and you don't want all that money spent to at least not give your guests that. It's quite hard, planning a wedding. Lots of compromise and plenty of readjusting expectations.

And go easy on the bride. If it is horrible, she'll be the one who's blamed, and she feels that deeply.

eyescreamcone · 15-03-2014 09:53AM

Good point!
Afterwards compliment everything - the happy couple will take the smallest slight very much to heart!

BabysCoffee · 15-03-2014 10:09AM

I don't get why once the couple get engaged certain women let their Wedding Day take over their life - we all know these bridezilla type. They are the women who think it is ok to arrange wedding details when they are meant to be working or women who think it is ok to hog canteen chat with the mundane details of their wedding.

Perhaps it is the brides who have always wanted to be a "princess for a day" which I hear bandied around a lot. I don't get it!

Ralf and Florian · 15-03-2014 10:10AM

Having hundreds of people at the wedding like a badge of honour or showing how popular you are even if it means inviting the weird uncle that no one likes and never sees from one end of the year to the next..The whole white dress thing which is supposed to symbolise the brides virginity,if theres one thing that can very safely be said to be obsolete its this.

GardenMadness · 15-03-2014 10:14AM

Well it could be either of two things:

A. Women are rubbish and everything they do is stupid and designed to irriate

OR

B. They're doing something quite difficult and time consuming that they will be meticulously judged on, but that they're also happy and excited about.

I'd go for A, because women, eh? What a bunch of lightheaded, boring thicks.

BabysCoffee · 15-03-2014 10:23AM

I don't get people doing things that they never do "because you have to for a wedding".

I was never so glad when I saw a particular mother of the bride on RTE's "Don't tell the Bride" wear a man's suit (tailored to her) rather than a traditional mother of the bride outfit. She looked like she never wore a dress in her life and I was glad she was true to herself on her daughter's wedding day.

I don't think the silly frou frou MOB outfit would have suited her short spikey har, piercings and tattoos anyway. But still a lot of people would have given in to wedding expectation. Fair play to her.

drkpower · 15-03-2014 10:27AM

I don't get why people take such pleasure in criticising how their own friends and family choose to celebrate their wedding. Instead of searching out the things you don't like, see the positives in their choices. If you can't do that, you probably shouldn't be going to their wedding.

BabysCoffee · 15-03-2014 10:33AM

I really don't get the priest at the top table. Particularly if he is just a complete randomer and not a friend of the family. Are celebrants seated at the top table if a priest isn't used???

username123 · 15-03-2014 11:14AM

When did it change from being a morning event to this day long thing? My parents wedding pics show them changed into their "going away" outfits and away off at about 2pm. It didn't used to be an all day catered event with a band/ dj?

BabysCoffee · 15-03-2014 11:18AM

username123 wrote: »

When did it change from being a morning event to this day long thing? My parents wedding pics show them changed into their "going away" outfits and away off at about 2pm. It didn't used to be an all day catered event with a band/ dj?

I've always wondered about this.

Is the way English people refer to the "Wedding Breakfast" anything to do with this?

amdublin · 15-03-2014 11:23AM

drkpower wrote: »

I don't get why people take such pleasure in criticising how their own friends and family choose to celebrate their wedding. Instead of searching out the things you don't like, see the positives in their choices. If you can't do that, you probably shouldn't be going to their wedding.

Why not? You go to many things that you may not like all or any of it.

E.g the opera: "I really enjoyed that opera but I did find it went on very long and I was tired by the end"
E.g. A meal out: "oh god my starter and main were not nice but jeebs the dessert made up for it". Or

"wow that wasn't great last night, and so expensive, I feel robbed"
A BBQ in a friends house: "great night but jaysis John cremated those sausages lol"

Like why shouldn't it be said if you are left hungry between church and dinner.
Why shouldn't it be said that I don't get why brides go lunatic over a dress and then treat it with no care or respect afterwards - sorry but I really cannot get my head around that!

amdublin · 15-03-2014 11:26AM

BabysCoffee wrote: »

I've always wondered about this.

Is the way English people refer to the "Wedding Breakfast" anything to do with this?

Wedding breakfast is not a morning meal!! :eek:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wedding_breakfast

I don't get that!!!!

drkpower · 15-03-2014 11:36AM

amdublin wrote: »

Why not? You go to many things that you may not like all or any of it.

E.g the opera: "I really enjoyed that opera but I did find it went on very long and I was tired by the end"
E.g. A meal out: "oh god my starter and main were not nice but jeebs the dessert made up for it". Or "wow that wasn't great last night, and so expensive, I feel robbed"
A BBQ in a friends house: "great night but jaysis John cremated those sausages lol"

Like why shouldn't it be said if you are left hungry between church and dinner.
Why shouldn't it be said that I don't get why brides go lunatic over a dress and then treat it with no care or respect afterwards - sorry but I really cannot get my head around that!

There is quite a difference between comments a la 'great night but jaysis John cremated those sausages lol" and the types of criticism and meanness that has been perpetuated in this thread.

amdublin · 15-03-2014 11:45AM

drkpower wrote: »

There is quite a difference between comments a la 'great night but jaysis John cremated those sausages lol" and the types of criticism and meanness that has been perpetuated in this thread.

And this thread is being watched and moderated.

IMO some people just don't like being criticized. They don't like that this thread is questioning things...things like why bother having a church wedding when neither the b&g go next to near a church ever,
when ultimately (let's call a spade a spade) some b&g's prefer lying in bed on sunday mornings rather than going to mass,
when some b&g don't know when to kneel and stand during their "must have" wedding mass,
and some who even begrudge the premarital course that is one of the requirements of a church wedding.
I don't get why it is so important to get married in a church when the above applies to you.

Ps. As a guest you rush around all morning to be ready for the early church. Fine if it is really genuinely (and evidently) important to the b&g. But then you see the b&g not knowing when to kneel, half heartedly mumble prayers and you're like why did I bother, why did they bother?

BabysCoffee · 15-03-2014 11:49AM

I don't get why some people are't open to considering that Irish weddings could be tweaked a little bit in order to make them more enjoyable by guests.

drkpower · 15-03-2014 11:51AM

amdublin wrote: »

And this thread is being watched and moderated.

IMO some people just don't like being criticized. They don't like that this thread is questioning things...things like why bother having a church wedding when neither the b&g go next to near a church ever,
when ultimately (let's call a spade a spade) some b&g's prefer lying in bed on sunday mornings rather than going to mass,
when some b&g don't know when to kneel and stand during their "must have" wedding mass,
and some who even begrudge the premarital course that is one of the requirements of a church wedding.
I don't get why it is so important to get married in a church when the above applies to you.

Have you given any thought as to why someone might want a wedding in a church even in those circumstances?

Have you come up with any possible reasons? Orhave you just considered the negatives?

BabysCoffee · 15-03-2014 11:59AM

I don't get why makeup artists go so heavy on brides makeup on their wedding day - particularly brides who don't generally wear makeup.

Sometimes they are barely recognizable!!

amdublin · 15-03-2014 12:00PM

drkpower wrote: »

Have you given any thought as to why someone might want a wedding in a church even in those circumstances?

Have you come up with any possible reasons? Orhave you just considered the negatives?

Yeah maybe to please parents or something? And IMO if you are doing that well then do the priest a favour and attend a couple of months of masses in advance. IMO it's disrespectful not to even know when to kneel and stand (particularly after "omg I must have a church wedding" etc etc)

I added an additional piece to my post...might give you more insight into my headspace also.

mrsbyrne · 15-03-2014 12:13PM

Actually its always easy to tell if the b&g are regular mass goers because the whole church bit seems so much more real and personal and intimate and joyous rather than stiff and formulaic when its obvious the priest hasn't a clue who these people are, only met them a couple of times and none of the guests know when to sit or stand.
Its also so cringe making when the grooms brother Nathan is wandering around filming during the Elevation etc and all the phones jingling and jangling because people are too stupid to turn them off.

drkpower · 15-03-2014 12:50PM

amdublin wrote: »

Yeah maybe to please parents or something? And IMO if you are doing that well then do the priest a favour and attend a couple of months of masses in advance. IMO it's disrespectful not to even know when to kneel and stand (particularly after "omg I must have a church wedding" etc etc).

Or because a church is a nice venue?
Or because that particular church might have particular memories(other weddings, funerals, christenings).

The point is you should first look to understand the choices of the bride and groom, rather than deconstruct and criticise. After all, they are supposedly your family or friends.

BabysCoffee · 15-03-2014 12:54PM

drkpower wrote: »

Or because a church is a nice venue?
.

Yeah, I don't get why someone who never goes to mass would want to get married in a Catholic Church by a priest because "it is nice venue"

mrsbyrne · 15-03-2014 12:58PM

drkpower wrote: »

Or because a church is a nice venue?
Or because that particular church might have particular memories(other weddings, funerals, christenings).

The point is you should first look to understand the choices of the bride and groom, rather than deconstruct and criticise. After all, they are supposedly your family or friends.

A hotel is a nice venue.
A marquee in a relatives field is a nice venue.
A church is not a venue.
You are speaking as if the church is now obsolete regarding its original purpose.
For a lot of people a church is a sacred place of worship. And for these people it may be offensive to see folk who don't see it like that trampling all over established traditions and behaving inappropriately or disrespectfully.

drkpower · 15-03-2014 12:59PM

BabysCoffee wrote: »

Yeah, I don't get why someone who never goes to mass would want to get married in a Catholic Church by a priest because "it is nice venue"

Why not? People pay fortunes for nice venues. A church is a few quid and. can be beautiful and spectacular. Seems like a win win.

BabysCoffee · 15-03-2014 01:03PM

drkpower wrote: »

Why not? People pay fortunes for nice venues. A church is a few quid and. can be beautiful and spectacular. Seems like a win win.

It's a lose lose IMO. You have to bow down to the catholic ethos and have the involvement of a priest.

A church wedding is more than a building or a "nice venue"

amdublin · 15-03-2014 01:06PM

drkpower wrote: »

Why not? People pay fortunes for nice venues. A church is a few quid and. can be beautiful and spectacular. Seems like a win win.

There is far far more to a church than you have noted above. A church is a place of worship and it is disrespectful to reduce it to "a nice venue".

drkpower · 15-03-2014 01:09PM

BabysCoffee wrote: »

It's a lose lose IMO. You have to bow down to the catholic ethos and have the involvement of a priest.

A church wedding is more than a building or a "nice venue"

I think the key phrase there is 'IMO'. It's the opinion of the b & g that matters.

Personally, I can't see how having a wedding in a church is bowing down to the catholic ethos.

BabysCoffee · 15-03-2014 01:09PM

drkpower wrote: »

Why not? People pay fortunes for nice venues. A church is a few quid and. can be beautiful and spectacular. Seems like a win win.

Oh dear.

I don't get why someone would choose to get married in a church to save a few quid.

Malari · 15-03-2014 01:13PM

Can you not hire a church for a secular wedding? Or do people just use a priest because it's easier (cheaper?). Because a lot of them are beautiful buildings.

drkpower · 15-03-2014 01:14PM

amdublin wrote: »

There is far far more to a church than you have noted above. A church is a place of worship and it is disrespectful to reduce it to "a nice venue".

But it is also a nice venue. And the owner is willing to rent it out.

drkpower · 15-03-2014 01:15PM

BabysCoffee wrote: »

Oh dear.

I don't get why someone would choose to get married in a church to save a few quid.

Do you get why they might choose a church because it's a beautiful building or because it holds particular memories?

Things I don't get about Irish weddings MOD WARNING POST #322

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