Things I don't get about Irish weddings MOD WARNING POST #322

LynnGrace wrote: »

Agreed. I was bridesmaid once for the most non bridezilla person ever (thankfully). Any little things I spotted, I sorted, on the day, without any hassle to the couple.

Oh don't get me wrong, she had her bridezilla moments and when she did we just took all the wedding paraphernalia off her and plied her with drink( we done most of the wedding planning on a friday night in my place lol) she soon stopped as she can't handle her drink to well hahahahaha.

So it was easy out from then on

username123 wrote: »

Ah you see, thats where doing what you want to make it the day of your dreams comes in.

My ceremony was outside in a game reserve in South Africa with hotel staff as witnesses. Our driver stood by with a rifle in case of any predators. A private safari drive afterwards where we sat amid a herd of elephants and visited a rhino and her baby and met a friendly giraffe.

Later we were escorted to our private bungalow where the floor, bed and bath were strewn with rose petals, candles were lit, the baboons were calling from the cliffside and we dined on roast kudu and other african delicacies.

Now that was the wedding day of a lifetime.

are you sure it wasn't the father of the bride??

good effort tho.

i got hitched last month. we went to the registry office and then took our families and just a few friends out for dinner. after that we threw a big party for all our friends. nice and simple. no fuss

freshpopcorn wrote: »

Well the weddings I've being to, you got the normal dessert and then you get wedding cake at about 10 or 11 after its being cut. You've got to keep an eye out for it tough because it flies once it comes out.

Thumby wrote: »

Hmmm, very strange Kontrapasa. Any wedding i've been too, we always got dessert with the meal and then cake after the b&g cut it. The only bit that some have brought home with them was either the top tier or left overs (if there was any) for those who couldn't make it to the wedding or for themselves.

I know i'll be ordering an extra tier on top just for me to bring to the airport and scoff while i'm waiting on my flights lmao. (a very small tier of course, or maybe not, depends on how much dieting i'll be doing leading up to the wedding.)

Maybe they did and I missed it cause I was at dance floor or at the bar at that stage shame cause I have a huge sweet tooth :D:D

Back home there's one big cake (enough to feed everyone), b&g cut it and gets taken away, 2 mins later is being served to everyone with scoop of ice cream or something like that on the side yum yum!

Kontrapasa wrote: »

Maybe they did and I missed it cause I was at dance floor or at the bar at that stage shame cause I have a huge sweet tooth :D:D

Back home there's one big cake (enough to feed everyone), b&g cut it and gets taken away, 2 mins later is being served to everyone with scoop of ice cream or something like that on the side yum yum!

Now i want cake!!!!:(

Would be interested to know how many of the people who are in here moaning about various wedding details are actually married themselves. I would guess that none are.

The only reason I say this is because having been to 20+ weddings before getting engaged, it's was only when I started planning my own wedding that I saw how it is and will be, impossible to please everyone.

Thumby wrote: »

Ahhh i see, well if my oh doesn't want to get dance lessons we won't. It's only fair. It' both of them that are getting married not just the bride. A lil give and take is only right.

Is it something you would consider asking him?

ronjo wrote: »

Is it something you would consider asking him?

Oh of course, if he says no then it's no. I'm not goin to torture the poor man into doing something he doesn't want to do. yeah there are some things he'll need to compromise on, and i'll have to do the same.
He wanted a liverpool themed wedding (i think he's just winding me up, i really really really hope he's just winding me up, but just incase he's not i'm having my bridesmaids wear red and i'll have some red in my dress). Unless he does tell me he's only messing them it a complete different colour scheme :pac::pac:

BrianBoru00 wrote: »

I don't get people saying aunts and uncles take precedence over cousins.
If its YOUR wedding then invite who YOU want. If you're parents are having invites let them invite the aunt and uncle.

I don't get people complaining about their parents invites. Its a big day for your parents as well but its your wedding. If they're paying for the wedding they're entitled to invites. If not, its up to you to give them a set number of invites

Yeah, I guess I don't get the aunt and uncle precedence here either in some contexts. However, I know my aunts and uncles much better than my cousins because I'm the oldest of my generation by > 10 years and I'd have been close to them growing up. We invited all aunts/uncles from my OH's family and only the cousins he knows well (he's got dozens of them in true Irish tradition and doesn't know the half of them other than by name).

We paid for our own wedding. My OH insisted on inviting 2 couples he felt he "had to" invite (I'm sure he was just keeping the parents happy) because one of them gave him his first job at a bar or cafe or something and the other ones he used to babysit for. It's just one of those things, I don't really get it. I'm sure it was nice back in the day when communities were a lot closer knit, almost everyone getting married would've been from the same town, to have a big hoopla at the local hotel where everyone's invited. Nowadays, it's a little more out of place.

eviltwin wrote: »

One thing I don't get is:

No vegetarian option!!! I've been to two weddings in the past year where they only had meat or fish.

That is crazy, I cannot believe any self respecting hotel would do that. Our tasting included tasting of the vegetarian course as well and we picked what we wanted for it. It was a "silent" option on the menu but on the menus I had to translate I put down the veg option as the third option on the menu.
It's a shame many places are not more inventive with their vegetarian courses.

amdublin wrote: »

Again coming back to my original post about 9/10 b&g not seeing the inside of a church since god knows when. They've probably not talked to the priest since god knows when and suddenly he's a guest of honour.

The whole obsession with a "church wedding" when you're not religious/practicing before or after the wedding smacks of hypocrisy to me.

I just don't get it. Why bother with a church wedding if you're not into the church/religion the rest of your life?

I don't get this either. Most, actually all, of our friends got married or are getting married in the church; almost half of them are agnostic or atheist and the rest don't practice religion. It's their choice, their vows. I still go to the church and sit in the back and am happy to take part in what is a celebration of their marriage, even though I don't get the point of a religious celebration being part of it.
However, I can understand the huge influence movies and expectations play in weddings - the big expensive dress, the dressed up church and red carpets. People want the whole experience they've built up in their head.

I had an expensive wedding dress. Realistically now, looking back I think how silly it was to spend crazy money on a dress that's worn just once. I guess though I wanted that princess feel (although it wasn't floor length), and the feeling that it's a special dress, partly because it cost a lot. It's easy to give in to the wedding craze built up by the wedding industry (I buy peanut M&M's in the cinema because of advertisements, I just associate them now with the cinema experience). I am no exception.

hoodwinked wrote: »

when it came to christening our child, we did the same thing, it was an easy choice to me as it was sprinkling her head with water, and a day out, where to him it meant so much more and to her, well she might be like her dad and find great comfort there, or like me and not believe a word of it, either way she makes her own choices now.

As for christening a child, I personally don't think the child then gets a choice in their religion if they're already baptised. I tried to "excommunicate" myself from the church when I was 14 and they wouldn't let me saying I was too young to make a decision (babies are obviously not considered too young to join?!).
I am among those who believe that baptising kids for the sake of it as the "done thing" is just bowing into the church's power over Ireland and education. My taxes pay for catholic schools, which may someday have the power to turn down my child because he's not catholic.

cofy wrote: »

We had a quiet wedding 35 people. Wedding cermony started at 3pm and meal at 5.30 in a restaurant that gave us a full menu.

I really wanted a small private wedding of <60. It was impossible though with the size of my OH's family and he really most of them there (dozens of cousins and aunts/uncles). We also have a large enough circle of friend to all of whom we're fairly close, so would've been nigh impossible to cut out any reasonable amount of them. So ended up with ~110 guests, and that's not even everyone.

cofy wrote: »

My mother manipulator-in-law was not happy about this and got the priest to have a word with me, when this did not work she went to the doctor to complain (we have the same doctor).

Best post in this thread, I had a good laugh.

Typer Monkey wrote: »

I really hate these top tables. Sitting a straight line leering down at your subjects, only able to talk to/see the two people directly either side of you.

I had three non negotiables about the wedding, everything else was up for discussion. They were 1. No way was I getting married in a church 2. No gaggle of bridesmaids (only having one) and 3. No straight top table!

I don't get the top table notion either. It was nice to feel special on the day and getting photos and attention, congratulations, hugs and kisses, but I really wouldn't have wanted to sit on what is virtually a pedestal for everyone to "admire". I also don't like having everyone watching me eat - put food in my mouth, chew... eugh. It feels more normal and comfortable to sit at a round table, where I can chat to my family without having to lean way over the table.

kkcatlou wrote: »

Long engagements - you get engaged to get married, not to be engaged or to have a wedding! Anything more than a year I just don't get! Definitely more of an Irish thing.

Hotel packages - when did this become the standard? And why are so few people reluctant to look outside the norm?

... I do know though that a lot of couples add the cash they expect into the pricing of their wedding, which I don't get!

I agree with your point on long engagements, however sometime circumstances dictate otherwise. As someone who had family coming over from 3 continents, I knew they couldn't make it that same year we got engaged due to finances so we went for the following year. Having also a number of other friends getting married within 2 years from us, we picked a date that didn't clash with any of the other and that worked for family that could only come over during certain times of the year.

Hotel packages make lower-pricing more affordable/easier for hotels, which otherwise would not be possible (e.g. bulk book same photographer/car hire company, buy a red carpet and typical chair covers/centre pieces). These packages may not be everyone's cup of tea, certainly not ours; however, these provide a way for couples who don't have as much money to spend on a big wedding to still have that "dream Irish wedding" (cos stereotypically that's what it usually is).

Expectation of cash gifts is crass, but it's understandable that people may think that they'll get cash cos 99.9% of the time that's what happens. Counting on it to pay for the wedding though is silly, as scraping cards to pay the hotel the morning after the wedding, who wants to do that?!

amdublin wrote: »

Ah yes that reminds me of another thing I don't get

6. Start time and dinner time
Early ceremony (12.30/1pm etc) and then dinner not until 5.30 with no food in between.
Why not just married at 3.30/4pm and go straight into dinner?
OR (please!) provide food in between - and not cupcakes, cocktail sausages or something!

7. Speeches before dinner.
See above, we are starving. If you want people to pay attention to your speeches do them during dessert. Or at a push during soup.

8. Long speeches
Imo only really close family find the speeches interesting/entertaining.
Imo everyone finds them tedious and boring but we are all too polite to say this so we labour under the pretence that we enjoyed sitting there for 45 minutes while we'd rather be at the bar.

6) You are really coming across as a big ignorant tbh. Nothings stopping you going and getting something to eat prior to the meal on your way to the reception.

7) Again very ignorant comment. Some people are really nervous about public speaking. Im sorry but a B&G letting their fathers perhaps speak early so they can acutally enjoy their meal is more important than you having your belly filled at a time of your demanding. Again you could always have a quick bite to eat before going to the reception if your so worried about your belly.

8) Maybe you shouldnt go to weddings then at all or perhaps put in earphones and listen to your Iphone.

you really are the sterotypical ignorant guest. If you reall ydetest weddings as much as your posts indicate then decline the invites.

D3PO wrote: »

Perhaps you need to learn the words sorry I cant make it but I wish you the best on your day.

Or Perhaps this is a thread you should avoid if you disagree with everything in the OP :pac:

amdublin wrote: »

Ah yes that reminds me of another thing I don't get

6. Start time and dinner time
Early ceremony (12.30/1pm etc) and then dinner not until 5.30 with no food in between.
Why not just married at 3.30/4pm and go straight into dinner?
OR (please!) provide food in between - and not cupcakes, cocktail sausages or something!

What food would you like exactly? A Michelin star spread?

Out of interest - I'd love to head what your idea of the perfect wedding is!! Can you let us know so we can all take notes.

The huge head-dresses people wear to weddings in Ireland seemed odd to me at first, but have kinda got used to them and even own one myself now. Personally I prefer hats, but I had a fairly wide brimmed one one time and couldn't fit through the thin half-door (those double doors that aren't quite two-doors wide) :eek: I learned my lesson.
I've seen some looking quite nice and tasteful and there's been a few times where it looks like someone was wearing a satellite dish on her head - "earth calling, come in, come in....."

I've no problem if I'm not fed at a venue before dinner. If I'm hungry, we just go out and get a bite to eat at the hotel bar, a different hotel or any other nearest bar or cafe. As far as I'm concerned I was invited to a wedding (church bit) and a celebration (evening bit). I do love it when they have nice finger food and sparking wine though.
I'm never bored "standing around", too many friends to catch up with. It's nice to have that down-time between all the wedding excitement and if you're staying at the hotel, it's nice to go up to the room and have a lie down for a half hour, it's a long enough day as it is.

I think wedding cake is as insane a notion as expensive wedding dresses. It's expected so most of us do it. I've no idea when the cake came out at our wedding, we got most of it back and when we met up with family/friends the next day we just gave out chunks of it. It was really nice cake, but after all the dinner and snacking most people won't eat much of it on the night. We took a couple of slices with us to eat on the way for our honeymoon. We enjoyed it but, it really was a lot of money down the drain. The whole cake-cutting is also stupid. I felt stupid cutting the cake, we have 2-3 nice photos of us cutting the cake, but it's no more special than the rest of our photos on the day. It lasts less than 2 minutes too.

Not crazy about early ceremonies myself if they're far away. I really wanted to have as long a wedding day as possible, as it is really only that one day and would've loved to have had an early ceremony. However, since our venue was a bit of a drive, we set the time for 2.30pm, as we felt it gave people more time to get ready and drive up, than having to be up at the crack of dawn.
We had our ceremony on site, so I know it would've been more awkward for people to go away to get something to eat or else having to spend more money on getting the hotel bar food. We had finger food/canapes/sandwiches on right after the ceremony along with sparking wine. Unfortunately made the mistake of going with recommended hotel numbers of providing for 80% of guests. That would've been grand if people drove in from the church (where you have people falling by the wayside stopping to eat on the way), but being there on site we should've provided for 100% of guests. Don't know why we didn't think it through. We were told soon after that guests were getting hungry and could we go ahead with earlier dinner, so we said sure, go for it. We were mortified.
Retrospective though is a great thing Were we to do it again, there's a few things we'd change for sure.

BabysCoffee wrote: »

I don't get why Dads who are nervous at public speaking are forced by brides to say a speech.

My Dad wouldn't be able for a speech so I didn't have any.

They weren't missed.

Perhaps its because even though they dont like public speaking in general they would like to say something in public about their daughter/son.