Does the thoughts of your parents getting older bother you?

DoozerT6 · 05-03-2014 08:22PM

My parents are thankfully still in good health (both mid-late 70's) and are in fact jetting off to Australia later this year to visit my brother and his family. They have been several times already over the past few years.

I'm very grateful for the fact that they are still in such good health (the auld warfarin notwithstanding

) and are still so active. But the thought is definitely there, that a day will come....

But by the same token, the day could come for me sooner than them.

05-03-2014 08:31PM

It's not something I fear at all, strangely. I think death has fcuked my life up so royally already that I just don't see it in the order that most would do. I don't think of death as an old age thing. Just something that can happen to any of us at any time - though I don't dwell on that - quite the opposite I use it to motivate myself. I have a huge internal fear of one person being taken from me but I tend to keep it inside and only occasionally it catches my breath.

I would be utterly devastated if anything happened to my parents, I adore them. I speak to them daily and see them almost as often. They are two of my best friends in the world. I just don't have the fear of death that others do. That may change in time.

The Backwards Man · 05-03-2014 08:31PM

brandon_flowers wrote: »

My old man was nearly killed in an accident last year, fell off a ladder at home, he spent 3 weeks on a life support machine and broke 18 bones. Still in his fifties so it came as a massive shock to us that he nearly went so quick, he is back in action now thankfully but it gave us some shock.

That said our neighbour was killed in a freak car accident on Monday evening. His parents are both alive. Imagine having to bury your son when you are in your eighties.

Reminds me of a neighbour woman who lived until she was 107. Her son was at the airport in Australia flying home to visit her (he was mid 80s at the time) and in passing conversation at the checkin desk told them he was flying home to Ireland to visit his mother.

Fearing he was senile, they refused to let him on the plane until it was verified his mother actually was still alive.

Cork Lass · 05-03-2014 08:31PM

It's futile to worry about these things, after all it's something we can't control. No one knows what the next hour will bring never mind the next day so stop worrying and enjoy what you have right now.

The Diabolical Monocle · 05-03-2014 08:32PM

Yes and it fvcking sucks.

Choose Life Fvck Life

Ihatecuddles · 05-03-2014 08:36PM

Every time I see my dad asleep on the couch my heart stops until I can see him breathe again!

Tokyo · 05-03-2014 08:37PM

I hadn't seen my family in seven years until this Christmas, and it was a shock to see how visibly older they had gotten, particularly my mother. Having said that, death is something that has been a big part of my family, to the point where it's something I accept more than anything else. But seeing my parents physically age and slow down came as a harder blow than I expected, TBH. I guess part of that is that it forces me to realise that I'm getting older myself....

blondie29 · 05-03-2014 08:39PM

Amazing the difference a couple of years make. I lost my dad last summer to cancer, he was in his mid sixties and such a strong, hardy, fit and loving man. Find it so hard to believe he's gone and not an hour goes by that I don't think of him

We are such a close family, my mum is heart broken I feel so bad for her now in the house on her own as we all have our own places. Still stay at home with her a lot though & we are all close by!

I got married couple months after Dad passed, never thought he'd go. Even though it was one of happiest days of my life it was also one of the saddest.

We have a lot to be thankful for so have good memories of loving parents keeps us going sometimes.

Don't take them for granted & cherish the happy moments x

05-03-2014 09:22PM

mauzo! wrote: »

Every time I see my dad asleep on the couch my heart stops until I can see him breathe again!

My grandad died a few years ago, but when I was a kid I was so worried about him dying every time he fell asleep on the sofa that I used to put a mirror under his nose to make sure he was still breathing

Bananatop · 05-03-2014 09:36PM

whirlpool wrote: »

If you have lost one or both of your parents, that's awful; maybe think back to a time when you didn't know that their death was imminent. Did you have these feelings back then?

I was young when I lost my mother, nine years older when I lost my father. Used to think I would never cope if anything happened to either of them. Then my mother died. I then thought I would never cope if my father died. Still here twelve years later and going strong

. I often wonder would I still be talking to/visiting my parents if they were still alive :pac:, especially when I hear friends giving out about theirs!

My parents won't see me getting married this year, or having kids. However saying all that, as an adult, I have never had to worry about my parents which I would imagine is tough in itself.

The Princess Bride · 05-03-2014 09:47PM

The thoughts of them being debilitated as they age,would concern me more than their aging.
They're lucky to have reached mid/late 70s with good health.
Most of their school friends died years ago,so they actually consider themselves fortunate to have each other and be fit and well.

Having said that,my mother has great faith,and genuinely believes she'll meet her parents and siblings in heaven,and has said that dying doesn't bother her in the slightest.
My dad? Sure he's only 79,he's not planning on going anywhere for years.

Be positive,and happiness should follow.

hairyprincess · 05-03-2014 09:48PM

My father died before I was out of nappies, my mother is still kicking but is aging and had had some health issues recently. I have a tumultuous relationship with her at the best of times so I don't know how I will feel when her time comes. Much like whoopsie, I've had a huge amount of death in my life, especially as a child so I don't have a fear if it. I hate to think of the pain my children will feel at the death of their grandmother though; I can't take that pain away from them.

caustic 1 · 05-03-2014 10:09PM

I fear them being ill more than dying, I honestly don't think I could look after them.

JanaMay · 05-03-2014 10:49PM

It's one of my biggest fears.

I have a great relationship with both of them. They're relatively young(ish), (mid-60s) and very healthy and active.

But, as with other posters, I live abroad, and usually spend about 20-30 days a year in Ireland with them (I know I'm lucky, I'm not on the other side of the world). Being a morbid person at the best of times, I always find myself counting up how many days/Christmasses/birthdays etc I'll realistically get to spend with them. I know that one day I'll regret my choice of moving abroad so young, marrying a 'fordiner' and having kids so far away from them.

Having said that, I never let more than a couple of days go by without telling them that I love them to bits and will always appreciate what they've done for me.

Ninap · 05-03-2014 11:00PM

Parents getting older is the good bit, when you think of the alternative....

But seriously, my Dad was 87 the other day, which is a great age. He said his 'target' now was 90. Which would also be great, but it must be weird to be only able to hope to live for at least another 3 years.

sinead88 · 06-03-2014 12:34AM

JanaMay wrote: »

It's one of my biggest fears.

I have a great relationship with both of them. They're relatively young(ish), (mid-60s) and very healthy and active.

But, as with other posters, I live abroad, and usually spend about 20-30 days a year in Ireland with them (I know I'm lucky, I'm not on the other side of the world). Being a morbid person at the best of times, I always find myself counting up how many days/Christmasses/birthdays etc I'll realistically get to spend with them. I know that one day I'll regret my choice of moving abroad so young, marrying a 'fordiner' and having kids so far away from them.

Having said that, I never let more than a couple of days go by without telling them that I love them to bits and will always appreciate what they've done for me.

I do the counting the days thing as well. It's horribly depressing but difficult to stop!

we'llallhavetea · 06-03-2014 12:44AM

i get really distressed thinking about my ma and da getting old. ive asked my mam to at least TRY and retain the control of her bowels because if she craps herself i'll have to smush her head in it.
think shes very focused now.

Irish Guitarist · 06-03-2014 01:10AM

My father died when he was 67, just a few days into the millennium. He had been in and out of hospital for about three years before that. There had been a couple of times where he had been really sick and recovered (although never fully) and I thought when he got sick in Christmas of 1999 it would be the same but unfortunately not. The doctor saw him for the last time on New Years Eve and said there was nothing more he could do. He died on the fourth of January 2000.

My mother is eighty years old and reasonably healthy for her age. Obviously she won't last forever though and that scares me.

Having said that I was always afraid of them getting old and dying. This was probably because they were in their forties when I was born and I think I noticed at a young age that they were older than most of my classmates parents. They would have been pushing fifty even when I started primary school.

whirlpool · 06-03-2014 01:39AM

Interesting read, this thread.

Dave H wrote: »

It's not trivial at all, you obviously care a great deal about your parents.
From what you wrote,and this is just what I picked up from it, it's seems to me that they did a good job with you and you cherish them dearly.
Well done, and I mean that sincerely.

What a nice thing to say

BillyMitchel · 06-03-2014 01:39AM

SEPT 23 1989 wrote: »

I wonder what its like to get to your 70's /80's and know you dont have very long left

do you think about it all the time?

I don't know, I think when you hit 70's/80's that maybe you know its coming and that you accept it. By then you're own parents are dead, kids would be grown up and will have their own families. You might have a few grand kids, maybe even some great grand kids. You could possibly live on your own. Who the fock wants to be 80 and cooking for one? If your husband/wife is still a live you probably wouldn't have the energy to cook for two anyway!

I think if I hit 70ish or 80ish that I'll have had enough of life anyway.

As elton john said - its the circle of life!

We are all just one big circle.

Galwayguy35 · 06-03-2014 01:57AM

When the time comes that you lose your parents you will find that you will cope with it and life goes on.

Dave147 · 06-03-2014 02:14AM

"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop to look around once in awhile, you could miss it" - Ferris Bueller.

One of my favourite quotes, I'm lucky that both my parents are alive, my dad is 60 and my mom is a little younger, since I was a child I used have sleepless nights worrying about them, I am very attached to my parents and sometimes when I start thinking about all that I get very down and need to start thinking of something else to get my mind off it. I just hope that they live well into their eighties or more with good health, my best friends mom has Alzheimers and she isn't even 70 yet. So I count myself lucky.

Lou.m · 06-03-2014 02:53AM

YES it'S AWFUL :-(

:(:(

I love them so much. I put off thinking about it.

Novella · 06-03-2014 03:35AM

My parents are both in their very early 50's so I've never given much thought to them getting older but my dad has early onset Alzheimer's so his health in general is something that worries and upsets me a lot.

His health has been a concern for a long time though. He was involved in a terrible car accident before I was born, has had epilepsy since and I've seen him have many seizures over the years. My first real memory is of my dad having a fit on the kitchen floor while he cooked breakfast one Sunday morning. My mam wasn't at home and I remember covering him with my My Little Pony duvet and sitting with him.

He had a seizure driving me to school when I was about 16, too.

I have grown up aware that my dad wasn't particularly well and as a child it really scared me that the man who looked after me needing looking after as well.

Ande1975 · 06-03-2014 11:33AM

My parents are in their mid-70s and I absolutely dread the day that they are gone.
I am so concious of spending as much time with them now that I want to move home to be closer to them. I love spending time with them.
The rest of our family are abroad so I'm all they have.

I love taking them out for dinner, going to the cinema, going for drives. I do sometimes think of the day that I won't be doing that anymore.

We have had a couple of lucky escapes with my Dad but thankfully he was very lucky.

Recently I was home and my Dad said something about that he never feels 'the cold' and under her breath my mum said 'you do in your ar$e'
I cracked up.
I really don't know what either of them will do without the other.

Treasure them. I'm so lucky that I've the best parents.

lukesmom · 06-03-2014 11:35AM

Thoughts of my parents dying kills me and has done since I was a little girl. I cannot imagine my life without either of them. They gave me a very happy childhood and are the best parents you could wish for. I'm nearly choking up writing this.

anncoates · 06-03-2014 11:39AM

Everybody gets to a age where their parents, if alive, seem suddenly - genuinely - old and it's a frightening feeling. I dread it, as much for my kids as myself.

Femme_Fatale · 06-03-2014 11:30PM

It does - I think it's natural for it to do so. But I keep making myself accept that it's just the way things go. I fuss around them at times though, always making sure they're looking after themselves, which is probably very annoying. :pac:

Does the thoughts of your parents getting older bother you?

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