Does the thoughts of your parents getting older bother you?

whirlpool · 05-03-2014 06:05PM #1

Obviously, everything in existence is getting older.

I am fortunate that both my parents are still alive, and also that they have both always been a very positive presence in my life. (Plenty of people are not so fortunate; maybe they don't have one, or either, of those things.)

There are times (and I find this to be much more frequent as my parents approach retirement age) that I feel seriously uneasy about the thoughts of my parents getting older. I think it's the thoughts of them feeling unhappy with getting older (as I think is probably a common thing) and the thoughts of them struggling with that makes me sad. It's also the thoughts one day not having them be there anymore.

If you have lost one or both of your parents, that's awful; maybe think back to a time when you didn't know that their death was imminent. Did you have these feelings back then?

Anyone else having these feelings about their own parent(s) lately? A feeling of uneasiness about their parents getting older, that comes and goes?

I'm aware that this is completely trivial, but I'm just thinking out loud.

uch · 05-03-2014 06:07PM

Sure we're all Gods Children

TwoShedsJackson · 05-03-2014 06:10PM

''My father told me never to get old - I should have listened to him'' - Junior Soprano.

sadie06 · 05-03-2014 06:15PM

There is not day that goes by that I don't experience a tiny bit of dread at the thoughts of a future without them. I don't dwell on it, but definitely as they get older, it's harder to ignore.

sinead88 · 05-03-2014 06:17PM

I totally know what you mean. I think about it from time to time, especially as I don't live in Ireland so I don't get to see them that often. It makes me really sad to think of them getting older and some day not being here anymore.

Dave H · 05-03-2014 06:22PM

whirlpool wrote: »

I'm aware that this is completely trivial, but I'm just thinking out loud.

It's not trivial at all, you obviously care a great deal about your parents.
From what you wrote,and this is just what I picked up from it, it's seems to me that they did a good job with you and you cherish them dearly.
Well done, and I mean that sincerely.

pragmatic1 · 05-03-2014 06:25PM

Of course thoughts like that bother me. They're my parents and I love them. I'll cry like a baby when they're gone.

The Backwards Man · 05-03-2014 06:27PM

My mother's been dead a good few years, my Dad's hitting seventy and him and his girlfriend are away to Brazil for a couple of weeks.

Don't stress about the future, it has a nasty habit of not turning out the way you expect.

TeddyTedson · 05-03-2014 06:27PM

It's something people should not worry about until they need to. If your parents are healthy I'd urge you to try your best to move your thoughts away from this every time it enters your mind. It's unnecessary stress on yourself and I'd be willing to bet your parent would not want you worrying about it.
Just enjoy each day as it comes

Senna · 05-03-2014 06:28PM

A good thread to remind us all to spend more time with our parents, they wont be around for ever.
I think I'll go phone my mum now.

*wipes tear from eye

SEPT 23 1989 · 05-03-2014 06:58PM

I wonder what its like to get to your 70's /80's and know you dont have very long left

do you think about it all the time?

rainbow kirby · 05-03-2014 06:58PM

My parents aren't that old - both in their early 50s, but they have both had health issues. My mother has had cancer twice and my father has a bowel condition. I *do* worry about things as they get older tbh, particularly now that I don't live particularly close to them.

Nemeses · 05-03-2014 07:03PM

Hmm wish I could share the same thoughts here ...

Such is life.

abacus120 · 05-03-2014 07:29PM

My dad is 77,very healthy, he had two heart attacks last year,he recovered well but every now and then it catches my breath that he has gotten old,he is a little bent over,repeats himself a lot but he is very with it, I don't ever take for granted he will be here forever,i cant imagine my life without him but I know it is enevitable.

looksee · 05-03-2014 07:33PM

Time speeds up as you get older. Its whizzing along at the moment. I am older than your parents though OP, and not proposing to depart any time now.

893bet · 05-03-2014 07:35PM

It is the role reversal that I have found the most difficult to get used to. For years the took care of me and now it is my turn. I am forever taking my dad to the doctors, hospital visits, organising medication etc. Trying to spot danger for him etc. Reminding him to be careful at steps or to take his time etc.

Getting old is natural enough but the gradual role reversal takes getting used to for both parties.

Gott · 05-03-2014 07:35PM

My dad had a heart attack a week and a half ago, survived thankfully but it came as a big shock to us.

I'd never thought about their mortality before but I certainly have now.

That said, it's something you really have no control over, so appreciate them while they're there is all you can do.

Gott · 05-03-2014 07:37PM

looksee wrote: »

Time speeds up as you get older. Its whizzing along at the moment. I am older than your parents though OP, and not proposing to depart any time now.

Somebody told me that's because as you age every passing year represents a shorter proportion of your life, like if you're 50 a year is only 1/50th of your life span but if you're six it's 1/6th and that's why when you're young time goes so slowly.

I wonder if there's any truth in that?

05-03-2014 07:40PM

Its recently become fcuking terrifying for me. My aul lad passed on valentines day and he seemed indestructible the valentines day previous so we're all a bit lost. Its unbelievable what a difference a year makes for the parents generation. A type of change my family isn't used to. Its just my mam at home now. I've been here most of the time since dads death but the thoughts of my mam in this house alone is awful.

sadie06 · 05-03-2014 07:44PM

Snotaul Goodman wrote: »

Its recently become fcuking terrifying for me. My aul lad passed on valentines day and he seemed indestructible the valentines day previous so we're all a bit lost. Its unbelievable what a difference a year makes for the parents generation. A type of change my family isn't used to. Its just my mam at home now. I've been here most of the time since dads death but the thoughts of my mam in this house alone is awful.

Sincere condolences. That is really tough.

Legs.Eleven · 05-03-2014 07:50PM

Yeah. It's my biggest fear. I lost my mam when I was 10 and the idea of feeling that way again fills me with genuine, gut-wrenching fear but I think about it daily. My dad is in bad health from smoking-related illnesses (and he stupidly continues to smoke :mad:) and I'm always half expecting that phone call from home to tell me the bad news. Not sure how not to feel that way. I suppose because I expect the worst, I'm always pleasantly surprised when he makes it to another xmas.

Edit: Depressing post! Sorry! I'm grand really! :-)

Legs.Eleven · 05-03-2014 07:57PM

The Backwards Man wrote: »

My mother's been dead a good few years, my Dad's hitting seventy and him and his girlfriend are away to Brazil for a couple of weeks.

Don't stress about the future, it has a nasty habit of not turning out the way you expect.

Fair play to you and your positivity, man!

Inspirational stuff.

05-03-2014 08:00PM

It's the most frightening thing I can think of at this point in my life.

Agricola · 05-03-2014 08:04PM

Yes, Ive had reason to think on it from time to time since last summer. My Dad is 79 and up until last June, never spent a day in hospital in his life. He was as fit as a bee and more or less tipping away at the same pace as he always had been since retirement 10 yrs ago.
Then one evening he fainted off at the dinner table. Honestly thought it was a heart attack or a stroke. After a battery of tests and afew days in hospital, he got the all clear and is well again thank Zeus. He's not really the same since though, visibly aged more in 8 months than he did in the last 8 years. Has become a lot slower and tires easily. I know that's hardly surprising for someone knocking 80 but it's a big change overnight for a man that was like a 65 yr old 12 months ago!
Moral of the story, everyday is a blessing.

billyhead · 05-03-2014 08:06PM

Its something I think of regularly aswell. My Mam is 70 in a year and my dad is a couple o years younger and the thought of being without them is terrible. Non one knows the time or the place we leave this life so I suppose any day above the ground is a good day. My strong faith though is what would give me some sense of relief when the inevitable happens which hopefully wont be for a long long time

2Mad2BeMad · 05-03-2014 08:08PM

nope
sooner they die the sooner I get their bank accounts

seriously they have a **** ton of money but are scabby as fcuk

05-03-2014 08:09PM

2Mad2BeMad wrote: »

nope
sooner they die the sooner I get their bank accounts

seriously they have a **** ton of money but are scabby as fcuk

Your priorities say much about you.

shopaholic01 · 05-03-2014 08:13PM

2Mad2BeMad wrote: »

nope
sooner they die the sooner I get their bank accounts

seriously they have a **** ton of money but are scabby as fcuk

You might not be a beneficiary.

893bet · 05-03-2014 08:14PM

Candie wrote: »

Your priorities say much about you.

He shoots.....he scores!!!

(talking about mad2be btw)

brandon_flowers · 05-03-2014 08:17PM

My old man was nearly killed in an accident last year, fell off a ladder at home, he spent 3 weeks on a life support machine and broke 18 bones. Still in his fifties so it came as a massive shock to us that he nearly went so quick, he is back in action now thankfully but it gave us some shock.

That said our neighbour was killed in a freak car accident on Monday evening. His parents are both alive. Imagine having to bury your son when you are in your eighties.

Ruu · 05-03-2014 08:19PM

I am terrified, especially since I am away from home a lot. My Mam was in hospital (only for a couple of days) a few months ago for some treatment and no one told me. It wasn't that big of a deal but I still feel out of the loop sometimes. My Mam is 61 and Dad is 64, he is still working away.
Some are stronger than others but don't want to even think of a time when they aren't around.

Does the thoughts of your parents getting older bother you?

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