My tale of singledom woe - want to change that and find someone

Hey OP,

Well firstly there are many people in your position and it is difficult to meet someone (you won't hear many non singles say that though).

I'm somewhat in the same position as you in that most of my friends are in long term relationships or married, meaning the pool of people I can socialise with on a regular basis is getting smaller.

I would suggest you try internet dating, you don't have to put a picture up, although it does help. It's worth a try, life is far too short to worry about the reaction that people may have to you using it. There's an online dating forum here, it's private but you can request access, it might give you a good insight into online dating, the ups and downs etc.

Think there's some app or website like meet up.ie or something?? Like Internet dating but in a group and aim is to make friends

I'm single too and have been for a number of years now, even though I have had long term relationships in the past, I have taken some time out for the last few years because I just wasn't ready for anything serious after my last relationship. I am now in a place where I would really like to meet someone so I know how hard it is on 'the scene'. You certaintly are not alone, every single person in their late 20's/30's has the same problems!

Few tips for you based on my humble experience:

1. Be optimistic about the future. Don't resign yourself to being forever single, ever heard of a self fulfilling prophecy?? Enthusiam for life is an attactive quality. Every girl you meet is an opportunity. There are millions of us out there.

2. Work on your confidence. You obviously have a lack of confidence if you are admiring a girl from afar but you can't approach. You need to work on this. There are loads of single girls in their 30's who would be delighted for you to approach them, in fact you will find girls on here complaining all the time that guys don't approach them enough! Take it in small steps, smile and see does she smile back. Is she looking at you? Learn to read body language a bit better. If she goes to the bar, maybe go up to the bar next to her to get a drink, see if you can make some small talk. You don't have to ask a girl out straight away! Remember your initial approach is for you to decide if you actually like this girl just as much as it is her opportunity to suss you out to see if she likes you to. If there is mutual attraction then a conversation should take off easily from there. Word of warning, don't tank yourself up on drink in order to get the confidence to approach a girl, this won't get you anywhere. Also don't think you have to be smooth or have some great lines, if anything this will be offputting, a nice genuine smile and a bit of small chat will get you much further I guarantee. If the thought of this is really scary to you then my best advice would be to start introducing small talk into your daily life, start chatting to people everywhere you go and everyone you meet, you will be surprised at how much more comfortable it will make you and how easy it will become to start a conversation. So next time you are in the shop, make small talk with the person serving you, next time you are in a long queue make small talk with person next to you, next time you are in the canteen at work, chat with that colleague you don't know very well. You see where I'm going with this? All of this will help reenforce your confidence when it comes to talking to women you are attracted to and who knows you could make some more friends in the process. Expanding your social circle is key. Also:

3. Use your network of friends. You say all your friends are married. This means they have wives, wives who have friends, sisters, cousins etc. Mention to your friends that you are looking to meet someone, ask them if there's anyone they could introduce you to. Even if you aren't comfortable with a blind date then maybe your friends could organise a night out or something casual where there is not a lot of pressure and you can see if there are any potential girls there you would like to date. You can take it from there.

4. Keep an open mind when it comes to girls. If you have a set of standards and no girl is meeting these then maybe it's time to review these standards and decide what's really important to you. These girls you aren't attracted to, why aren't you attracted to them? Are you dismissing them straight away because of their looks? I'm not saying attraction isn't important, it is but sometimes attraction can grow as you get to know someone. Right now you just want to get out into the dating world, your short term aim is to get a few dates, maybe give some girls you normally wouldn't a chance. If nothing comes from it, no harm done, at least you are putting yourself out there and getting more confident about dating and expanding your social circle.

I think if you took all the above pointers on board and started to work on your confidence then I don't think there is any reason why you won't get any dates. Women are attracted to confidance (this is not the same as cocky or arrogant). Work on your confidence OP, keep an open mind about everyone you meet and stay optimistic. There's a woman out there right now who is looking for you too

I would second the idea of looking inwards and trying to focus on how you can influence your own happiness. Try to make a list of goals that you would like to achieve (that don't involve finding love!) and concentrate on achieving them. Hopefully your confidence will improve in the process.

Hope you find what you are looking for