Your most embarrassing sex story

hungry hippo 4 wrote: »

lube is preparation!

And yet Preparation H is not lube...

Feisar wrote: »

girls do seem to be turned on by the reckless abandon type approach to sex in my experience.

Really!? :eek: Who woulda thunk it!

Feisar wrote: »

Well at that stage I'm usually running on autopilot and not really thinking at all...

Running on autopilot? Surely not. But if your mind gets obliterated, you're doing it right anyway.

some of these will be and some will be mates that are confirmed true....


My grandfather when he was alive was a very religious old fashioned man, so I think I was 16 I was getting down with a good mates sister, now in my house people never trapse into rooms without knocking, so I have her bent over, hands on the wall giving her the sex while doing my best attempt to reach round and suddenly the bedroom door starts opening, Luckily where we were was close enough to stop the door opening fully, so i literally stick my head around the door while slowly trying to back out of the girl without moving my head from it's angle all the while having a talk about why I never go to mass and how by saying i don't believe in god I was condemning myself to hell, which is bad enough but yer one took this as a perfect time to cause havoc and started sucking me off. To this day I've the shame of blowing my load while talking to my grandad about religion.



An on off plaything of mine once had to spend 10 minutes fishing a prince albert out of her thus the reason she refused to sleep with me while I had one.


Another time in my youth when I was 18 and shagging my mates 28year old sister(was actually living with 2 of her brothers), I was fairly heavily pierced and the exact opposite of your one who was proper with a decent job. So anyway her friends were asking her in great detail about my piercings and if they made differences, and she was explaining, she had a good bit of wine in her and failed to realise how loud she was being and that she was sitting outside her brothers window, which did not help the situation, The next time we hooked up, being quite proud of my stamina I meant to say something but came out with the line of "thats the advantage of having a younger brother) I was trying to imply i was more energetic than old farts but my brain ****ed me over. Totally killed the mood, she got up and just left the room. Heard a variation of that for quite a bit from her.


Another time I was out with the Irl clan off of boards down in kerry I believe.....But anyway two girls were on the clan trip and apparently one of em decided she was going to bed me but I was having none of it, cue a lot of drink later and it was suggested I walk her back as she wanted to go to bed, I agreed but told the lads to order me a drink id be right back as the hostel was only 5 mins away, so a long the way it conspired we were indeed going to ride but neither of us had the room key, so cue me sprinting and I do mean sprinting back to the pub much to the amusement of the lads, end up do the business and what not, not too embarrassing till her friend came down giving out to me over her friend apparently I had bit her, spanked her, scratched her etc and her friend was horrified at this, still not so bad, about two weeks later the girl confirmed she was gay. Yup I was the last guy she had ****ed before coming out.


Another time a mate of mine had just broken up with his missus and asked me to cover his shift on the door as he needed to get paraletic, begrudgingly I agreed, so night goes off without a hitch, and as most bar staff/door staff will tell you after work you need about an hour to wind down where you usually eat and watch tv, so I walk into the sitting room and flick on the light, greeted by the sight of my mates happy face with this one on her knees going at his langer,surely enough this one bolts into the dark of the kitchen, now my mate is a 6'4 20 stone drunk lad so not a bit of shame, he just stands there, swinging his mickey in hand smiling at me going hey raze_them_ally..... I quickly left with an image forever burned into my mind

My not proudest moment was when I was hooking up with a boardsie and I was like 19 and hadn't had sex in like 5 weeks, got down to business and it was literally the only time I finished in 2 minutes, even she was like wow...really....the utter shame, she got her own back later when she came and dismounted me like an olympian off the beam, was just left there mast afloat with no chance to finish :mad:

Another girl who I regularly hooked up with for a good while over the last 2-3 years or so.... is in college so whenever I see her it's only in her mams after the beer to get down to business. anyway nothing embarrassing has happened with her, but after sex I like to sleep above the covers, unkown to me at the time her family just walk into each others rooms being an all girl family, so the only times her mother has seen me has been bolock naked after defiling her daughter, pretty sure her sister saw me that way too.


This ones not so much embarrassing for me as the girl, a good while a go me and a friend hooked up, now she was into rough sex and I'd be into rough sex too, so we were a good few drinks into us so weren't thinking straight, she comes out with slap me, so i give her a smack and she says no hit me across the face, now I'm not into voilence against women but if she asks for it in bed fair enough, but I'd also like to point out that I'm not a small bloke, so I give her a wee slap and she loves it and sks for more, so we end up having some pretty rough sex(also hi because I know you'll read this) we woke up the next morning feeling a bit hungover, she then laughs at me as the bed is covered in my blood all very amused by herself having done this to me, then I cop it, she had a massive ****ing shiner, then remembered that she had to be a bridesmaid at a wedding that day(or the following day cant remember)

Another friend of mine was once riding a pikey, proper halting site pikey, so he's locked one night and heads out back to the site with her, but they make a load of noise trying to sneak back to the camper and sure enough the lights flick on. out comes some rather big mean looking pikeys according to himself, yer one bolts leaving him there before they cop her, sure enough they spot him, quickly surrounded with what are ya doing here boi type stuff, so yer just blurts out that he's looking to buy a car, sure enough this flips the pikeys into being his friends, start showing him around the cars they'd sell for an hour and eventually get down to haggling over the price and yer man pulls the I'll need to go to an atm line, but leaves the lads 100e to show he'sserious about the car. Needles to say he didnt return for his car, so he basically paid 100e to not have the shag.


Tldr version. I have some what I consider embarrassing sex stories and some of my friends, tey might amuse ye

wprathead wrote: »

haha brilliant:D

utter shame, for the next few weeks whenever something needed to be done she'd always say sher have raze and her brother do it, sher isn that an advantage of having a younger brother.


Nobody ever knew why she was so amused and why i cringed every time

myshirt wrote: »

Alcohol... because no good story starts with a salad

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M3iOROuTuMA

aujopimur wrote: »

I've seen Paddy with his shirt off and his back was covered in scrawl marks

so you got together with Paddy yea?