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Child Item

Your most embarrassing sex story

Timmyctc

What is your most embarrassing sexual experience? I want all the nitty gritty details.

I heard a story from a friend (so take it with a massive dose of salt) But basically this lad who is now in oz pulled, to put it eloquently, a junkie, in a bar then later, during sex she suggested to insert a knotted rope into his back passage as it would "make the orgasm f***ing fantastic" in her words.

Anyways as he was about to finish the job she pulled the rope out and he shat everywhere, grabbed his clothes and paniced and started apologising only to see the junkie woman rolling around in his defecate. He promptly exited the premises and returned home before (for some unbeknownst to me reason he told the rest of the lads he lived with this story)

Personally my embarrassing experience would be I think when I was 15 an older girl wanted to have sex with me I think I unraveled a condom before trying to put it on. Needless to say I didn't lose my virginity that day.

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Ihatecuddles

hungry hippo 4 wrote: »

no lube even?

Ah yeah he'd lube up, only done it once or twice without lube.

hungry hippo 4

mauzo! wrote: »

Ah yeah he'd lube up, only done it once or twice without lube.

lube is preparation!

Ihatecuddles

hungry hippo 4 wrote: »

lube is preparation!

Ah right, when I read preparation I thought you meant like..other stuff.

Carry on!

hungry hippo 4

mauzo! wrote: »

Ah right, when I read preparation I thought you meant like..other stuff.

Carry on!

Like starting with your pinky? haaa

suicide_circus

hungry hippo 4 wrote: »

lube is preparation!

And yet Preparation H is not lube...

Feisar

mauzo! wrote: »

:eek: Why?? Were you trying to be sexy?

Nah, was just heading down south and it was there, to be fair I was full of Guinness. And how the hell was that trying to be sexy!??

Ihatecuddles

Feisar wrote: »

Nah, was just heading down south and it was there, to be fair I was full of Guinness. And how the hell was that trying to be sexy!??

I couldn't think of a reason why anyone would do that, so I figured she was turned on by it or something!

Feisar

mauzo! wrote: »

I couldn't think of a reason why anyone would do that, so I figured she was turned on by it or something!

I'm sorta of the "whatever the funk" type so I was going down on her regardless.

On a side note girls do seem to be turned on by the reckless abandon type approach to sex in my experience.

seenitall

Feisar wrote: »

girls do seem to be turned on by the reckless abandon type approach to sex in my experience.

Really!? :eek: Who woulda thunk it!

Feisar

seenitall wrote: »

Really!? :eek: Who woulda thunk it!

Well at that stage I'm usually running on autopilot and not really thinking at all.

seenitall

Feisar wrote: »

Well at that stage I'm usually running on autopilot and not really thinking at all...

Running on autopilot? Surely not.

But if your mind gets obliterated, you're doing it right anyway.

hungry hippo 4

Feisar wrote: »

Pulled out a tampon with my teeth, a face like Dracula the next day.

Shagged a married woman (I didn't know she was married) in the ladies toilet of a hotel at a wedding reception after the residents bar with not a word spoken between us. Just locked eyes and the rest is sordid history.

Kept loosing my erection when trying to put on a condom, cue " it's al riii, you can riode me in the mornin'"

Nicked condoms out of my parents room, they were on hols

Spare room a mess when the parents came home early from hols

Got off a bird, puked, and went back to it

And that's off the top of my head.

Got offered a BJ from a married man. (Declined)

Sick animal!

ButtersSuki

mauzo! wrote: »

Brilliant

and no Im not!!

Not yet…..

Call me

hungry hippo 4

ButtersSuki wrote: »

Not yet…..

Call me

Theres a queue bro.

Im gona treat her! I brought lube

The One Who Knocks

"...and that's when I discovered her adams apple"

Plumpynutt

Pilly willy is fairly embarrassing

raze_them_all_

some of these will be and some will be mates that are confirmed true....

My grandfather when he was alive was a very religious old fashioned man, so I think I was 16 I was getting down with a good mates sister, now in my house people never trapse into rooms without knocking, so I have her bent over, hands on the wall giving her the sex while doing my best attempt to reach round and suddenly the bedroom door starts opening, Luckily where we were was close enough to stop the door opening fully, so i literally stick my head around the door while slowly trying to back out of the girl without moving my head from it's angle all the while having a talk about why I never go to mass and how by saying i don't believe in god I was condemning myself to hell, which is bad enough but yer one took this as a perfect time to cause havoc and started sucking me off. To this day I've the shame of blowing my load while talking to my grandad about religion.

An on off plaything of mine once had to spend 10 minutes fishing a prince albert out of her thus the reason she refused to sleep with me while I had one.

Another time in my youth when I was 18 and shagging my mates 28year old sister(was actually living with 2 of her brothers), I was fairly heavily pierced and the exact opposite of your one who was proper with a decent job. So anyway her friends were asking her in great detail about my piercings and if they made differences, and she was explaining, she had a good bit of wine in her and failed to realise how loud she was being and that she was sitting outside her brothers window, which did not help the situation, The next time we hooked up, being quite proud of my stamina I meant to say something but came out with the line of "thats the advantage of having a younger brother) I was trying to imply i was more energetic than old farts but my brain ****ed me over. Totally killed the mood, she got up and just left the room. Heard a variation of that for quite a bit from her.

Another time I was out with the Irl clan off of boards down in kerry I believe.....But anyway two girls were on the clan trip and apparently one of em decided she was going to bed me but I was having none of it, cue a lot of drink later and it was suggested I walk her back as she wanted to go to bed, I agreed but told the lads to order me a drink id be right back as the hostel was only 5 mins away, so a long the way it conspired we were indeed going to ride but neither of us had the room key, so cue me sprinting and I do mean sprinting back to the pub much to the amusement of the lads, end up do the business and what not, not too embarrassing till her friend came down giving out to me over her friend apparently I had bit her, spanked her, scratched her etc and her friend was horrified at this, still not so bad, about two weeks later the girl confirmed she was gay. Yup I was the last guy she had ****ed before coming out.

Another time a mate of mine had just broken up with his missus and asked me to cover his shift on the door as he needed to get paraletic, begrudgingly I agreed, so night goes off without a hitch, and as most bar staff/door staff will tell you after work you need about an hour to wind down where you usually eat and watch tv, so I walk into the sitting room and flick on the light, greeted by the sight of my mates happy face with this one on her knees going at his langer,surely enough this one bolts into the dark of the kitchen, now my mate is a 6'4 20 stone drunk lad so not a bit of shame, he just stands there, swinging his mickey in hand smiling at me going hey raze_them_ally..... I quickly left with an image forever burned into my mind

My not proudest moment was when I was hooking up with a boardsie and I was like 19 and hadn't had sex in like 5 weeks, got down to business and it was literally the only time I finished in 2 minutes, even she was like wow...really....the utter shame, she got her own back later when she came and dismounted me like an olympian off the beam, was just left there mast afloat with no chance to finish :mad:

Another girl who I regularly hooked up with for a good while over the last 2-3 years or so.... is in college so whenever I see her it's only in her mams after the beer to get down to business. anyway nothing embarrassing has happened with her, but after sex I like to sleep above the covers, unkown to me at the time her family just walk into each others rooms being an all girl family, so the only times her mother has seen me has been bolock naked after defiling her daughter, pretty sure her sister saw me that way too.

This ones not so much embarrassing for me as the girl, a good while a go me and a friend hooked up, now she was into rough sex and I'd be into rough sex too, so we were a good few drinks into us so weren't thinking straight, she comes out with slap me, so i give her a smack and she says no hit me across the face, now I'm not into voilence against women but if she asks for it in bed fair enough, but I'd also like to point out that I'm not a small bloke, so I give her a wee slap and she loves it and sks for more, so we end up having some pretty rough sex(also hi because I know you'll read this) we woke up the next morning feeling a bit hungover, she then laughs at me as the bed is covered in my blood all very amused by herself having done this to me, then I cop it, she had a massive ****ing shiner, then remembered that she had to be a bridesmaid at a wedding that day(or the following day cant remember)

Another friend of mine was once riding a pikey, proper halting site pikey, so he's locked one night and heads out back to the site with her, but they make a load of noise trying to sneak back to the camper and sure enough the lights flick on. out comes some rather big mean looking pikeys according to himself, yer one bolts leaving him there before they cop her, sure enough they spot him, quickly surrounded with what are ya doing here boi type stuff, so yer just blurts out that he's looking to buy a car, sure enough this flips the pikeys into being his friends, start showing him around the cars they'd sell for an hour and eventually get down to haggling over the price and yer man pulls the I'll need to go to an atm line, but leaves the lads 100e to show he'sserious about the car. Needles to say he didnt return for his car, so he basically paid 100e to not have the shag.

Tldr version. I have some what I consider embarrassing sex stories and some of my friends, tey might amuse ye

wp_rathead

raze_them_all_ wrote: »

Another time in my youth when I was 18 and shagging my mates 28year old sister(was actually living with 2 of her brothers), I was fairly heavily pierced and the exact opposite of your one who was proper with a decent job. So anyway her friends were asking her in great detail about my piercings and if they made differences, and she was explaining, she had a good bit of wine in her and failed to realise how loud she was being and that she was sitting outside her brothers window, which did not help the situation, The next time we hooked up, being quite proud of my stamina I meant to say something but came out with the line of "thats the advantage of having a younger brother" I was trying to imply i was more energetic than old farts but my brain ****ed me over. Totally killed the mood, she got up and just left the room. Heard a variation of that for quite a bit from her.

haha brilliant:D

raze_them_all_

wprathead wrote: »

haha brilliant:D

utter shame, for the next few weeks whenever something needed to be done she'd always say sher have raze and her brother do it, sher isn that an advantage of having a younger brother.

Nobody ever knew why she was so amused and why i cringed every time

myshirt

Alcohol... because no good story starts with a salad

ninebeanrows

myshirt wrote: »

Alcohol... because no good story starts with a salad

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M3iOROuTuMA

aujopimur

In the late 50's when I was just starting to become sexually aware, my dad had a friend Paddy, who had a very attractive wife.
She was very outgoing and chatty to everyone including me, at the dinner table one day I mentioned how nice she was, to which he replied, don't be fooled by how people appear to you, I've seen Paddy with his shirt off and his back was covered in scrawl marks from where she attacked him with her long nails, It was a few years before I realised the significance of his innocent response to my remark.

lau1247

aujopimur wrote: »

I've seen Paddy with his shirt off and his back was covered in scrawl marks

so you got together with Paddy yea?

astonaidan

First and only time with a black girl, couldnt get it up and then when I did took me over an hour to finish, the whole time I was worrying the girl I was trying to get with would walk in but I wanted to have the experience, wouldnt do it again in that type off situation again though

Daveysil15

astonaidan wrote: »

First and only time with a black girl, couldnt get it up and then when I did took me over an hour to finish, the whole time I was worrying the girl I was trying to get with would walk in but I wanted to have the experience, wouldnt do it again in that type off situation again though

Had a similar experience with a Hispanic girl. I couldn't get it up for ages and then when I finally did, I came before she had a chance to put the jondom on. She let out a sigh and said, "Ok... next time you give me sex yes?"

Sinfonia

Daveysil15 wrote: »

She let out a sigh and said, "Ok... next time you give me sex yes?"

I lol'd.

astonaidan

Daveysil15 wrote: »

Had a similar experience with a Hispanic girl. I couldn't get it up for ages and then when I finally did, I came before she had a chance to put the jondom on. She let out a sigh and said, "Ok... next time you give me sex yes?"

Haha I closed my eyes and imagined a girl I have a crush on at home, otherwise I would still be there today

aujopimur

When my kids we young my brotherinlaw would entertain them by going around the floor on all fours with them on his back, they called it horsey horsey, the house was full with family and friends one day, when my 4yo said, I saw daddy playing horsey horsey with mammy and he had no underpants on.

Daveysil15

astonaidan wrote: »

Haha I closed my eyes and imagined a girl I have a crush on at home, otherwise I would still be there today

You mean you didn't find her attractive? :eek:

fussyonion

Back in the day, my best friend was going to "meet" this fella for a bit of How's yer father and the next day she called me crying her heart out.

I asked what was wrong and she said "When he was fingering me, he said there was shoite in me fanny".
I said "What? What do you mean?"
She said "I needed to go to the toilet but I held it in but it must have got squashed up into me fanny and when he put his fingers in, it sorta squelched and he noticed his fingers were covered in it. I was morto."

I had to hang up and get sick, I was absolutely DISGUSTED and couldn't actually fathom why she'd decided to tell me about it.