Co-parenting. Good thing?

hansfrei · 16-12-2013 09:09AM #1

http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2013/dec/15/meet-the-co-parents-modern-families

The newspaper article describes a three way relationship, set up in order to have one child between them. Goes on to say how popular this co-parenting malarky is getting. With people interneting each other with a view to going halvesies or thirdsies on a baby.

Odd is it? Or is it just me?

LOSTfan57 · 16-12-2013 09:13AM

Mammy Daddy and ????

anncoates · 16-12-2013 09:20AM

A lot of kids are brought up in extended families with a lot of interaction with grandparents and other family.

If the kids are loved and looked after, it's surely better than neglect.

gramar · 16-12-2013 09:32AM

I thought single parenting was all the rage.

greenflash · 16-12-2013 09:37AM

LOSTfan57 wrote: »

Mammy Daddy and ????

Another mammy or I'm out

strobe · 16-12-2013 09:39AM

Depends entirely on the parents I'd say. Two/Three/One/Six good parents - good. Two/Three/Etc bad parents - bad.

ScumLord · 16-12-2013 09:43AM

Lick Mike Hunt. wrote: »

Yeah seems strange to me
2 parents is enough
Why would a child need a third parent?

Out of all the great apes humans share the parenting responsibility around the most. We are quite happy to hand off infants to other family members of even complete strangers as long as they have the right social standing.

That's where the phrase "it takes a village to raise a child" comes from. It would be more bizarre and damaging for a child to be restricted to just two people.

hansfrei · 16-12-2013 09:47AM

The lad in that threesome wanted a part-time child. The other two wanted a baby not a relationship with each other. All met up on the internet, downloaded a baby.

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar · 16-12-2013 09:57AM

this is a massive steaming truckload of nobody elses business

Dr Turk Turkelton · 16-12-2013 10:05AM

LOSTfan57 wrote: »

Mammy Daddy and ????

Uncle Dick.

Bog Standard User · 16-12-2013 10:06AM

crikey the white wan is a bit butch looking...

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar · 16-12-2013 10:06AM

she looks like a masculine mark kermode

Teyla Emmagan · 16-12-2013 10:28AM

Realistically, being genuinely wanted and supported by 3 parents can only be a good thing for a child. Someone will always be feeling energetic and still have patience, and you have a huge variety of experiences and skill sets to draw from when it comes to raising that child. I would consider it myself. Like everything else though the difficulty is picking the right co parent.

Gatling · 16-12-2013 10:37AM

What happens when it all goes wrong ,
A three way battle in court
Followed by up to 6 sets of grandparents demanding access ,

Tasden · 16-12-2013 10:43AM

Gatling wrote: »

What happens when it all goes wrong ,
A three way battle in court
Followed by up to 6 sets of grandparents demanding access ,

Yeah this would be my worry too. Or making decisions they can't agree on, its bad enough when two parents can't agree but with three you risk having a two against one situation or three differing opinions to argue over.
But I suppose if they could overcome all that then an extra person to love the child couldn't be all that bad.

Gatling · 16-12-2013 11:01AM

Reminds me of the lesbian couple who used a sperm donor who they got to sign away his rights on paper ,all good no problem there ,
Couple then split up and end up in court where one is given sole custody of the child ,
Other parent who didn't get custody then takes the sperm donor to court to get him to pay child maintenance and get access he didn't ask for or want ,
Judge sided with disgruntled other parent and orders sperm donor pay maintenance and have access

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar · 16-12-2013 11:08AM

Gatling wrote: »

Reminds me of the lesbian couple who used a sperm donor who they got to sign away his rights on paper ,all good no problem there ,
Couple then split up and end up in court where one is given sole custody of the child ,
Other parent who didn't get custody then takes the sperm donor to court to get him to pay child maintenance and get access he didn't ask for or want ,
Judge sided with disgruntled other parent and orders sperm donor pay maintenance and have access

it's great to have sperm

16-12-2013 11:20AM

hansfrei wrote: »

Odd is it? Or is it just me?

I just got a PM asking me to post on this thread

It depends on perspective and what you see as "odd" I guess. It certainly is not common by a long long way. But there are many people in such scenarios peppered around out there. Including myself. I live with two girls - we have one daugther so far - and another kid (sex yet unknown) on the way. And the younger of the two girls is slowly approching the age where she wants to start having two kids too.

However ours is a full relationship. From the sounds of this article the "parents" are not in a romantic relationship at all but it is more a relationship of convienience. But again is is becomming common enough to not easily be called "odd".

I guess there is a continuum. There are loving parents who are together raising a kid. There are parents who have divorced and have no love for each other who are raising a kid seperately. I guess this falls somewhere in the middle. It will certainly be interesting to see what the homopobic "But kids needs one mother and one father" crowd will make of it.

I guess one comparison which is not altogether unfair is that of arranged marriages in other cultures to our East. Kids at birth assigned to each other - who in some cases may never even meet until their wedding dates. They then marry and have children. Is this story _much_ different from theirs in many ways? Or is it a modern and slightly more unusual incarnation of something that is essentially the same thing?

Unintentional co-parenting has been common for some time too. While here the people get together before reproducing and then co-parent - what a lot of people in the past have been doing is ending up single parents and realising that moving intogether and co-parenting together gives an "economy of scale" effect on their time - energy - finances - and other resources that benefits all concerned.

Annasopra · 16-12-2013 12:14PM

Tasden wrote: »

Yeah this would be my worry too. Or making decisions they can't agree on, its bad enough when two parents can't agree but with three you risk having a two against one situation or three differing opinions to argue over.
But I suppose if they could overcome all that then an extra person to love the child couldn't be all that bad.

In theory I support the idea but in in practice I would share some reservations of what people have said above and think it could be very very legally messy. For example with the three people above - what happens if the guy dies and his boyfriend wants to continue in the childs life? Or what happens if the mother who gave birth decides she wants to move away and bring the child with her.

hansfrei · 16-12-2013 06:57PM

Deleted User wrote: »

I just got a PM asking me to post on this thread

It depends on perspective and what you see as "odd" I guess. It certainly is not common by a long long way. But there are many people in such scenarios peppered around out there. Including myself. I live with two girls - we have one daugther so far - and another kid (sex yet unknown) on the way. And the younger of the two girls is slowly approching the age where she wants to start having two kids too.

However ours is a full relationship. From the sounds of this article the "parents" are not in a romantic relationship at all but it is more a relationship of convienience. But again is is becomming common enough to not easily be called "odd".

I guess there is a continuum. There are loving parents who are together raising a kid. There are parents who have divorced and have no love for each other who are raising a kid seperately. I guess this falls somewhere in the middle. It will certainly be interesting to see what the homopobic "But kids needs one mother and one father" crowd will make of it.

I guess one comparison which is not altogether unfair is that of arranged marriages in other cultures to our East. Kids at birth assigned to each other - who in some cases may never even meet until their wedding dates. They then marry and have children. Is this story _much_ different from theirs in many ways? Or is it a modern and slightly more unusual incarnation of something that is essentially the same thing?

Unintentional co-parenting has been common for some time too. While here the people get together before reproducing and then co-parent - what a lot of people in the past have been doing is ending up single parents and realising that moving intogether and co-parenting together gives an "economy of scale" effect on their time - energy - finances - and other resources that benefits all concerned.

Strikes me that these people are keeping babies as pets. Who in their right minds meets strangers on the internet to become a part time parent?

And who lets them?

clairefontaine · 16-12-2013 07:07PM

It smacks of Internet shopping. I'd anticipate as logic buyers remorse.

Unfortunately children have become accessories like new handbags.

Daqster · 16-12-2013 07:23PM

All children need are fish fingers and cartoons. Anything else is mollycoddling I tells ya.

hansfrei · 16-12-2013 07:25PM

clairefontaine wrote: »

It smacks of Internet shopping. I'd anticipate as logic buyers remorse.

Unfortunately children have become accessories like new handbags.

Good summation. Baby pouch in handbag. Paris Hiltons dog style!

jimmycrackcorm · 16-12-2013 07:28PM

Double-barreled surnames are bad enough without adding triple...

Annasopra · 17-12-2013 01:27AM

hansfrei wrote: »

Strikes me that these people are keeping babies as pets. Who in their right minds meets strangers on the internet to become a part time parent?

And who lets them?

"These people"?

Are you talking about the poster you quoted or someone else?

It strikes me that some people in this thread can't handle difference so they resort to name calling.

Seaneh · 17-12-2013 01:46AM

Know a girl who is 24 with a 4 year old son from a previous relationship. Father isn't around and has no part in their life.

She is now living with couple, they all raise the kid together, he calls both her and the other woman mom and the man dad.

She is also now pregnant again with the guy's kid. They are all over the moon about it. They all got "married" a few months ago in a ceremony with all their family and friends there.

It's weird, and it's not for me. But they are happy, the kid is happy and it works for them so **** it.

Pretzill · 17-12-2013 02:07AM

[Deleted User] wrote: »

I just got a PM asking me to post on this thread

It depends on perspective and what you see as "odd" I guess. It certainly is not common by a long long way. But there are many people in such scenarios peppered around out there. Including myself. I live with two girls - we have one daugther so far - and another kid (sex yet unknown) on the way. And the younger of the two girls is slowly approching the age where she wants to start having two kids too.

However ours is a full relationship. From the sounds of this article the "parents" are not in a romantic relationship at all but it is more a relationship of convienience. But again is is becomming common enough to not easily be called "odd".

I guess there is a continuum. There are loving parents who are together raising a kid. There are parents who have divorced and have no love for each other who are raising a kid seperately. I guess this falls somewhere in the middle. It will certainly be interesting to see what the homopobic "But kids needs one mother and one father" crowd will make of it.

I guess one comparison which is not altogether unfair is that of arranged marriages in other cultures to our East. Kids at birth assigned to each other - who in some cases may never even meet until their wedding dates. They then marry and have children. Is this story _much_ different from theirs in many ways? Or is it a modern and slightly more unusual incarnation of something that is essentially the same thing?

Unintentional co-parenting has been common for some time too. While here the people get together before reproducing and then co-parent - what a lot of people in the past have been doing is ending up single parents and realising that moving intogether and co-parenting together gives an "economy of scale" effect on their time - energy - finances - and other resources that benefits all concerned.

Co parenting isn't a new thing - many children have been raised by their extended family and shared the benefits that go along with that - It is my experience that children of single parents are often surronded by a bigger group even extending outwards to include family friends. Wanting to have a child part-time would worry me if you are legally putting yourself in a parent role.

What you are describing in your personal life sounds more like a poligamist set-up (please don't be offended by that - I know it's an ancient term) where more than one relationship continues happily with all parties in agreement and children are raised within that - here co-parenting happens naturally within this relationship as I'm sure it does with any be it male/female or single parent or gay parents.

I take offence to your general and sweeping comment calling someone who thinks a children should be raised by a male female combination a homophobic - this is wide of the mark when it comes to describing a homophobic - it is just someone with a differing opinion to yours a good thing to teach the children is to not be afraid to express opinion for fear of name calling.

My overall opinion of co-parenting is if the child recieves more love it can't be bad.

hansfrei · 17-12-2013 02:15AM

mango salsa wrote: »

"These people"?

Are you talking about the poster you quoted or someone else?

It strikes me that some people in this thread can't handle difference so they resort to name calling.

Can you handle "different" ? Are you prejudiced against people with a different view? What kind of phobia is that?

The people in the article were/are clearly crazy. If you can't resolve that, thats your issue.

keith16 · 17-12-2013 02:17AM

I don't know, what if the kid starts developing a stronger bond with one of the parents? Won't that hurt the other parents emotionally?

December2012 · 17-12-2013 02:46AM

That happens anyway from time to time.

Friend Computer · 17-12-2013 03:11AM

hansfrei wrote: »

Can you handle "different" ? Are you prejudiced against people with a different view? What kind of phobia is that?

The people in the article were/are clearly crazy. If you can't resolve that, thats your issue.

Sounds like you're the one who's prejudiced.

Co-parenting. Good thing?

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