how to finish with a guy....

LegacyUser · 30-04-2003 04:28PM #1

hey there

Just looking for some advice. I started seeing a guy about 2 months ago, none of my friends or family know about him because to be honest i'm embarressed. The reason is hes not the best looking bloke in the world and needs a lot of sortin out both physically and emotionally, i know my mate and family would take 1 look at him and say what the f''k.

I tried to help him e.g he gets paid on a friday so i would take his wages so he wouldnt drink it or lend it all to so called friends who he would bever get it back. I also went shopping for him cos he didnt have a clue about clothes n stuff .1 friend that does know about him thinks i could do way better. He's bringin me down ,we're different people etc i know this is true and i want to finish it because it willl never work. I want to do so much whereas he would be happy just doin the same thing over and over i feel awful about this but i dont know how to break it to him that its over.Has anyone been in a simalar situation or have any advice they could give me?

I would really like to stay friends with him and help him out but i dont think hes gonna take the news very well as the last time we had a bit of a row i walked out and he trashed his flat, fair enough he was really drunk. On friday it hit the fan when i had to cancel my plans to go to the pub and carry him home, it was only 10oclock. I'm sick of being his babysitter he promised it wouldnt happen again and low and behold saturday morning he came back to the flat at 1 oclock pissed out of his head. He said he had a fight with his boss i said i had enough and wanted a break to be honest. I should of finished it there and then but unfortunatly my conscience and the fact that i do like him got to me.

Most of the time hes lovley thats the problem hes a genuinley nice guy but drink and his appearence really get to me i was lonley when i met him so i kinda settled for second best i know thats a terrible thing to say im sorry for whining on but any advice would be really appreicated thanks for reading............

sorry, I had to edit this as my eyes have become permanently crossed from reading a massive block of text with little punctuation. I hope I didn't take away the essence - Gordon

woolymammoth · 30-04-2003 04:39PM

i won't bother going on about some of the things you said in your post!

the bottom line is he's no good for you, and frankly you're not much better for him.

Originally posted by confused
he came back to the flat at 1 oclock p/issed out of his head he said he had a fight with his boss i said i had enough and wanted a break

you've already set things in motion. it's heading that direction so just finish it. if he doesn't want to stay friends thats his choice. but you're not doing anybody any favours by sticking with him just because he's 'lovely'.

yossarin · 30-04-2003 04:40PM

not big on the advice, but i'll give it a try

:

you're being his babysiter, not his partner.
and you're only with him out of pity anyway.

Is he an alchoholic ?
bluntly, you should dump him, but carefully.
he's using you as a crutch now, and if you split he might end up using you as an excuse.

don't stay with him out of pity or fear of being alone.
do yourself a favour.

ps try to punctuate - its makes reading easier

Kell · 30-04-2003 04:48PM

How to finish with him? Easy- Sit him down and say "Look (insert name) I know you have problems that I have been helping with, but TBH I am getting nothing from this relationship except for grief and I want out. Call me if you want to".

I dont mean to be blunt, but you have only been seeing eachother for a few months and the only thing your getting is pain and grief. Be blunt, be aggressive and DONT give a fúck about how he feels as from the sounds of it he doesn't give a fúck about how you feel.

K-

LegacyUser · 30-04-2003 04:57PM

thanks guys... sorry about the puncuation i went into overflow.

see for me 2 months is a very short time i wouldnt even consider love or settleing into a relationship this early. But for him its like i love you im crazy about you i dont know what i would do with out you.
he hasnt even met my friends yet i dont know how i got myslf into this situation and evn worse i dont know how to get out of it .....

Typedef · 30-04-2003 04:57PM

Arse.

Just dump the drunk.... and tell him not to let the doors hit his ass on the way out, let him know why too.

Regards
Typedef the compassionate.

Kell · 30-04-2003 05:01PM

Originally posted by confused
t i dont know how i got myslf into this situation and evn worse i dont know how to get out of it .....

Yes, yes you do know how to get out of it (see my original post). I have just come out of a three year engagement which is still as hard as nails to deal with, but at the end of the day it was causing me more pain than happiness and your own happiness is all that matters at the end of the day. If I could eventually be honest with myself to go "Fúck this for a game of soldiers, I'm offski" so can you.

Your better off dealing with it now and getting it over and done with, otherwise, if it drags on you are only lying to him and worst of all to yourself.

K-

Mercury_Tilt · 30-04-2003 05:02PM

This post has been deleted.

Kell · 30-04-2003 05:03PM

Originally posted by Typedef
Arse.

Just dump the drunk.... and tell him not to let the doors hit his ass on the way out, let him know why too.

Oh I bet you sooooo know how to schmooze the ladies with that oh so big heart of yours

Doodee · 30-04-2003 05:06PM

if you want the break up to be as clean as possible, just sit him down, some time he's not drunk or in a bad mood, explain to him that you dont have feelings for him in a relationship sort of way, and just explain that you only want to be friends.

In the end honesty is the best policy, but dont hurt his feelings. If he is mature enough he will take it ok, maybe wont be as talkative for the first week or so, but he'll come round if he knows how good a friend you are.

Best of luck.

Typedef · 30-04-2003 05:08PM

Originally posted by Kell
Oh I bet you sooooo know how to schmooze the ladies

Yes yes..... it's true.

Speaking of which... I believe you have a kraut bit of stuff ...Kell : The studmuffin

Kell · 30-04-2003 05:08PM

Originally posted by Mercury_Tilt
Leave a note. "Sorry.. this isn’t working out" No whys etc.

I had originally thought of a phone call or something, but Merc. That is just a tad rough. Dont know about you, but I would always split up face to face and would hope that others would reciprocate in the same way.

Thats just my sensitive soul though.

K-

LegacyUser · 30-04-2003 05:10PM

thanks again for all your replies keep em comin... see unfortunatly i do have feelings probably more guilt than anything and if he cleaned up his act i would probably take things further i do want to stay friends and i will feel awful if he goes mad drinking or somethin and i have all his mates and family calling me saying ah help ah why did ya do this blah blah

Wolf · 30-04-2003 05:12PM

Try if you can to make it clear to him that one of the reasons that you have decided to dump him is that fact that he drinks too much.

With any luck this might give him the kick in the ass he needs to give up the drink.

Mercury_Tilt · 30-04-2003 05:13PM

This post has been deleted.

Typedef · 30-04-2003 05:14PM

Again

You are embarressed to be seen with this guy because he is not good looking right?

Ergo : whether he cleans up his act or not.... you don't really find him attractive and you are embarresed about being with him.... so wtf are you doing with him 'anyway'?

Kell · 30-04-2003 05:15PM

Originally posted by Mercury_Tilt
Dont listen to these tree hugging hippy types. Life is not an episode of Dawsons Creek.

Kell falls off his chair splitting his sides laughing. Oh to have that razor sharp wit with my good looks. LOL:D

uberwolf · 30-04-2003 05:16PM

his probs not yours, he had them before you you tried to help out and its been thrown back in your face.

shame for him but you gotta move on, Mercury_tilt is right no excuses for him to get more down on himself, less you think it could be constructive for him, but by the sounds of it prob not.
Good luck

yossarin · 30-04-2003 05:18PM

if you are having trouble dumping him, just imagine yourself in 10 years time dealing with the same crap.

Typedef · 30-04-2003 05:20PM

Dont listen to these tree hugging hippy types. Life is not an episode of Dawsons Creek.

"Oh Pacy, you're so cynical".

LegacyUser · 30-04-2003 05:24PM

Originally posted by Typedef
Again

You are embarressed to be seen with this guy because he is not good looking right?

Ergo : whether he cleans up his act or not.... you don't really find him attractive and you are embarresed about being with him.... so wtf are you doing with him 'anyway'?

usually i dont care about looks but this is an exception he dosent have nice clothes his teeth are in bits and he generally looks worn at the start i didnt really notice these things but as time went on i have

the reason im with him is because my mate who know think i could do better worked in his local i got really drunk one nite and snogged him then when i was in the pub we'd meet up have a good laugh and maybe a snog that was grand until we went on a couple of dates and then it turned into this mess. everyone that knows more his mates and family keeps telling me i'm the best thing that ever happened to him blah blah lads im goin mad!

Wolf · 30-04-2003 05:31PM

Look I wasnt trying to say that you shouldnt give him up im just saying that make sure that he know that part of the reason you are chucking him is because hes a bloodly drunk. Thats all.

Mercury_Tilt · 30-04-2003 05:34PM

This post has been deleted.

yossarin · 30-04-2003 05:46PM

Merc, did you get that board devoted to your mental health that you asked for ?

LegacyUser · 30-04-2003 05:47PM

sorry [-UK-]Wolf i didnt mean to come accross i really appreiate all your replies and you are all right i suppose i have to get my hjead together and sort this before it becomes a even bigger problem .....

Gordon · 30-04-2003 06:08PM

Christ, life is way too short for this malarky. Dump him. You said that you have already mentioned you may want a break. Have a break, and then see if you really want to come back.

But yea, take your precious items first - he may burn them all.

How old are you - 19?

Wolf · 30-04-2003 06:15PM

Every here of been too nice. Because thats what you are doing get yourslef someone that wont drink themselves into the ground.

Im an emotional punch bag for other people as well (but thats for another thread) and I have to admit while I take it off some people I dont take it off others sometimes you need to look after yourself just so that you can help the person in question.

Although in your case a clean break would be best. But as I have said twice now make him think to him self "If only I did drink I might not have lost this" and maybe he might think twice before hitting the sauce again. Also I used to drink a bit too much as well so I know what is likly to shock you out of it as well.

LegacyUser · 30-04-2003 06:16PM

i'm 22 and he's 30 i know i know

Beruthiel · 30-04-2003 06:27PM

lol - lads you crack me up! :d

confused

there is only one thing you need to say to yourself - perhaps you haven't because you're young

life - you get one go
that's it
no second rounds

Wolf · 30-04-2003 06:29PM

Originally posted by Beruthiel
lol - lads you crack me up! :d

confused

there is only one thing you need to say to yourself - perhaps you haven't because you're young

life - you get one go
that's it
no second rounds

What good advice!

I'm going to go tell my boss what I really think of her skinny ass skanky hole tommorow. Thanks

Beruthiel · 30-04-2003 06:32PM

Originally posted by [-UK-]Wolf
What good advice!

I'm going to go tell my boss what I really think of her skinny ass skanky hole tommorow. Thanks

lol
perhaps I should have also added

'be prepared'

I hope you have another job lined up

how to finish with a guy....

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