Why does my ex keep trying to text me he has a girlfriend?

LegacyUser · 08-11-2013 11:57AM #1

My ex broke up with me about a 2 month ago. We had a very strong and intense chemistry and connection. We got on so well and we were good together. He asked me to be his girlfriend after like one date but I decided only after the 3rd date . We always missed each other and would always say that. He had really strong feelings for me said I love you after about 3 weeks and said it a lot. ( we were still so close and got on well always texted each other. I randmoly decided to text him I l love you. He didn't reply until I sent a text about another thing,

Then the next day he said he's "scared how things are moving between us and he didn't want a relationship til he met me. I don't know what it is. I'm afraid of hurting you and myself I'm just confused. “
I replied back he wasn't saying anything else so I kept messaging him about 3 times in a row in the space of 2 hours. The next day I sent a long message then he replied saying “Like I honestly don't know what's going on in my head. I really don't. I hurt when you said "I thought you were a good guy" I am. I've always treated you right. I just don't know what I want in life right now. I hate my job and most of my life to be honest. I'm not the right guy for you you deserve way better"”

I tried contacting him each time to be ignored. I decided to try 30day no contact because I wanted him back but 25 day he text me "Wanna hook up" I replied stupidly the next day in a jokey way and he was being serious about it. During the week I decided to text him to see what he'd say he was up for it but in the end decided to block me on whatsapp and I sent a text saying I didn't mean it and wasn't thinking straight. I also sent "I still think of you and wonder how you're doing" no reply so I moved on 4 weeks later at 2am he texted me "Are you awake?" he works the night shift we always talked. this is 22days no contact. He's still with the girl he jumped into a relationship with after dumping me.

Why won't he stop texting me? He's blocked me again as he saw I ignored the message. What does he want? is he checking to see if I'm there? or confused?This is the 2nd time after I've stopped texting him he's messaged me but this time I won't be contacting him.

Czarcasm · 08-11-2013 12:16PM

anonymous222 wrote: »

Why won't he stop texting me? He's blocked me again as he saw I ignored the message. What does he want? is he checking to see if I'm there? or confused?This is the 2nd time after I've stopped texting him he's messaged me but this time I won't be contacting him.

Because he likes fcuking with your head is the straight answer to that one. He got the attention he wanted, and every so often his ego just needs a little top-up so he gets back in contact with you.

I don't know where you've read about this "30 day no contact" thing (sounds like something out of a self-help book tbh), but I'd knock that idea on the head too. Just cut him off permanently, move on, and stop tormenting yourself with the idea that he might want you back.

He doesn't want you, he just wants your attention.

heretochat · 08-11-2013 12:37PM

This guy is a complete brain melt.. He is keeping you hanging on there on the off-chance that you will be there if he breaks up with his current girlfriend (which wouldn't take long if she knew he was texting you).

My advice is to cut all contact with him full stop. no 30 day tests or anything like that. Complete ending of contact..

He is messing with your head and no-one needs that

DeltaWhite · 08-11-2013 12:45PM

Here's a thought? Why dont YOU block HIM?? See how he like them apples!

And stick to it OP. He is nothing but a head melter and you're enabling him by replying so it's time to dust yourself off, rid yourself of this muppet and move on.

LegacyUser · 08-11-2013 02:08PM

It's only the first time I did the no contact to try to win him back but I didn't do it right since I broke it. This time the no contact is for good, I only decided to see how many days it was that we hadn't spoken and it was around the same timeframe as the last time.
Am I right to think he doesn't know what he wants? he doesn't want to let go?
Since he jumped in quick is he in a rebound relationship? Not that it makes a difference as I don't want him back I've just found more reasons why I shouldn't trust him. Even if I wonder what his intentions are doesn't mean I want him back.
When I ignored his message since he's used to me responding , I'm thinking he blocked me as a reaction to me ignoring him as he wants to be in control.

Big Bag of Chips · 08-11-2013 02:28PM

anonymous222 wrote: »

Not that it makes a difference as I don't want him back.....

This is all you need to worry about. Who knows why he keeps texting you? Who cares? You don't want him back so it should be irrelevant to you what he's doing, or why he's doing it.

You don't want him back. If you don't want him texting you, block his number. Then he can't text you anymore and you don't have to be wondering about what he's doing.

(But I think you do want him back)

Meauldsegosha · 08-11-2013 02:41PM

anonymous222 wrote: »

Not that it makes a difference as I don't want him back I've just found more reasons why I shouldn't trust him.

There is a very simple solution here. You block his number, delete him from whatever social media you are on and forget about him. Whatever relationship you had with him sounds like a total headwreak and full of game playing.

Czarcasm · 08-11-2013 03:03PM

anonymous222 wrote: »

he doesn't want to let go?

To be honest OP it sounds like you don't want to let go either and you're coming up with all manner of justifications for him not wanting to be with you. It shouldn't matter to you what's going on in his head, concentrate on sorting out what's going on in your own head.

I'm thinking he blocked me as a reaction to me ignoring him as he wants to be in control.

In control of what exactly? There's nothing going on between you only playing silly mind games with each other. I think you think you know well why he keeps texting you- "because you had this intense connection".

OP I don't know what age you are, but those sort of dramatics, the way you're both carrying on, it's very immature and really not healthy.

wirelessdude01 · 08-11-2013 03:26PM

I have a headache just trying to read that, never mind understand what us going on. Simple thing is to block him but have a feeling you don't want that as you like the games that are going on(from both of you).

LegacyUser · 08-11-2013 04:16PM

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

This is all you need to worry about. Who knows why he keeps texting you? Who cares? You don't want him back so it should be irrelevant to you what he's doing, or why he's doing it.

You don't want him back. If you don't want him texting you, block his number. Then he can't text you anymore and you don't have to be wondering about what he's doing.

(But I think you do want him back)

I deleted his number before I had the chance to block it. Before I wanted him back now I've more accepted the fact that he has a girlfriend therefore I don't want him back and I've already expressed my feelings and he's blocked me so obviously wants to focus on his girlfriend. I said after sending the "I still think....doing" text that thats the last ever message I will ever send to him. Decided there's no point on hanging around that I should move forward I have been for 4 weeks. The day before he texted me I was wondering why I even liked him in the first place. Then I wake up to see a text from him. I'm just accepting that we are over. To be honest if he texted me tomorrow telling me he wants me back I wouldn't because I'd never trust him I don't get into a relationship with someone I don't trust. I may want him back in some ways but for the most part it isn't worth the hassle and there are way better looking guys that I find attractive.

leonidas83 · 08-11-2013 04:27PM

tbh, this guy sounds like a complete & utter gob****e

Why you or his current girlfriend would waste any time thinking about this guy is beyond me.

Its clear as the day is long that your pride has been hurt & you still want him, that's why you haven't blocked his number. Your better off being honest with yourself & cutting ties with him now. He isn't going to wake up some morning & realize that he made a big mistake. Also, he also has little to no respect for you if he's texting you to see if he can get a shag.

Trust me, you've dodged a bullet with this bell end, things would only have gotten worse with a guy like this. He loves only himself.

LegacyUser · 08-11-2013 04:32PM

Czarcasm wrote: »

To be honest OP it sounds like you don't want to let go either and you're coming up with all manner of justifications for him not wanting to be with you. It shouldn't matter to you what's going on in his head, concentrate on sorting out what's going on in your own head.

In control of what exactly? There's nothing going on between you only playing silly mind games with each other. I think you think you know well why he keeps texting you- "because you had this intense connection".

OP I don't know what age you are, but those sort of dramatics, the way you're both carrying on, it's very immature and really not healthy.

I meant he wants to be in control like he wants to feel that I still want him or still waiting around for him to boost his ego.

I'm 20 he's 24. I mean when were were together we never fought it was all positive and we were happy. He was more expressive with his feelings and emotions from the start and was talking as if he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me and spoke about the future a lot. I kept them back a little trying to focus on the present. Only when made the mistake of saying I love you as I got confused he ran even though he was way more interested at the start still at the end . We texted all the time in the last week they seemed to decrease. We jumped into the relationship committing very quickly being serious. He seems to have jumped into another just as quick. Now it's like we're playing these Tom and Jerry games but I'm no longer texting him anymore. It's like he can't make up his mind what he wants or just wants to hook up I have no idea. I've always been under the impression since he's with another girl that clearly means he doesn't want me and was going to stop texting but it seems he's still trying to text me for whatever reason. He shouldn't even be texting his ex if he has girlfriend in the first place.

username123 · 08-11-2013 04:38PM

anonymous222 wrote: »

He had really strong feelings for me said I love you after about 3 weeks and said it a lot.

anonymous222 wrote: »

Since he jumped in quick is he in a rebound relationship?

He sounds like one of these over intense morons who gets bored quickly. In with the "I love you" after no time at all and then wanting out a few days later. He is too immature to have a relationship.

Forget him and move on.

LegacyUser · 08-11-2013 04:39PM

leonidas83 wrote: »

tbh, this guy sounds like a complete & utter gob****e

Why you or his current girlfriend would waste any time thinking about this guy is beyond me.

Its clear as the day is long that your pride has been hurt & you still want him, that's why you haven't blocked his number. Your better off being honest with yourself & cutting ties with him now. He isn't going to wake up some morning & realize that he made a big mistake. Also, he also has little to no respect for you if he's texting you to see if he can get a shag.

Trust me, you've dodged a bullet with this bell end, things would only have gotten worse with a guy like this. He loves only himself.

He seems more serious about this girlfriend he seems to have introduced her or his family know about her so she's not secret , I was more of a secret when we were together we were still thinking about the best time . The first time the hook up message I should've ignored it I only asked why he texted .
I don't know what he wanted the other day with "Are you awake?" it could be anything it seemed like a boredom text or something . I wish I figured him out when I was with him as he acted very gentlemen like when we were together so I just saw him as a nice guy. I'll block him if he texts again I don't have his number so I can't block it until I get it back.

Czarcasm · 08-11-2013 05:25PM

anonymous222 wrote: »

I meant he wants to be in control like he wants to feel that I still want him or still waiting around for him to boost his ego.

That's exactly all he wants OP, nothing more.

I'm 20 he's 24. I mean when were were together we never fought it was all positive and we were happy. He was more expressive with his feelings and emotions from the start and was talking as if he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me and spoke about the future a lot.

Telling you exactly what he figured you wanted to hear.

I kept them back a little trying to focus on the present. Only when made the mistake of saying I love you as I got confused he ran even though he was way more interested at the start still at the end .

Under normal circumstances, this is perfectly natural tbh, and you only consider it a mistake in hindsight. He didn't run, he dumped you because he was bored now, he found something else to amuse him.

We texted all the time in the last week they seemed to decrease. We jumped into the relationship committing very quickly being serious. He seems to have jumped into another just as quick. Now it's like we're playing these Tom and Jerry games but I'm no longer texting him anymore. It's like he can't make up his mind what he wants or just wants to hook up I have no idea.

Forget about trying to explain his mindset OP, that's just keeping him at the forefront of your mind. It shouldn't matter to you whether he can't make up his mind or not, the fact is he's made up his mind already, but every so often as you said yourself he needs to know you still give a shìt about him too because no one girl will ever be enough for a narcissist.

I've always been under the impression since he's with another girl that clearly means he doesn't want me and was going to stop texting but it seems he's still trying to text me for whatever reason. He shouldn't even be texting his ex if he has girlfriend in the first place.

Never mind about what he's doing, I mean, you sound like a nice girl and all and showing concern for others is a good thing, but this guy obviously saw that in you and takes full advantage of it - told you what you wanted to hear, got bored with the game, fecked off to play with someone else, still likes to keep you in the loop on standby, just in case as a filler, because he knows you still give a shìt about him.

LegacyUser · 08-11-2013 07:02PM

Czarcasm wrote: »

That's exactly all he wants OP, nothing more.

Telling you exactly what he figured you wanted to hear.

Under normal circumstances, this is perfectly natural tbh, and you only consider it a mistake in hindsight. He didn't run, he dumped you because he was bored now, he found something else to amuse him.

Forget about trying to explain his mindset OP, that's just keeping him at the forefront of your mind. It shouldn't matter to you whether he can't make up his mind or not, the fact is he's made up his mind already, but every so often as you said yourself he needs to know you still give a shìt about him too because no one girl will ever be enough for a narcissist.

Never mind about what he's doing, I mean, you sound like a nice girl and all and showing concern for others is a good thing, but this guy obviously saw that in you and takes full advantage of it - told you what you wanted to hear, got bored with the game, fecked off to play with someone else, still likes to keep you in the loop on standby, just in case as a filler, because he knows you still give a shìt about him.

I wasn't really into all the intense stuff when he said it I'd always be telling him I'm focusing on the present not the future too soon to be thinking that far ahead.
He seemed like a good guy when we were together , although he was probably a bit too much in control not in a bad way. But we did seem to get on extremely well together . I don't know I feel like he does have some sort of soft spot to me some feelings . An then when he texts me he misses the attention and missing me in some way . It seems more like he doesn't want to let go. Some friends have told me I should not talk and move on and for like 2-3 months as he seems confused in that time he'll figure out what he wants. I'm not going to be waiting around for him as it's not the best mindset just going to move forward like I have been. Everytime I think I'm over him completely he texts me I just need to ignore any messages. By me ignoring him? does he still think I care about him? or will he have figure out I don't care and forget messaging?

DeltaWhite · 08-11-2013 07:23PM

Hey OP I think you are going to be stuck in limbo all the time with this bloke if you don't take control of the situation now. You seem to think he needs time, he's confused, "give him 2-3 months"

For what? He doesn't deserve it! Why would you waste your time and energy on someone who is treating you this way! It's madness. You need to seriously give yourself a mental shake and think about this logically. It's not some fantasy romance, he's being a d*ck right from the start so it's not like he's gonna change one day.. In my personal view anyway, I think he's happy leading you up the garden path purely for his ego!

C'mon OP you can meet someone well better than this idiot! Do yourself a favour and remove him from your life.

Czarcasm · 08-11-2013 07:47PM

anonymous222 wrote: »

By me ignoring him? does he still think I care about him? or will he have figure out I don't care and forget messaging?

Your friends are right OP, they're looking out for your best interests, numerous posters here have told you his feelings and what he thinks don't matter.

If you continue to ignore the advice you're being given, people will stop caring about you because they'll figure you're only continuing to ignore them.

On the other hand, this goon sounds like one of those persistent contact fcukers that don't care about taking the hint, they're too taken up with caring about themselves. You've wasted enough time and energy thinking about what he wants already tbh, how about you spend some time thinking about what YOU want?

A future without that head melter is a good start!

LegacyUser · 08-11-2013 09:03PM

I do know I should move on it's probably just me second guessing trying make sure I'm doing the right thing when I know that's the best thing to do. I had almost completely forgotten him until he texted me. I do know exactly what he's doing I always had a feeling as soon as I move on he's probably going to text me which always happens I just didn't expect it to be so quickly. I mean he's some guy texting me then because I don't reply texts me again and he even had a picture of this girl on his shoulders as the profile . I had a picture of my and Lee from Blue as my profile picture so I don't if he thinks it's a boyfriend he may not be familiar with him. He's really pathetic like he's not even trying to hide the fact he's some guy. I'm not going to be anyones backup and any attempt he has made to contact has been very lazy or low. This was my original feeling I just lost focus of the situation for a while. I'm back on track now. I keep reminding myself he seems like a cheat and not a person to trust and I don't even find him attractive as he's not even a guy I'd usually even like.

Why does my ex keep trying to text me he has a girlfriend?

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