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Being told someone is dead on the telephone.

24

Comments

  • #32
    Overheal
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 86,683 ✭✭✭✭Overheal


    Cold Chocolate wrote: »
    I've only ever been told once when my friend died, but to this day any phone call at an unusual hour makes my stomach flip.

    anyone else know what im talking about.
    yep, 3am call. Never any good news at 3am.

    The interesting part was a few months before I got the call I had a premonitory dream about the call, about waking up in the exact same way, in a bed I'd never been in before, and basically just being told, "She's dead Overheal"

    As it turned out the bed was an apartment I had moved into for college for the fall semester. And to this day I have trouble wondering if I really had a premonition, or if in the shock of the moment my brain shot through an entire months-long deja vu within the space of 2 seconds.


  • #33
    Kablamo!
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 879 ✭✭✭Kablamo!


    My uncle N was quite sick and we knew he wouldn't make it.
    Out of nowhere, my father, P, had a heart attack and died. Very unexpectedly.

    I was left with the job of ringing family and friends which was made more difficult by people insisting I was confused and P couldn't be dead, N was. Was awful.


  • #34
    seosamh1980
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,126 ✭✭✭seosamh1980


    Not phonecalls, but I was once texting a friend asking if she was still coming to this charity waxing thing Saturday night. She text back (and must've been in shock) and said that she was really sorry that she wouldn't be able to make it but her partner had just killed himself :( I rang her and it had literally only been about 3 hours since it happened, she kept apologising for not being able to come :(

    Another one that wasn't over the phone but was a very big shock. About 3 years ago when a lot of people I knew still weren't on facebook I was searching for old college friends. I found one guy that was an absolute dote and sent him a friend request straight away. Got all excited about seeing how he was getting on. Then I realised the next page that came up under his name was a memorial page, he had died by suicide months earlier. At the time I had actually heard that it was his brother who died, and had been thinking God poor *Dave, must be tough on him :(

    Sometimes my mum rings me at 1am if she's been out late or didn't see the time, or hadn't called me all day, always makes my heart jump, afraid it's about my Grandad :(


  • #35
    whirlpool
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,574 ✭✭✭whirlpool


    Cold Chocolate wrote: »
    I've only ever been told once when my friend died, but to this day any phone call at an unusual hour makes my stomach flip.

    anyone else know what im talking about.

    I was 200 miles away when I was told on the phone that one of my good friends had killed herself. I was in London when I was told on the phone that my dog had been put down. And I was in Toronto when I was told that my grandad who helped raise me was in a coma and had days to live.

    All those calls were from my mam, so now when I see her calling me I panic a tad....


  • #36
    sadie06
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,706 ✭✭✭sadie06


    An interesting question this thread raises is one of the wisdom of putting your phone on silent at night time. This very topic was raised amongst friends recently, where it was revealed that many of them put their phone on silent. All of our parents are in their late 60's and early 70's. When I said that I would be worried that my parents would need me, or that I would miss an important call of the nature being discussed here, I was accused of being a glass half empty person.

    Now I can't deny, I am a glass half empty person :) but I still think I'm in the right here.


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  • #37
    hedzball
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 764 ✭✭✭hedzball


    The Backwards Man wrote: »
    It's no walk in the park having to make that call either.

    My mother went missing for 2 days before we found her..

    My brother rang me at about 11.30pm one night telling me to come home..

    I asked was she dead have you found her etc? He just said come on home ..

    Garda car at the bottom of the drive kind of ended what glimmer of hope I had :(




    'hdz


  • #38
    Thoie
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,340 ✭✭✭Thoie


    sadie06 wrote: »
    An interesting question this thread raises is one of the wisdom of putting your phone on silent at night time. This very topic was raised amongst friends recently, where it was revealed that many of them put their phone on silent. All of our parents are in their late 60's and early 70's. When I said that I would be worried that my parents would need me, or that I would miss an important call of the nature being discussed here, I was accused of being a glass half empty person.

    Now I can't deny, I am a glass half empty person :) but I still think I'm in the right here.

    I have an app on my phone that automatically puts it on silent during certain hours (which I've set to be different between weeknights and weekend nights), but I can exclude certain people. So if any of my immediate family phone at any time it will ring, but not friends.


  • #39
    Guill
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,332 ✭✭✭Guill


    Remember my parents getting that call twice when I was younger, my Dad never answered the phone since! Got it once then myself, my brother In-law had killed himself, my wife had to be told. Even though I got my call at 6pm I dread the phone ringing after about 10pm.


  • #40
    FloatingVoter
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,133 ✭✭✭FloatingVoter


    sadie06 wrote: »
    An interesting question this thread raises is one of the wisdom of putting your phone on silent at night time. This very topic was raised amongst friends recently, where it was revealed that many of them put their phone on silent. All of our parents are in their late 60's and early 70's. When I said that I would be worried that my parents would need me, or that I would miss an important call of the nature being discussed here, I was accused of being a glass half empty person.

    Now I can't deny, I am a glass half empty person :) but I still think I'm in the right here.

    Grownup people understand if your call goes to voicemail at 2 or 3 AM in the morning. That is - serious people with important messages do. Halfwits falling out of pubs with nothing better to do than make noise may think you're stuck up. Rest easy, silent type.


  • #41
    angelfire9
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,226 ✭✭✭angelfire9


    Was in the hospital with the hubby (after a suspected MI) and got a call from my father asking me to go home as my gran had just died
    That was a rough weekend :(

    Was living in Germany years ago when the Polizei came to the door at 3am looking for me frightened the living day lights outta me (this was before mobile phones) I was relieved to get bad news I thought I was being arrested :rolleyes:


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  • #42
    markc1184
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,093 ✭✭✭markc1184


    Not so much a call along the lines of others here but we were in England on holidays, my parents staying with some relatives and I stayed with their son. I didn't have a mobile at the time so the house got a call at 530 in the morning to say my dad had had a heart attack and that we had to get to Blackburn quick as possible. My aunt that phoned had told my cousin to prepare me for the worst because he was in such a state by the time we had got there the chances were he would have passed. Every emotion possible came over me on the journey to Blackburn. Eventually got to the hospital not knowing what to expect only to be greeted by my dad sitting in the bed eating toast having made a miraculous recovery compared to how he was a couple of hours earlier.

    Being woken up by the phone call to my cousin is still the worst I've ever felt following a phone call.


  • #43
    seosamh1980
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,126 ✭✭✭seosamh1980


    I leave my phone sound on all night because of this, both my parents live alone (only in their 50's) as does my Grandad, so I couldn't put it on silent for fear of missing something.

    My husband went off for a cycle one evening this summer, said he'd be back at about 9pm. At about 8.45 a police car pulled up outside our front wall, I saw the blue lights reflecting in the mirror, turned around and saw the car and nearly threw up, was convinced he was either seriously injured or dead after an accident. Then the guard got out...and walked off in front of the car. They were following another car and had stopped it, couldn't see it because of the hedges. Husband said when he rounded the corner down the road on his way back he saw the squad and knew straight away what I would've been thinking. Burst out crying when he came in the door :o


  • #44
    donkey balls
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,994 ✭✭✭donkey balls


    It has happened to me five times were I got phone calls about a friends death and then I would have to be the person making the call to inform others especially calls at night.


  • #45
    Amalgam
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,030 ✭✭✭Amalgam


    Late 90s and I was using a pager, an Eircom (Philips) 'Myna' so that I could be paged in case of issues relating to my late Father's illness (cancer).

    There was a, 'things are dire' number, I think a row of 8888 or something similar. I remember getting that number early on a Sunday morning and it was like someone had dunked me into icy water. I just went numb, physically and mentally.

    Cycling out to St Vincents from town. Pure dread. Something that you know will not get better. Cycling towards a death in progress.


  • #46
    Novella
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 13,713 ✭✭✭✭Novella


    I was in the US visiting my boyfriend in September. I had just been there for three days when my mum called me to tell me that my grandad was very sick. We were really close so I booked a flight home. The next day I was going through Security in the airport. My phone rang while I was in the queue and my mam told me that my grandad had just passed away. I spent the next 18 hours on flights, just looking out the window with tears dripping down my face or walking through airports in an absolute blur.

    I returned to America a few days after my grandads' funeral and I received another phone call to say that my uncle had had a heart attack and died.


  • #47
    emz8
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 129 ✭✭emz8


    Some dip**** neighbour put up on facebook about ambulances and firebridgades and 'something big going on' beside his house. I seen it and then got the dreaded phonecall 10 minutes later.
    A friend of mine then messaged him telling him to take it down because my brother was away and we couldn't get in touch with him, we were afriad he would go on facebook and see, and he refused to. Insensitive little prick.


  • #48
    Tea Tree
    Closed Accounts Posts: 116 ✭✭Tea Tree


    yes I got a phonecall yesterday from someone I would only get a call from if there is something wrong :( I answered the phone and just started babbling because I didnt want to hear it. :o The news wasnt good but could have been worse (hospital but not serious). Can't have been easy for him to make the call either.


  • #49
    Ted_YNWA
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 71,833 ✭✭✭✭Ted_YNWA


    Been on both sides of these phonecalls.

    Grandfather was in hospital with nothing overly serious.

    Phone call from mother @ 7.10 or so, saying he was dying. she was on way in. phone call from father @ 7.20 saying he had died. Was out on the beer the night before & sobered up pretty quick.

    Second was a friends mother that was expected, got a call off another friend, early in the morning as well.
    I then rang a few of the other lad who were working further afield to break the news. Not an easy call to make, hard to know what to say.


  • #50
    kilroywuzere
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9 ✭kilroywuzere


    My dad (55) had already lost both parents and a brother when he was called and told his last brother and sibling died of a heart attack. He never answers the phone now and when it rings says its not for him.
    Breaks my heart.


  • #51
    knucklehead6
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,848 ✭✭✭knucklehead6


    This topic always makes me fearful. Not because of being the one who gets the call. I know that someday I'll have to make that call to my brother. He lives in New Zealand. I just hope that when I do have to make the call that he has enough time to come home first.


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  • #52
    Richard Hillman
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,033 ✭✭✭✭Richard Hillman


    I found out my granny died via facebook whilst I was on O'Connell Street. My cousin decided to post it up on Facebook about half an hour after she died (for the likes) and my Aunty posted her condolence on my facebook page not long after. It was fairly expected that she was going to die and It took away the whole awkward moment of telling me face to face or over the phone but my god some people are just complete idiots.


  • #53
    karl tyrrell
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 241 ✭✭karl tyrrell


    Got the call at 6am a few weeks ago my cousin crashed in to a bridge and broke his neck in longford died instant.


  • #54
    El Guapo!
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,450 ✭✭✭✭El Guapo!


    I've gotten four of those phone calls this year.
    3 of them came from my ma. I told her I'm blocking her number. Everytime she rings, someone is dead!


  • #55
    razorgil
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,880 ✭✭✭razorgil


    got one a while back about a good buddy who had killed himself. couldn't believe it. about a week after the funeral, was ringing off the mobile, and went into contacts, put in the first letter, only for my now deceased buddy's number to be on top of the list....heart sank


  • #56
    sligojo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8 ✭sligojo


    Yup the most horrible phone call anyone will ever get.
    A phone ringing late at night makes me go cold.


  • #57
    Albertofrog
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 135 ✭✭Albertofrog


    I work in ICU.
    I've done that call more times than I've wanted to.
    It doesn't get easier


  • #58
    Mint Sauce
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 29,293 ✭✭✭✭Mint Sauce


    My aunts name coming up on the mobile at 8am earlier this year. I knew once I seen her name, as had only said what I thought would have been my last goodbye to my gran the evening before.


  • #59
    tayto lover
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2, Paid Member Posts: 57,077 ✭✭✭✭tayto lover


    When the hospital matron came to my bedside after I regained consciousness and told me that my two friends had died in the crash. We had gone into an unlit parked lorry on a very wet and dark night and had been cut out of the car.

    Still feel very bad about it years after. Why was I spared and they weren't?


  • #60
    seosamh1980
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,126 ✭✭✭seosamh1980


    tayto lover wrote: »
    When the hospital matron came to my bedside after I regained consciousness and told me that my two friends had died in the crash. We had gone into an unlit parked lorry on a very wet and dark night and had been cut out of the car.

    Still feel very bad about it years after. Why was I spared and they weren't?

    Pure luck, no point feeling bad about it.


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  • #61
    Mech1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,203 ✭✭✭Mech1


    I posted this not so long ago on a site called frequencydb.com.


    We had a sudden tragic death in our family on the 29th of Jan. My nephew in Belfast took his own life @ 29 yrs old.
    we as a family had to contact our mother who was on a cruise ship "Independence of seas" at the time. The cruise company gave us a "sat phone" number for the ship that simply didnt work, I contacted the cruise ship head office in America only to get the same number and they tried it but even they couldnt get it to go through.

    At a loss as to what to do I remembered what I had read on this site and got online to find out where the ship was. I seen that the ship was approaching Lisbon Portugal and contacted Dublin port operations by phone and told them the location and name of the vessel, the guy there was very helpful and said he would try to find out more and get back to me. He said his type of radio was only good for 30 miles or so, so no direct contact would be possible but he would work something out.

    10 min later I got a call back from Port operations giving me a direct number for the ship pilot who would be boarding the ship upon entering Lisbon port area in about 8 hrs time, I phoned him and he confirmed this and took the message promising to get my mum to phone home.

    I thought great thats done my mum will phone in the morning, pity we cant talk now but at least we have a contact, as soon as I had put down the phone to Lisbon Pilot, Dublin Port Operations phoned me back to tell me that they had relayed a message from ship to ship along the route and reached "my ship" and had a direct phone number for the ships bridge relayed back!!! They dialled the number and confirmed before getting on to me.

    I called the number and got straight through to the First Mate on the bridge who took all the details, got a covert medical team in place and then got my mum on the phone to me.

    As you can imagine it was pretty rough for my mum to be so far away but coming home was not an option as the short notice flights and her age / health would have been too much.

    We kept in touch by mobile phone using AIS to know when the ship was close enough to shore to make contact.

    If anyone here is in contact with Dublin Port Opps thank them again for me, and thanks to you guys for telling me about this great AIS subject.

    Pat.


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