Your most embarrassing sex story

donutheadhomer · 14-10-2013 12:30PM

I was a bouncer in a night club and found a lad in the toilet with his willy trapped in the toilet roll dispenser - suppose you could call that an embarrassing sex story

found another lad sleeping in on toilet seat with his pants around ankles at the end of the night. I kicked the door to wake him up - he pewked into his pants with shock and pulled them up and walked our - 10 mints later a girl was sucking him off oblivious to the vomit in his pants

mattjack · 14-10-2013 12:48PM

A mate of mine was playing offside with a married woman whose fellah was off the scene for a bit.

One night he was havin' a slash in his local when yer ones husband followed him into the jax and knocked out his two front teeth during the row....

what ? some of the stories here in this thread are makey up too....

princess-lala · 14-10-2013 12:53PM

mattjack wrote: »

A mate of mine was playing offside with a married woman whose fellah was off the scene for a bit.

One night he was havin' a slash in his local when yer ones husband followed him into the jax and knocked out his two front teeth during the row....

what ? some of the stories here in this thread are makey up too....

That's not a sex story

You could have made it a bit more exciting!

miamee · 14-10-2013 01:00PM

princess-lala wrote: »

That's not a sex story You could have made it a bit more exciting!

'Tis a scene from

last night's Love/Hate

and not even remotely sexy!!

saltyjack silverblade · 14-10-2013 01:00PM

mattjack wrote: »

A mate of mine was playing offside with a married woman whose fellah was off the scene for a bit.

One night he was havin' a slash in his local when yer ones husband followed him into the jax and knocked out his two front teeth during the row.... which made him come.

what ? some of the stories here in this thread are makey up too....

Fixed!

mattjack · 14-10-2013 01:07PM

princess-lala wrote: »

That's not a sex story You could have made it a bit more exciting!

miamee wrote: »

'Tis a scene from
last night's Love/Hate
and not even remotely sexy!!

saltyjack silverblade wrote: »

Fixed!

Alright so , I'm ringing Fran .......

calfmuscle · 14-10-2013 01:13PM

mattjack wrote: »

Alright so , I'm ringing Fran .......

FOR FCUK'S SAKE I HAVN'T SEEN IT YET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:mad::mad::mad:

donutheadhomer · 14-10-2013 02:09PM

The Big Smoke wrote: »

You must spend a fortune on tests.

are they not free in clinics?

RobFowl · 14-10-2013 02:29PM

donutheadhomer wrote: »

are they not free in clinics?

They are

Daveysil15 · 14-10-2013 07:59PM

LexieOnRale wrote: »

Nothing too embarrassing but I once started crying during it, for absolutely no reason either. I was fine, it just started to happen. /shrug.

That reminds me of the scene from Grey's anatomy where Meredith starts crying while been shagged by George.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G7JjqlR1OIg

I couldn't find the actual clip so this re-enactment may do.

mackeire · 20-10-2013 05:53PM

I was 15 and I was grounded. It was a Saturday night and I was sitting at home. I got a text off an older bird that I was kinda seeing saying that she was drunk and horny!!
Only problem was that I was grounded and she was 2 miles away! So anyway, I climbed out through the bedroom window and basically sprinted the 2 miles down to her.
After meeting up with her we were trying to think of somewhere to go that was quiet and the only place we could think of was the local football field but she had only bought a new jacket and didnt want to get it dirty so we ended going at it in a lane way that links the town to a housing estate. She was lying down and I was on top of her givin it loads.
After a few minutes I looked over my shoulder and there was a priest standing there looking at us. I whispered in the girl i was riding ear that the priest was there and she said to just keep going, so I did!!
After blowing me load, I looked around again and the priest was gone. The two of us got up and fixed our clothes and as soon as we were decent, two of my mates ma's and da's walked around the corner and stopped to talk to us. That could have been awkward!!
Made it back to me house without my parents finding out I had gone out so it was the best grounding of my childhood!!!

aujopimur · 20-10-2013 06:20PM

Fodo, fodo, myself and a pal were about 13 in his bedroom with a page from a girlie mag when his big sister walked in and caught us **** " I'm telling mammy " she said grabbing the page.
Nothing happened for about 3 days, until she walked into the bedroom with a friend, handed us the page and said "do the dirty thing for Frances or I'll tell mammy" so there we were **** away with Frances standing there speechless and the sister laughing her head off. I met the sister many years later and offered her a replay but she declined.

discus · 20-10-2013 06:37PM

What a ****ed up story. I'm glad my childhood was a bit tamer!

VONSHIRACH · 20-10-2013 06:47PM

Witchie wrote: »

I was in my early 30's but looked mid twenties and pulled this young lad in a niteclub thinking he was late 20's. We snogged and when he was walking me home we stopped in a doorway for a bit of a curt. I was about to be rather bold but asked him his age and when he replied that he was 19, I told him "zip up and go home to your mother".

I have better stories but you will have to wait to read them in my book some day.

Is that you Adele?;) ( aka Twink)

Legs.Eleven · 20-10-2013 07:27PM

One time I was about to have SEX with a MAN and he took off his trousers and his underpants and I saw his THINGY!!! I was mortified!

Daveysil15 · 20-10-2013 07:45PM

donutheadhomer wrote: »

I was a bouncer in a night club and found a lad in the toilet with his willy trapped in the toilet roll dispenser - suppose you could call that an embarrassing sex story

found another lad sleeping in on toilet seat with his pants around ankles at the end of the night. I kicked the door to wake him up - he pewked into his pants with shock and pulled them up and walked our - 10 mints later a girl was sucking him off oblivious to the vomit in his pants

Maybe she taught it was pre-cum.

locohobo · 20-10-2013 09:55PM

lol at this.....

donutheadhomer · 21-10-2013 02:42PM

Daveysil15 wrote: »

Maybe she taught it was pre-cum.

perhaps or maybe she was hungry and didn't fancy a trip to supermacs (surely less expensive than a trip to A+E though)

karareilly · 26-10-2013 06:02AM

me and my boyfriend was fooling around experimenting with a vibrating anal egg he bought me , the string broke and the egg got stuck up there .... have to say that killed the moment!!! but was seriously funny and sore :P

bear1 · 26-10-2013 08:18AM

How did you get it out?

Strada · 26-10-2013 08:23AM

My friend and I love sharing each others kinks and stories. oth of us are married and have played away, but what we both love is having mutual **** sessions while sniffing our wifes dirty panties that we rob from the wash, that drives both of us over the top. well its safer than getting caught shagging other women

bear1 · 26-10-2013 08:26AM

Strada wrote: »

My friend and I love sharing each others kinks and stories. oth of us are married and have played away, but what we both love is having mutual **** sessions while sniffing our wifes dirty panties that we rob from the wash, that drives both of us over the top. well its safer than getting caught shagging other women

So.... you both cheat on your wives?

Strada · 26-10-2013 08:35AM

We have done, its called experiencing life man. Nobody gets hurt and its great fun

bear1 · 26-10-2013 08:38AM

Strada wrote: »

We have done, its called experiencing life man. Nobody gets hurt and its great fun

Don't think I can agree but whatever lets move on

KCC · 26-10-2013 09:06AM

Strada wrote: »

My friend and I love sharing each others kinks and stories. oth of us are married and have played away, but what we both love is having mutual **** sessions while sniffing our wifes dirty panties that we rob from the wash, that drives both of us over the top. well its safer than getting caught shagging other women

If this story is for real, then I think you may have some serious issues...

swiftman · 26-10-2013 09:08AM

KCC wrote: »

If this story is for real, then I think you may have some serious issues...

agree, try reading his other perv story in aldi and following the woman home

The Dagda · 26-10-2013 09:13AM

Strada wrote: »

My friend and I love sharing each others kinks and stories. oth of us are married and have played away, but what we both love is having mutual **** sessions while sniffing our wifes dirty panties that we rob from the wash, that drives both of us over the top. well its safer than getting caught shagging other women

This post has so much HUH? WTF! and JUST PLAIN WRONG!

MUTUAL **** sessions?!!!

dees99 · 26-10-2013 10:00AM

Not sure if this is a sex story but when I was in 6th class we were brought into the CBS next door to apply for secondary school. I found a condom (onopened) and picked it up not knowing what it was. I opened it and for some reason I thought it was a new type of chewing gum that let you blow bubbles with really easily. Despite the taste i thus proceeded to chew and blow up the condom in my mouth throughout the day until I got home and my mother ripped it out of my mouth! Didn't find out for a couple of years later what it actually was. Fortunately my classmates were as ignorant as me so never got slagged over it! &#55357;&#56852;

bear1 · 26-10-2013 10:08AM

Judging by the amount of posts he has then I don't think he has the best intentions...

Strada · 26-11-2013 01:12AM

The Dagda wrote: »

This post has so much HUH? WTF! and JUST PLAIN WRONG!

MUTUAL **** sessions?!!!

Why are there some many prudes here. Life is for living and Im having the craic

Your most embarrassing sex story

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