Your most embarrassing sex story

Duff · 12-10-2013 05:58PM

Deleted User wrote: »

It's called 'Frubing', named for the similarity to eating one of those Frube yoghurt things.

It's called 'being a dirtbird'.

Mickey H · 12-10-2013 06:00PM

ButtersSuki wrote: »

Not me, but a friend (I swear) was with a lady one night and after they had finished doin' it she proceeded to take the condom off his penis, hold it above her head, tilt it backwards into her mouth and swallow his cum as if she was finishing a Mr Freeze - complete with thumb and forefinger sliding the length of the condom to get every last drop! He was speechless.

What was the name of that film?

Demonical · 12-10-2013 06:34PM

I heard of a lad who was getting it on with this woman and they decided it would be a good idea to stick a can of gilette up his hole..cap first...the can was retrieved..the cap wasn't..until it was surgically removed a few days later.

Supraman · 12-10-2013 06:37PM

Demonical wrote: »

I heard of a lad who was getting it on with this woman and they decided it would be a good idea to stick a can of gilette up his hole..cap first...the can was retrieved..the cap wasn't..until it was surgically removed a few days later.

Gilette the best a man ('s hole) can get .

ButtersSuki · 12-10-2013 09:51PM

Mickey H wrote: »

What was the name of that film?

It's called "ButtersSuki's friend had a one night stand with a very dirty but very hot woman - Part 1".

corkgsxr · 12-10-2013 10:26PM

Ihatecuddles wrote: »

Ha me too! I was using super sticky lube and ended up glueing the condom to my insides.

Superglue is not a handy one shot lube

Daveysil15 wrote: »

It was only a matter of time before someone brought up a sex story from oxygen.

Lol pretending noone can hear ya at it cos your inside (a tent)

sea_monkey wrote: »

the trick is to be so woefully bad that they are more ashamed of themselves than you are.

I laughed

canadianwoman wrote: »

Get yourself some coconut oil. Best lube there is and you don't have to use up the butter.

And you can make her toast in the morning.

Daveysil15 · 13-10-2013 10:15AM

corkgsxr wrote: »

Lol pretending noone can hear ya at it cos your inside (a tent)

There was no pretending when I was there. In fact you had to pay to get into the tent if you wanted to avoid the long queue. :pac:

JillyQ · 13-10-2013 10:31AM

ButtersSuki wrote: »

Not me, but a friend (I swear) was with a lady one night and after they had finished doin' it she proceeded to take the condom off his penis, hold it above her head, tilt it backwards into her mouth and swallow his cum as if she was finishing a Mr Freeze - complete with thumb and forefinger sliding the length of the condom to get every last drop! He was speechless.

Thats just put me off my breakfast.

ButtersSuki · 13-10-2013 10:32AM

JillyQ wrote: »

Thats just put me off my breakfast.

Were you having a Mr Freeze for breakfast Jilly?!

JillyQ · 13-10-2013 10:37AM

ButtersSuki wrote: »

Were you having a Mr Freeze for breakfast Jilly?! [/quote

Lmao oh yes, with a nice big bowl of a porridge as well.]

Kivaro · 13-10-2013 08:10PM

kylith wrote: »

I just vommed a little.

That means you are not doing it right .................

Ihatecuddles-old · 13-10-2013 11:14PM

Frubing, thats pretty hilarious.

I was initially disgusted, but its not that bad when you think about it.

DazMarz · 13-10-2013 11:20PM

Friend of mine complained once of how his balls hurt after sex... because they swung so much and slapped off your wan's arse during sex... :rolleyes:

Yeah... right...

The Big Smoke · 14-10-2013 12:38AM

DazMarz wrote: »

Friend of mine complained once of how his balls hurt after sex... because they swung so much and slapped off your wan's arse during sex... :rolleyes:

Yeah... right...

This can happen.:D

lkionm · 14-10-2013 12:49AM

Ihatecuddles wrote: »

Frubing, thats pretty hilarious.

I was initially disgusted, but its not that bad when you think about it.

Me too. But why not just finish him off with a bj?

A bit strange with a stranger though.

Ihatecuddles-old · 14-10-2013 12:58AM

lkionm wrote: »

Me too. But why not just finish him off with a bj?

A bit strange with a stranger though.

I dont know, maybe he wanted to finish inside her.

Yeah I wouldnt do it with a stranger now.

lkionm · 14-10-2013 01:07AM

Ihatecuddles wrote: »

I dont know, maybe he wanted to finish inside her.

Yeah I wouldnt do it with a stranger now.

Most guys don't really care where it goes. I was with my gf for 5 years and didn't wear a johnnie but had drunken sex with someone the other week and it felt so weird finishing in a condom, i also had no connection to her so maybe thats it.
Maybe I'm weird, but they are not the most comfortable things. So slimy.

But that would freak me out if she started sucking the condom. I would feel like I missed out on a bj.

DazMarz · 14-10-2013 02:29AM

The Big Smoke wrote: »

This can happen.:D

not to this bloke it didn't. he's full of shít. I've no doubt it can happen, particularly if your balls hang low and you can tie 'em in a bow... :P

swiftman · 14-10-2013 02:41AM

one evening went out drinking with friends, they went there own way so i went to galways best bar to pull. being drinkin all night i managed to blackout.

i woke up next morning in my messy room i was in the middle of painting day before. this stunner of a blonde lady lyn in my bed, im tall, she was taller :eek:
i asked her, 'did we do anything last night?'. she replyed 'no, we fell asleep'.
then she told me of what happened that night, we got taxi home, i told her to stay in the sitin room while i RUSHED up stairs to clean my room.
she said she nearly fell asleep waitin for me, im surprised i didnt fall asleep.

i jumped out of bed, down stairs to the sittin room to see if id get any flashbacks, i stepped in my vomit on the stairs, walked to the bathroom to brush teeth, vomit in the sink and all over the floor.

went back into bed, kissed, had sex twice and she was into anal :cool:
she left, i was amazed at her height.

seen her in the same bar friday night in galway. she seen me too, was a bit awkward, 5 feet away, i nearly went up to her and try pull her again.
***** if you are reading this PM me for more :P

Wildquill · 14-10-2013 02:46AM

Picture this if you can:

Way out in the nether reaches of Newfoundland in a fishing village, after 3 months of unplanned abstinence, I get this invite from a family to watch a movie at the daughters house right on the bay. She had this very spoiled 3 and a half year old brat who had her wrapped around his finger, an irritating, whiny voice and a lisp that would make a camel spit.

So all the fathers and mothers and sisters and brothers are there, the brat goes off to bed at the far end of the house (thank goodness) and the movie finished predictably, though enjoyable and the family begins peeling off early because there's a storm a brewing.

Eventually it's the wee hours of the morning, Leave it to Beaver has ended and the only light in the place is T.V. snow, which she eventually turns off and brushes my leg accidentally in passing.
Well the storm is building quickly, tin roof clanking with every gust, rain pelting down - you could tell it was going to be a mean one.

So, anyhoo - I had both hands on her thighs, she was grasping my hair, her back arching, hands kneading her breasts, moaning beyond care.
The raging North Atlantic gale was upon us; frightening, uncontrolled strafing and groaning. The ocean heaved and shook the boats at mooring near the house, banged and shuddered the old wooden jetties, spray pelting the windows.

“Oh God!... oh God… I’m coming!!” she moaned “ I’m COMING!!” she screamed
“Me too…!” I gasped
“Oh YES! I’m COMING…!” she cried.

With the full might of the storm unleashed, with time and space all foggy, beyond the point of no return, with ecstasy upon us - this urgent, whiny little voice filters through the fog of darkness:

“I wanth come tOOoo Maaaawm…”

Ihatecuddles-old · 14-10-2013 02:59AM

swiftman wrote: »

one evening went out drinking with friends, they went there own way so i went to galways best bar to pull. being drinkin all night i managed to blackout.

i woke up next morning in my messy room i was in the middle of painting day before. this stunner of a blonde lady lyn in my bed, im tall, she was taller :eek:
i asked her, 'did we do anything last night?'. she replyed 'no, we fell asleep'.
then she told me of what happened that night, we got taxi home, i told her to stay in the sitin room while i RUSHED up stairs to clean my room.
she said she nearly fell asleep waitin for me, im surprised i didnt fall asleep.

i jumped out of bed, down stairs to the sittin room to see if id get any flashbacks, i stepped in my vomit on the stairs, walked to the bathroom to brush teeth, vomit in the sink and all over the floor.

went back into bed, kissed, had sex twice and she was into anal :cool:
she left, i was amazed at her height. standards

seen her in the same bar friday night in galway. she seen me too, was a bit awkward, 5 feet away, i nearly went up to her and try pull her again.
***** if you are reading this PM me for more :P

Fixed :P

daysleeper · 14-10-2013 04:00AM

I've a few awful vomit-inducing period-related ones... The most embarrassing/disgusting one involved me being so drunk that I actually forgot that I was on my period and was wearing a tampon until halfway through the act..

then proceeded to freak the fcuk out and try to get it out myself but by that stage (the lad I was with was very well endowed!) it had gone past the point of no return. Had to spend nearly 100 quid to have a 'specialist' remove it the next day and ever since the incident I'm terrified of these devil tampon yokes...

(And of my drunken self!)

cloud493 · 14-10-2013 06:46AM

I never had sex or been near a woman. The end.

Wildquill · 14-10-2013 07:06AM

Would ye be doin' research here then, Padre'?

ButtersSuki · 14-10-2013 07:25AM

DazMarz wrote: »

not to this bloke it didn't. he's full of shít. I've no doubt it can happen, particularly if your balls hang low and you can tie 'em in a bow... :P

Google images "Cisco Adler's balls"....

lkionm · 14-10-2013 10:32AM

cloud493 wrote: »

I never had sex or been near a woman. The end.

Bless me father for I have sinned

bear1 · 14-10-2013 10:52AM

Wildquill wrote: »

Picture this if you can:

Way out in the nether reaches of Newfoundland in a fishing village, after 3 months of unplanned abstinence, I get this invite from a family to watch a movie at the daughters house right on the bay. She had this very spoiled 3 and a half year old brat who had her wrapped around his finger, an irritating, whiny voice and a lisp that would make a camel spit.

So all the fathers and mothers and sisters and brothers are there, the brat goes off to bed at the far end of the house (thank goodness) and the movie finished predictably, though enjoyable and the family begins peeling off early because there's a storm a brewing.

Eventually it's the wee hours of the morning, Leave it to Beaver has ended and the only light in the place is T.V. snow, which she eventually turns off and brushes my leg accidentally in passing.
Well the storm is building quickly, tin roof clanking with every gust, rain pelting down - you could tell it was going to be a mean one.

So, anyhoo - I had both hands on her thighs, she was grasping my hair, her back arching, hands kneading her breasts, moaning beyond care.
The raging North Atlantic gale was upon us; frightening, uncontrolled strafing and groaning. The ocean heaved and shook the boats at mooring near the house, banged and shuddered the old wooden jetties, spray pelting the windows.

“Oh God!... oh God… I’m coming!!” she moaned “ I’m COMING!!” she screamed
“Me too…!” I gasped
“Oh YES! I’m COMING…!” she cried.

With the full might of the storm unleashed, with time and space all foggy, beyond the point of no return, with ecstasy upon us - this urgent, whiny little voice filters through the fog of darkness:

“I wanth come tOOoo Maaaawm…”

That happened

Wildquill · 14-10-2013 11:28AM

bear1 wrote: »

That happened

To the letter Bear - or my names not Humbert Snetherswaite!

bear1 · 14-10-2013 12:00PM

Wildquill wrote: »

To the letter Bear - or my names not Humbert Snetherswaite!

I'll leave you to it then Mr. Snetherswaite

Wildquill · 14-10-2013 01:23PM

bear1 wrote: »

I'll leave you to it then Mr. Snetherswaite

Right. SYBILLLLLLLL!

Your most embarrassing sex story

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