Why is 30s considered old??

LegacyUser · 30-09-2013 07:24AM #1

I'm 31 girl and I've been taking a stab at the dating world. What I have been coming up against is remarks that I better hurry up given my age. I never had an issue with my age. I feel younger than my age.
I'm trying internet dating too and I was chatting to a 27 year old which is not that young in comparison but the slagging starts regarding the age. Even though he contacted me but I didn't continue the conversation with the person.

Is this how in your 30s girls are perceived looking for a husband. Right now I want to date and see how it goes not just settle for anyone.

To be honest it is very disheartening to be told ' I still have a good few years in me I should be shorted by my 30s you better hurry up' I didn't realise they had an expiry date on dating lol
Has anyone else come across this? Dating is hard enough without this stupidness....

wallycharlo · 30-09-2013 03:32PM

I would not get too hung up about it OP, age is a relative thing; e.g.a girl in her early 30s may indeed seem old to a 27 year old lad, but may appear young to someone who is 36 or 37. 30 can be a psychological marker for some, though from what one hears 40 is the new 30 these days anyway (-:

Don't let it dishearten you.

John Mason · 30-09-2013 03:34PM

its because your biological clock only has a few good years left.

the impression is that all women in their 30's want to marry and have loads of babies, and are therefore desperate

Legs.Eleven · 30-09-2013 03:48PM

Don't pay any attention to fools like that, OP. 31 is not old by any stretch of the imagination.

heretochat · 30-09-2013 03:50PM

Age is only a number as the saying goes. And 31 is not old in anyone's book.

So don't worry about the ageist nazis and don't let them put you off.. Life is only beginning for you back in the dating world and it is never too old to meet someone.

Starokan · 30-09-2013 04:10PM

31 is so not old!! I would not take any reference to age to heart op, the chap possibly thought it would be funny but not in a "get at you" type of way.

Im in my 30's and started using online dating a while back , its a great medium to meet people. Dont be afraid to be selective , there are plenty of people younger and older than you who will see age as just a number and not read anything into it

LegacyUser · 30-09-2013 06:09PM

Well, as a guy who is 10 years older than you, I'd consider you young (And maybe too young) to date.

It's all relative - when i was in my 20s I thought that 30 was old.

LegacyUser · 30-09-2013 06:16PM

Thanks for all the replies. It cheered me up. I just needed a bit of a rant.

)

cantdecide · 01-10-2013 12:31AM

I'm the same age as you and trust me, my life has taken several turns in the last couple of years. The short answer is don't let anyone tell you what you should or shouldn't be doing at any point in YOUR LIFE. It is yours to do with as you please and it's up to you to enjoy it any way you see fit. Even if it means planning to not plan...

endacl · 01-10-2013 12:33AM

Age? Only important if you're a cheese. Pushing 40 here, And the craic is still crackin'.

gazzer · 01-10-2013 11:14AM

31 is in no way old. When I look at where I was in life at 30 and where I am now at 42 there is a world of difference. I have had such a better social life in the last 12 years than I did in my teen or 20's.

In fact I have friends in their late 30's who have fantastic life on the dating scene.

hypersonic · 01-10-2013 12:12PM

so you get hit on by a guy 4 years younger than you, you're obviously a good looking 31yr old! I'd take it as a complement!

Potatoeman · 01-10-2013 12:18PM

It depends on what you want. If you want kids and are still single your window is shrinking. If you dont want kids then it does not matter. People bringing it up may be a non too subtle way of bringing up the subject. Im 33 and its nice to know the expectations of people you date.

Up-n-atom! · 01-10-2013 11:33PM

I'm 29 and my previous 2 boyfriends have been about 2 years or so younger than me - I am also quite 'young' for my age as I probably look and act a good few years younger than I am. In fact, my last boyfriend (who is just turning 27) has taken up with a 31 year old, so don't give up on the 27 year olds yet!

I'm struck by the attitudes of a lot of friends/co-workers who see 30 as a target to settle down/have babies (and I mean, they want these things by the time they're 30, not in their 30s). It's fine if that's what they want, that's their own business, but when people in general start expecting EVERYONE (particularly women) to do this by the time they reach their early 30s, there's a problem...

2Mad2BeMad · 01-10-2013 11:41PM

Im in my early twenties, and i consider 30s to be old
but by old I actually mean older then me , I wouldnt let age get in the way of me falling in love with someone who was 10 years older then me either if im honest
im sure when im 30 il be calling myself old but by then id consider 40s to be old
but by old i mean..... you get the point age dont matter
i understand for women age is a factor when it comes to having children, but in my opinion doesnt make you gals seem desperate. Its only fair everyone should find someone to spend the rest of their life with, after all age should only be taken into account to someone your dating whether or not their old enough to by alcohol haha

mud · 02-10-2013 09:56PM

I'm 34 and am in daily contact with people from 17-18 up (university)

In my experience, those who have an issue with my age have a lot of maturing to do with regards to their worldview but I don't let it get to me anymore.

At the beginning, sure, it was tough to feel judged and in some cases shunned by class-mates but as the years go on and they see how much fun we have together then they tend to give less of a **** about the age-gap.

I'm single too, not entirely unrelated to the college thing :P I really hate the fact that people expect me to be desperate for a man/baby. Nothing could be further from the truth. Sure, I'd like to meet some cool, fun guy to have a laugh with and see where things go but I'm not actively going out to pubs or online dating because, really I don't have time.

I love my life though and I am very privileged and busy. I am repaying debts while earning a Masters degree and just loving it all.

My advice is to go on and live your life. Keep on with the online thing. Surely there will be someone you click with soon. You may just have to do a bit of searching for them. Good luck to you

otto_26 · 02-10-2013 10:12PM

OP I think what people mean by hurry up is that it can get difficult for women to conceive and to give birth in their late thirties. So if you are interested in having a family you should prob hurry up!!! I wouldn't take the "hurry up" thing personal.

average hero · 03-10-2013 03:26AM

OP, interesting topic relevant to Ireland nowadays!

DON'T LET IT BOTHER YOU!

I am 25 at the moment, I want to work in a 'different' industry for at least 5 years, travel extensively (specifically East Asia and the South Pacific), set up a successful business, get a dog, maybe look into a Masters, learn two more languages fluently and get a black belt in a martial art by the time I am 33-35.

My point is - I am looked at as a madman because I want all of these different goals, but in Ireland we have numerous little kooky traits that we encourage people to follow - be married, have a few kids and a MASSIVE mortgage is one of these.

The practice descends from the whole 'get a fella and start a family' thing. Many families had to have 12 children in this poor country if they were going to survive in their later years. Thankfully this is outdated and not socially relevant anymore, but the habits are still spoken about. Look at London, Paris and especially Germany - they surely aren't pushing people to 'find a fella'.

Recognise that it is present, that you will get talked to like this, but also recognise that it is an outdated manner of thinking in modern Ireland/Europe.

Live life OP! Be well!

Sleepy · 03-10-2013 09:57AM

No, 31 isn't old. But you're not a "girl" you're a grown woman. While our culture is obsessed with acting younger than we are because we fetishize youth we do need to start accepting that if children are part of our life plan, you need to be pro-active about it in your late 20's / early 30's unless you're happy to live your life child-free. Yes, there are women having children in their 40's but for every one that has a happy healthy pregnancy at that age, there's another who's having problems conceiving or experiencing issues during her pregnancy.

You've no expiry date in terms of finding a partner for life but if your idea of happily ever after with that partner includes children then the reality is that there is a finite time-line for a woman.

Legs.Eleven · 03-10-2013 12:16PM

John Mason wrote: »

its because your biological clock only has a few good years left.

the impression is that all women in their 30's want to marry and have loads of babies, and are therefore desperate

Not really sure how wanting marriage and kids (I don't know anyone in this day and age who wants "loads") translates as desperation? Strange point-of-view to have and usually anyone who discounts it as such has some growing up to do.

wallycharlo · 03-10-2013 01:37PM

Regardless of whether it is true or not, I think that it's quite natural for guys in their 20s to assume that a single woman in her 30s may be somewhat 'desperate'.

And of course they have growing up to do, that's why they are in their 20s

Richy06 · 03-10-2013 01:55PM

The only conclusion you should draw from that is he wasn't mature enough. I'm 27, recently single and wouldn't think a thing of dating a lady older or younger than me, it'd be their personality rather than their age I'd be worried about as opposed to some arbitrary number. Some people spend their years differently to others and so are more mature or less than their same age peers. Move on and enjoy it, I say!

Potatoeman · 03-10-2013 02:17PM

Richy06 wrote: »

The only conclusion you should draw from that is he wasn't mature enough. I'm 27, recently single and wouldn't think a thing of dating a lady older or younger than me, it'd be their personality rather than their age I'd be worried about as opposed to some arbitrary number. Some people spend their years differently to others and so are more mature or less than their same age peers. Move on and enjoy it, I say!

Its fine as you both know what you want. As mentioned above, you need to know what your partner wants so neither of you end up somewhere you dont want to be. If you want kids and your partner doesnt, you need to know this especially in your thirties.

nyarlothothep · 03-10-2013 04:49PM

Not even when I was 17 did I think the 30s was old. Retards believe the 30s are old but why listen to them in anyway. And not only that you're 31. The whole age thing is vastly overblown by advertising, forget about it. People are in their prime even into their 40s. I'm not specifically talking about the bio clock either, in Game of Thrones Tywin Lannister says to his son Jamie that he's in his prime and the actor who plays him is in his 40s. So there.

Elbaston · 05-10-2013 03:28PM

Kind of true though that its just a number. The number is just a marker used to indicate what condition you are probably in.
So who's "older" in bodily terms - a 50 year old who's lived in a cushy western country or a 30 year old who's lived in the Caucasus mountains/Mongolia.
Every time I've watched some documentary about tribes people who live in those places they're feckin wrecked by 30.

Apparently there are some smokin hot women over 40 on line - Wouldn't know myself cause I dont use the internet, ...a friend told me.

http://ngm.nationalgeographic.com/2002/04/afghan-girl/index-text

Legs.Eleven · 05-10-2013 05:41PM

wallycharlo wrote: »

Regardless of whether it is true or not, I think that it's quite natural for guys in their 20s to assume that a single woman in her 30s may be somewhat 'desperate'.

And of course they have growing up to do, that's why they are in their 20s

The guy was 27 - 3 off 30, so to believe women 3 years his elder are desperate is not really "natural" just as women who've been scorned thinking all men are bastards or all men in their 20s are immature fools/players. It stems from ignorance and immaturity and can hardly be excused as simply being "natural".

Big difference between 20 and 27.

The Corinthian · 06-10-2013 11:47AM

Sally_1981 wrote: »

I'm 31 girl and I've been taking a stab at the dating world. What I have been coming up against is remarks that I better hurry up given my age. I never had an issue with my age. I feel younger than my age.
I'm trying internet dating too and I was chatting to a 27 year old which is not that young in comparison but the slagging starts regarding the age. Even though he contacted me but I didn't continue the conversation with the person.

This may upset you, and others, but the reality is older men tend to look for and settle down with younger women. The reverse also happens but it is far, far less common.

Men don't have the same biological urgency as women to settle down, so we tend to put it off longer. Where a 30-year old woman may be seriously thinking about settling down and starting a family, it will, on average, be at best a vague idea in a 30-year old man's mind.

This means that a 27-year old guy may well be in no rush to start a family; he may really only want to do so when he's 34. So if he gets involved with a woman who's 31 now, that means she'll be 38 by the time he's ready. Not an ideal situation.

As such, were I you, I'd not bother with 27-year olds and instead look at 34-year olds. Or older. Certainly there will always be a few 27-year olds who prefer older women and want to settle down and start families with them, but they're a minority; and so if you really want a younger man, you still can, but remember you're fishing in a far less populated pool.

Is this how in your 30s girls are perceived looking for a husband. Right now I want to date and see how it goes not just settle for anyone.

They're perceived this way because many are like this. Most men who've dated during their thirties can probably confirm this. I certainly can.

Men become exactly the same, but generally about five years later than women. In both cases, this doesn't mean all women, or men, do this, but enough do to create this perception and tar those others with the same brush. Sorry.

LegacyUser · 07-10-2013 11:49AM

I've read on more than one occasion that people looking back on their lives in old age (eg.60s onwards) rate their 30s their best decade for various reasons like being more sure of themselves, less caring of other peoples' opinions, relative youth, and other things I can't remember!

For what it is worth I wouldn't look at 31 as being *particularly* old for not being married or having kids but being, perhaps brutally, honest with you (as an early 20's male) if it was me and it was something I wanted in the future I would be giving myself until the age of 34 to meet someone, get married and have a child ... 34 isn't exactly old to be having a child but I would be thinking of "breathing room" to have another 1 or 2 *if* I ever wanted, and also to be as young as possible for my kids growing up .... seems so crude to be typing that out but that is the way I know I would be thinking.

Also in terms of looks, most women at 31 look perfectly youthful and often I've talked to women on nights out and only found out later on to my amazement that they were 30 or older. So you probably look younger than you think.

Emme · 07-10-2013 12:24PM

OP, 30s aren't old but if a woman of that age wants children she has to think very seriously about having them soon. If so that means she must be ruthlessly focused on finding a good person who wants to do the same. This means cutting out the bulls***ters, messers, dysfunctionals and commitmentphobes. Some people might see this as desperation but they're not the ones who want children.

The poster above gives good advice. If you want to have children it's best to date serious minded men in their mid to late 30s. Men up to early 40s might be good too but be sure they want children. Men older than that are more likely to be commitmentphobic or if they're divorced/separated they may have children already and not want to do that all over again. Some 40 and 50 somethings like to date younger women for an ego boost but they may not be interested in taking things much further.

I've been shot down for this before, but I would advise any thirty-something woman who wants children to join a reputable dating agency.

If you're sure you don't want children then you needn't worry about time.

Adamantium · 08-10-2013 05:00AM

As a 22 year old male on the surface we mightn't have much in common in terms of life situation, but I more than make up for it life experience; I've had a chronic illness for 4 years, that has all but forced me to drop out of life and off the face of the earth, out of college, you name it.

DO NOT give up control to others or fall in line, I know when I get well , that I'll be damned if I give power to people who know nothing about me and were didn't there for me when I needed them.

Its a hard red pill to swallow, but my closest friends/my parents even we are distant now, don't know jack about what I want out of life and now I'll probably only really getting my life into gear by my late 20's, early 30's

You'll probably roll your eyes when I say this and its a bit patronising,
but sit in solitude for half an hour and do nothing, the most important questions will arise and the nagging feeling will be the right answer more than likely.

I feel 120 years old on 90% of days and feel as If I have lived too many lifetimes reincarnated , my life plan if ever there was one went to pot, so don't feel old until you feel old, it really is a state of mind to the individual until a real problem occurs.

To immature people, Age stops being a existential problem when a real problem makes you appreciate the quality of living/or lack there of and that can happen at any age, some people grow old, but never grow up, nothing more unattractive than that. I've being lecture by 60 year old's on life's wrongs and woe me problems, who barely deserve the number. As long as you're improving OP not stagnating, don't worry.

You have your time, don't let a damn person use your own, its the only real possesion you have. Any condescending remarks are probably a reflection/insecurity of how they're using their own......
..........................
That is poorly.

Adamantium · 08-10-2013 05:16AM

Sally_1981 wrote: »

What I have been coming up against is remarks that I better hurry up given my age. I never had an issue with my age. I feel younger than my age.
I'm trying internet dating too and I was chatting to a 27 year old which is not that young in comparison but the slagging starts regarding the age.

I'm no white knight, but boy do they sound like dickheads, was that his first, best chat up line?, he sounds like a profound creative genius, incredibly insightful, giving Groucho Marx a run for his money :rolleyes:

Why is 30s considered old??

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