Is there such a thing as love at first sight?

DaniB · 06-09-2013 09:44PM #1

Hey, just looking for some opinions on this please if you care to share? I am in a happy loving relationship and have never even looked twice at another lad in last five years but I was away for the weekend with the girls recently and Friday night we went to club and there was a bouncer that I noticed straight away he was unbelievably handsome I said it to him and we has a laugh about it for a few mins but he kinda stayed in my head but thought nothing of it but I could tell there was this instant chemistry between us then we went to same club sat night and he was there and again same thing happened we were drawn to each other and I just couldn't stop looking at him and felt real sparks between us, it's like we just locked eyes with each other and just stared and felt thing thing between us and as I was with the girls I had to stay with them but he was telling me to wait for him til he finished but I couldn't so I just walked away. I couldn't swap numbers because i have a boyfriend but ever since then I can't stop thinking about him, I'm actually obsessed. Am I being stupid and was it just another bouncer trying it in with girls in clubs every weekend? We just had this amazing chemistry between us I can't explain it. I've never felt it with anyone before. I love my boyfriend but i can't help thinking what if? I just want to see him or talk to him properly but I can't. We only exchanged first names so we will never get in contact except... I found him on Facebook after googling a thousand times and now I'm tempted to do something about it. For the last week I have stopped myself but the urge is getting stronger. What do I do? I feel like I could be passing up something if I don't contact him and if I do what do I say? He could think I was this weird stalker? Likliehood is I will message him but what do I say???

HighClass · 06-09-2013 09:46PM

He's a bouncer so there is a high possibility he's a prick. Keep that in mind.

CaraMay · 06-09-2013 09:47PM

Its not love it's lust and boredom.

Dump your bf before you contact him as he deserves better than being made a fool of.

NicoleL88 · 06-09-2013 09:51PM

DaniB wrote: »

I am in a happy loving relationship [...] I love my boyfriend

Then why are you googling some other guy and wanting to message him?

DaniB wrote: »

...but now I'm tempted to do something about it. I feel like I could be passing up something if I don't contact him...

The only thing you'd be passing up is your current relationship. How would you feel if your boyfriend was feeling/thinking this way about another woman?

DaniB · 06-09-2013 09:59PM

Girls I know, I've taut bout this and nothin else but ya don't understand I actually can't get him out of my head. I'm not going to break up with my Boyf just cos of a message to a lad, I'm just curious over what would happen. If it turned out to be mutual and thought it was guna go sum where then 100% I'd finish with him and yea I know I would be crushed If my Boyf was thinking the same about a girl but I can't help these feelings, I just can't and I've tried!!! My Boyf is amazing and I don't think I'm bored but maybe it is lust but at this point because I'm so curious I don't know if it is just that. I would never cheat on my Boyf that's why I walked away but I just can't get him out of my head!! I feel like a stupid teenager but believe me I'm not! Surely someone else has been in this position!!

NicoleL88 · 06-09-2013 10:04PM

I have been in this situation and I cheated on a past boyfriend years ago. All it was was a fling and nothing more and I felt absolutely hideous for having done so. If you really respected your boyfriend you wouldn't act upon it. I told myself back then I loved him and would never hurt him but I did anyway. I still feel bad about it. In my eyes now even considering an idea like that is a form of cheating to me.

So I know its a difficult situation but bottom line, if you're looking elsewhere then it's a problem.

I can't tell you what to do by any means, I'm only offering advice but if you really love your boyfriend like you say you do then don't act upon it. If you really want to act upon it then you need to end things with your boyfriend before you do, out of respect and decency if nothing else.

06-09-2013 10:27PM

DaniB wrote: »

Girls I know, I've taut bout this and nothin else but ya don't understand I actually can't get him out of my head. I'm not going to break up with my Boyf just cos of a message to a lad, I'm just curious over what would happen. If it turned out to be mutual and thought it was guna go sum where then 100% I'd finish with him

Are you with your boyfriend because you want to be or because you are just biding your time til someone better comes along? Because if it's the latter, he sure as hell deserves better.

DaniB · 06-09-2013 10:37PM

God no I'm with him because I want to be. Up until I saw this man, my boyfriend was my whole world, still is. I never even looked twice at another, I was happy planning our future so this is why I am so messed up over this lad, I've never felt chemistry like it. Look lads I'm not going to cheat, I'm just so confused over these random feelings for a stranger. I can't explain it, I felt like we just totally connected, like I knew him, like it was supposed to be, fate or something. I've had a few boyfriends but never felt this with someone.

CaraMay · 06-09-2013 10:52PM

That is so nasty. Keeping your bf on the side while you see how the bouncer responds.... Are you kidding?

NicoleL88 · 06-09-2013 10:52PM

I don't mean this to sound b*tchy at all but did you have a few drinks before you went to the club?

It just seems a lot to say that just from a glance and a brief exchange of words that you feel as though its "meant to be".

The only other situation that I've been in that I could compare this to is when I was in college and kept seeing the same guy everywhere. When I looked at him my heart jumped and I felt butterflies. We spent literally months giving each other "the look" and would always smile at each other when we saw each other.

We eventually started talking, became friends and started seeing each other but it ended quickly. He was a nice guy but there was no real spark there at all.

The mystery was far better than reality!

Elmer Blooker · 06-09-2013 10:53PM

Yeah, love at first sight!!
I saw a woman years ago and I convinced myself it was love at first sight - I approached her - she looked at me like I was a piece of dog s***e, I haven't believed in love at first sight since. Its more than likely its all in your head.
Move on.

Catari Jaguar · 06-09-2013 11:01PM

I think it's highly likely that there was a connection between you. There is scientific proof of similar brainwaves of people who "connect" and can feel each other's energy and stuff. It's not "love" but definitely a chance of a huge hormonal/chemical compatability. Combine that with the old devil "potential" and fantasy and it's a pretty potent spell you're under. Bear in mind that even if you have explosive sexual tension the sex could be a massive let down, one night stands are generally hit & miss. I wouldn't say your bouncer friend feels your connection, I'd say he thinks you're hot & can tell you fancy him so is horny. Keep him in your wankbank as a fantasy, might get you more in the mood for your boyfriend.

Czarcasm · 06-09-2013 11:32PM

OP all I can do is at least offer you some occupational experience having worked as a bouncer, barman, and other various employments where opportunities with girls such as yourself were a dime a dozen. I had "chemistry" with dozens of girls every night, and from talking to many of my female friends, they'd build up some incredible fantasies in their heads about guys barmen or bouncers that gave them the eye on a night out, that they felt they "connected" with.

That's simply all it is OP- a fantasy, a gut feeling, and your brain has done the rest to fill in the blanks (OK back then the likes of even bebo weren't even heard of, let alone facebook!), and the efforts you've gone to chasing this guy up, seriously, wasting your time tbh.

I'm with my wife now 16 years and still every day I'm "falling in love" with women, because they're frickin' brilliant tbh, they make me laugh, they look fantastic, and they're great to talk to. But that's all it is, and then I go home to my wife and I'm thankful as fcuk that she puts up with my shìt on a daily basis, sixteen years later as opposed to a sixteen minute fumble between the sheets just because a girl gave me a hard on during the day that lasted all of, well, 16 seconds! :pac:

What I'm saying OP is stop feeding the fantasy, stop making it the focus of your every waking moment. What you were feeling initially is perfectly normal- you're naturally going to be attracted to guys you consider, well, attractive! But the whole facebook stalky thing? Yeah, that's just a tad too much, and a definite signal to you that you need to pull back from this one before it consumes you and you could end up putting your relationship at risk for a 16 minute fumble between the bedsheets and another notch on his bedpost so to speak.

It'll also hurt like a bitch when you get the heave ho and your mates want to go to the club again where you know he works and you see him have that same, erm, "chemistry", with another girl that's not you.

_dublinlad_ · 06-09-2013 11:42PM

There are only two right things to do here.

1) Ignore this attraction and chalk it down to pure lust. Move on with your BF and this random bloke will be forgotten fairly shortly.

2) Break up with your BF, and then go and message this guy to your hearts content.

If you take secret option number 3 and contact this random guy whilst remaining with your BF.... well ... I'm sorry if this is blunt... but that is just a plain dam right disgusting thing to do!! You should feel real shame if you do so.

lmos · 06-09-2013 11:57PM

Its a fantasy, nothing more nothing less...exciting but limited. I would suggest looking at your relationship and putting your energies into making that more exciting /fulfilling or moving on, if needs be.

DaniB · 07-09-2013 12:31AM

Lads I'm not some stupid girl that's never had a crush before. In ten years of dating people I've never had this connection with someone. People saying its nasty and stuff, like seriously what is the point of people actually posting up their dilemmas like this if someone us going to be so judgemental and act like they've never had feelings they haven't been able to control, that just really bugs me. Have you seriously been little miss perfect all your life. I have said I have not cheated, all i have fone is say ive been thinking about someone but anyone that says that's never thought what if are just kidding themselves. I can totally see what the bar man/bouncer is saying and that's kinda the response I'm looking for cos maybe it was just me and hes at it every weekend but deep down I really think there was something more. It wasn't just a few minutes it was two nights and we spent maybe an hour each night, I know that's not major or anything but you don't actually realise how intense it was. I'm not sum physco stalker girl even tho I googled him lol but still. I have never ever been the type of girl to show this much attention towards a lad especially to broadcast it on boards! I was happy in my relationship, totally until now.

Meauldsegosha · 07-09-2013 12:33AM

OP you say you wouldn't cheat on your boyfriend. However cheating can be emotional as well as physical. You have spent a few hours tracking him down on line and you've said you probably will message him. Where do you want this to go? If he messages back, will that be enough?

How much do you really know this man? He could be married, in a relationship or gay. You spoke to him for a short time, you know nothing about him. My former partner was a barman and believe me he could flirt of Ireland. It's something that comes naturally to most of them. And I know some of his friends who were bouncers were exactly the same. They would chat and flirt with a different girl every night and then go home to their wives and girlfriend.

I do think you need to look at your relationship with your boyfriend though. The fact you've become obsessed with this man after a quick chat and some flirting could mean there is something lacking with your relationship.

LegacyUser · 07-09-2013 12:35AM

Wow, gotta say the posters in the thread are really judgmental. There's nothing wrong with feeling a spark with some random stranger, it's not the OP's fault she felt like it. The question she poses though is if there is such a thing as love at first sight. I believe it does exist, though extremely rare, what she describes sounds like lust. Obviously she shouldn't chase this guy while still in her relationship. I think it's obvious she doesn't fancy her boyfriend enough, so she should leave him. Why should people settle for someone who they say they love but really they don't fancy that much, and then just fantasize about someone they really do lust after? Sounds really depressing to me.

DaniB · 07-09-2013 12:41AM

Reading carczasm response it's kinda made me focus a little more on what's important and I appreciate the time and effort u took to respond. I still haven't changed my mind completely but I can totally see where your coming from so thank you. I've thought the same things myself but these feelings have just hit me like a ton of bricks, I feel like a tool for having them but i can't help it. To people that think I'm nasty or disgusting. I havent actually done anything wrong only think about what If?? Surely everyone in a relationship has done that??

from_atozinc · 07-09-2013 12:43AM

DaniB wrote: »

I was happy in my relationship, totally until now.

What the Fook does that mean....a few comments on a public forum from randomers and suddenly your not happy in your relationship.

You sound confused and fickle Missus. You dunno what you want

That bouncer will probably ride 1 bird tonight and another bird tomorrow

Your reading too much in to all this.

NicoleL88 · 07-09-2013 12:45AM

DaniB wrote: »

I am in a happy loving relationship

DaniB wrote: »

I was happy in my relationship, totally until now.

What changed in the last three hours?

And not to be "nasty" myself but you're posting your problem on a public forum, not everyone is going to sugar-coat their opinion or tell you what you want to hear.

_dublinlad_ · 07-09-2013 12:46AM

OP, I don't think anyone here is being overly judgmental in this case. Your right tho, I and most others reading this have had feeling they couldn't control or rationalize. I have done some fairly s**tty things in relationships and I will hold my hand up and tell you that straight out. If I could go back in time and not do them I would. This does not change the fact that if you contact this lad while you remain in your current relationship, in my opinion, you are doing a disgusting act.

You came here to look for opinions, there is mine.

DaniB · 07-09-2013 12:46AM

It's not like this is the first man I have spoken to or even flirted with in five years! I've only ever felt this "chemistry" with this person. This us why I'm so confused. I don't think I need to rebuild my relationship, I was perfectly happy until I met this person.

NicoleL88 · 07-09-2013 12:50AM

DaniB wrote: »

I've only ever felt this "chemistry" with this person... I was perfectly happy until I met this person.

How did two hours chatting with this bouncer seemingly unravel your happy relationship?

Look, at the end of the day you're going to do what you want to do, but as I've already said, if you love and respect your boyfriend you wouldn't go behind his back sending messages to this guy.

Again, how would you feel if he did that to you?

DaniB · 07-09-2013 12:51AM

Oh my god forget about it! Read my last posts. I said I was happy... Until now in everyone of my posts. And i said from the start the whole point of this is because I'm confused! I'm not looking for people to sugar coat their opinions but people that come on acting like their perfect really pisses me off.

Systemic Risk · 07-09-2013 12:51AM

HighClass wrote: »

He's a bouncer so there is a high possibility he's a prick. Keep that in mind.

Stay classy

NicoleL88 · 07-09-2013 12:54AM

DaniB wrote: »

Oh my god forget about it! Read my last posts. I said I was happy... Until now in everyone of my posts. And i said from the start the whole point of this is because I'm confused! I'm not looking for people to sugar coat their opinions but people that come on acting like their perfect really pisses me off.

I never once claimed to be perfect. I aired a very personal (and shameful) situation that happened to me here in order to give you some outside perspective and advice from someone who has experienced the same problem.

Maybe you're getting pissed off with other people's posts because they're pointing out that what you want to do isn't very nice.

lahalane · 07-09-2013 12:55AM

I see love like music. You cant sit down at a piano having never played before and play beautiful music.

In the same way, I dont think love at first sight is possible. It can only be lust. Maybe the lust will eventually become love but you cant really love a person after two hours.

Anyone can sound perfect for two hours if the original attraction is there but maybe after a week in their company youll feel different. If you still love your boyfriend after five years together then why risk it? Could be the biggest regret of your life. A lot worse than regretting not following up on what is basically a stranger, no matter how much you convince yourself theres a connection.

Stavro Mueller · 07-09-2013 12:56AM

Just because you're in a relationship doesn't mean you can't or won't notice people you're attracted to. However, most people who are in a happy relationship park the attraction/chemistry to one side and don't act on it. You, on the other hand, sound like you're hell bent on exploring this "chemistry" further. So either you're happy with your boyfriend and that relationship is your priority. Or....you're hoping that something will come of this chemistry you feel has happened between you and this guy (who you know absolutely nothing about) and in that case, your boyfriend's going to be dropped like a hot snot. Right?

_dublinlad_ · 07-09-2013 12:56AM

"I'm not looking for people to sugar coat their opinions but people that come on acting like their perfect really pisses me off"

In fairness, nobody is particularly acting like they are perfect. They are simply giving their views. I have already said I've done my fair share of stuff that makes me faaaaarr from perfect, that makes me no less qualified in telling you my opinion on this matter.

DaniB · 07-09-2013 12:57AM

Nicole. This is the whole reason as to why I am posting this, I don't know why it's unravelling my whole relationship with my Boyf, my feelings are all over the place, I appreciate everyone's response but I guess it's only me that actually knows what happened. I am not and will not cheat on my boyfriend, I wouldn't do it. I had the opportunity to but yet if I feel this way after a week of meeting some lad, then I feel like I'm missing out on an opportunity to be with someone that's "meant to be ".

Is there such a thing as love at first sight?

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