Non-Alcoholic Wedding?

pwurple · 27-08-2013 05:19PM

lazygal wrote: »

So why is it OK for you to have a whiskey for the taste? Do you think people drinking alcohol at social events don't enjoy the taste? Sounds a bit superior to say you have something because you enjoy the taste but other reasons for drinking aren't as valid. I enjoy the taste of red wine, brandy and a gin and tonic,but I don't restrict myself to drinking at home.

lazygal, you are coming across as taking this way too personally.

It's not an attack on you or anyone else at all. I've been to alcohol free weddings and had a great time. Not a bother. It's one evening ffs. We can drink away the other 360-odd days of the year. The bride and groom were my friends, so whatever they wanted to do regards drink was fine by me. You would *hope* that most people attending a wedding would be of a similar mindset.

This OP has already said they would provide wine with dinner, and open the bar after the meal. Doesn't sound like too much deprivation to me.

Electric Sheep · 27-08-2013 06:41PM

Some ideas here
http://offbeatbride.com/2009/04/dry-wedding

April O Neill · 27-08-2013 07:46PM

I'd have no qualms at all about attending a booze-free wedding.

But OP, it's certainly possible that people might have a few drinkies while chilling in their hotel room, if they're travelling and hence staying somewhere. That wouldn't be scummy either and there'd be nothing stopping them! Also, if the ceremony is near a pub, I've seen it happen plenty of times that some wedding guests will have a few schoopy schoops before the ceremony. Again, you can't stop them. Just some things to keep in mind!

baby and crumble · 27-08-2013 09:50PM

Malari wrote: »

Yes, I hate conversations like that too, they are terribly presumptuous. But most people aren't like that, I have found.

I just don't understand why you say you drink the odd whiskey because you enjoy the taste, but if people want to have a drink out at a social occasion it's because they "need" it?

lazygal wrote: »

So why is it OK for you to have a whiskey for the taste? Do you think people drinking alcohol at social events don't enjoy the taste? Sounds a bit superior to say you have something because you enjoy the taste but other reasons for drinking aren't as valid. I enjoy the taste of red wine, brandy and a gin and tonic,but I don't restrict myself to drinking at home.

Maybe I didn't make myself clear. I have no problem with people drinking in a social setting. I have a problem with people who specifically go "Let's get pissed!" and proceed to do so, which impacts upon other people than just themselves. Obviously not everyone at a wedding will feel like this, and that's cool. Loads of people can go to a wedding or event, have a couple of drinks and leave it at that. But not everyone, and that is the issue.

Look, I have never been on a night out where there hasn't been some idiot somewhere who is simply there to get pissed. I am genuinely uncomfortable around people who do not have control of themselves, their actions and their words. Why then should I have to have a wedding, which I am paying for, where it's really likely I would spend some/all of it uncomfortable? I go to weddings and events thrown by other people where I have to deal with it, but why, if I don't want to have to deal with it at a party I am throwing and paying for it, do I have to have something that I don't feel comfortable with, just because everyone else does?

If someone came in here and said they wanted to throw a vegetarian or vegan wedding, I really doubt there would be such dividing opinions. Nobody would be moaning about how unfair it is not to have meat at a wedding.

January · 27-08-2013 09:56PM

baby and crumble wrote: »

Maybe I didn't make myself clear. I have no problem with people drinking in a social setting. I have a problem with people who specifically go "Let's get pissed!" and proceed to do so, which impacts upon other people than just themselves. Obviously not everyone at a wedding will feel like this, and that's cool. Loads of people can go to a wedding or event, have a couple of drinks and leave it at that. But not everyone, and that is the issue.

Look, I have never been on a night out where there hasn't been some idiot somewhere who is simply there to get pissed. I am genuinely uncomfortable around people who do not have control of themselves, their actions and their words. Why then should I have to have a wedding, which I am paying for, where it's really likely I would spend some/all of it uncomfortable? I go to weddings and events thrown by other people where I have to deal with it, but why, if I don't want to have to deal with it at a party I am throwing and paying for it, do I have to have something that I don't feel comfortable with, just because everyone else does?

If someone came in here and said they wanted to throw a vegetarian or vegan wedding, I really doubt there would be such dividing opinions. Nobody would be moaning about how unfair it is not to have meat at a wedding.

I actually think you'd be very wrong there.

baby and crumble · 27-08-2013 10:02PM

January wrote: »

I actually think you'd be very wrong there.

Really? Well that's... bizarre.

livinsane · 27-08-2013 10:06PM

baby and crumble wrote: »

Really? Well that's... bizarre.

There was a thread on here before about a vegetarian wedding and it's an interesting read to say least!

ElleEm · 27-08-2013 10:11PM

OP, I think you are well within your rights to have whatever sort of wedding you want, but I think you must prepare yourself for a few issues.
People may decline the invite if they find out if there is no alcohol being served. People don't like to be told that they can't have something which is the norm for social situations.
The atmosphere may be a bit subdued. People get tend to get more chatty with a few drinks, and strangers mingle more freely.
I love to dance, and have no issues dancing sober, but most of my friends/ family need a drink for Dutch courage. Your dance- floor may be empty for a lot of the night.
Due to all of the above, I could imagine this may lead to it being an early night for some people. Some people may even slope off together for a party somewhere!

Of course all of the above is just my opinion, but they are things I would think about if I was attending an alcohol- free wedding.

PucaMama · 27-08-2013 10:13PM

baby and crumble wrote: »

Really? Well that's... bizarre.

It would be unfair to non vegetarian guests. Most people dont see it as just their day and want their family and guests to enjoy the day as much as possible.

baby and crumble · 27-08-2013 10:31PM

PucaMama wrote: »

It would be unfair to non vegetarian guests. Most people dont see it as just their day and want their family and guests to enjoy the day as much as possible.

Not the place to get into that debate but that is just bizarre thinking. How can not having a crappy bit of beef make the day less enjoyable?

If you were going to a Muslim wedding, would you be annoyed if there was no alcohol being served?

I don't see how hard it is to understand that if people have strong beliefs about something, that should be reflected in their wedding, or any other party they throw, frankly. I don't like going to churches, but if I'm invited to a religious wedding I'll go, because it's important to the couple getting married. Buy my wedding/ civil partnership will have no hint of religion to it because it's not my belief. Is that wrong? That I don't have someone blessing me so my Aunty Mary that I never see feels 'ok' about it all?

It's one day. One day where the couple in question have been planning for months if not years, who have to spend their hard earned money on throwing a party that they have invited you to. Is it so hard to just go along with what they want rather than being upset by the lack of a salmon darn or a g&t?

PucaMama · 27-08-2013 10:36PM

baby and crumble wrote: »

Not the place to get into that debate but that is just bizarre thinking. How can not having a crappy bit of beef make the day less enjoyable?

If you were going to a Muslim wedding, would you be annoyed if there was no alcohol being served?

I don't see how hard it is to understand that if people have strong beliefs about something, that should be reflected in their wedding, or any other party they throw, frankly. I don't like going to churches, but if I'm invited to a religious wedding I'll go, because it's important to the couple getting married. Buy my wedding/ civil partnership will have no hint of religion to it because it's not my belief. Is that wrong? That I don't have someone blessing me so my Aunty Mary that I never see feels 'ok' about it all?

It's one day. One day where the couple in question have been planning for months if not years, who have to spend their hard earned money on throwing a party that they have invited you to. Is it so hard to just go along with what they want rather than being upset by the lack of a salmon darn or a g&t?

I just find it bizarre that the op hasnt gotten help for her phobia of alcohol yet. Its unreal. People cant drink around her.

January · 27-08-2013 10:42PM

PucaMama wrote: »

I just find it bizarre that the op hasnt gotten help for her phobia of alcohol yet. Its unreal. People cant drink around her.

I really tried to not weigh in on this thread... but I don't think the op has a phobia of alcohol at all. I think the OP has seen the way her parent was and is afraid that if alcohol is freely available on the day that this parent could cause issues... I was at a wedding where a mother got fluttered and caused some issues, albeit, privately, away from the main party, but she still ruined her daughters wedding day with her behaviour.

anncoates · 27-08-2013 10:50PM

aiseiri47 wrote: »

I'm genuinely made extremely uncomfortable by anyone who's had enough for me to see a slight difference in their behavior.

No offence, I'm actually OK with going to a non alcohol do on principle and am capable of socializing without drinking but to think my behavior was being judged and controlled to this micro-degree would make me disinclined to attend.

PucaMama · 27-08-2013 11:03PM

January wrote: »

I really tried to not weigh in on this thread... but I don't think the op has a phobia of alcohol at all. I think the OP has seen the way her parent was and is afraid that if alcohol is freely available on the day that this parent could cause issues... I was at a wedding where a mother got fluttered and caused some issues, albeit, privately, away from the main party, but she still ruined her daughters wedding day with her behaviour.

Then stop the mother drinking but dont attempt to control every other adult.

jackofalltrades · 27-08-2013 11:23PM

PucaMama wrote:

I just find it bizarre that the op hasnt gotten help for her phobia of alcohol yet. Its unreal. People cant drink around her.

We don't know what help the OP has got to deal with the issues that she has around drunk people, that would be related to her mother being an alcoholic. Either way it's not my place or anyone else's to judge her on it. Dealing with childhood issues is very tough.

jackofalltrades · 27-08-2013 11:34PM

aiseiri47 wrote: »

My partner also doesn't drink, and he doesn't like the way people behave when they're drinking either. (And for the record most of both our immediate families either don't drink at all or are minimal/social drinkers who mostly can't be that bothered with alcohol.)

I assume most people who know you well enough to be going to your wedding, would know you would be uncomfortable around drunk people?

Can you limit the numbers to people who know you well or exclude people who have a reputation of habitually getting drunk?

marialouise · 28-08-2013 01:42AM

jackofalltrades wrote: »

I assume most people who know you well enough to be going to your wedding, would know you would be uncomfortable around drunk people?

Can you limit the numbers to people who know you well or exclude people who have a reputation of habitually getting drunk?

I think this is the only way - keep numbers small and those close to you will understand and respect your feelings.
There was also a thread on here about a couple sending around a text (I think) telling people not to get drunk at the wedding? It didn't go down well, and from what I've gathered you're taking a more sensitive approach than them, just something to keep in mind!

Also as far as I know residents in hotels can still access alcohol on Good Friday? And yes, certain people (the exact ones who you don't want to be drunk) will probably bring their own and just go up to their room for a bitta pregaming unfortunately! I think the one drink with dinner and bar from Xpm is a good plan. You are still obviously somewhat controlling their day but really you're just pacing everyone too, but hopefully this won't have the opposite effect (people could go mad trying to "catch up" and drink faster and be messy by 12 or something...). Maybe I'm just being pessimistic, it's not like you're inviting 100 students :P

pwurple · 28-08-2013 04:58AM

Weddings are contentious. My dad threw a right wobbler when I told him there would be no mass with our wedding. It was a catholic wedding priest and all, just no communion bit. "But people will be expecting it" was what I got.

Truth is, no one was bothered except him. If you feel strongly about something, your wedding day is not the place to cave. Stick to your ideals OP.

freshpopcorn · 28-08-2013 05:27AM

I would say have an alcohol free wedding if you want. A lot of your family/friends might even know about your views on alcohol to begin with.
A few bits of advice I would give you tough If your having the reception in a hotel a lot of guests will book overnight accommodation because they intend on drinking and staying the night. Some people would annoyed if they paid for their overnight accommodation because they were planning on drinking to find out on the day they couldn't drink.
Also if the guests had a room booked they could access the residents bar no bother at any time of the day. They can even drink on a good Friday because their a resident.

Sleepy · 28-08-2013 11:14AM

aiseiri47 wrote: »

My partner also doesn't drink, and he doesn't like the way people behave when they're drinking either. (And for the record most of both our immediate families either don't drink at all or are minimal/social drinkers who mostly can't be that bothered with alcohol.)

So a smaller wedding of immediate family and friends that are used to your attitude towards alcohol sounds like the way to go then? Or are you looking to keep the large, lots of people on the dancefloor, party aspect of the "socially normative" Irish wedding but without the alcohol which, for better or worse fuels the "craic" of any Irish social event? That sounds a bit like wanting to have your cake and eat it to me tbh.

For me, really, the whole idea that I have to go out of my way to organise a non-alcoholic wedding seems really backward. I grew up in a multicultural and diverse society, and it was normal to plan social events so they suited you; doing something specifically to please others involved going out of your way. But in Irish society (and I assume other culturally insular communities), it's the other way around - you do things in the socially normative and typical way often just to keep others happy, and doing anything the way you'd actually prefer it done is seen as going out of your way to upset or alienate people :-/

This is an extraordinarily patronising attitude imo. Look at what you're saying: "going out of one's way to ensure one's guests enjoy an event one has invited them to is culturally insular". Really? I know I grew up in this "backward" country, but my mother taught me such behaviour was good manners.

To my understanding, a "multicultural and diverse society" would accept others behaviours rather than trying to control them.

By all means, if you want an alcohol free wedding, have one. I genuinely wish you the best with it but please stop trying to dress it up as intellectually or morally superior. It's neither, it's simply a personal preference that's neither better nor worse.

Personally, if invited to a completely non-alcohol event, I'd be happy to go along with it though I would probably either retire to the residents lounge at some point in the evening or, depending on distance, would drive home after the meal. I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't be tempted to sneak off for a quick drink/spliff at some point between the ceremony and the meal to ease my social anxiety but those are my own issues

If you can find a venue to agree to only opening the bar after the meal, this could be a nice compromise but depending on your guests, you might find a bit of grumbling, particularly from non-wine drinkers.

If you decide to go the completely alcohol free route, Good Friday could be a very good option. I'd be very surprised if you couldn't get a great deal from a hotel for the date, as it'd hardly be one that many people in Ireland would be looking to book and, since many organisations are closed (e.g. schools, public sector offices etc.) you wouldn't be asking your guests to use holiday leave to attend

Electric Sheep · 28-08-2013 04:06PM

I would say that for the non-alcoholic wedding to be a success, you will need to forgo the usual Irish wedding format. Not a bad thing if you ask me, I find Irish weddings extremely tedious and WAY too long.

Go with the brunch or tea idea, and don't expect it to be an hours long party. I would say maybe 2-3 hours max for the reception. Your guests will probably be delighted that they are not expected to do the 12 hour wedding thing. I know I am always delighted with the shorter type of wedding, so much more pleasant.

gabsdot40 · 29-08-2013 10:11PM

My wedding was alcohol free and I've been to loads of alcohol free weddings. Due to my religious beliefs I don't drink at all and neither do most of my friends and family.
We had our reception in our church hall and it was lovely.
I've never been a drinker so I find the drinking culture in Ireland very hard to understand. What is the big deal. I can have a good time without alcohol and I've been to weddings and other events where alcohol was served, I just pass it up and it's no big deal.
Have the wedding you want.

MagicMarker · 29-08-2013 10:36PM

gabsdot40 wrote: »

My wedding was alcohol free and I've been to loads of alcohol free weddings. Due to my religious beliefs I don't drink at all and neither do most of my friends and family.
We had our reception in our church hall and it was lovely.
I've never been a drinker so I find the drinking culture in Ireland very hard to understand. What is the big deal. I can have a good time without alcohol and I've been to weddings and other events where alcohol was served, I just pass it up and it's no big deal.
Have the wedding you want.

Of course you pass it up, you don't drink.

freshpopcorn · 29-08-2013 10:46PM

gabsdot40 wrote: »

My wedding was alcohol free and I've been to loads of alcohol free weddings. Due to my religious beliefs I don't drink at all and neither do most of my friends and family.
We had our reception in our church hall and it was lovely.
I've never been a drinker so I find the drinking culture in Ireland very hard to understand. What is the big deal. I can have a good time without alcohol and I've been to weddings and other events where alcohol was served, I just pass it up and it's no big deal.
Have the wedding you want.

I don't mean to sound rude but alcohol isn't part of your culture so at your wedding alcohol wouldn't be expected.

April O Neill · 29-08-2013 11:14PM

freshpopcorn wrote: »

I don't mean to sound rude but alcohol isn't part of your culture so at your wedding alcohol wouldn't be expected.

Not necessarily, if there was people of different cultures attending.

Howard Juneau · 29-08-2013 11:16PM

April O Neill wrote: »

Not necessarily, if there was people of different cultures attending.

Prob werent many drinkers as she mentioned that most of her friends didn't drink either.

freshpopcorn · 29-08-2013 11:18PM

April O Neill wrote: »

Not necessarily, if there was people of different cultures attending.

He said in his post it was part of his culture he didn't drink and neither did most of his friends and family so alcohol wouldn't have being expected by most of the people attending their wedding.

thenightrider · 29-08-2013 11:35PM

Id say if you have the normal type of weeding with out drink alot of people would leave after the meal.

April O Neill · 29-08-2013 11:55PM

freshpopcorn wrote: »

He said in his post it was part of his culture he didn't drink and neither did most of his friends and family so alcohol wouldn't have being expected by most of the people attending their wedding.

Oh, I know, just saying in general, if the bride and/or groom are of one cultural background, doesn't mean they wouldn't cater for people attending from different backgrounds.

April O Neill · 29-08-2013 11:57PM

thenightrider wrote: »

Id say if you have the normal type of weeding with out drink alot of people would leave after the meal.

Well, the wedding would most certainly finish up earlier, but that isn't necessarily a bad thing?

One thing I would say is, OP, if you've not having alcohol, make sure the food is dayum good!

Non-Alcoholic Wedding?

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