Why do people feel entitled to inherit?

hoodwinked · 27-08-2013 09:44AM

Katgurl wrote: »

45k is not a pittance if you have done nothing for it. He sounds horrible and im sure it was her dying wish that he not get his grubby hands on her cash when there were more deserving candidates.

On a more general note, I also find it baffling when adults are openly discussing what they are entitled to.

.

it depends on the context imo,

my mother often goes on about how much she 'expects' from my grandmother when she dies, and how much her husband 'should' get from his parents, while telling us she will spend it all before she dies so not to expect anything.

i find that distasteful to be honest, not because i expect something but the levels of her selfishness expecting something for nothing and then her attitude to her children.

she would cause uproar if one of her siblings got a cent more, where as i genuinely wouldn't care, i am setting up my life to work hard make my own money and live off that, i don't live beyond my means.

my grandmother (mothers mother) however often tells us that everything she has is to be divided evenly between her children, who out of that have to pay €5000 to each of the grandchildren, so only those with children will have to pay their own children out of their share,

i find this is ok as technically she is making us aware of her wishes,

so all in all it all depends on the context of how its said,

Tea-a-Maria · 27-08-2013 09:47AM

If I thought my relatives were looking forward to me dying so they could get their "lotto win' I wouldn't leave them a cent!

Wills bring out the absolute worst in some people.

Markcheese · 27-08-2013 09:53AM

Cunning Stunt wrote: »

I had to laugh at this. The brothers live together and have just inherited the guts of 100k between them. they have nothing to complain about.

One of them isn't complaining , how long was the sister living with them ...?

ratracer · 27-08-2013 09:55AM

Ah the old saying 'where theres a will, theres a way, relative' will always ring true....

I Heart Internet · 27-08-2013 10:15AM

Interesting.

Even after making dozens of specific donations in her will (including 45K to each brother), her estate was still worth €2.8million. This was to be distributed to charities by her executor, "a distant cousin".

To be honest, I can understand why the brother would be dissapointed. To be frank, I would be. He was crass and loud-mouthed talking about "winning the lotto", but I can understand his dissapointment - not saying it's right though.

I know of a family where an elderly bachelor uncle died, leaving over 10 million. He had 5 or 6 nieces/nephews who would (I think, naturally) have thought there may be something big in a will for them. He ended up leaving it all (perhaps nominal sums to the family, I forget) to a charity. So each of the neice/nephew families (with young kids, most of them) missed out on, perhaps, €2million a piece.

OK - so you can't outwardly "expect" an inheritance, but I challenge anyone here to say, truthfully, that they wouldn't be dissapointed in the above situtation.

I'd be gutted. Not angry at the person who had died - just gutted that I wasn't inheriting a big pile of money.

hoodwinked · 27-08-2013 10:20AM

I Heart Internet wrote: »

OK - so you can't outwardly "expect" an inheritance, but I challenge anyone here to say, truthfully, that they wouldn't be dissapointed in the above situtation.

i honestly wouldn't be disappointed, i don't expect anything from anyone ever, irregardless of circumstance,

we as a society need to start understanding nobody owes you anything,

you are entitled to nothing from your parents, relatives...etc so if you don't expect anything how can you be disappointed when you don't get it?

Tiddlypeeps · 27-08-2013 10:30AM

hoodwinked wrote: »

irregardless

:eek:

I Heart Internet · 27-08-2013 10:35AM

hoodwinked wrote: »

i honestly wouldn't be disappointed, i don't expect anything from anyone ever, irregardless of circumstance,

we as a society need to start understanding nobody owes you anything,

you are entitled to nothing from your parents, relatives...etc so if you don't expect anything how can you be disappointed when you don't get it?

That's all fine in theory hoodwinked. We can all SAY and even be convinced within ourselves that we wouldn't be dissapointed and wouldn't expect anything. For some people, I suspect it's true. But for more, the majority I think, there would be an unspoken assumption that when relatives die and they leave money, some of that will go to their relatives.

This case is interesting (we don't know many of the facts anyhow). The two brothers got the same (€45k each). However, one brother (the brother who DIDN'T contest the will) lived with the sister and (presumably) helped to take care of her (or maybe she took care of him). The other brother (the one who took the case, lived in Dublin).

For all we know, the Dublin brother may not have even spoken to the lady for decades! They may have hated each other - I dunno. I hope the brother who lived with her is OK for accomodation, etc.

Do I think an inheritence is more important than/makes up for the death of a person - no way.
Can people do whatever they like with their money in their wills? - absolutely
Would I be dissapointed if I was in the brother's position - yes.
Would I take a court case, just becasue I was dissapointed, knowing my sister was of sound mind - no.

PS: (H/T to Tiddlypeeps)

hoodwinked wrote: »

irregardless

You get nothing for that hoodwinked!!!! Nothing. Not a red cent!! I'm leaving it all to Boards.ie (not legally binding)

Esoteric_ · 27-08-2013 10:43AM

I don't understand the concept of expecting something in a person's will.

My grandmother is quite old (mid 80s) and quite wealthy. We know (because she has told us) that her money/house will be split equally between her children (my dad and his brothers/sister). Fair enough, that's what she wants to do.

When I was 21, she actually ASKED me what I'd like from her will. :eek: I don't know how anyone could expect anything, let alone ask for anything! I told her I wanted nothing, but if she wants to leave me something, a particular photograph of her and my grandad holding me when I was a baby would mean a lot to me. If she left me money, I'd honestly be shocked. I'd rather she give it to her sons/daughter/friends.

On the other side of the coin, one of her sons has calculated how much all of the jewels, crystal, house and money combined are worth, so he knows his 'share.' :rolleyes: This guy is already minted, but I guess being so scummy about money is what helped him build his fortune.

I'd be more concerned about the fact that somebody I love is dead, than fcuking money.

jester77 · 27-08-2013 10:49AM

Wow, up there with people expecting money from their parents when buying a house. What a horrible person, looks like his sister knew the type he was and "only" left him 45k, hope his legal fees eat that up.

hoodwinked · 27-08-2013 10:51AM

Tiddlypeeps wrote: »

:eek:

yes yes, its a good thing we have no threads on bugs i use flutterbye too instead of butterfly! :P

I Heart Internet wrote: »

That's all fine in theory hoodwinked. We can all SAY and even be convinced within ourselves that we wouldn't be dissapointed and wouldn't expect anything. For some people, I suspect it's true. But for more, the majority I think, there would be an unspoken assumption that when relatives die and they leave money, some of that will go to their relatives.

i do feel sometimes i am the opposite of my parents in so many ways, this is just another opposite, money genuinely means nothing more to me than a roof over my head and food on the table, i believe to be happy you need those around you more than money, but thats just me, i would rather have my grandmother than her money.

but it does confuse me when people get so upset, like "so and so got x and i got y thats not fair"

you shouldn't look after ill relatives for an inheritance, you should do it because you love that person and want them to feel comfortable/get better,

I Heart Internet · 27-08-2013 10:52AM

Nice post Esoteric. Hope your granny is well.

I still think there's a middle ground between scummy (adding up what's coming to you) and a kind of Saint Francis like approach (I don't want anything and can't understand why anyone would want anything). I mean, if a person is wealthy, that wealth has to go somewhere - if that's charities, fine. But there is a historical and social precedent for people leaving money to their families.

Oink · 27-08-2013 10:55AM

Esoteric_ wrote: »

I'd be more concerned about the fact that somebody I love is dead, than fcuking money.

Exactly. For fecks sake. "My Sister is dead. SCOOOORE!!! GIZ DA MONEEEY!"" :mad:

There's a tradition in Africa (Can't remember where) that when your parents die, all their cattle is slaughtered for a big barbie. The children get nothing. They have to go make their own money.

I Heart Internet · 27-08-2013 10:58AM

hoodwinked wrote: »

money genuinely means nothing more to me than a roof over my head and food on the table,

A roof and food isn't necessarily as secure as it once was.

hoodwinked wrote: »

i believe to be happy you need those around you more than money, but thats just me, i would rather have my grandmother than her money.

you shouldn't look after ill relatives for an inheritance, you should do it because you love that person and want them to feel comfortable/get better

I agree with you 1,000,000% there.

hoodwinked wrote: »

but it does confuse me when people get so upset, like "so and so got x and i got y thats not fair"

That's a nasty business. I'm a firm believer that money and family don't mix. The only time where it can't be avoided is around wills. If I ever had a few bob to hand out, my absolute top priority is not to sow trouble/dispute. Be even handed about it.

Esoteric_ · 27-08-2013 10:58AM

I Heart Internet wrote: »

Nice post Esoteric. Hope your granny is well.

I still think there's a middle ground between scummy (adding up what's coming to you) and a kind of Saint Francis like approach (I don't want anything and can't understand why anyone would want anything). I mean, if a person is wealthy, that wealth has to go somewhere - if that's charities, fine. But there is a historical and social precedent for people leaving money to their families.

She's fine, no health problems at all. She'll probably out-live me. :pac:

I personally don't want anything, but in all honesty, I would prefer she leaves it to her sons/daughter rather than charity, because a couple of her children could put it to very good use. I just don't think any of her grandkids need it or should expect it.

My great aunt is also wealthy and did something lovely. My dad (her nephew) wasn't expecting anything from her will, because he wouldn't be close to her. However, about 5 years ago, when my parents were struggling massively with money due to paycuts and my mam being severely disabled, they received a letter from her, with a cheque for 20,000. Apparently she was going to leave it to them in her will, but decided they needed the money now, not when she passed away. My folks were completely taken aback as they weren't expecting a cent from her. We still can't believe how generous she was.

General General · 27-08-2013 11:00AM

God almighty... clearly most if not all the posters on here are not from good families.

The reason you inherit is because where do you think Granny got that little chateau in the first place? Her f`cking earnings off her flower arrangements, was it?

No.

Honestly, plebs will never acquire any wealth if they are foolhardy about insisting that they get at least what was passed to their elders.

Like, seriously, would you go to a Community School if Mummy had gone to Alexandra?

& before anyone calls me elitist, my father went to Clongowes ffs, hardly Eton. I think it's a CBS.

I Heart Internet · 27-08-2013 11:02AM

Too obvious General.

You need to dial it batch a few notches.

EuropeanSon · 27-08-2013 11:04AM

General General wrote: »

God almighty... clearly most if not all the posters on here are not from good families.

The reason you inherit is because where do you think Granny got that little chateau in the first place? Her f`cking earnings off her flower arrangements, was it?

No.

Honestly, plebs will never acquire any wealth if they are foolhardy about insisting that they get at least what was passed to their elders.

Like, seriously, would you go to a Community School if Mummy had gone to Alexandra?

& before anyone calls me elitist, my father went to Clongowes ffs, hardly Eton. I think it's a CBS.

Wow. So subtle and clever. I'm sure many people will be provoked to rage by your post :rolleyes:

General General · 27-08-2013 11:06AM

Critiques. Jesus.

mikemac1 · 27-08-2013 11:13AM

If you worked the farm after your elderly parents were unable to do the heavy labour and kept running it for a decade or two wouldn't you feel entitled to inherit it?

Nobody here would be happy if it was sold off and you had worked it for years and years

qo2cj1dsne8y4k · 27-08-2013 11:16AM

My mothers cousin is a bit like this, but instead of expecting it off her parents, it was relatives. She feels cheated out of two houses. 1 house was belonging to her grandmother, who died in the 80s. She often says how that should have been "her house" but her fathers (only son) sisters were greedy (they all had their own houses apparently) and sold the house, and divided up the money between all the grandmothers children.

Second house she felt she was entitled to was belonging to a very elderly grand aunt and she was always with her when she was in her 80s, going on errands and driving her places. One day they had words and the cousin walked out and never went back in near her. The old lady went into a nursing home not long after, and lived just shy of 16 years in the home, (she was 98 when she died) and when she died, your one there was sure she got the house. She didn't, but found out the lady had changed her will about 5 years earlier that in the other older will she had left the house to the cousin (for 11 years before changing it) but changed it and left it to one of her grand nephews.

My cousin tried to get that overturned in court, even asked my dad to ask his niece who was a senior nurse in the nursing home at the time, to say the grand aunt wasnt of sound mind in the years before she died. Obviously my dad didn't ask his niece and although it went to court, they didn't over rule the will.

She was raging though cause the guy that ended up getting the house "already had a house".

She's 61 years old, and lives with her mother and brother. i think she's spent her whole life waiting for things she thinks she's entitled to.

Honey-ec · 27-08-2013 11:19AM

I have four siblings. My parents have made it patently clear that whichever of them dies first, the entire estate goes to the surviving partner, nothing to us. When the surviving partner dies, the estate is to be split evenly five ways.

However, my dad has also made it patently clear that he is not making any specific provision for leaving a large inheritance. His money is his and my mother's, to enable them to live a very comfortable existence for the rest of their lives (she's 65, he's 66), not to go into a trust fund so his kids can each get a lump sum when they die.

They both play golf, they go on three to four foreign holidays a year, they change their cars every other year. Someone commented to me before that they were spending "my" inheritance and I was genuinely gobsmacked - it's their money to spend as they please. Nothing more to it. The house is mortgage-free, as is my dad's business premises, but other than those, no-one in my family is expecting there to be a whole lot of liquid assets in play when they die.

On the other hand, I have a friend whose parents offered her and her two siblings their "inheritance" upfront when they were buying their houses. To the best of my knowledge, that was about 40k each. How in God's name her parents freed up that much equity, I don't know.

Mint Aero · 27-08-2013 11:20AM

Tlachtga wrote: »

In fairness she probably realised that she could make a massive difference to many charities with that amount of money. Far better spend it that way, rather than leave it all to her two elderly brothers who will shortly be following her anyways.

Obviously not of sound mind then if she thought that.

Gyalist · 27-08-2013 11:21AM

General General wrote: »

God almighty... clearly most if not all the posters on here are not from good families.

The reason you inherit is because where do you think Granny got that little chateau in the first place? Her f`cking earnings off her flower arrangements, was it?

No.

Honestly, plebs will never acquire any wealth if they are foolhardy about insisting that they get at least what was passed to their elders.

Like, seriously, would you go to a Community School if Mummy had gone to Alexandra?

& before anyone calls me elitist, my father went to Clongowes ffs, hardly Eton. I think it's a CBS.

Your father was quite remiss in not informing you that Clongowes is Jesuit.

Rasheed · 27-08-2013 11:22AM

mikemac1 wrote: »

If you worked the farm after your elderly parents were unable to do the heavy labour and kept running it for a decade or two wouldn't you feel entitled to inherit it?

Nobody here would be happy if it was sold off and you had worked it for years and years

I think land and money are different. If you were the son that fecked off to America 30 years ago and never helped your parents then I do not believe you deserve the farm.

If, as you said, you had worked for years on the farm you do deserve it. But you also need to think of other siblings. If you had a sister who looked after your parents for years and all their assets were tied in the farm, then maybe the farm will have to be split or some sold to give her her fair share. It's sometimes hard to keep all sides happy and I would be mortified if my parents were getting upset or worried about how to will their assets to us. I want to live as long as they can and enjoy life as much as they can.

Tiddlypeeps · 27-08-2013 11:22AM

mikemac1 wrote: »

If you worked the farm after your elderly parents were unable to do the heavy labour and kept running it for a decade or two wouldn't you feel entitled to inherit it?

Nobody here would be happy if it was sold off and you had worked it for years and years

This is a tough one. I guess it depends on wether the parents made their wishes known to their child before they gave up a decade of their life to work the farm, and the conditions that the child came to work the farm. If it was a favour because the farm would fall apart if they didn't step in or if it was the parents giving them a paid job because they have no other source of employment. Motives on both ends are kind of important, but there are certainly scenarios where a lot of people would be justified in feeling hard done by if the farm was sold off. Mostly because it would likely be an end to their livelihood.

General General · 27-08-2013 11:23AM

Gyalist wrote: »

Your father was quite remiss in not informing you that Clongowes is Jesuit.

Jesuits. Christian Brothers. What's the difference, really, in the heel of the the hunt?

Malari · 27-08-2013 11:27AM

Honey-ec wrote: »

I have four siblings. My parents have made it patently clear that whichever of them dies first, the entire estate goes to the surviving partner, nothing to us. When the surviving partner dies, the estate is to be split evenly five ways.

However, my dad has also made it patently clear that he is not making any specific provision for leaving a large inheritance. His money is his and my mother's, to enable them to live a very comfortable existence for the rest of their lives (she's 65, he's 66), not to go into a trust fund so his kids can each get a lump sum when they die.

They both play golf, they go on three to four foreign holidays a year, they change their cars every other year. Someone commented to me before that they were spending "my" inheritance and I was genuinely gobsmacked - it's their money to spend as they please. Nothing more to it. The house is mortgage-free, as is my dad's business premises, but other than those, no-one in my family is expecting there to be a whole lot of liquid assets in play when they die.

On the other hand, I have a friend whose parents offered her and her two siblings their "inheritance" upfront when they were buying their houses. To the best of my knowledge, that was about 40k each. How in God's name her parents freed up that much equity, I don't know.

My parents have said similar. They've been very upfront about anything left after they die being split evenly between me and my siblings, but also dad jokes about living off our inheritance

I wouldn't want it any other way. They struggled to do a lot for us when we were growing up and had it tough. I want them to spend the money they have now enjoying the life they worked so hard for.

Das Kitty · 27-08-2013 11:34AM

Sir Humphrey Appleby wrote: »

The deceased estate has to settle debts, someone else can only be left liable if they were jointly and severally liable.

I went and got legal advice on this as my estranged father is a complete wastrel and has massive debts and no assets. When I was given the above information? Now that felt like winning the Lotto.

My favourite bit of the article is that there are two brothers, one of whom lived with her (and presumably took care of her) and one who didn't. Guess which one contested the will? Yeah. I'm very glad his challenge failed.

I Heart Internet · 27-08-2013 11:34AM

Malari wrote: »

I wouldn't want it any other way. They struggled to do a lot for us when we were growing up and had it tough. I want them to spend the money they have now enjoying the life they worked so hard for.

That's a very immature attitude, Malari. You're old enough to know better!

Why do people feel entitled to inherit?

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