Is shyness in a guy a turn off for women?

CastorTroy · 16-07-2013 11:05pm

Oh I don't mean I ramble on about myself. I mean I just chat about random things like I would with everyone. Just I would be useless at picking up on hints and all if she liked me, so I just keep going on and on.

Legs.Eleven · 16-07-2013 11:11pm

CastorTroy wrote: »

Oh I don't mean I ramble on about myself. I mean I just chat about random things like I would with everyone. Just I would be useless at picking up on hints and all if she liked me, so I just keep going on and on.

Pug160 · 17-07-2013 5:22pm

Rambling on about work, the weather and other mundane topics is the mistake a lot of guys make when talking to someone they have an interest in. I've done that myself. I think if you're interested in someone you need to be a little bit flirtatious and fun. A lot of women can be very hard to read, and hints they give can sometimes be too subtle to detect, so you sometimes have to test the water yourself and up the ante a bit. Most interactions are cold approaches unless you have a large social circle with lots of women in it and you play your cards a bit safer (and protect your ego in the process).

Galwayguy35 · 17-07-2013 5:57pm

Pug160 wrote: »

Rambling on about work, the weather and other mundane topics is the mistake a lot of guys make when talking to someone they have an interest in. I've done that myself. I think if you're interested in someone you need to be a little bit flirtatious and fun. A lot of women can be very hard to read, and hints they give can sometimes be too subtle to detect, so you sometimes have to test the water yourself and up the ante a bit. Most interactions are cold approaches unless you have a large social circle with lots of women in it and you play your cards a bit safer (and protect your ego in the process).

Well then should the question not be asked why are they hard to read?

If they're interested in a guy just let him know instead of him nearly have to call the Psychic Network to work out if she is interested or not.

I went through this my self with a woman, making no secret of the fact I wanted to date her, was told she was happy with friendship and when I decide to move on was told that I didn't read the signals she was sending out.

Head wrecking stuff.

shopaholic01 · 17-07-2013 6:30pm

Galwayguy35 wrote: »

Well then should the question not be asked why are they hard to read?

If they're interested in a guy just let him know instead of him nearly have to call the Psychic Network to work out if she is interested or not.

I went through this my self with a woman, making no secret of the fact I wanted to date her, was told she was happy with friendship and when I decide to move on was told that I didn't read the signals she was sending out.

Head wrecking stuff.

Maybe her feeling changed over time, although she may just have been a headwrecker!

It is generally accepted that women are much better at reading body language etc. and interpreting whether a guy is interested or not.

Here's one of the many articles you get on the subject from google:
http://www.livescience.com/4876-clueless-guys-read-women.html

Here's one on what to look for:
http://www.wikihow.com/Read-Women%27s-Body-Language-for-Flirting

I can't say how accurate any of these are though!:P

Galwayguy35 · 17-07-2013 6:37pm

shopaholic01 wrote: »

Maybe her feeling changed over time, although she may just have been a headwrecker!

It is generally accepted that women are much better at reading body language etc. and interpreting whether a guy is interested or not.

Here's one of the many articles you get on the subject from google:
http://www.livescience.com/4876-clueless-guys-read-women.html

Here's one on what to look for:
http://www.wikihow.com/Read-Women%27s-Body-Language-for-Flirting

I can't say how accurate any of these are though!:P

Hmm, interesting reading, I'll have to keep and eye out for those signals so.:)

Pug160 · 17-07-2013 6:43pm

Galwayguy35 wrote: »

Well then should the question not be asked why are they hard to read?

If they're interested in a guy just let him know instead of him nearly have to call the Psychic Network to work out if she is interested or not.

I went through this my self with a woman, making no secret of the fact I wanted to date her, was told she was happy with friendship and when I decide to move on was told that I didn't read the signals she was sending out.

Head wrecking stuff.

It's not really a simple question. Evolution and social conditioning obviously play a major part. Some women place much greater value on the importance of being 'hard to get'. In my experience those types of women will be the 'no nonsense' sort who are only really looking for serious relationships and will be quite reserved in their behaviour and not open up a lot. While I can see the logic in why some women might behave that way, I think it sometimes backfires and they just come across as people who take life too seriously.

I'm not sure about your situation. Maybe you weren't blunt enough or maybe she doesn't know what she wants. I'll admit one thing: most women aren't out to intentionally piss men off or confuse them. Maybe there are a small minority of them but it's simply not logical for any man to suggest that there are lots of women out there who are out to make enemies of men. I wasn't insinuating that you were saying that, btw. I'm just making a general point.

shopaholic01 · 17-07-2013 7:24pm

Galwayguy35 wrote: »

Hmm, interesting reading, I'll have to keep and eye out for those signals so.:)

Just to be fair, here's the equivalent signs that men display:

http://www.marieclaire.com/sex-love/advice/male-thoughts-decoded#

http://www.wikihow.com/Know-if-a-Guy-Likes-You

Do you think these are true?

Galwayguy35 · 17-07-2013 7:34pm

shopaholic01 wrote: »

Just to be fair, here's the equivalent signs that men display:

http://www.marieclaire.com/sex-love/advice/male-thoughts-decoded#

http://www.wikihow.com/Know-if-a-Guy-Likes-You

Do you think these are true?

Yeah the bit about eye contact and leaning close would have an element of truth in it all right.

beks101 · 17-07-2013 8:22pm

If it's just an initial upon-meeting shyness it doesn't bother me, can be kind of endearing.

But if I'm dating someone who struggles to make conversation or seems eternally nervous/anxious in my company, it's kind of a problem. I'm pretty outgoing so tend to be attracted to likewise, I love guys who can banter endlessly about absolute rubbish.

heretochat · 18-07-2013 10:05am

beks101 wrote: »

If it's just an initial upon-meeting shyness it doesn't bother me, can be kind of endearing.

But if I'm dating someone who struggles to make conversation or seems eternally nervous/anxious in my company, it's kind of a problem. I'm pretty outgoing so tend to be attracted to likewise, I love guys who can banter endlessly about absolute rubbish.

Hi OP back again.. My shyness is really in the initial stages of actually plucking up the courage to go over and initiate a conversation. I am not into cheesy chat up lines and any attempt to look cool would be seen through in an instant

When I feel comfortable around a girl I have no problem in talking. To the point that I am tld to shut up at times.

So what I need to do is to seize the day a bit better methinks..

batistuta9 · 18-07-2013 1:33pm

Maybe you should look at that link with the signs woman are interested stuff and similar articles,

then approach the ones you think are interested as it'd be easier, knowing they actually want you to start a conversation with them

Then when you built up confidence through that it'll be easier to approach other women

Speisekarte · 18-07-2013 6:06pm

heretochat wrote: »

Hi OP back again.. My shyness is really in the initial stages of actually plucking up the courage to go over and initiate a conversation. I am not into cheesy chat up lines and any attempt to look cool would be seen through in an instant

When I feel comfortable around a girl I have no problem in talking. To the point that I am tld to shut up at times.

So what I need to do is to seize the day a bit better methinks..

I think your main focus should be removing your anxiety approaching women. Focus on that by just doing it and let the chips fall where they may. Embrace rejection, embrace awkwardness. You'll grow as a person, you'll become more laid back, conversation will flow out of your mouth, women will become more interested in you and most importantly IMO, you'll have more fun.

Pug160 · 18-07-2013 8:00pm

batistuta9 wrote: »

Maybe you should look at that link with the signs woman are interested stuff and similar articles,

then approach the ones you think are interested as it'd be easier, knowing they actually want you to start a conversation with them

Then when you built up confidence through that it'll be easier to approach other women

Most girls don't really show they're interested. Women are far less overt than men in that regard and most signs they give out are too subtle. Looking for signs may be a good idea in situations where you're seeing the girls on a regular basis. But in bars and clubs etc? Nah, that is wishful thinking most of the time. You mostly have to cold approach. On a good night you might get a couple of nice glances but more often than not you will feel like an invisible man if you don't initiate a conversation.

Pug160 · 18-07-2013 8:03pm

Speisekarte wrote: »

I think your main focus should be removing your anxiety approaching women. Focus on that by just doing it and let the chips fall where they may. Embrace rejection, embrace awkwardness. You'll grow as a person, you'll become more laid back, conversation will flow out of your mouth, women will become more interested in you and most importantly IMO, you'll have more fun.

It can work, but not for everyone unfortunately. It can potentially make an insecure guy worse. If you're at a really low place in your life, (I've been there) then it's best to just talk to people without any risk to your ego. Things like asking a girl where a certain place is or just general small talk with anyone. Old people in particular are usually glad to have someone to talk to. Once you do that for a while you can then progress to possible rejections.

beks101 · 18-07-2013 8:57pm

I think you have to remove the hope that something will happen when you approach someone and just get used to talking to strangers for the hell of it tbh. Get used to making small talk with women virtually anywhere you go - in the supermarket, in a lift, waitress at a restaurant, shop assistant, stranger at a bus/luas stop etc.

If you're approaching someone with the implicit intention of scoring them, that immediately limits you. Because you've got this internal stress going on where you're pressuring yourself to bring the conversation forward without fully engaging the person - you're just thinking "how can I get her number", or "should I lean closer for the shift" blah blah blah without actually enjoying the conversation.

Approaches like that are always awkward, uncomfortable and slightly creepy for the woman too - I've had times where guys have done the token approach and chat, then misread social cues and tried to lob the gob or come home with me when as far as I was concerned I was just bantering about the weather with a stranger with no intention of anything further.

Get used to approaching in a friendly manner; having the craic with a stranger just for the hell of it. When you're comfortable with that, you'll be a lot more confident about moving things forward and knowing when it's appropriate to do so.

Pug160 · 19-07-2013 12:42am

beks101 wrote: »

I think you have to remove the hope that something will happen when you approach someone and just get used to talking to strangers for the hell of it tbh. Get used to making small talk with women virtually anywhere you go - in the supermarket, in a lift, waitress at a restaurant, shop assistant, stranger at a bus/luas stop etc.

If you're approaching someone with the implicit intention of scoring them, that immediately limits you. Because you've got this internal stress going on where you're pressuring yourself to bring the conversation forward without fully engaging the person - you're just thinking "how can I get her number", or "should I lean closer for the shift" blah blah blah without actually enjoying the conversation.

Approaches like that are always awkward, uncomfortable and slightly creepy for the woman too - I've had times where guys have done the token approach and chat, then misread social cues and tried to lob the gob or come home with me when as far as I was concerned I was just bantering about the weather with a stranger with no intention of anything further.

Get used to approaching in a friendly manner; having the craic with a stranger just for the hell of it. When you're comfortable with that, you'll be a lot more confident about moving things forward and knowing when it's appropriate to do so.

The parts I've bolded I absolutely agree with. I think quite a lot of people don't actually talk to many strangers on a daily basis unless it's their job to do so. That then creates a potential problem - especially if you're shy. The fact we live in a society where a lot of people need alcohol to talk to the opposite sex is quite worrying when you think about it, and not natural. That's a direct consequence of increased isolation. When you have a society like that, lots of people are going to slip through the net.

I don't entirely agree with your second paragraph. A lot of men go over to talk to women for the simple reason that they find them attractive and want to sleep with them. The difference between the successful guys and the ones who are not as successful is that the successful men appear to be just having fun and are quite natural and charming. They're not letting fear get the better of them. But their intentions are often identical to the men who appear to be contrived.

cantdecide · 19-07-2013 12:43am

beks101 wrote: »

I think you have to remove the hope that something will happen when you approach someone and just get used to talking to strangers for the hell of it tbh. Get used to making small talk with women virtually anywhere you go - in the supermarket, in a lift, waitress at a restaurant, shop assistant, stranger at a bus/luas stop etc.

Well this is it.

Really, some of us just don't fit the profile of pulling in the manner that is expected of us in our society. I have often said in the past that you either need to be sound or mad to get on in this part of the world. I'm neither and I really can't/ won't pretend I am as a means to an end. It depends what your motivations are, too. If you want to be young and foolish, there's a very simple formula. I bet you know it already.

If you want more, that's when things seem to get VERY complicated for some of us. IME, you could meet someone REALLY worth a damn but she may not be in the same head-space as you at that time. So it's a bit of a tease. That is, you're bowled over by how awesome this person is but they don't want what you want.

I have changed my perception and stance on the whole thing at this stage. I don't approach women in these social settings any more. I've been pretty unsuccessful with it. I just don't fit the profile. I'm several goals down before I open my mouth and I'm not mad or sound enough to sell sell sell myself... just can't be bothered trying to impress someone appears to think I'm a d*** for talking to them. In other settings, shur I'm the greatest thing since the sliced pan!

Know your target market

Pug160 · 19-07-2013 12:55am

cantdecide wrote: »

Well this is it.

Really, some of us just don't fit the profile of pulling in the manner that is expected of us in our society. I have often said in the past that you either need to be sound or mad to get on in this part of the world. I'm neither and I really can't/ won't pretend I am as a means to an end. It depends what your motivations are, too. If you want to be young and foolish, there's a very simple formula. I bet you know it already.

If you want more, that's when things seem to get VERY complicated for some of us. IME, you could meet someone REALLY worth a damn but she may not be in the same head-space as you at that time. So it's a bit of a tease. That is, you're bowled over by how awesome this person is but they don't want what you want.

I have changed my perception and stance on the whole thing at this stage. I don't approach women in these social settings any more. I've been pretty unsuccessful with it. I just don't fit the profile. I'm several goals down before I open my mouth and I'm not mad or sound enough to sell sell sell myself... just can't be bothered trying to impress someone appears to think I'm a d*** for talking to them. In other settings, shur I'm the greatest thing since the sliced pan!

Know your target market

Being mad can actually be very beneficial, but it does of course depend on what type of mad you are. Someone who can be rejected thousands of times and not give a damn, as well as not caring what other people think of their actions - is a little bit mad. But they're mad in a good way, as not having insecurities and an ego means that people have no power over you. And that's an awesome quality to have. That will impress people even if you're not particularly handsome or good looking as it's quite rare.

Knowing your target is good but you should always try to be positive in every situation. It's easier said than done though.

shopaholic01 · 19-07-2013 12:57am

Pug160 wrote: »

I don't entirely agree with your second paragraph. A lot of men go over to talk to women for the simple reason that they find them attractive and want to sleep with them. The difference between the successful guys and the ones who are not as successful is that the successful men appear to be just having fun and are quite natural and charming. They're not letting fear get the better of them. But their intentions are often identical to the men who appear to be contrived.

The second paragraph was referring to shy guys only, not men in general. Imagine a shy guy and a more outgoing guy chatting up women. Who will appear more relaxed? So a shy guy may appear awkward - if he over analyses the siuation he may become more awkward, not able to respond etc., and that may be interpreted as 'being weird'.

cantdecide · 19-07-2013 1:07am

Pug160 wrote: »

Being mad can actually be very beneficial, but it does of course depend on what type of mad you are. Someone who can be rejected thousands of times and not give a damn, as well as not caring what other people think of their actions - is a little bit mad. But they're mad in a good way, as not having insecurities and an ego means that people have no power over you. And that's an awesome quality to have. That will impress people even if you're not particularly handsome or good looking as it's quite rare.

Knowing your target is good but you should always try to be positive in every situation. It's easier said than done though.

Yup. Sure is a shame I'm not mad.

Even if I had no ego or insecurities, I would still not be mad either. Being mad/ sound often looks a lot like being confident/ cocky. Some of the behaviours are similar. Personally, I don't put too much mass in confidence/ gregariousness/ uninhibited character. Some of the highest quality people I know wouldn't always be the most confident. Confidence and quality aren't always linked, IME. I myself focus on being the best person I can be rather than the most confident. Some people recognise it and some aren't interested. Can't please them all.

Pug160 · 19-07-2013 1:10am

shopaholic01 wrote: »

The second paragraph was referring to shy guys only, not men in general. Imagine a shy guy and a more outgoing guy chatting up women. Who will appear more relaxed? So a shy guy may appear awkward - if he over analyses the siuation he may become more awkward, not able to respond etc., and that may be interpreted as 'being weird'.

Absolutely. But a shy man is a human being just like anybody else, and if he sees a woman he finds attractive he will feel the same urges as any other man in the same position. What's the point here? That shy men shouldn't go up and talk to women they fancy because they'll be awkward? OK, I know you're not saying that, but it does sound a bit like that.

None of us have any control over who we find attractive - that's a fact. Not a shy man, not an incredibly confident lothario - no one. If, as a shy man, you're akward, wouldn't a better message be ''don't give up''? Some people are always going to be awkward whether women like it or not.

beks101 · 19-07-2013 1:23am

Pug160 wrote: »

I don't entirely agree with your second paragraph. A lot of men go over to talk to women for the simple reason that they find them attractive and want to sleep with them. The difference between the successful guys and the ones who are not as successful is that the successful men appear to be just having fun and are quite natural and charming. They're not letting fear get the better of them. But their intentions are often identical to the men who appear to be contrived.

When you've met enough of them you become good at spotting those ones

shopaholic01 · 19-07-2013 1:38am

Pug160 wrote: »

Absolutely. But a shy man is a human being just like anybody else, and if he sees a woman he finds attractive he will feel the same urges as any other man in the same position. What's the point here? That shy men shouldn't go up and talk to women they fancy because they'll be awkward? OK, I know you're not saying that, but it does sound a bit like that.

None of us have any control over who we find attractive - that's a fact. Not a shy man, not an incredibly confident lothario - no one. If, as a shy man, you're akward, wouldn't a better message be ''don't give up''? Some people are always going to be awkward whether women like it or not.

No, I'm not saying that at all. A confident man will have the balls to approach a woman, will believe he has a shot and can easily turn on the charm. He can also shrug off a knock back.

A shy guy can't do the above, and may appear awkward or even weird of he tries. So he needs a different approach - there are plenty of suggestions on this thread: Get comfortable talking to people in day to day situations etc.

My point is that shy guys may need to just talk normally to women instead of overtly flirting. If you read my posts you will see I'm not negative towards shy guys.

The world would be a very loud and annoying place if everyone was loud and outgoing.

beks101 · 19-07-2013 1:46am

shopaholic01 wrote: »

No, I'm not saying that at all. A confident man will have the balls to approach a woman, will believe he has a shot and can easily turn on the charm. He can also shrug off a knock back.

A shy guy can't do the above, and may appear awkward or even weird of he tries. So he needs a different approach - there are plenty of suggestions on this thread: Get comfortable talking to people in day to day situations etc.

My point is that shy guys may need to just talk normally to women instead of overtly flirting. If you read my posts you will see I'm not negative towards shy guys.

The world would be a very loud and annoying place if everyone was loud and outgoing.

+1.

I wasn't implying if you're shy "don't even bother, it won't happen and you'll freak the woman out".

I was saying approaching with the sole intention of scoring a woman you're attracted to, when by virtue of being shy you're not used to the approach and can't just turn the charm on like a light switch, may require re-evaluation. As a woman, I can tell you how that often comes across and as mentioned it can cause discomfort, a desire to get the hell away from the guy. It's usually not wrapped up in cheeky innuendo, banter, laughter and confidence the way it will be with a more out-going guy.

That's why building up to that kind of approach is a better idea. Getting used to conversing with women in less charged environments where you have nothing to lose.

Legs.Eleven · 19-07-2013 9:53am

Something happened to me last night and I thought here was a good a place as any to share it. I think there's a "moral of the story" in here somewhere.

Was at a table quiz last night and my friend brought along the fella that worked/owned his local fruit and veg shop. Venezualan guy. I suppose he could be described as one of those "mad/sound" fellas Candecide has in mind. He seemed charming and entertaining and within about 10 minutes, he was complimenting me on how I looked. I don't even think he was chatting me up, he simply said he found me attractive. Grand. 5 minutes later, he'd complimented my friend...then the other woman at our table (who we didn't know). The fact that I didn't get the vibe that he was trying to chat any of us up had me sitting there trying to figure out his game. I was immediately suspicious. I mentioned that I had a boyfriend and he'd be coming later but he was still as charming and gregarious as he was previously with all of us. He had the whole table (2 guys, 3 women) laughing most of the night.

From reading that, you might think this guy was a bit of a sleaze and believe me, having travelled around South America on my own for almost a year, I can spot the Latin Lothario type a mile off (was hurt by one or two on my travels so would be wary) but this guy simply had a "I will say and be whatever way I am without caring about how others perceive me". That's the air he gave off.

Later on, after he went home, my friend told us he's dying from cancer and had a few months to live. He'd spoken to his brothers who ran the fruit n veg shop with him and they'd told him he was trying to do as much as he could in his last few months. He'd given up on treatment and was concentrating on living life. You meet so many people out and about who give off the air that they'd rather be somewhere else (checking smart phones, not bothering to talk to other people, looking around them for a better option) and I thought to myself about how much time we waste over-analying our interactions and meetings with people and being miserable instead of just getting stuck in there and engaging with others for the sake of it and without caring about the consequences.

I suppose this fella was "mad" because he'd nothing at all to lose. Along the line he'd decided his happiness didn't hang solely on how other perceived him. That's an attractive trait in anyone. I'm not at all like that as I'd very much care what others thought of me (less now in my early 30s than early 20s) but it's an attitude I'd like to acquire as I get older.

I don't know what you can take from that. Not suggesting people should all imitate this fella but at least be aware that life is too short to be so concerned about what others think about you to the point that it hinders your own happiness.

Boofle · 19-07-2013 11:34am

heretochat wrote: »

Am brand new to this place so please go easy on me.. The title of this posting is pretty clear but let me elaborate..

Well to put it bluntly I am quite shy when it comes to talking to girls in pubs etc. My friends all have the gift of the gab and are well able to mingle, chat and click with those of the female persuasion..

I meanwhile am the one that stands in the background looking on.. Needless to say I don't have the best of "luck" so to speak...

Not sure what I can do about it and I tihnk women must find it a real turn off or deterrent..

Any views?

In my opinion, shyness is not a turn off for women - if she finds you attractive then a little shyness is actually quite endearing - speaking as a girl fed up of the over-confident, over-bearing guys approaching her when out at night!!

Obviously being so shy that you are introverted is not attractive but a little shyness is definitely an good trait IMO - if you already find the guy attractive that is.

shopaholic01 · 19-07-2013 1:05pm

Legs.Eleven wrote: »

I suppose this fella was "mad" because he'd nothing at all to lose. Along the line he'd decided his happiness didn't hang solely on how other perceived him. That's an attractive trait in anyone. I'm not at all like that as I'd very much care what others thought of me (less now in my early 30s than early 20s) but it's an attitude I'd like to acquire as I get older.

I don't know what you can take from that. Not suggesting people should all imitate this fella but at least be aware that life is too short to be so concerned about what others think about you to the point that it hinders your own happiness.

Imagine how much easier life would be if we could all have that attitude, especially as teenagers when peer approval is so important. It's sad to think that it might take a terminal illness to make us realise that we don't need the opinion of others to validate us.

markomuscle · 19-07-2013 1:15pm

Legs.Eleven wrote: »

Something happened to me last night and I thought here was a good a place as any to share it. I think there's a "moral of the story" in here somewhere.

Was at a table quiz last night and my friend brought along the fella that worked/owned his local fruit and veg shop. Venezualan guy. I suppose he could be described as one of those "mad/sound" fellas Candecide has in mind. He seemed charming and entertaining and within about 10 minutes, he was complimenting me on how I looked. I don't even think he was chatting me up, he simply said he found me attractive. Grand. 5 minutes later, he'd complimented my friend...then the other woman at our table (who we didn't know). The fact that I didn't get the vibe that he was trying to chat any of us up had me sitting there trying to figure out his game. I was immediately suspicious. I mentioned that I had a boyfriend and he'd be coming later but he was still as charming and gregarious as he was previously with all of us. He had the whole table (2 guys, 3 women) laughing most of the night.

From reading that, you might think this guy was a bit of a sleaze and believe me, having travelled around South America on my own for almost a year, I can spot the Latin Lothario type a mile off (was hurt by one or two on my travels so would be wary) but this guy simply had a "I will say and be whatever way I am without caring about how others perceive me". That's the air he gave off.

Later on, after he went home, my friend told us he's dying from cancer and had a few months to live. He'd spoken to his brothers who ran the fruit n veg shop with him and they'd told him he was trying to do as much as he could in his last few months. He'd given up on treatment and was concentrating on living life. You meet so many people out and about who give off the air that they'd rather be somewhere else (checking smart phones, not bothering to talk to other people, looking around them for a better option) and I thought to myself about how much time we waste over-analying our interactions and meetings with people and being miserable instead of just getting stuck in there and engaging with others for the sake of it and without caring about the consequences.

I suppose this fella was "mad" because he'd nothing at all to lose. Along the line he'd decided his happiness didn't hang solely on how other perceived him. That's an attractive trait in anyone. I'm not at all like that as I'd very much care what others thought of me (less now in my early 30s than early 20s) but it's an attitude I'd like to acquire as I get older.

I don't know what you can take from that. Not suggesting people should all imitate this fella but at least be aware that life is too short to be so concerned about what others think about you to the point that it hinders your own happiness.

i get what you're saying here but for some people it is extremely hard to let go and have a care free attitude. I don't actually care what others think of me but it still doesn't make me any more confident, when you get to the stage where you stop caring what people think and you still don't feel sociable you start to accept that it is just part of your personality. I was bullied in the past by people who i didn't care about or what they thought of me but it still had an impact on my confidence.

CastorTroy · 19-07-2013 1:34pm

I remember watching an episode of "Cupid" (Was a good show from the creator of Veronica Mars, starring Jeremy Piven) and in it Cupid was helping a singles group.
In one episode he took 3 of the guys to a club and told them to just go and chat up women. The incentive was the one who got rejected the most won a bottle of champagne while the most successful paid for it. So win/win really
I thought it was a great idea but I probably wouldn't try it myself. Fun to watch that bit though.

Is shyness in a guy a turn off for women?

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