Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie

How old is too old to be chasing 18 year olds?

12346

Comments

  • #152
    Call Me Jimmy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,449 ✭✭✭Call Me Jimmy


    Deep deep down aren't we all desperate and sleazy? :pac:


  • #153
    Legs.Eleven
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,987 ✭✭✭Legs.Eleven


    Femme_Fatale wrote: »
    Exactly. It's not creepy to go out with/sleep with much younger people in and of itself, when it's not for reasons like being a "legend" or whatever. It's creepy to act creepy (not simply because the person isn't interested in you) - whether you're a man or a woman.

    "Cougars" are often depicted as desperate, sleazy auld ones too. And they can be...

    I'm remembering that bit in Intermission when the two lads go to that club for older people and Cillian Murphy gets chatted up by an older woman who's portrayed as being sleazy. The MILF thing is obviously fairly positive but the Cougar title...not so much. If the woman is not "hot" then she's considered as sleazy as any supposed sleazy fella.
    OnTheCouch wrote: »
    Following on from this, I forgot to mention earlier that in my opinion, any girl of this age who decides to date older men (over 25 or so) almost by definition will be mature, because I would imagine she'll get a lot of stick from her mates over the relationship. Obviously I am male so I can't speak specifically for women of any age really, but I remember when I was in my late teens, someone over 30 was considered ancient, so I am sure many females would think the same. Therefore, if she can ignore this and still accept to continue seeing the man, she's likely to be very confident in herself.



    Mature or just seduced by the idea of going out with an older fella to be seen as grown up by her peers. As I already mentioned, I went out with a 24 year old when I was 18 but I remembered earlier that in fact, I was 17 when I first started going out with him and he was 24. I was ridiculously naive and as immature as any girl my age and hadn't really had all that much experience with fellas. I remember losing my virginity to him when I was just gone 18 and lying to him that I already had. Only when we met again when I was in my mid-20s did I tell him. Tbh, I thought I was fairly cool seeing an older fella. He'd pick me up in his car and we'd head out (of course I wasn't mature enough to speak up when he drove home drunk).

    In my head I believed I was all grown up but as a woman in her early 30s now, I hadn't a clue.

    I don't really get the logic that just because she dates an older fella means she's mature (almost by definition)?


  • #154
    Handsome Bob
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22,905 ✭✭✭✭Handsome Bob


    Some quality stuff on the first page or so, good show lads. ;)
    Sofiztikated wrote: »
    I find that any younger than 22 involves a lot of needless drama and peppiness.

    *Lies, I don't remember the last time I was with anyone under 22.

    Age don't stop the petty drama. :pac:

    Wouldn't be going out of my way anyway to get with an 18 year old on a night out, potential minefield and all that. But I don't see why I wouldn't go on a few dates with one if I genuinely liked her. As I alluded to already, I've known 24 year olds who were attention seeking basket cases, and women who shocked me when I found out how young they were because of their maturity.

    As long as things are legal, I couldn't give a rats ass if someone thinks I'm a perv, they can keep on being bitter and narrow minded and I'll do what I wanna do. ;)


  • #155
    Daveysil15
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,301 ✭✭✭Daveysil15


    Femme_Fatale wrote: »
    Exactly. It's not creepy to go out with/sleep with much younger people in and of itself, when it's not for reasons like being a "legend" or whatever. It's creepy to act creepy (not simply because the person isn't interested in you) - whether you're a man or a woman.

    "Cougars" are often depicted as desperate, sleazy auld ones too. And they can be...

    Maybe, but a woman could consider a man's approach creepy while another woman wouldn't. If a guy approaches 10 women looking for a shag, 9 of them may consider him creepy, but 1 of them may think he's a big handsome roide and just go for it. Tis a numbers game after all.


  • #156
    Czarcasm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,076 ✭✭✭✭Czarcasm


    Daveysil15 wrote: »
    Maybe, but a woman could consider a man's approach creepy while another woman wouldn't. If a guy approaches 10 women looking for a shag, 9 of them may consider him creepy, but 1 of them may think he's a big handsome roide and just go for it. Tis a numbers game after all.


    Sounds more like flinging shìt at a wall and hoping some of it will stick tbh! :pac:


  • Advertisement
  • #157
    OnTheCouch
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 526 ✭✭✭OnTheCouch


    Legs.Eleven wrote: »
    I'm remembering that bit in Intermission when the two lads go to that club for older people and Cillian Murphy gets chatted up by an older woman who's portrayed as being sleazy. The MILF thing is obviously fairly positive but the Cougar title...not so much. If the woman is not "hot" then she's considered as sleazy as any supposed sleazy fella.





    Mature or just seduced by the idea of going out with an older fella to be seen as grown up by her peers. As I already mentioned, I went out with a 24 year old when I was 18 but I remembered earlier that in fact, I was 17 when I first started going out with him and he was 24. I was ridiculously naive and as immature as any girl my age and hadn't really had all that much experience with fellas. I remember losing my virginity to him when I was just gone 18 and lying to him that I already had. Only when we met again when I was in my mid-20s did I tell him. Tbh, I thought I was fairly cool seeing an older fella. He'd pick me up in his car and we'd head out (of course I wasn't mature enough to speak up when he drove home drunk).

    In my head I believed I was all grown up but as a woman in her early 30s now, I hadn't a clue.

    I don't really get the logic that just because she dates an older fella means she's mature (almost by definition)?

    OK, well perhaps I should have phrased it slightly differently. When I was writing this out, in my head I was thinking of the men involved being around 30 or over, as was the case with that acquaintance of mine. I said over 25, but that in hindsight is not quite the same thing, and would be more akin to the personal examples you and April provided, give or take a year or so.

    Feel free to correct me here, but I would imagine from a female 18-19 year old's point of view, dating someone of 25 (who is older - but still quite young in the grand scheme of things) is a lot different to dating a 30 + year old. Which is why I stated in my original post that if a 35 year old should hypothetically want to date a girl in her late teens, he is going to have to have a lot more going for him than he would at 25.

    I mentioned it myself how I found the thought of someone being 30 as being really old at that age (as did you if I am not mistaken). Indeed, I remember girls I knew lamenting turning 15, because this meant they were 'half way to 30' - the age at which for many young people, you officially turn old.

    So with this in mind, I guess that for an 18 year old girl to go against all her peers' opinions and date someone in this age bracket takes a certain amount of maturity, or if nothing else, a very strong will. While I don't want to try and pretend to know why exactly you made your own relationship choices in the past, I will maintain that 25 can sound like the perfect age - older but still young and a good bit away from the dreaded 30. Five years can often seem an awful long time at that age.


  • #158
    Daveysil15
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,301 ✭✭✭Daveysil15


    Czarcasm wrote: »
    Sounds more like flinging shìt at a wall and hoping some of it will stick tbh! :pac:

    Well if you get the occasional ride who cares? :D


  • #159
    Legs.Eleven
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,987 ✭✭✭Legs.Eleven


    I don't know of anyone who dated a man that old when they were 18 but I'm still failing to see how going against the opinion of your peers (if they did, in fact, care or pass remarks but there's no guarantee that's the case) makes you mature. Personally speaking, none of my friends commented on that kind of thing. I smoked as a teen and most of my friends didn't but I carried on anyway - would that make me mature? I think at 18 years old you're starting to think for yourself anyway and the peer pressure that existed in your teens starts to pass and you begin to have your own mind as it is and are not so easily influenced.

    Not to say that a woman of 18 can't be mature because I've met plenty in my life but I don't think it necessarily follows that an 18 year-old dating a 30 year-old will be mature. And it's fair to say plenty of men in their 30s are far from mature who'd be better suited to younger women. I've come across plenty of those.



    I've always gone for older fellas (or my own age). 17 going out with a 24 year old, 23 going out with a 33 year-old, 29 seeing a 45 year old and now, 33 going out with a 4 year old. I don't class myself as particularly mature. Sensible in a lot of respects but anymore mature than anyone else my age? Nah.


  • #160
    Czarcasm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,076 ✭✭✭✭Czarcasm


    Daveysil15 wrote: »
    Well if you get the occasional ride who cares? :D


    Ahh here, well I'd care if I was only getting it occasionally, hence why I prefer the more targeted approach rather than the hitting on every girl in sight in the hope that one of them is more drunk than you are! :D

    I just couldn't do it Dave, standards and all that ;)


  • #161
    Vito Corleone
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,753 ✭✭✭Vito Corleone


    Legs.Eleven wrote: »
    and now, 33 going out with a 4 year old.

    :eek:


  • Advertisement
  • #162
    Legs.Eleven
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,987 ✭✭✭Legs.Eleven


    Vito Corleone wrote: »
    :eek:


    Yep. How do ye like that?? ;)




    Edit: He's a really mature 4 year-old though.


  • #163
    Femme_Fatale
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,628 ✭✭✭Femme_Fatale


    Daveysil15 wrote: »
    If a guy approaches 10 women looking for a shag, 9 of them may consider him creepy, but 1 of them may think he's a big handsome roide and just go for it. Tis a numbers game after all.
    Sounds like way too much hassle.

    One-night stands are grand if they evolve organically - not if they're the result of a process of elimination IMO...

    Is a potentially joyless shag really worth going to all that trouble? Wouldn't women find that approach off-putting? Maybe it's that approach that's the issue rather than her being too choosy or a "princess" or whatever.


  • #164
    Pug160
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,088 ✭✭✭Pug160


    Czarcasm wrote: »
    Sounds more like flinging shìt at a wall and hoping some of it will stick tbh! :pac:

    It depends what your goal is. I'll use a slightly morbid analogy and compare it to a man with a machine gun. He knows he's bound to hit something eventually, even if he has the eyesight of Stevie Wonder. But the man with with one bullet in his revolver is going to have less of a chance. But obviously if your goal is not to just score then it's not a tactic that would be on your mind.


  • #165
    mfceiling
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,989 ✭✭✭✭mfceiling


    pablomakaveli wrote: »
    If you can get an 18 year old than go for it. Anyone who complains can be countered with "Well im shagging an 18 year old and your not".

    Sorry to burst anyone's bubble but....

    A 30 something girl has a lot more tricks in her box (;)) than an 18 year old has...


  • #166
    Czarcasm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,076 ✭✭✭✭Czarcasm


    Pug160 wrote: »
    It depends what your goal is. I'll use a slightly morbid analogy and compare it to a man with a machine gun. He knows he's bound to hit something eventually, even if he has the eyesight of Stevie Wonder. But the man with with one bullet in his revolver is going to have less of a chance. But obviously if your goal is not to just score then it's not a tactic that would be on your mind.


    The man with the plentiful supply of bullets will shoot himself in the foot a lot quicker than the guy with the one bullet. I mean, it's like I said- you're flinging shìt at a wall, eventually some of it is gonna stick! That's not a numbers game, that's just purely by chance and a waste of energy, whereas the guy with the one bullet will take careful aim at his chosen target knowing he only has one bullet - he'd better make it count, or she even, had better make it count! :D


  • #167
    yizorselves
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 353 ✭✭yizorselves


    mfceiling wrote: »
    Sorry to burst anyone's bubble but....

    A 30 something girl has a lot more tricks in her box (;)) than an 18 year old has...

    Ha, these days the 18 year olds got plenty of experience. They seen so much porn!


  • #168
    Pug160
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,088 ✭✭✭Pug160


    Femme_Fatale wrote: »
    Sounds like way too much hassle.

    One-night stands are grand if they evolve organically - not if they're the result of a process of elimination IMO...

    Is a potentially joyless shag really worth going to all that trouble? Wouldn't women find that approach off-putting? Maybe it's that approach that's the issue rather than her being too choosy or a "princess" or whatever.

    Some guys hide it better than others - that's all that is. If a guy is firing himself around a bar or club like a ball in a pinball machine and it's really obvious to other girls what he's doing, then yeah I can see why girls would be put off.

    Some fellas just give off a really fun, natural vibe but their motives can sometimes be the same as the pinball guy who's clueless. That sounds cynical but I've watched lots of guys over the years.


  • #169
    Czarcasm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,076 ✭✭✭✭Czarcasm


    Pug160 wrote: »
    Some fellas just give off a really fun, natural vibe but their motives can sometimes be the same as the pinball guy who's clueless. That sounds cynical but I've watched lots of guys over the years.


    You're right Pug, it DOES sound cynical, but it's self-explanatory tbh if you've spent all your time watching guys when you should've been looking at yourself and what you could bring to the party to make yourself attractive to the opposite sex


  • #170
    Pug160
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,088 ✭✭✭Pug160


    Czarcasm wrote: »
    You're right Pug, it DOES sound cynical, but it's self-explanatory tbh if you've spent all your time watching guys when you should've been looking at yourself and what you could bring to the party to make yourself attractive to the opposite sex

    I haven't. But I do notice certain patterns. There are three types of men: the ones who are successful regularly, which is the minority, the ones who are successful every now and again, which is probably most guys. Then you have the guys who are never successful or only successful once in a blue moon. That doesn't include guys who are in relationships or who are married of course. Then there are the ones who just go out for a drink and a chat and don't even try because they're not that bothered.


  • #171
    OnTheCouch
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 526 ✭✭✭OnTheCouch


    Legs.Eleven wrote: »
    I don't know of anyone who dated a man that old when they were 18 but I'm still failing to see how going against the opinion of your peers (if they did, in fact, care or pass remarks but there's no guarantee that's the case) makes you mature. Personally speaking, none of my friends commented on that kind of thing. I smoked as a teen and most of my friends didn't but I carried on anyway - would that make me mature? I think at 18 years old you're starting to think for yourself anyway and the peer pressure that existed in your teens starts to pass and you begin to have your own mind as it is and are not so easily influenced.

    Not to say that a woman of 18 can't be mature because I've met plenty in my life but I don't think it necessarily follows that an 18 year-old dating a 30 year-old will be mature. And it's fair to say plenty of men in their 30s are far from mature who'd be better suited to younger women. I've come across plenty of those.



    I've always gone for older fellas (or my own age). 17 going out with a 24 year old, 23 going out with a 33 year-old, 29 seeing a 45 year old and now, 33 going out with a 4 year old. I don't class myself as particularly mature. Sensible in a lot of respects but anymore mature than anyone else my age? Nah.

    Ha we might have to agree to disagree then. First time for everything! ;)

    No, in all seriousness I suppose I am basing a lot of these opinions on that acquaintance of mine and also one of my own aforementioned relationships. One of the younger girls I went out with was 20-21 when we were together and she said when we broke up that my age did not bother her at first, but that it had started to become a problem once the relationship became more serious. So I suspect this was her friends influencing her, but you never know. She was slightly older anyway than the girls we are discussing in here so it may not be completely relevant anyway.

    But yeah, I may ask some girls I know what they thought about this when they were younger. After all, on account of my sex, I can only make an attempt at guessing.


  • Advertisement
  • #172
    Legs.Eleven
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,987 ✭✭✭Legs.Eleven


    OnTheCouch wrote: »
    Ha we might have to agree to disagree then. First time for everything! ;)

    No, in all seriousness I suppose I am basing a lot of these opinions on that acquaintance of mine and also one of my own aforementioned relationships. One of the younger girls I went out with was 20-21 when we were together and she said when we broke up that my age did not bother her at first but that it had started to become a problem once the relationship became more serious. So I suspect this was her friends influencing her, but you never know. She was slightly older anyway than the girls we are discussing in here so it may not be completely relevant anyway.

    But yeah, I may ask some girls I know what they thought about this when they were younger. After all, on account of my sex, I can only make an attempt at guessing.

    Or it genuinely might've been an issue for her? Why would you assume it wasn't? A girl in her early twenties definitely won't be so easily influenced by peers, never mind an 18 year-old and let's face it, most women in their early twenties are not on the same page as a guy in his early 30s.


    I ended it with my ex (the guy I went out with when I was 17) because finally, his age did become an issue. My friends actually never commented on it at all - it simply became an issue for me. I didn't feel we were on an even keel and I finally I got fed up pretending I was something I was not (older than I was). I'd pretended I wasn't a virgin and was more experienced than I was (and the mad thing is, he presumed that was the case even though I was 17...I don't know how it couldn't have been obvious! I was useless!), pretended I was cool with his drink-driving, pretended I was cool with going out and hanging out with a bunch of fellas in their mid-twenties who intimidated me more than anything because I was leading a completely different life to them and we'd nothing in common.

    It's very likely that age WILL get in the way but obviously not for everyone.


  • #173
    Dyr
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 23,246 ✭✭✭✭Dyr


    Daveysil15 wrote: »

    So how old is too old to be pursuing young wans?

    Presumably when you're too old to catch them :(


  • #174
    OnTheCouch
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 526 ✭✭✭OnTheCouch


    Legs.Eleven wrote: »
    Or it genuinely might've been an issue for her? Why would you assume it wasn't? A girl in her early twenties definitely won't be so easily influenced by peers, never mind an 18 year-old and let's face it, most women in their early twenties are not on the same page as a guy in his early 30s.


    I ended it with my ex (the guy I went out with when I was 17) because finally, his age did become an issue. My friends actually never commented on it at all - it simply became an issue for me. I didn't feel we were on an even keel and I finally I got fed up pretending I was something I was not (older than I was). I'd pretended I wasn't a virgin and was more experienced than I was (and the mad thing is, he presumed that was the case even though I was 17...I don't know how it couldn't have been obvious! I was useless!), pretended I was cool with his drink-driving, pretended I was cool with going out and hanging out with a bunch of fellas in their mid-twenties who intimidated me more than anything because I was leading a completely different life to them and we'd nothing in common.

    It's very likely that age WILL get in the way but obviously not for everyone.

    It quite possibly had become an issue for her all right. I just sensed that her friends may have been implying it was not a good idea to continue the relationship, but that was simply an intuition of mine based on a few things she said. This was all it was though. She did say that she wished she had met me later on when she was older, which might be more telling.

    To be honest, I'm not really the type of person who starts looking for precise reasons for these things, once I could tell she wanted to break up, well that was the more important thing in my eyes.

    As for your own situation, yeah after a while it gets tiring trying to be someone you're not. Maybe when you met his friends it hit home to you that it wasn't a good idea to continue the relationship, because they were older men with whom you do not even have the emotional connection that you had with your boyfriend and you found the situation uncomfortable.

    So, yeah, age can often be a barrier, especially for a long-term relationship, but it doesn't have to be like this.


  • #175
    Legs.Eleven
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,987 ✭✭✭Legs.Eleven


    OnTheCouch wrote: »
    It quite possibly had become an issue for her all right. I just sensed that her friends may have been implying it was not a good idea to continue the relationship, but that was simply an intuition of mine based on a few things she said. This was all it was though. She did say that she wished she had met me later on when she was older, which might be more telling.

    To be honest, I'm not really the type of person who starts looking for precise reasons for these things, once I could tell she wanted to break up, well that was the more important thing in my eyes.

    As for your own situation, yeah after a while it gets tiring trying to be someone you're not. Maybe when you met his friends it hit home to you that it wasn't a good idea to continue the relationship, because they were older men with whom you do not even have the emotional connection that you had with your boyfriend and you found the situation uncomfortable.

    So, yeah, age can often be a barrier, especially for a long-term relationship, but it doesn't have to be like this.

    It doesn't indeed but I do think it becomes less of an issue as you get older and things even out.


    And I didn't really have an emotional connection with my ex at all tbh. I was immature as was he (for his age). I didn't understand relationships as I'd no experience with them. I was too busy trying to impress him so he'd continue to like me. Most of it was based on lust and that wasn't sustainable in the end.

    I was also seeing a fella when I was 23 who was 33 and funnily enough, I ended it with him too because I felt I was living a more adult life than him (I was supporting myself completely at that stage whereas he lived at home still) when I suppose I was seeing an older fella because I was looking for someone with a bit of maturity and cop on; those were the things that originally attracted me to the idea.

    Now I'm 33 going out with a man in his 40s and the age gap is not an issue at all. I'm my own woman supporting myself and have plenty of relationship experience under my belt and know what I want, as does he. I really believe the age gap is more likely to become less of an issue as you get older although that's not to say it couldn't work with the age gap we're discussing - I just think it's less likely.


  • #176
    Ruudi_Mentari
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,801 ✭✭✭Ruudi_Mentari


    Sometimes they come right up to your face, with the craziest glare just to ensure that you notice them then just disappear ever get that.

    There's some sort of stumbling block, for me I may look like their type but I feel like their father


  • #177
    Mr.David
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,703 ✭✭✭Mr.David


    mfceiling wrote: »
    Sorry to burst anyone's bubble but....

    A 30 something girl has a lot more tricks in her box (;)) than an 18 year old has...

    Yeah maybe....but only because a 30 something girl has so much more space in her box to store said tricks. :pac:


  • #178
    HelpImAlive
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 228 ✭✭HelpImAlive


    I'm a bi 21 year old male and have been with a 35 year old lad but seem to stick to girls my own age.. Wouldn't go for anyone younger than 19 but would probably go as high as 40 in lads.. :o


  • #179
    OnTheCouch
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 526 ✭✭✭OnTheCouch


    Legs.Eleven wrote: »
    I really believe the age gap is more likely to become less of an issue as you get older although that's not to say it couldn't work with the age gap we're discussing - I just think it's less likely.

    True, you can see with the Jeremy Forrest situation and his very young girl, which is clearly fairly extreme and an exceptional case, that the relationship is almost certainly going to fail. They started seeing each other when she was 14 I think, which I'm sure everyone here will agree is getting into seriously dubious territory. Without mentioning the failure of duty of care on his part, but anyway, that's beside the point.

    She claims she will wait for him to get out of prison, but that could be 3-4 years away yet. She'll probably realise quite soon that she is 16 years old and will not want to wait around for a 30+ man to be released just so she can have a love life. Plus realise how stupid she has been. Not to mention the publicity around the case, which must be horrendous pressure for someone so young to deal with.


  • #180
    bodice ripper
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,681 ✭✭✭bodice ripper


    Call Me Jimmy wrote: »
    Deep deep down aren't we all desperate and sleazy? :pac:


    No, how dare you?! It is very much on the surface...


  • Advertisement
  • #181
    Legs.Eleven
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,987 ✭✭✭Legs.Eleven


    mfceiling wrote: »
    Sorry to burst anyone's bubble but....

    A 30 something girl has a lot more tricks in her box (;)) than an 18 year old has...


    I've no tricks. I can touch the tip of my nose with my tongue and make the sound of a kazoo and I can do it all while being naked - does that count?


Advertisement