Why do the Irish make such a big deal out of approaching members of the opposite sex?

caustic 1 · 22-06-2013 10:21AM

don't chat us up at all!! How many people do you know who met in a bar and became a couple ?? My own experience ... I know two couples who met in the same bar and then coincidentally broke up in said same bar about six months seven months later a couple of weeks apart ... And all there relationship consisted of was sitting in watching tv caus the girls wer usually to paronoid there man only wanted to go out so they could crawl around the pub looking at woman like he was the night he met her and 'swooned' her ... Think about it ... Your a woman ... Your hormones are naturally all over the place so your unstable as is .... And you meet a man in a bar ... He buys you a drink chats you up the works ... An while you don't usually you go along and have a laugh with him .... You start seeing him and two weeks\six months later he suggests you go back to the bar you met on a night out... You think heyy why not ...

You only catch it once ... But its that scan of the room he does as you walk in the door tells you their could possibly be some close to us now that has been with him before ... Or else ... He's usuing me to make other woman jelous for what ever god damned reason we could possibly make up in our heads ... And that's it ... The seed is planted ... The relationship is doomed

See woman are crazy ... We wana meet a man in a place that reflects what that man is about and his personality ... Bars just don't do it. .. Try the library she might think your educated

Seanafitz is offline Report Post

To me that reads finding a guy who has never gone or been with anyone before, good luck with that one. Tis the insecurities of the ladies who doomed the relationships, sure they could be passing former partners every time they open the front door for goodness sakes. Some women in my opinion and I am a woman have high expectations and are also in my opinion very rude to some guys for even looking in their direction. Honestly I am not surprised fellas don't know which way to turn in order to meet nice ladies at present time.

caustic 1 · 22-06-2013 10:25AM

seeing as my house was always full with both girls and boys [all my sons friends] going out together and looking out for each other,i am a old timer and at first I found it strange,but soon realized its a very healthy not to think women are just as sex objects ,mixed schools in England did that

Not just England, same happens I have 3 children well teens now and they have mixture of male and female friends and think nothing off it, as should be.

General General · 22-06-2013 10:25AM

Kniaz Andrei Bolkonski asks Poruchik Rzhevsky: "Tell me, Poruchik, how did you come to be so good with the ladies? What is your secret?" - "It's quite simplement, mon Prince, quite simplement. I just come over and say: 'Madame, would you like to f`ck?'" - "But Poruchik, you'll get slapped in the face for that!" - "Oui, some of them slap, but some of them f`ck!"

Table Top Joe · 22-06-2013 10:26AM

nacho libre wrote: »

This has been my experience too- either it's a case of women from other countries don't think i'm ugly, or that Irish women like the traditional approach- that being the guy doing the approaching is seen as more desirable. it's probably just that i'm just ugly to Irish women:( i'm just elevating women from other countries to boost my bruised ego:pac:

When I was younger I just presumed "mustn't be great looking...ah well",i was genuinely stunned at the attention I got when I first started travelling,it was a very strange experience going from getting the look of death here to having a woman walk up to me and chatting and even *gasp* offering to buy me a drink!:eek:

In Irish womens defence though they obviously don't have it easy either,many were brought up believing sex was dirty etc.....and of course they were segregated from us too,im sure many thought we were from another planet too

I always got the impression growing up women didn't like sex that much and it was something they put up with to get other things from men,i think that's the attitude here(or was,i feel its changing thank f***)I have female friends who tell me they were brought up to regard sex this way too

Table Top Joe · 22-06-2013 10:32AM

Czarcasm wrote: »

I'm actually chronically shy with BOTH sexes tbh, but the thing is, I know I HAVE to put myself out there, I have to force myself to interact with people, even though it can be mentally draining, because I wouldn't be any way confident at all.

But it's the only way you get to meet interesting people and people that are interested in you.

I'm not baffled at all by people who find it hard to interact with the opposite sex, I'm baffled by their making excuses for it as if it's something outside their control. It's taken me decades working on my self-confidence to get to where I am now that I can actually approach strangers, and not freak when they'd approach me, but I could only do that when I realised the problem wasn't anyone else, it was me!

I used to be the exact same,things like travelling helped me a huge deal(in fact if it wasn't for me travelling and finally meeting members of the opposite who actually seemed interested I shudder to think how id be now).....im amazed reading this though that you don't seem to understand the arguments here,its tough enough being a teenager with hormones raging through your body and all that......add being segregated from girls and of course its going to cause problems and lead to you seeing a female as a sex object first,other human second

caustic 1 · 22-06-2013 10:32AM

I'm very judgemental, I know shouldn't be but hey ho. The fact that you even mentioned that they gasp put me right off you.

Table Top Joe · 22-06-2013 10:36AM

caustic 1 wrote: »

I'm very judgemental, I know shouldn't be but hey ho. The fact that you even mentioned that they gasp put me right off you.

Ha ha ha ha.....no,i didn't mean they gasp,i meant it as in I would gasp Jesus

Mariasofia · 22-06-2013 10:39AM

On a night out with the girls I would never give the cold shoulder if approached by a fella in the correct manner and have had good laughs and interesting conversation. Its when he is drunk, leering and making inappropriate comments despite a wedding ring clearly on show is when he gets brushed off. This is dependant on the person though not on the gender or the Irish race as a whole!!!

Czarcasm · 22-06-2013 11:06AM

Table Top Joe wrote: »

I used to be the exact same,things like travelling helped me a huge deal(in fact if it wasn't for me travelling and finally meeting members of the opposite who actually seemed interested I shudder to think how id be now)..... im amazed reading this though that you don't seem to understand the arguments here,its tough enough being a teenager with hormones raging through your body and all that......add being segregated from girls and of course its going to cause problems and lead to you seeing a female as a sex object first,other human second

Yeah but when you travelled Joe you were more open to meeting new people, you were in better form, and this would've been reflected on the outside and instantly made you more attractive. It's how you would've carried yourself. I mean, if a person is miserable, they don't always have to tell you- you can tell by the way they carry themselves. They might tick all the boxes with the tall and dark, but a miserable face or their body language instantly makes them less attractive.

I mean, I DO understand WHY people are making all the arguments here, it's the classic "It can't be me, I'm lovely" argument. They fail to realise that whatever they see about themselves as attractive, it doesn't necessarily follow that they will be attractive to other people.

What people here don't seem to be understanding is that every person is different, and some people as I said already, have trouble mixing with their own sex, let alone the opposite sex.

It's nothing to do with raging hormones, I know through my teenage years I had the whole raging hormones, but there were guys who acted on their raging hormones and bragged about it, that treated girls as sex objects, and then there were guys who treated girls with respect, and were discreet about their sex lives.

The guys who bragged about it had sex once in a blue moon, and were dismissed as desperate and they'd get up on a cracked plate, or they'd get up on the crack of dawn; whereas the guys who treated women with respect and were discreet about it, had a healthy sex life and were able to look at women as just the same as they were and no different when it comes to interacting with the opposite sex, or as you put it Joe- were able to see girls as just human beings, and not like they were beings from outer space.

Table Top Joe · 22-06-2013 11:17AM

Czarcasm wrote: »

Yeah but when you travelled Joe you were more open to meeting new people, you were in better form, and this would've been reflected on the outside and instantly made you more attractive. It's how you would've carried yourself. I mean, if a person is miserable, they don't always have to tell you- you can tell by the way they carry themselves. They might tick all the boxes with the tall and dark, but a miserable face or their body language instantly makes them less attractive.

I was the same tbh(are you really telling me how I behaved??)i didn't do anything different at all,and I certainly wasn't miserable when out here,i had no idea women were capable of being forward and receptive to male attention so I was just myself.......only this time I had women approach me,that was the only difference in this situation

I mean, I DO understand WHY people are making all the arguments here, it's the classic "It can't be me, I'm lovely" argument. They fail to realise that whatever they see about themselves as attractive, it doesn't necessarily follow that they will be attractive to other people.

Hee hee.....id have to disagree again,theres a difference here when it comes to male/female relationships compared to a lot of other places

What people here don't seem to be understanding is that every person is different, and some people as I said already, have trouble mixing with their own sex, let alone the opposite sex.

It's nothing to do with raging hormones, I know through my teenage years I had the whole raging hormones, but there were guys who acted on their raging hormones and bragged about it, that treated girls as sex objects, and then there were guys who treated girls with respect, and were discreet about their sex lives.

The guys who bragged about it had sex once in a blue moon, and were dismissed as desperate and they'd get up on a cracked plate, or they'd get up on the crack of dawn; whereas the guys who treated women with respect and were discreet about it, had a healthy sex life and were able to look at women as just the same as they were and no different when it comes to interacting with the opposite sex, or as you put it Joe- were able to see girls as just human beings, and not like they were beings from outer space.

I don't understand what the rest of your post has to do with anything,i agree with some of it but.....I don't think that's what were discussing here

Lams · 22-06-2013 11:19AM

Mariasofia wrote: »

On a night out with the girls I would never give the cold shoulder if approached by a fella in the correct manner and have had good laughs and interesting conversation. Its when he is drunk, leering and making inappropriate comments despite a wedding ring clearly on show is when he gets brushed off. This is dependant on the person though not on the gender or the Irish race as a whole!!!

Yea that is horrible, but not everyone is aware of the rings on your fingers or notices it.

krudler · 22-06-2013 11:28AM

Seanafitz wrote: »

don't chat us up at all!! How many people do you know who met in a bar and became a couple ?? My own experience ... I know two couples who met in the same bar and then coincidentally broke up in said same bar about six months seven months later a couple of weeks apart ... And all there relationship consisted of was sitting in watching tv caus the girls wer usually to paronoid there man only wanted to go out so they could crawl around the pub looking at woman like he was the night he met her and 'swooned' her ... Think about it ... Your a woman ... Your hormones are naturally all over the place so your unstable as is .... And you meet a man in a bar ... He buys you a drink chats you up the works ... An while you don't usually you go along and have a laugh with him .... You start seeing him and two weeks\six months later he suggests you go back to the bar you met on a night out... You think heyy why not ...

You only catch it once ... But its that scan of the room he does as you walk in the door tells you their could possibly be some close to us now that has been with him before ... Or else ... He's usuing me to make other woman jelous for what ever god damned reason we could possibly make up in our heads ... And that's it ... The seed is planted ... The relationship is doomed

See woman are crazy ... We wana meet a man in a place that reflects what that man is about and his personality ... Bars just don't do it. .. Try the library she might think your educated

I think that's more to do with your own insecurities than anything else.

I know three couples who met in bars, my housemate and his girlfriend of 5 months or so (still together) one couple who are together 8 years and getting married in october, and another who got married last year, all met on nights out when I was out with them. To say people who meet in bars never last is just nonsense.

Mariasofia · 22-06-2013 11:29AM

Lams wrote: »

Yea that is horrible, but not everyone is aware of the rings on your fingers or notices it.

Fair point but regardless of ring -drunk, leering and inappropriate comments probably isn't the best way to approach people anyway.

Czarcasm · 22-06-2013 11:48AM

Table Top Joe wrote: »

I don't understand what the rest of your post has to do with anything,i agree with some of it but.....I don't think that's what were discussing here

Are you HONESTLY going to tell me you've NEVER been approached by a woman in Ireland, that you only have women approach you when you go abroad?

It's been my experience that I've been approached by women both here and abroad, and that's why I mentioned earlier that I was never comfortable with what I felt was an invasion of my personal space, and something I've had to work on getting over. It's called "personal development" for a reason. I'm still working on it. I spend more time and energy working on it than I do lamenting the fact that "women never approach me in the club".

I have to wonder are some guys just not considering the fact that women actually DO approach them, but that they don't notice it because they're not the type of women they want approaching them?

I'd also be interested to know what you think is the difference between male and female relationships as opposed to approaching the opposite sex in the first place? Surely you have to first approach the person of the opposite sex that interests you if you want to have a relationship with them.

The reason they don't approach you is because they're not interested in you enough to approach you. It happens. I don't make the effort to approach anyone that doesn't interest me, the same way I'm usually surprised when someone approaches me, because I wouldn't consider myself any way interesting. I'm quite an introverted person actually.

The rest of my post was addressing your notions about teenagers with raging hormones and "segregating" them in schools. In my experience, such things made no difference. It was more down to the person themselves and whether THEY were willing or not to make the effort with other people or even the opposite sex.

Legs.Eleven · 22-06-2013 12:02PM

Countries I've lived in and my observations of interactions between genders in bars:

Ireland - was always easy for me when I lived here. Lots of interaction between people. I'm home visiting now and got chatting to a few guys just last night. Not looking for anything so we just chatted. I find getting talking to people in Ireland, romantically or otherwise, extremely easy - the easiest country for me by a long shot.

Midlands England - harder. Men more standoffish but would eventually approach after a shed load of drinks. Missed the random chats I'd have with strangers when I moved there.

Edinburgh - twas easier to talk to strangers in Glasgow when we went out. People a little cold in Edinburgh.

London - Much harder to get chatting to strangers than Ireland. People quite stand-offish in a lot of areas. Friendlier in South London, I found.

South America - very easy generally but rest assured that the man who has just approached you has probably approached multiple women before you. It's a numbers game there. Men ranged from extremely sleazy to charming. I'd a few very creepy experiences there but also had the knickers charmed off me too.

Madrid, Spain - atrocious. You stay with the group you came out with unless you go to the really touristy spots in the centre where the lads go to pull foreign chicks. I haven't really been single at all since getting there but I had two very attractive female friends (one has gone home) who had difficulties chatting to guys and they'd both be fluent in the lingo. Guys don't approach here. Nothing like the interaction between people like Ireland. People don't have an interest in meeting people outside their own social circle.

Montpellier, France - again, outside of the tourist spots, people keep to themselves and their groups. You'd got fellas approaching you but i got the impression it was more to do with me being blonde and foreign and the perception they might have of me as a result more than anything else.

Chicago - men approach and are very confident to the point of being unnerving sometimes. Very upfront people.

Italy - men approach and I found them quite charming.

etc.

Point being, I've always found Ireland the easiest place to get talking to people. I got chatting to some girl in the jacks of the toilets for about 20 minutes last night. That kind of stuff only happens to me here, so when people go on about how hard Ireland is to get talking to women/men, I'm always suspicious that a) they're shy or b) they frequent meat markets where everyone is pissed and on their guard and not being themselves.

caustic 1 · 22-06-2013 12:05PM

Ha ha ha ha.....no,i didn't mean they gasp,i meant it as in I would gasp Jesus

Ah yeah get ye now ..phew

Table Top Joe · 22-06-2013 12:10PM

Czarcasm wrote: »

Are you HONESTLY going to tell me you've NEVER been approached by a woman in Ireland, that you only have women approach you when you go abroad?

In my early 20s before travelling?....very rarely,maybe once or twice(it happens more often now here but I think that's because attitudes have changed)I got more attention in places like America,England,Thailand(not just by Thai women before anyone jumps in there)Australia in a week or two than in a lifetime here

I have to wonder are some guys just not considering the fact that women actually DO approach them, but that they don't notice it because they're not the type of women they want approaching them?

This is certainly true of some guys,i know a guy who is always moaning about not being be able to get a woman,what he really means is he cant get a 9/10 or 10/10 but that's not my attitude

I'd also be interested to know what you think is the difference between male and female relationships as opposed to approaching the opposite sex in the first place? Surely you have to first approach the person of the opposite sex that interests you if you want to have a relationship with them.

The reason they don't approach you is because they're not interested in you enough to approach you. It happens. I don't make the effort to approach anyone that doesn't interest me, the same way I'm usually surprised when someone approaches me, because I wouldn't consider myself any way interesting. I'm quite an introverted person actually.

The rest of my post was addressing your notions about teenagers with raging hormones and "segregating" them in schools. In my experience, such things made no difference. It was more down to the person themselves and whether THEY were willing or not to make the effort with other people or even the opposite sex.

I don't understand a lot of your posts tbh.....as far as people needing to make the effort themselves with the opposite sex goes,yeah that's great but not much bloody good if the opposite sex is very unreceptive to this in the first place,you seem to think it would be all be rosy in the garden if people just pushed themselves to do it or whatever but if women here aren't really open to it then what difference does it make??

I feel I should stress im thinking/talking about my own experiences mainly from when I was younger 10,15 years ago,i think the country is much more mature now regarding sex but nowhere near as comfortable with it as most other countries(Western ones at least)

Table Top Joe · 22-06-2013 12:12PM

caustic 1 wrote: »

Ah yeah get ye now ..phew

I literally laughed out loud when I read what you thought....no,im not quite at the making them gasp by my mere presence level(unfortunately:()

caustic 1 · 22-06-2013 12:18PM

Tis good to laugh.

I think if more people aimed for that rather than trying to hard in the looks department which usually ends up looking something they totally not and awkward then there might be more success rate in meeting and greeting.

Take young girls for instance, the present trend of walking in stilt shoes, do they not realise how silly they look trying to keep their balance. Of course the shoes are beautiful and you want them but if only you could see how bad it is being nearly tip toeing around trying to stay upright, just because it is in fashion does not make it right. very few can pull off the really high shoes.

StupidLikeAFox · 22-06-2013 12:20PM

The Backwards Man wrote: »

Why do people make silly generalisations about Irish men and women that aren't true at all?

You meant, why do some people make generalisations....please I am a person and I don't do that at all, please stop tarring us with the one brush

caustic 1 · 22-06-2013 12:28PM

Like that name stupidlikefox lol sorry, digressing carry on.

The Backwards Man · 22-06-2013 12:35PM

StupidLikeAFox wrote: »

You meant, why do some people make generalisations....please I am a person and I don't do that at all, please stop tarring us with the one brush

Yeah, sorry about that. Generalising is catching around here.:pac:

Reindeer · 22-06-2013 12:38PM

Is it coz the morning after pill is 80 Euro?

thinly veiled 'help me find a cheaper MAP' request

starlit · 22-06-2013 12:41PM

I don't think we could be any bit like the Americans/Europeans/Ozzies in terms of approaching/dating even though we do try to adjust to their way of it but still hasn't really changed here despite the OD and other means of meeting people other than in a pub/club scene/work/college/school or through friends!

iwantmydinner · 22-06-2013 12:50PM

Seanafitz wrote: »

don't chat us up at all!! How many people do you know who met in a bar and became a couple ?? My own experience ... I know two couples who met in the same bar and then coincidentally broke up in said same bar about six months seven months later a couple of weeks apart ... And all there relationship consisted of was sitting in watching tv caus the girls wer usually to paronoid there man only wanted to go out so they could crawl around the pub looking at woman like he was the night he met her and 'swooned' her ... Think about it ... Your a woman ... Your hormones are naturally all over the place so your unstable as is .... And you meet a man in a bar ... He buys you a drink chats you up the works ... An while you don't usually you go along and have a laugh with him .... You start seeing him and two weeks\six months later he suggests you go back to the bar you met on a night out... You think heyy why not ...

You only catch it once ... But its that scan of the room he does as you walk in the door tells you their could possibly be some close to us now that has been with him before ... Or else ... He's usuing me to make other woman jelous for what ever god damned reason we could possibly make up in our heads ... And that's it ... The seed is planted ... The relationship is doomed

See woman are crazy ... We wana meet a man in a place that reflects what that man is about and his personality ... Bars just don't do it. .. Try the library she might think your educated

Eh, speak for yourself there! I know you're not a fan of the fairly standard method of bolding pertinent parts of quotes but I went ahead and did it anyway. I'm a woman. I'm neither crazy, paranoid, nor unstable due to hormones; I don't make up crazy reasons to justify jealousy and I have no idea what you mean by that last paragraph. How on earth is a man supposed to ensure that the place he's in reflects his personality or what he's about?! And as for the library suggestion... I don't even know.

pharmaton · 22-06-2013 12:55PM

iwantmydinner wrote: »

Eh, speak for yourself there! I know you're not a fan of the fairly standard method of bolding pertinent parts of quotes but I went ahead and did it anyway. I'm a woman. I'm neither crazy, paranoid, nor unstable due to hormones; I don't make up crazy reasons to justify jealousy and I have no idea what you mean by that last paragraph. How on earth is a man supposed to ensure that the place he's in reflects his personality or what he's about?! And as for the library suggestion... I don't even know.

I read that and questioned it too. made me think of this...

http://www.wikihow.com/Stop-Hating-Other-Women

Czarcasm · 22-06-2013 12:57PM

Table Top Joe wrote: »

I don't understand a lot of your posts tbh.....as far as people needing to make the effort themselves with the opposite sex goes,yeah that's great but not much bloody good if the opposite sex is very unreceptive to this in the first place,you seem to think it would be all be rosy in the garden if people just pushed themselves to do it or whatever but if women here aren't really open to it then what difference does it make??

You're not doing it for other women though, and you're not doing it with the idea of approaching women in mind. You're doing it for yourself, you're putting yourself out there to develop yourself as a person. The easier option is to close yourself off behind closed doors and then lament your own loneliness making excuses for yourself such as being "socially awkward" because you expect everyone else to make more of an effort than you're willing to make.*

I feel I should stress im thinking/talking about my own experiences mainly from when I was younger 10,15 years ago,i think the country is much more mature now regarding sex but nowhere near as comfortable with it as most other countries(Western ones at least)

I'd be about the same age as you Joe, 36 myself, and I'm talking too about my experiences from when I was younger right up to nowadays. I go into the club nowadays just to chill out (I could never dance for shìt anyway! :pac:), and I could easily spot 20 or 30 guys in my immediate line of view that are ten years younger and ten times better looking than me, and they still stand around in groups throwing eyeballs at the women and shapes at each other.

Then there's the odd lone stone like I was who will approach a girl he likes, she happens to like what she sees, and they pair off or whatever. I don't do any approaching myself as I'm married 16 years, but plenty of times I've been approached and many times by girls that would be young enough to be my daughter, yet when I point this out to them, they either don't care, or don't believe me. I get approached too by women in their 20's and 30's, so you can understand now why I find it hard to believe anyone that states like it's a categorical fact that Irish girls don't approach men!

*Not you specifically Joe, just people in general.

Legs.Eleven wrote: »

Countries I've lived in and my observations of interactions between genders in bars:

...

Point being, I've always found Ireland the easiest place to get talking to people. I got chatting to some girl in the jacks of the toilets for about 20 minutes last night. That kind of stuff only happens to me here, so when people go on about how hard Ireland is to get talking to women/men, I'm always suspicious that a) they're shy or b) they frequent meat markets where everyone is pissed and on their guard and not being themselves.

Legs you forgot Greece, where my wife and I were on holiday, and I went to the toilet in the club, was on my way back, and spotted some harmless Lothario nibbling the ear off my wife, who given the expression on her face, was trying to slide down into the crease in the couch to try and get away from him.

I pìssed myself laughing and fcuked off to the bar to get us a pair of drinks before I came back and told yer man to pìss off. My wife was none too happy about it, but she eventually saw the funny side!

jigglypuffstuff · 22-06-2013 12:57PM

Singularity 1 wrote: »

Having been to a lot of European countries I've noticed the way men and women interact on a night out is a lot different. Approaching an Irish woman is almost like crossing enemy lines. The guys usually need a bit of dutch courage and the women are often very defensive and assume he's only after one thing. That hasn't been my experience anywhere else where they are more laid back about been approached and are unassuming.

It's 2013 now and not much has changed here. Do you think the Irish have a lot of gender hang ups?

Very good thread OP, Im of the opinion that it is a cultural thing based on many factors with one being the stance the catholic church took during their reign here. Where sex and that was extremley looked down upon and quite and awkward topic, When people start hearing this thing from a young age it lodges inside them and can stay there

This would be the case with many of our parents. Who then perhaps passed this shyness and insecurity onto us as children. As a child (24 now) I remember attending a Novena mass. During that mass I remember a priest roaring repeatedly from the top of his lungs 'Sex is a sin, and for it you will burn in hell'

Now it doesnt cause me problems but that just shows you their stance and you can imagine during a time when any question of them would get you beaten would be a lot more convincing

Im hoping to do a Phd in social psychology once i graduate and im thinking of using the dating scene in ireland as a research topic. It annoys me how the scene is but at the same time its fascinating!!

Legs.Eleven · 22-06-2013 01:15PM

Legs you forgot Greece, where my wife and I were on holiday, and I went to the toilet in the club, was on my way back, and spotted some harmless Lothario nibbling the ear off my wife, who given the expression on her face, was trying to slide down into the crease in the couch to try and get away from him.

I pìssed myself laughing and fcuked off to the bar to get us a pair of drinks before I came back and told yer man to pìss off. My wife was none too happy about it, but she eventually saw the funny side!

I've never been there, you see. Specifically mentioned places I've lived and worked in because you get more of an idea how things really work there outside the tourist traps. Two weeks in Marbella or Ibiza doesn't give you the true impression of how the opposite sex interacts in Spain, for example. Bars that tourists tend to go to (city centre bars, for example) are always exceptional to the norm - men and women go there knowing tourists go there to get drunk and have fun but things are very different on a day-to-day basis.

Table Top Joe · 22-06-2013 01:24PM

Czarcasm wrote: »

You're not doing it for other women though, and you're not doing it with the idea of approaching women in mind. You're doing it for yourself, you're putting yourself out there to develop yourself as a person. The easier option is to close yourself off behind closed doors and then lament your own loneliness making excuses for yourself such as being "socially awkward" because you expect everyone else to make more of an effort than you're willing to make.*

I think we must have wires crossed here or something......anyway,as Ive said,what good is approaching women if theyre so defensive they wont give you the time of day anyway? there is an issue with this in Ireland, this has come up time and time again here(and is something pretty much every person I know agrees with,of both sexes...but of my age group or older,the younger generation appear to doing much better but I wouldn't know as much about that)

I'd be about the same age as you Joe, 36 myself, and I'm talking too about my experiences from when I was younger right up to nowadays. I go into the club nowadays just to chill out (I could never dance for shìt anyway! :pac:), and I could easily spot 20 or 30 guys in my immediate line of view that are ten years younger and ten times better looking than me, and they still stand around in groups throwing eyeballs at the women and shapes at each other.

This is kind of the point of the thread.....why are there 20 young good looking guys standing around throwing eyeballs at the women and not you know....approaching them??

Then there's the odd lone stone like I was who will approach a girl he likes, she happens to like what she sees, and they pair off or whatever. I don't do any approaching myself as I'm married 16 years, but plenty of times I've been approached and many times by girls that would be young enough to be my daughter, yet when I point this out to them, they either don't care, or don't believe me. I get approached too by women in their 20's and 30's, so you can understand now why I find it hard to believe anyone that states like it's a categorical fact that Irish girls don't approach men

They do approach men,i get approached myself nowadays far more than I ever did 10 years ago...but nowhere near as often as abroad still and theres still a defensiveness when I approach a woman a lot of the time....actually two of the most recent ones who approached me treated me like I was at a job interview btw,it was all about what I could do for them,what was I in to(to see if it they approved)a lot of "hmmm I don't know",it was incredible,they were both average at best acting like 9/10s...but that's for another thread maybe

Why do the Irish make such a big deal out of approaching members of the opposite sex?

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