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How important is drinks with dinner?

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Comments

  • #32
    niallers1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 798 ✭✭✭niallers1


    Your guests are going to a lot of effort and expense to go to your party/wedding.
    Buy them a couple of drinks. It's a bit mean not to.

    You are more than likely going to get the price of the drink you bought back as a gift anyway.


  • #33
    Meangadh
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,963 ✭✭✭Meangadh


    I wouldn't be one for expecting much at weddings in that all the extras a lot of people go for (party favours, sweet carts, ice cream vans etc) wouldn't do anything for me but the least I expect at a wedding is a fairly decent meal and a few (like 2 maybe) glasses of wine with the meal.

    I know weddings are expensive for the couple but weddings are also very expensive for the guests and I think it's only good manners to provide a little wine. I've been to a ridiculous amount of weddings (it's kind of become a joke to my family/friends at this stage) and not once was I at a wedding where there was no wine offered. I wouldn't be annoyed really as such if I didn't get wine, but I would find it a bit stingy.

    As for your venue charging for cake slicing- that is absolutely scandalous, I've never heard anything like that in my life.


  • #34
    Chattastrophe!
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,284 ✭✭✭Chattastrophe!


    To me it would be like going to a wedding reception meal and being told that the meat is provided - but you're expected to pay for the veg and sides etc yourself.

    It would be a bit of a pain in the ass for all the guests to be left to sort out their own drinks. It's not even the cost, really (although it does come across as very tight) - it's more the awkwardness of having guests getting settled at the table, waiting for the wine and eventually realising it's not going to come, then everyone up and down to the bar during the meal ... I dunno, if I was the one throwing the party, I'd be fairly mortified to have my guests make all the effort and give us gifts etc, and then not even give them a glass of wine with their dinner! I'd cut costs in a lot of other places to avoid that situation, to be honest.


  • #35
    Cookie_Monster
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2, Paid Member Posts: 24,755 ✭✭✭✭Cookie_Monster


    I agree with the above tbh and if it came down to it would prioritise drinks over dessert (but that's just me knowing my family :))

    Either way to have a package without dinner wine in it is a bit stingy. Our €55 per head covered prosecco* reception, 3/4s bottle wine per person with dinner and prosecco toast after, it can't be that expensive can it?!? I mean the booze is the best part of 15-20 of that on its own.

    we opted for this as it's a million times nicer than champagne ;)


  • #36
    clint_silver
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,915 ✭✭✭clint_silver


    [Deleted User] wrote: »
    :eek::eek::eek::eek:



    I'm literally picking myself up off the floor after reading this

    As I said earlier this charge is usually when the couple want their cake served as a dessert or afters finger food so the hotel would be serving someone else's food in lieu of their own. Kind of like a corkage fee. If the hotel are offering a bare bones package already, I see their point.


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  • #37
    cmbutterfly45
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 402 ✭✭cmbutterfly45


    It would be a bit of a pain in the ass for all the guests to be left to sort out their own drinks. It's not even the cost, really (although it does come across as very tight) - it's more the awkwardness of having guests getting settled at the table, waiting for the wine and eventually realising it's not going to come, then everyone up and down to the bar during the meal ... I dunno, if I was the one throwing the party, I'd be fairly mortified to have my guests make all the effort and give us gifts etc, and then not even give them a glass of wine with their dinner!"


    Ha that made me laugh I was at a "wedding" recently where we were all called to the ballroom and settled down only to find out there was no food!!!!!!
    It was fairly awkward when everyone realised we weren't getting food :o

    I think the prices hotel are giving you for corkage, cake, extension are way too expensive, is there no haggle room?
    I do agree with other posters that wine is almost essential we are having a half bottle per guest incl in our package we also get drinks reception and we can hav sparkling wine for reception with no corkage


  • #38
    lazygal
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,644 ✭✭✭✭lazygal


    January wrote: »
    It's crazy how many people think wine should be provided with the meal, the last 7 weddings I've been to, wine was served with 1 of the meals and that was it, the rest had a toast drink, or no drinks at all. It's definitely not the norm within my circles and people would prefer to be able to choose their drink rather than have a drink they don't like forced on them.

    Corkage in my venue is being charged at €10 a bottle. The bar extension was included in the package (€500 value normally stated on the contract)

    I'd say between us me and himself have been to about 40 weddings and wine has been served at all of them with the main meal. I've never heard of not providing it, I'd consider it part of the most basic wedding package.


  • #39
    Minier81
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 661 ✭✭✭Minier81


    January wrote: »
    It's crazy how many people think wine should be provided with the meal, the last 7 weddings I've been to, wine was served with 1 of the meals and that was it, the rest had a toast drink, or no drinks at all. It's definitely not the norm within my circles and people would prefer to be able to choose their drink rather than have a drink they don't like forced on them.

    Just because wine is offered does not force anybody to drink it????

    I think it is bad not to offer wine, if the budget is tight keep it to one glass. Would agree with other posters to scrap the toast drink in favour of it if necessary. Other optional thing I scrapped to keep manners on the budget: fancy car, favours, videographer, extra decorations/ table plans etc as the hotel ones were all fine.

    My hotel did not corkage option. Bar extension was free though, I would not pay the 700€ for a bar extension


  • #40
    Gatica
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,302 ✭✭✭Gatica


    Have never been to a wedding either where wine was not served with the meal, and most of our friends are now married (as in we went to their weddings :D).
    I can understand that you're probably scraping pennies together to make this happen, possibly cutting out dessert to have a wedding cake, deciding whether to have bar extension or wine, etc.. If you can't afford it though, you can't afford it. I'm sure your family would understand that you're limited financially in terms of what you can offer. However, if you could cut some other item that wouldn't be as noticeable by guests, I'd favour giving some wine with dinner.


  • #41
    D3PO
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,879 ✭✭✭D3PO


    January wrote: »
    It's crazy how many people think wine should be provided with the meal, the last 7 weddings I've been to, wine was served with 1 of the meals and that was it, the rest had a toast drink, or no drinks at all. It's definitely not the norm within my circles and people would prefer to be able to choose their drink rather than have a drink they don't like forced on them.

    I'm calling BS on this completely. If you said 2 of the last 7 id find it hard to believe, but there is no way your so unique that you and your circle of friends are so out of kilter with the standard setup of a wedding with a sit down meal that this is believable.

    besides which just because wine is offered doesn't mean you have to drink it, your still free to decline and buy your own drink at the bar for with your meal if you so wish.


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  • #42
    h2005
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,428 ✭✭✭h2005


    January wrote: »
    It's crazy how many people think wine should be provided with the meal, the last 7 weddings I've been to, wine was served with 1 of the meals and that was it, the rest had a toast drink, or no drinks at all. It's definitely not the norm within my circles and people would prefer to be able to choose their drink rather than have a drink they don't like forced on them.

    Corkage in my venue is being charged at €10 a bottle. The bar extension was included in the package (€500 value normally stated on the contract)

    I`ve never attended a wedding where wine wasnt provided.


  • #43
    January
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23,862 ✭✭✭✭January


    D3PO wrote: »
    I'm calling BS on this completely. If you said 2 of the last 7 id find it hard to believe, but there is no way your so unique that you and your circle of friends are so out of kilter with the standard setup of a wedding with a sit down meal that this is believable.

    besides which just because wine is offered doesn't mean you have to drink it, your still free to decline and buy your own drink at the bar for with your meal if you so wish.

    You can call BS all you want but it's the truth, I'm attending another wedding on the 23rd of July where they're not serving wine either but are giving the option of a toast drink and one other drink of choice.

    I never said nobody would be forced to drink the wine, but it's not really fair to just cater for the wine drinkers either is it? If it comes to a time closer to the wedding where I have funds left over I'll be doing the same as my friend and offering another choice of drink but there definitely won't be any wine served with the meal. If people are put out by this, so be it. They'll be getting drinks out of me anyway and if they choose to drink wine for their choice then that's fine with me.


  • #44
    Fittle
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,775 ✭✭✭Fittle


    OP here - thanks so much for all the replies - seems there's alot of opinions on this one!

    I am with all of you who say that wine should be served with the meal - as I said, it's himself who thinks we should spend that money elsewhere (on the bar extension, for example).

    Yes, we went for one of the 'deals' with the hotel - we opted for the 'middle' package, which gave us a choice for the main course - we're not particularly foodies, but thought it would be nice if people had a choice for the main course at least. The evening finger food is also covered in the package, as are the chair covers (who knew chair covers would be so important!) - the bubbly recption, tea/coffee & biscuits, dj and 4 free rooms on the nite. The package covered a good few of the extras that other hotels didn't, so we thought it was a good option.

    To whoever said we would appear mean if we don't offer wine with dinner - I agree entirely (no matter how nice the chair covers are!!) - but then I'm a wine drinker and himself, and most of his side, aren't so that's possibly why he doesn't feel it's as important as I do.


  • #45
    D3PO
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,879 ✭✭✭D3PO


    Fittle wrote: »
    To whoever said we would appear mean if we don't offer wine with dinner - I agree entirely (no matter how nice the chair covers are!!) - but then I'm a wine drinker and himself, and most of his side, aren't so that's possibly why he doesn't feel it's as important as I do.


    Unfortunately it doesn't matter that you are not mean. Perception is reality right or not.

    Weather its right or wrong, the meal and entertainment are the most important part for guests. Clearly the ceremony is all that's important especially to you and your H2B what I mean however is that in 5 years time if people were talking about your wedding for example, they wont be talking about how beautiful your dress was or even remember what it looked like, nor will they be talking about how lovely the church singer was.

    what they will remember though is if the food was good or bad and also if the entertainment was good or bad. (particularly the will remember if it was bad rather than good)

    That's human nature warts n all unfortunately.


  • #46
    lazygal
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,644 ✭✭✭✭lazygal


    Yep agree with this ^. Tight budgets or not, people won't remember your lovely bouquet or the church service filled with flowers or a large bridal party or a vintage car. They'll remember food, drink and entertainment. No one mentions my wedding dress more than two years on, but only recently at a family event more than one relative mentioned our free bar and great band.

    I would cut everything to the bone, except for food, drink and entertainment. That's where the largest majority of our budget went.


  • #47
    lazygal
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,644 ✭✭✭✭lazygal


    January wrote: »
    You can call BS all you want but it's the truth, I'm attending another wedding on the 23rd of July where they're not serving wine either but are giving the option of a toast drink and one other drink of choice.

    I never said nobody would be forced to drink the wine, but it's not really fair to just cater for the wine drinkers either is it? If it comes to a time closer to the wedding where I have funds left over I'll be doing the same as my friend and offering another choice of drink but there definitely won't be any wine served with the meal. If people are put out by this, so be it. They'll be getting drinks out of me anyway and if they choose to drink wine for their choice then that's fine with me.

    Where are you attending these weddings, is it in Ireland? As I said, between us we've been to about 40 over the past few years, in pretty much every county in Ireland, and have never heard of not serving wine with a meal.

    Can I ask why you're so dead set against serving wine with a meal, if you have the funds to do so? I know I wouldn't be massively peeved to be offered a choice of drink (I'd chose wine with a meal, as would most people I'd imagine) but I could see not having wine as a talking point at the table - and not in a nice way.


  • #48
    Malari
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 18,150 ✭✭✭✭Malari


    lazygal wrote: »
    Where are you attending these weddings, is it in Ireland? As I said, between us we've been to about 40 over the past few years, in pretty much every county in Ireland, and have never heard of not serving wine with a meal.

    Can I ask why you're so dead set against serving wine with a meal, if you have the funds to do so? I know I wouldn't be massively peeved to be offered a choice of drink (I'd chose wine with a meal, as would most people I'd imagine) but I could see not having wine as a talking point at the table - and not in a nice way.

    Out of interest what's the difference between offering guests wine or any other drink with their meal?


  • #49
    solerina
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,442 ✭✭✭solerina


    cmbutterfly45 wrote: »
    It would be a bit of a pain in the ass for all the guests to be left to sort out their own drinks. It's not even the cost, really (although it does come across as very tight) - it's more the awkwardness of having guests getting settled at the table, waiting for the wine and eventually realising it's not going to come, then everyone up and down to the bar during the meal ... I dunno, if I was the one throwing the party, I'd be fairly mortified to have my guests make all the effort and give us gifts etc, and then not even give them a glass of wine with their dinner!"


    Ha that made me laugh I was at a "wedding" recently where we were all called to the ballroom and settled down only to find out there was no food!!!!!!
    It was fairly awkward when everyone realised we weren't getting food :o

    I think the prices hotel are giving you for corkage, cake, extension are way too expensive, is there no haggle room?
    I do agree with other posters that wine is almost essential we are having a half bottle per guest incl in our package we also get drinks reception and we can hav sparkling wine for reception with no corkage

    You really have to explain this...am dying to know what was going on !!!


  • #50
    MrsB2be
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 44 ✭MrsB2be


    loveisdivine wrote: »
    To be honest it sounds like your getting ripped off. I dunno how much your package was but were paying €4500 for ours with 80 guests. That includes champagne reception, wine with dinner and a wheel barrow of bottled beers for non wine drinkers.


    We wanted to have bottled beers on our tables instead, as not many of our guests are wine drinkers. Hotel could not give us a price for doing this, but i love that idea!:)


  • #51
    lazygal
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,644 ✭✭✭✭lazygal


    Malari wrote: »
    Out of interest what's the difference between offering guests wine or any other drink with their meal?

    Wine is a social norm with food. Rightly or wrongly, if I'm asked to a wedding and there's a formal sit down meal as part of the reception, I'd expect wine to be served. I'd also like to not be in a position to have to ask for wine, or have to split a bottle with others I may not know.

    I don't think I'm that out there drawing a distinction between having wine served with a meal at a formal occasion versus another drink.


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  • #52
    cmbutterfly45
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 402 ✭✭cmbutterfly45


    solerina wrote: »
    You really have to explain this...am dying to know what was going on !!!

    Ha was a funny one alright so we got an invite was all in hotel start at 6pm civil ceremony followed by reception at 7pm RSVP ect ( which is normally for food numbers) ceremony was nice no reception drinks ect which I thought slightly strange but thought ok , bell rang for us to go to ballroom so all headed down sat at tables and the dj started !!!!!
    We got a plate of sandwiches and goujons and sausages at 9:30!!!!
    It was definitely the scabbiest effort I've ever seen but the worst was the bride and groom seemed completely oblivious I wanted to ask them had they never been to a wedding? Tbh a lot of very angry ppl thinking a full wedding as the invite was so misleading , myself i think it was a greed thing , we had a party couple months ago and hotel did a deal where we got pretty much same amount of food and it cost us the grand total of €50
    It was a pretty unbelievable "wedding" makes u think twice about the wine issue :)


  • #53
    foggy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 184 ✭✭foggy


    Fittle wrote: »
    Yes, we went for one of the 'deals' with the hotel - we opted for the 'middle' package, which gave us a choice for the main course - we're not particularly foodies, but thought it would be nice if people had a choice for the main course at least. The evening finger food is also covered in the package, as are the chair covers (who knew chair covers would be so important!) - the bubbly recption, tea/coffee & biscuits, dj and 4 free rooms on the nite. The package covered a good few of the extras that other hotels didn't, so we thought it was a good option.

    To whoever said we would appear mean if we don't offer wine with dinner - I agree entirely (no matter how nice the chair covers are!!) - but then I'm a wine drinker and himself, and most of his side, aren't so that's possibly why he doesn't feel it's as important as I do.

    We are currently looking at hotels for our wedding and are looking at a deal as well. But we asked to make it a four course meal instead of five courses which will save around €3 per head... for which we are taking an extra glass of wine per person instead. You could consider that as a way of saving a few euro.
    We're just joining the starter and soup course so it's starter or soup rather than choice of starter then soup.


  • #54
    homemadecider
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,858 ✭✭✭homemadecider


    I've never been to a wedding where there wasn't wine offered with dinner. To be completely honest, I'd think it was scabby if there was no wine and you can bet everyone would be talking about it over dinner.


  • #55
    Meangadh
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,963 ✭✭✭Meangadh


    clint_silver wrote: »
    As I said earlier this charge is usually when the couple want their cake served as a dessert or afters finger food so the hotel would be serving someone else's food in lieu of their own. Kind of like a corkage fee. If the hotel are offering a bare bones package already, I see their point.

    I don't. And most other wedding venues don't see their point either. Jesus weddings are expensive enough without charging for simply slicing a feckin cake. Out of principle alone I wouldn't go near a venue who would take advantage of charging for that "service". I already think that some corkage fees can be too high but I do understand that people providing their own wine can cut down on profits- but surely slicing the cake and serving it is simply a good will gesture and not a chance for a venue to maximise their profits.

    Anyway, sorry that's a bit off topic. Bottom line, people will simply see a couple as stingy if there is no wine. People spend the bones of often between 250 to 500 individually on attending a wedding, the least they deserve is some wine with their meal. It's just good manners. I genuinely think some couples (not many, but some certainly) don't take into account the cost of the day on their guests, but simply the cost on themselves.


  • #56
    Malari
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 18,150 ✭✭✭✭Malari


    lazygal wrote: »
    Wine is a social norm with food. Rightly or wrongly, if I'm asked to a wedding and there's a formal sit down meal as part of the reception, I'd expect wine to be served. I'd also like to not be in a position to have to ask for wine, or have to split a bottle with others I may not know.

    I don't think I'm that out there drawing a distinction between having wine served with a meal at a formal occasion versus another drink.

    Yeah, fair enough, but I guess I just don't see that much of an issue if there are waiters going around with a bottle of red and a bottle of white OR having waiters asking if you'd prefer a different drink instead.

    I am a wine drinker, I would always have wine with meals but from the weddings I've been to there are nearly always half the table refusing wine and sticking to beer/G&T, etc. If those are drinks that will be paid for by the host then I don't really see the issue.


  • #57
    gabsdot40
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 355 ✭✭gabsdot40


    I don't drink at all so I have never noticed if wine has been served at weddings I've been too but I want to speak up on behalf of people like me . If the drinkers get wine then provide some bottles of shloer or similar for the non drinkers / designated drivers etc You get sick of coke or fanta pretty quickly


  • #58
    Moonbeam
    Moderators, Education Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 19,029 Mod ✭✭✭✭Moonbeam


    Fittle -bargain with them,do not accept the extras for stuff like cutting the cake or stupid corkage.
    Personally I think champagne for the reception or toast is a big waste but wine with the meal is nice.


  • #59
    pwurple
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,132 ✭✭✭✭pwurple


    Wine with dinner is the norm and has been for a LONG time. Even the ruddy bible mentions it for goodness sake. Water into wine, wedding at cana... Actually, watch you don't use that particular reading in the ceremony if you're scrapping the wine with dinner. :)

    Yeah, skip having a cake at all, skip the champagne reception, drop a bridesmaid even.... but don't skip the wine with the meal!


  • #60
    pinkypinky
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 6,989 Mod ✭✭✭✭pinkypinky


    Could you not skip the toast drink and have wine on the table to use as the toast? I've never understood why I needed a separate drink for toasts when I've already been perfectly happy with wine throughout the meal. It doesn't have to be great wine but I do think you have provide at least one glass per person.

    Genealogy Forum Mod



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  • #61
    Samhain
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 245 ✭✭Samhain


    See Previous thread about wine at weddings - http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=74001232

    My post from that thread is as follows, just don't do what these people did.....

    I was at a wedding recently where there were wine glasses on the tables but there wasnt any sign of wine being served. I thought "fair enough, the hotel must have put down the glasses by mistake" until i saw that the top 3 tables for the bridal party and family etc had wine. I thought it was one of the stingiest things i had seen at a wedding....either have wine or dont, segregating it is bad form imo.


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