Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie

Am I unattractive if I don't get approached by guys?

2»

Comments

  • #32
    beks101
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,802 ✭✭✭beks101


    Just reading the thread title gave me a mental image of a young woman dressed up to the nines standing self consciously in the middle of a club feeling awkward and getting more miserable as the night wears on because she's not getting the drunken chat up lines that all the other girls seem to get.

    Ah I remember it well. I spent many years in my late teens early 20s feeling inadequate because I wasn't the girl getting approached/harassed 20 times a night in these loud, crazy places, and it said more about my own lack of confidence and need for external validation than anything else. I wouldn't feel any better when I did get the approaches, because then Id be thinking "he's probably tried 10 girls before me" or "he's only after the ride anyway"

    Seriously, work on your self confidence. If you knew your own self worth, you'd have the perspective on this to know that your attractiveness isn't determined by the amount of lads who try it on with you in these places, more likely that has to do with how short your dress is or where you're positioned in the club. I know a stunning looking lady who will "dress down" some nights to avoid attention - by which she means trousers & light makeup as opposed to a skirt & full face of slap - and it'll cut the attention by half. Please, please stop looking for validation of your looks in these places - it really is that fickle.

    And Ive never met a boyfriend in a club. All that has ever amounted to for me is a one night stand or drunken kiss with a faceless randomer Ive never seen again. All of my exes were friends of friends who met me at a house party or work drinks or some random event or class I took with the intention of spending quality time with friends and getting to know the city better. I was happy, smiling, friendly, relaxed and not self conscious because I was only there for the craic, not with the expectations of meeting a new boyfriend. So they met me at my best - fresh faced and happy to chat away to anyone - as opposed to cowering in a club with too much makeup on and a dress that made me feel totally exposed and insecure.


  • #33
    _dublinlad_
    Closed Accounts Posts: 243 ✭✭_dublinlad_


    From a guys perspective I would have only one bit of advice - Stop trying.

    What I mean by this is - do all the things you love doing the most. Be the person you want to be. Be happy within yourself.
    Dress how you like to dress. Have confidence in yourself. Forget about meeting men or the man of your dreams for now. Work on being as happy as you can be and the right man will come along because of this.

    I was the male equivalent of you a while back and I was given this advice. I took it, it worked.. and its some of the best advice I've ever been given.

    Best of luck.


  • #34
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    beks101 wrote: »
    Just reading the thread title gave me a mental image of a young woman dressed up to the nines standing self consciously in the middle of a club feeling awkward and getting more miserable as the night wears on because she's not getting the drunken chat up lines that all the other girls seem to get.

    Ah I remember it well. I spent many years in my late teens early 20s feeling inadequate because I wasn't the girl getting approached/harassed 20 times a night in these loud, crazy places, and it said more about my own lack of confidence and need for external validation than anything else. I wouldn't feel any better when I did get the approaches, because then Id be thinking "he's probably tried 10 girls before me" or "he's only after the ride anyway"

    Seriously, work on your self confidence. If you knew your own self worth, you'd have the perspective on this to know that your attractiveness isn't determined by the amount of lads who try it on with you in these places, more likely that has to do with how short your dress is or where you're positioned in the club. I know a stunning looking lady who will "dress down" some nights to avoid attention - by which she means trousers & light makeup as opposed to a skirt & full face of slap - and it'll cut the attention by half. Please, please stop looking for validation of your looks in these places - it really is that fickle.

    And Ive never met a boyfriend in a club. All that has ever amounted to for me is a one night stand or drunken kiss with a faceless randomer Ive never seen again. All of my exes were friends of friends who met me at a house party or work drinks or some random event or class I took with the intention of spending quality time with friends and getting to know the city better. I was happy, smiling, friendly, relaxed and not self conscious because I was only there for the craic, not with the expectations of meeting a new boyfriend. So they met me at my best - fresh faced and happy to chat away to anyone - as opposed to cowering in a club with too much makeup on and a dress that made me feel totally exposed and insecure.


    Lol oh no I don't dress as covered up as muchas that just usually dresses that like aren't too short or too long that like sit at the right part of the leg or I wear shorts. I usually don't like being chatted up anyway but it does make you feel attractive in a way when some guys do. Although I feel more confident when I'm dressed in my casual style but do dress fairly in style like really to be honest I'd rather go to the club wear jeans and boots with a nice top if I could but I just dress up because I'll look too casual if I don't. Like I used to be a tomboy who hated skirts, dresses but I've changed I don't mind them too much now but still I prefer jeans or shorts.
    I know if I was going out dressed up I always feel more self conscious on the bus or bus stop and around busy places.

    Yeah I don't mind too much about the drunken kisses and that I see them as pointless now like it's a waste of time. I know a few college people I've been out with usually expect you to meet someone. Like I would rather meet someone in a more casual setting but I'm never really around places that I would bump into anyone.


  • #35
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    _dublinlad_ wrote: »
    From a guys perspective I would have only one bit of advice - Stop trying.

    What I mean by this is - do all the things you love doing the most. Be the person you want to be. Be happy within yourself.
    Dress how you like to dress. Have confidence in yourself. Forget about meeting men or the man of your dreams for now. Work on being as happy as you can be and the right man will come along because of this.

    I was the male equivalent of you a while back and I was given this advice. I took it, it worked.. and its some of the best advice I've ever been given.

    Best of luck.

    Yeah thats what I'm thinking of working on and not going back on the online dating until I feel more confident and happier that could be where i went wrong on the site.


  • #36
    Stavro Mueller
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,673 ✭✭✭Stavro Mueller


    Don't limit your horizons to just nightclubs or online dating. They're not the only places where you can potentially meet boyfriends. You could meet them through your friends or other social situations you find yourself in. Also, don't try too hard. If you do, you run the risk of coming across as desperate. Now that's a major turn-off and will send lads running in the opposite direction. Some people find that when they're not too fussed whether they meet someone or not and they're just enjoying themselves with their friends, that's when someone comes along.


  • Advertisement
  • #37
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    cymbaline wrote: »
    Don't limit your horizons to just nightclubs or online dating. They're not the only places where you can potentially meet boyfriends. You could meet them through your friends or other social situations you find yourself in. Also, don't try too hard. If you do, you run the risk of coming across as desperate. Now that's a major turn-off and will send lads running in the opposite direction. Some people find that when they're not too fussed whether they meet someone or not and they're just enjoying themselves with their friends, that's when someone comes along.

    I've never really gone out with the intention of meeting guys I usually don't care whether I meet a guy and focus on enjoying myself with my friends. I have other friends who go out intentionally to meet guys and nearly always do but it's not like longterm thing just the general club kiss or whatever.
    I'm just working on getting more confident at the moment I won't be like that after either but I guess I'll just appear happier or something. I don't if it's because I'm not as touchy feely I'd be more aloof .


  • #38
    DonQuigleone
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 110 ✭✭DonQuigleone


    I wouldn't worry too much about whether or not you're attractive. Unless you look like a troll, there will always be a lot of guys who'll find you attractive. And heck, I know some guys who are into women that would not be stereotypically "attractive". In terms of guys not approaching you in clubs, maybe you don't look open to being talked too. But I wouldn't overly worry about it.

    Work on being happy with who you are. After all, how can you expect someone else to love you if you can't love yourself?


Advertisement