Dealing with Bullying- Where to turn?

Hi all! Wanted to give you a much needed update, after a prolonged absence. My parents met with my principal and Vice-Principal around the last week of April. My dad so happened to encounter my "Boards.ie" post PRIOR to the meeting, and without my knowledge brought it in as "evidence". Both my Principal and Vice-Principal were astounded at both the severity and nature of this girl"s behavior, and appeared to be very sympathetic, initially .
I received many compliments in regards to my academic and social qualities, and my parents were ensured that action would be taken. They also claimed they would sort the my difficult "friend" out. I was made aware later that day by the Vice-Principal ( Hauled into her office after lunch), that I had her full support, and that action would be taken, but also reminded me how admirable, intelligent etc I was(She was impressed by my language skills!) She recommended going back to the school"s gaelic team ( I shall get to that later on), but also referred me to the school"s guidance counselor immediately. So, from the context of the last paragraph, you would assume that the school is now taking a "pro-active" approach. I beg to differ.


I met with with the guidance counselor the following day, and found her to be very approachable and generally supportive.She referred to the "horrendous" things that she had seen from my posts. She also offered "coping/assertive strategies", which I endeavored to attempt. My Vice-Principal was surprisingly matriarchal during that particular week,(As she is normally matron-like in some aspects), and enquired several times " How was your day" " Difficult day, eh?" ( Judging by my facial expression, I can only assume), and most hauntingly looking back " You hang in there, won"t you"?. The perpetrator"s parents were brought in that following Monday, and I did not discover the results of this meeting until the next day few days, when my dad was called in. I had about two more sessions with the guidance counselor between this period, and was eager to know any results. I had heard speculation from classmates about the outcome, as a number of peers were called out as part of the "investigation" ( I shall explain later) that she had got off "scot-free", I was a "liar" and that there was more evidence of her bullying her and my former friend than there was of her displaying any unpleasant behavior towards me. I voiced this apprehension to my parents, who told me not to base my fears on "gossip"


My hunch was completely accurate, when my dad met them for a follow up. Without conjugating a novel, both authority figures insisted that they had investigated it thoroughly, which consisted of Interviewing 8 "pupils" ( Some friends of mine, some friends of hers, and some were not in the previous two categories ( None were willing to back me up) ( Trust me, people have witnessed things), observations by teachers, and SNAS being placed in classrooms. They went onto claim that they have no evidence to accuse this girl of committing anything, and that any disciplinary action would be over-looked on appeal, and it would be "unjust" in their eyes. They referred to the fact that my "Diary" ( I had given them a physical hardback diary aswell) had many short-comings( Not enough detail), and that it didn"t help much in their investigated. They advocated that my "low self-esteem" is to blame for this ( Apparently quitting sports teams leads you to aquire " Psychological problems" now, and that they would offer to ensure I receive continuous counselling, and that I wouldn"t be placed in the same class as her, in the next academic year. Of course, her parents rebuffed the whole situation as did she, and insisted that she had obeyed their commands to "keep away" from me". They finally went onto say that they considered the case to be a closed matter, and that this particular girl is not capable of being subtle, and that when I enter a room, according to teachers, she curls up physically to avoid any contact.

The meeting concluded with the authorities stating " We cannot provide any more supportive", and my dad replying that my position within the school could not be foreseen. They replied " We"ll be sorry to lose her", and my dad abruptly left, without a handshake. Of course she is capable of being subtle. This girl is one of the most manipulative creatures I have ever come across ( I could say worse, but the threat of certain figures seeing this looms over me now, is more prevalent), having mistreated/and continuing to abuse a myriad of people. The majority of the more recent bullying occurrences have been subtle without "witnesses", I will admit, but I"m telling you, there are witnesses who are un-willing to stand their ground. Essentially, I have a very thin line of support, and many have branded me a "liar" and over-sensitive".


My parents were absolutely shocked at this response, as was I, to some extent. For the school to do a complete U-turn, was completely un-foreseen, and represents the complete and utter un-just nature of it all. So much as this disgust that my parents decided to remove me from the school, and started researching right away. As you can imagine, placements for 3rd year are often far and between, but a particular private school caught their eye, which to my sheer luck has placements. This is a highly academically-rigorous school, which is located on a newly built state of the art campus. (<Mod Snip: It is against the Forum rules to request posters contact you via PM>) It really is a fabulous and stimulating environment. Which has a very good reputation in many aspects, but especially pastoral care. I met the Principal and Vice-Principal last week, and was astounded at their intuition, warmth, and determination. My parents were very impressed with the principal also, and feel as though I will be cared for with the utmost respect, and challenged. A certain stark contrast to what I"m used to, facility wise too! ( I"m talking private hospital/modern 3rd level campus material here!) The principal was given my academic records, and my "certificate of academic achievement award" and seemed considerably impressed. There were a few subject dilemmas, but I was assured this would be a minor issue. I had a lot to take into consideration, and my parents felt as though I should change environments. We accepted the place once offered, and the deposit for my fees was dropped into today, confirming my place.

To be entirely honest, I was very apprehensive, and still am quite apprehensive about moving. I would hate to be perceived as "weak", and a "trouble maker", and ponder as to whether certain people have won in this situation. I fully believe that I urgently need to put this past year behind me, in order to achieve certain things, and move on with my life. Life is too short for being miserable, after all. It certainly has made me put things into prospective, challenges should not define who or what you are. They ultimately make you stronger, and I aspire to take everything I can from this horrific experience. I do feel a sense of neglect from my school. From my perspective, I will NEVER receive an apology or natural justice, and they will never believe me. Without my parent"s belief of me, and support, I could not have survived this past year. My dad decided to fight my corner following the meeting, and sent a letter also asking for a copy of their "Anti-bullying Policy".

A package arrived earlier in the week containing a letter, a "report" into the case, and a copy of the policy. Naturally they defended all of their actions, insisted nothing "untoward" was taking place, I am over-sensitized to behavior that is not meant for me, there is no witnesses, referred to the fact that the mother of my former friend had complained that I had been exhibiting "bullying behavior" and that this girl felt that no "bullying" was taking place. How dare she, is all I would say. She is completely spineless, is all I can say. The bully has told half of my year I"m a liar, and when a peer confronted her last week about her behavior towards me, she denied it of course, and stormed out of the year. I"m determined to make public ( In the school environment) the manner of these two girls, and already have done on a small scale. I had a follow up two days after the shocking verdict with the guidance counselor and let off a tumultuous amount of steam,and anger. I told her I had no interest in having any more sessions, as there was no logical point, if the school was not going to accept that there is a problem. I shook her hand, out of courtesy, and finished the sessions. I shall need to return later this week as a situation has arisen in which my mum has received yet another vile text from that mother who reported me, claiming I am "harassing" and bullying her daughter on Facebook and other social media sites, and that I will be reported if she did not respond immediately. My parents did not give this woman ammunition, which she obviously craves, and told me to go to the guidance counselor, as this woman has been stalking me for a number of weeks after school, and making rude gestures ( Middle finger etc). I think that it is utterly appalling for an adult to behave in such a way.


There is absolutely no substance in these allegations. Firstly, this woman is dangerous, and was one of detrimental factors to the belittling and demolishing of the truth of my case. ( ie portraying me to be "nasty", defending the bully even though she had made her daughter"s life a misery etc. 2ndly, she acts like a dog with a bone, and is a very bitter and obviously troubled lady ( Not my place to state publicly). 3rdly, her daughter ditched me, sided with the bully and made remarks and comments about me. And finally, her daughter doesn"t possesses any form of social media, so it doesn"t quite add up. I truly believe the bully is stirring up something to get back at me. Where else would she get her sources from? Could she be referring to the "Boards.ie" posts?. I think you will all agree that I wrote these in a very professional manner. My new best friend has also decided to ditch me in the last week or so. To be honest, she was never entirely great for my self-esteem, and many thought she was bitchy,un-pleasant and two-sided etc. I guess my school authorities were right about one thing, if they"re reading this. ( They had previously warned my parents that this girl was a bad influence, whatever that means.). It"s just another blow, I guess. I have been betrayed , neglected, and let down by numerous people this past year, and my current school is just a completely flawed and toxic environment. Ultimately, I don"t think I will regret moving on, in the long-run. I hope I can now aspire to reach my full potential, and make new friends. I received some external counselling from a "Anti-Bullying Centre" from a well-known University about a week ago, and I am delighted to state that the particular Counselor boasted my moral highly, and provided much needed support and guidance. ( She actually believed me, and complimented me highly)

If the mods decide to close down the thread, I just want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for being a listening ear, since December. Your support has been so unbelievably beneficial and refreshing. I have this underlining feeling that the bully"s behavior will never be challenged, certainly not by that school. She will rip through many"s self-esteem, and perhaps embark on a path of self-destructive. If she wants to continue with this manner, let her... If the school wants to operate a completely unjust and flawed institution.. So be it. I am beyond the point of vigilance.

All the best,

Emma x