Why do people still have expensive weddings?

Red Pepper · 14-05-2013 01:34PM

Can someone do a poll on who likes/dislikes weddings? I don't know how.
I am surprised at how many people like them and others are surprised at how many dislike them.
Only people that have been to >5 weddings should take the poll!

keithclancy · 14-05-2013 01:39PM

I don't really get why Irish people are so Interested in how much money someone else spent on something.

What f*cking business is it of yours.

Best example:
You bought Coca Cola ... ya posh git .. I get the euroshopper stuff .. exact same.

randombar · 14-05-2013 01:57PM

I wonder how many people in this thread have gotten married?

I love a good wedding, had 7 in a year a few years ago, each one of them was great craic.

Recovering from a wedding is getting much tougher though

14-05-2013 10:29PM

Kyra Echoing Cap wrote: »

I usually only get Christmas and birthday presents from my parents, granny, sisters and gf, sometimes from my grandaunt and usually a Christmas present from one of my aunts.

It's almost always cash or vouchers except from my parents who sometimes ask if there is anything I'd like in particular instead of just money though they usually throw in some cash too if they but something and my gf who picks out a present she knows I will like.

When comparing with a wedding though I'd use my 21st and university graduation as these are big events I got 1000's for both of these between friends, my parents friends, relations and very generous gifts from a number of close family members.

And I don't think lavishing you with cash and expensive gifts seems to have done you much good. You sound incredibly spoiled.

There's nothing wrong with receiving huge amounts of cash as gifts if your family has the money, but too often, it just results in a sense of entitlement. Weddings aren't about making money and graduations and birthdays aren't either. I think it's a bit sad that you seem to equate life events with money. You've admitted that you'd 'expect' a cash gift for your wedding and would be disappointed and remember it forever if someone got you a gift you didn't deem 'acceptable'. Why not invite people to things because you want them there and earn your own money to spend on stuff you want?

.jacksparrow. · 14-05-2013 10:31PM

Alison Eager Bobsled wrote: »

And I don't think lavishing you with cash and expensive gifts seems to have done you much good. You sound incredibly spoiled.

There's nothing wrong with receiving huge amounts of cash as gifts if your family has the money, but too often, it just results in a sense of entitlement. Weddings aren't about making money and graduations and birthdays aren't either. I think it's a bit sad that you seem to equate life events with money. You've admitted that you'd 'expect' a cash gift for your wedding and would be disappointed and remember it forever if someone got you a gift you didn't deem 'acceptable'. Why not invite people to things because you want them there and earn your own money to spend on stuff you want?

Sure look at communions and confirmations nowadays, kids making 100s, no one to blame but the parents, it just follows through.

14-05-2013 10:52PM

Alison Eager Bobsled wrote: »

And I don't think lavishing you with cash and expensive gifts seems to have done you much good. You sound incredibly spoiled.

There's nothing wrong with receiving huge amounts of cash as gifts if your family has the money, but too often, it just results in a sense of entitlement. Weddings aren't about making money and graduations and birthdays aren't either. I think it's a bit sad that you seem to equate life events with money. You've admitted that you'd 'expect' a cash gift for your wedding and would be disappointed and remember it forever if someone got you a gift you didn't deem 'acceptable'. Why not invite people to things because you want them there and earn your own money to spend on stuff you want?

How do you mean it hasn't done me any good? I also don't know what gives you the impression that I'm spoiled, I certainly am not. Most of the money I received was either saved or put towards proper things like a laptop when I needed one for undergrad (and they were very expensive at the time) or towards a car. It certainly wasn't blown. Yes I expected to receive a certain amount of money as I'd been to a number friends 21st's and they got money so I knew I would, I didn't expect to receive as much as I did and it was all very very much appreciated, you make it sound like it wasn't.

I really don't see what the issue is with expecting a cash gift at a wedding when it is the done thing. Its not like its some outlandish expectation, its the norm. I also never said I was inviting people to things for the sake of getting gifts, I would invite people because I want them to be there but when the chances are they will give you something It's hardly a massive leap to expect to get a certain amount anyway. It wouldn't be a massive deal if someone didn't give me a good gift to be honest, as I said the only thing it would effect would be for instance when their wedding came around I would certainly not be giving more than they gave me, where as if someone gave me a generous gift the favour would be returned.

14-05-2013 11:09PM

.jacksparrow. wrote: »

Sure look at communions and confirmations nowadays, kids making 100s, no one to blame but the parents, it just follows through.

You don't have to do it. It's a choice. My parents didn't want me to grow up spoiled, so they didn't spoil me, cave into peer pressure or engage in keeping up with the Joneses. The first sign of 'expecting' presents would have resulted in receiving nothing at all.

14-05-2013 11:17PM

Kyra Echoing Cap wrote: »

How do you mean it hasn't done me any good? I also don't know what gives you the impression that I'm spoiled, I certainly am not. Most of the money I received was either saved or put towards proper things like a laptop when I needed one for undergrad (and they were very expensive at the time) or towards a car. It certainly wasn't blown. Yes I expected to receive a certain amount of money as I'd been to a number friends 21st's and they got money so I knew I would, I didn't expect to receive as much as I did and it was all very very much appreciated, you make it sound like it wasn't.

This sort of thing gives me that impression, along with the fact you seem to think receiving that kind of money is the norm. It isn't.

I really don't see what the issue is with expecting a cash gift at a wedding when it is the done thing. Its not like its some outlandish expectation, its the norm. I also never said I was inviting people to things for the sake of getting gifts, I would invite people because I want them to be there but when the chances are they will give you something It's hardly a massive leap to expect to get a certain amount anyway. It wouldn't be a massive deal if someone didn't give me a good gift to be honest, as I said the only thing it would effect would be for instance when their wedding came around I would certainly not be giving more than they gave me, where as if someone gave me a generous gift the favour would be returned.

I just don't really like the idea of 'expecting' anything. I know cash is the done thing, but I hate the idea of asking for it, I hate the idea of trying to pay for your wedding with it and I especially hate this 'she gave me X, so I'm not giving her more than that' attitude. That's not how gifts are supposed to work!

14-05-2013 11:26PM

Alison Eager Bobsled wrote: »

This sort of thing gives me that impression, along with the fact you seem to think receiving that kind of money is the norm. It isn't

Come on who doesn't expect to get presents for their birthday or Christmas for instance. If I have been getting presents ever year at my birthday for 20 years I'm hardly going to think I will get nothing on my 21st.

Receiving a decent bit of money is certainly the norm at 21st's in my experience. I've been to at least 20 and at everyone there were a lot of cards with money handed to the person celebrating their birthday. I understand I may have gotten an above average amount due to one or two particularly generous gifts but that's irrelevant really.

I'm also fairly sure a few of the 21st's I was at the person got more than me, some could have had 50 or 60 people plus at them, gifts add up very fast with that amount of people giving a card.

14-05-2013 11:30PM

Kyra Echoing Cap wrote: »

Come on who doesn't expect to get presents for their birthday or Christmas for instance. If I have been getting presents ever year at my birthday for 20 years I'm hardly going to think I will get nothing on my 21st.

Receiving a decent bit of money is certainly the norm at 21st's in my experience. I've been to at least 20 and at everyone there were a lot of cards with money handed to the person celebrating their birthday. I understand I may have gotten an above average amount due to one or two particularly generous gifts but my point still stands.

Imagine at your 21st that you got quite a few cards (no money in) and a gift such a jewellery from your parents? No cash at all. How would you have felt?

14-05-2013 11:39PM

Alison Eager Bobsled wrote: »

Imagine at your 21st that you got quite a few cards (no money in) and a gift such a jewellery from your parents? No cash at all. How would you have felt?

I'd be very surprised but when the norm for any 21st I was at before my own and after my own was to give at least 21 euro to the person celebrating their birthday and the fact my parents have given me cash at birthdays before (not always though, sometimes they have me an actual present) can you see from my point of view why I would be surprised?

PinkLemonade · 14-05-2013 11:40PM

On the subject of gifts for a wedding, my theory has always been, if they don't own a house, give them cash as they won't have room for all the gifts etc?
That's why my sister and friends ask for cash. I've never heard of one of my friends remark on a wedding gift, except for one person who received something from the pound shop off a very well off uncle.

Xaniaj · 14-05-2013 11:45PM

I have to admit that I also find the expectation of cash a bit vulgar. As I've gotten older, I actually get embarrassed if I receive cash presents and the idea that some people actually expect them seems crass to me.

Zoundz · 15-05-2013 12:04AM

Kyra Echoing Cap wrote: »

I'd be very surprised but when the norm for any 21st I was at before my own and after my own was to give at least 21 euro to the person celebrating their birthday and the fact my parents have given me cash at birthdays before (not always though, sometimes they have me an actual present) can you see from my point of view why I would be surprised?

This must be an Irish thing... certainly never heard of this in Wales - and when I turned 21 we went out for a few drinks and had a laugh... I bought my own drinks... I got a rather nice knitted poncho off my mum and dad, and a book I'd wanted from my hubby (fiance then), and I got a second hand PS2 game off my brother who was quite young at the time, and it meant a lot to him, so he gave it to me

which is why it meant loads, despite not being my thing, and not really ever playing it.

When my various friends turned 21, same applied, no-one gave or received cards full of cash!!!

xx

April O Neill · 15-05-2013 12:06AM

PinkLemonade wrote: »

On the subject of gifts for a wedding, my theory has always been, if they don't own a house, give them cash as they won't have room for all the gifts etc?
That's why my sister and friends ask for cash. I've never heard of one of my friends remark on a wedding gift, except for one person who received something from the pound shop off a very well off uncle.

I've no problem with giving cash, it's my usual gift to marrying couples (in money order form so only they can cash it, in case it's stolen). It's the ASKING part I can't get over. Do you mean asking for cash only if they are asked what they'd like? If so, I guess that's not so bad. I'd still be morto if I was asked what I wanted though.

ted1 · 15-05-2013 12:11AM

I had a nice big wedding in the basque region of Spain, 110 people travelled over and we had it in venue that has a Michelin star also had a reception the day after in an equally fancy place, spent two weeks over there and then took a 3 week honeymoon to America and Hawaii, that was in 2008 . Cost a bit, but I'd easily do it again next day of my life sure the money would come I handy now but it'd probably be wasted on bills etc.

Some things are worth spending money on..

Greentopia · 15-05-2013 12:22AM

Doubt I'll ever get married, not my thing, but if I did I certainly won't be doing the Big Fat Irish Wedding thing.
Spending obscene amounts of money on a single day like that is ridiculous IMO, but each to their own.

I went to a friend's wedding a few years ago that was great craic. Not the bog standard affair at all.

For a start the bride and groom got married in a field

They're pagans and had a hand binding ceremony. Quite lovely it was actually.

Then they had 3 days of partying with about 200 guests in a marquee set up in the grounds of their parents house in the Wicklow countryside with various bands playing (many friends of theirs), circus acts for adults and the kids and lots of veggie food that you served yourself-bride and groom are both vegetarians.

Guests got one bottle of beer each, thereafter we had to either pay for additional alcohol or bring more ourselves. Fair enough I thought.

No money or gifts were expected but some did give gifts.

Everyone I spoke to said it was the best wedding they ever attended and the whole thing probably cost no more than €2000/3000.

No overpriced hotel with their cookie cutter wedding packages, no church, no meringue wedding dress, no dreadful tacky wedding bands, no expectation of expensive gifts or money.

Just everyone having a great time for 3 days or as long as they wanted to stay. Not the usual boring expensive crass affairs I've been to where I'd quite frankly would have had a better time staying home and cleaning my oven.

Probably had something to do with the fact that neither the groom or bride of the Pagan wedding were Irish now that I think of it... :pac:

Greentopia · 15-05-2013 12:59AM

April O Neill wrote: »

I've no problem with giving cash, it's my usual gift to marrying couples (in money order form so only they can cash it, in case it's stolen). It's the ASKING part I can't get over. Do you mean asking for cash only if they are asked what they'd like? If so, I guess that's not so bad. I'd still be morto if I was asked what I wanted though.

I'd have a problem asking for money if it was my wedding. I was raised to believe it's vulgar. How much money is deemed appropriate to ask for anyway? it's a minefield. I couldn't in all conscience ask anyone for money in the present climate anyway. It would be very unfair I think.

I attended an ex's wedding some years ago where himself and his bride asked for money. I ignored it and gave a decent present instead. He didn't like it but tough. He invited me knowing I wouldn't have given money so shouldn't have asked for it. I went over to Sweden for it along with most of the guests on his side and all the expense that that entailed so he had no right to expect a big wodge of cash on top of that.

If I was invited to a wedding where I wasn't a close friend and the bride or groom asked for money the invite would go straight in the bin. Close friends get gifts if they want them, from a list is fine. Asking for money is crass and vulgar IMO.

Zoundz · 15-05-2013 01:05AM

Sounds not too dissimilar to ours!

we spent a lot on the legal side (needed new passports, apostille stamps on birth certs, licence etc) - but after that we kept costs as low as possible. My friend had a big wedding a few years before, her marriage sadly didn't work out, and so I had her old dress, modified to fit and suit my tastes (her mum did it for me, as she's very good with that sort of thing). My wedding ring was her old 'substitute' wedding ring she wore for work

suits me fine!

Fits perfectly. We bought cheap discount shop fake flowers to make bouquets for the bridesmaids and myself (and some more for buttonholes), hubby had a new suit, nothing extravagent, but he needed something as he had none at all - certainly not suit hire or a daft 3 piece that he'd not wear again - this was a normal black suit for about €80-€100.

We did buy our bridesmaids their dresses, got lucky and found some nice ones very cheap - nothing uniform, I was determined they'd have stuff they liked and that they'd wear again, just based on a theme of black and white. We got married in my mother's church. We're both atheists, but I knew it would mean a lot to my mum and my gran to see us have a church wedding, it was local, cheaper than a registry office, much prettier, and the dean is a fabulous speaker and a lovely man, so he did us a fab service that wasn't *too* religious. My friend played the organ(and although he made a couple of mistakes, he had a wonderful time, so I'm pleased, regardless of the errors!). I had another friend singing Ave Maria, which made his year I think, being asked to sing in the church

for me it's little things like that, making other people feel important and needed

We couldn't afford a photographer (my only regret perhaps because it's something I feel so passionate about), however we did have friends taking photos of us, and my friend was starting up a business in videography, and videoed the wedding for free

. My friend who was my chief bridesmaid had a friend who brought over a gorgeous car for us from the UK

which was such a lovely gesture, and afterwards we all went to a local hotel nightclub (which didn't open as a club until 10pm) - and we had a major knees up and barbecue. There was a huge buffet, sorted out by my father in law in the day leading up to the wedding. My mum made 3 beautiful wedding cakes - one fruit and two sponge. We're all musicians, and have lots of friends who are too - so everyone sang a song or played something (even me, on the drums in my wedding dress!) - and we had such fun! It was honestly one of the most wonderful, laid back, happy days ever!

Cost bugger all too!

xx

April O Neill · 15-05-2013 01:59AM

ted1 wrote: »

I had a nice big wedding in the basque region of Spain, 110 people travelled over and we had it in venue that has a Michelin star also had a reception the day after in an equally fancy place, spent two weeks over there and then took a 3 week honeymoon to America and Hawaii, that was in 2008 . Cost a bit, but I'd easily do it again next day of my life sure the money would come I handy now but it'd probably be wasted on bills etc.

Some things are worth spending money on..

But you've to pay the bills anyway!

Sounds lovely though.

Greentopia · 15-05-2013 02:00AM

Zoundz wrote: »

We're both atheists, but I knew it would mean a lot to my mum and my gran to see us have a church wedding, it was local, cheaper than a registry office, much prettier, and the dean is a fabulous speaker and a lovely man, so he did us a fab service that wasn't *too* religious. My friend played the organ(and although he made a couple of mistakes, he had a wonderful time, so I'm pleased, regardless of the errors!). I had another friend singing Ave Maria, which made his year I think, being asked to sing in the church for me it's little things like that, making other people feel important and needed

I'm atheist too and wouldn't have a church wedding-and I have no close family apart from my Mum who wouldn't mind where I got married (she'd be just glad I did at this stage I think

-but I do agree those small country church's can be very pretty as you say for weddings. And Ave Maria is a beautiful hymn.

Zoundz wrote: »

My mum made 3 beautiful wedding cakes - one fruit and two sponge. We're all musicians, and have lots of friends who are too - so everyone sang a song or played something (even me, on the drums in my wedding dress!) - and we had such fun! It was honestly one of the most wonderful, laid back, happy days ever!

Cost bugger all too!

xx

3?? yum, I love wedding cake

All in all seems like you had a very special day Zoundz, goes to show that you can have a great time for yourselves and your guests and have a wonderful unique wedding without throwing loads of cash around if you put some imagination into it and you don't require the typical big Irish wedding.

I'd probably have a small vintage themed one if I was to ever do it as I love the 1940s/50s era. Registry office first then kind of like a big outdoor afternoon tea party with an old style jazz band-I have musician friends too who could provide the music

Think I like the idea of the event more than the wedding itself though, so best to keep it in my imagination.

BizzyC · 15-05-2013 07:28AM

Greentopia wrote: »

Everyone I spoke to said it was the best wedding they ever attended and the whole thing probably cost no more than €2000/3000.

Doubtful.
You'd be very surprised with the expense of putting up a marquee and providing food and drink for that many people, even if it was only one drink.

I think it depends on your family and friends tbh.

I'm getting married next year and will be having an expensive enough wedding.
I have no problem with asking people to spend money on a hotel for the night etc, because I've had no problem with doing the same for all of their weddings over the past few years.

nucker · 15-05-2013 07:32AM

lightspeed wrote: »

I dont get it at all. My brothers Wedding is gonna cost over €30000. Him and the bride to be have both been saving for over 2 years. I just cant understand why people still pay this kind of money for a wedding.

I know others in work who say they are going to struggle to get the money together for a deposit on a house and yet spare no expense when it comes to the wedding day?

What i find odd is that plenty people from middle class tax bracket to those on the higher end will complain when taxes are increased but will spend this kind of money on one ****ing day?

What is wrong with just getting a neighbour to dress up as a priest, have it in the back garden and let all the guests tuck into a swiss roll?

It wouldn't be a legitimate wedding if a person dresses up as a priest to perform a wedding ceremony. Basically, read here http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20070520092034AAlzDQg

fishy fishy · 15-05-2013 09:11AM

Alison Eager Bobsled wrote: »

And I don't think lavishing you with cash and expensive gifts seems to have done you much good. You sound incredibly spoiled.

There's nothing wrong with receiving huge amounts of cash as gifts if your family has the money, but too often, it just results in a sense of entitlement. Weddings aren't about making money and graduations and birthdays aren't either. I think it's a bit sad that you seem to equate life events with money. You've admitted that you'd 'expect' a cash gift for your wedding and would be disappointed and remember it forever if someone got you a gift you didn't deem 'acceptable'. Why not invite people to things because you want them there and earn your own money to spend on stuff you want?

LOl that's a bit harsh isn't it. The fact is some people get lots of cash for occasions - I think you might be a tad envious tho. Cheer up - as you said yourself its not all about money - be happy for the guy.

15-05-2013 09:13AM

Greentopia wrote: »

If I was invited to a wedding where I wasn't a close friend and the bride or groom asked for money the invite would go straight in the bin. Close friends get gifts if they want them, from a list is fine. Asking for money is crass and vulgar IMO.

I cant understand this way of thinking. You spend money on the present anyway so even if they don't ask for cash (which most don't) why not give it anyway as it will be much more useful to the couple and you wont run the risk of getting something they already have/don't want etc.

fishy fishy · 15-05-2013 09:15AM

Alison Eager Bobsled wrote: »

You don't have to do it. It's a choice. My parents didn't want me to grow up spoiled, so they didn't spoil me, cave into peer pressure or engage in keeping up with the Joneses. The first sign of 'expecting' presents would have resulted in receiving nothing at all.

Oh please - are you seriously expecting people to believe that you never expected a present for anything - how weird. Were you surprised when they gave you dinner?

Also just because you get and expect birthday, christmas, wedding gifts does not make you spoiled - its the norm - you better get used to it. If you grew up never expecting a present or looking forward to a present for your christmas, birthday etc, then that's not your parents "not spoiling you" - that's your parents being horrible to you.

Have presents for occasions is not being spoiled, caving into peer pressure or keeping up with the joneses.

I think you have an issue to be honest - did you not get enough presents for your wedding and now you don't want anyone else to either?

15-05-2013 09:34AM

fishy fishy wrote: »

LOl that's a bit harsh isn't it. The fact is some people get lots of cash for occasions - I think you might be a tad envious tho. Cheer up - as you said yourself its not all about money - be happy for the guy.

Not envious at all. I just think it's crass to expect, or ask for, large amounts of money. If you grow up being given large amounts of money, I think it skews with your perception of what's normal/acceptable and you then continue to expect the same, or even more.

Zoundz wrote: »

This must be an Irish thing... certainly never heard of this in Wales - and when I turned 21 we went out for a few drinks and had a laugh... I bought my own drinks... I got a rather nice knitted poncho off my mum and dad, and a book I'd wanted from my hubby (fiance then), and I got a second hand PS2 game off my brother who was quite young at the time, and it meant a lot to him, so he gave it to me which is why it meant loads, despite not being my thing, and not really ever playing it.

When my various friends turned 21, same applied, no-one gave or received cards full of cash!!!

xx

I think it must be an Irish thing too. I lived in the UK until I was 11 and my mum is English and she would have laughed at me if I said I expected a grand for my 21st/graduation. I also had a party for my 21st where I received no presents or cash, just asked people to bring their own booze and snacks (fine by me, didn't expect any and I was on Erasmus so knew most of the guests were broke) and for my graduation, went out for a nice meal with my parents and that was that. Come to think of it, the only people I know who have asked for cash (or anything else) for their wedding have been Irish. I just find it weird and crass that you seem to be expected to throw loads of money around or be thought of as stingy.

fishy fishy · 15-05-2013 09:39AM

Alison Eager Bobsled wrote: »

Not envious at all. I just think it's crass to expect, or ask for, large amounts of money. If you grow up being given large amounts of money, I think it skews with your perception of what's normal/acceptable and you then continue to expect the same, or even more.

I think it must be an Irish thing too. I lived in the UK until I was 11 and my mum is English and she would have laughed at me if I said I expected a grand for my 21st/graduation. I also had a party for my 21st where I received no presents or cash, just asked people to bring their own booze and snacks (fine by me, didn't expect any and I was on Erasmus so knew most of the guests were broke) and for my graduation, went out for a nice meal with my parents and that was that. Come to think of it, the only people I know who have asked for cash (or anything else) for their wedding have been Irish. I just find it weird and crass that you seem to be expected to throw loads of money around or be thought of as stingy.

that could be because you may be a little sheltered and don't know what the "norm" is in the 21st century.

Going back to a point I made earlier - what do you think of American weddings where they do the "line" so that they can collect all their money presents as people are coming into the wedding - they even have a special "purse" for it. What do you think of jewish weddings where you have to pin wads of cash onto the bride and groom. Any comments on this at all or is it just the "irish" you have a problem with.

The more I read the more I realise that you probably come from the thinking of "if I can't or didn't have it, then I will put down anybody else that can have it". Still, you might be a little young yet and not fully grasping the "moving with the times" aspect of life.

Keep giving your tea sets and toasters - I'm sure the happy couples whose wedding you attend will be only over the moon.

Sittingpretty · 15-05-2013 09:46AM

Kyra Echoing Cap wrote: »

I cant understand this way of thinking. You spend money on the present anyway so even if they don't ask for cash (which most don't) why not give it anyway as it will be much more useful to the couple and you wont run the risk of getting something they already have/don't want etc.

You don't think it's crass to put "cash only gifts" on an invite :eek:

dub_skav · 15-05-2013 09:50AM

Zoundz wrote: »

Sounds not too dissimilar to ours! we spent a lot on the legal side (needed new passports, apostille stamps on birth certs, licence etc) - but after that we kept costs as low as possible. My friend had a big wedding a few years before, her marriage sadly didn't work out, and so I had her old dress, modified to fit and suit my tastes (her mum did it for me, as she's very good with that sort of thing). My wedding ring was her old 'substitute' wedding ring she wore for work suits me fine! Fits perfectly. We bought cheap discount shop fake flowers to make bouquets for the bridesmaids and myself (and some more for buttonholes), hubby had a new suit, nothing extravagent, but he needed something as he had none at all - certainly not suit hire or a daft 3 piece that he'd not wear again - this was a normal black suit for about €80-€100.

We did buy our bridesmaids their dresses, got lucky and found some nice ones very cheap - nothing uniform, I was determined they'd have stuff they liked and that they'd wear again, just based on a theme of black and white. We got married in my mother's church. We're both atheists, but I knew it would mean a lot to my mum and my gran to see us have a church wedding, it was local, cheaper than a registry office, much prettier, and the dean is a fabulous speaker and a lovely man, so he did us a fab service that wasn't *too* religious. My friend played the organ(and although he made a couple of mistakes, he had a wonderful time, so I'm pleased, regardless of the errors!). I had another friend singing Ave Maria, which made his year I think, being asked to sing in the church for me it's little things like that, making other people feel important and needed

We couldn't afford a photographer (my only regret perhaps because it's something I feel so passionate about), however we did have friends taking photos of us, and my friend was starting up a business in videography, and videoed the wedding for free . My friend who was my chief bridesmaid had a friend who brought over a gorgeous car for us from the UK which was such a lovely gesture, and afterwards we all went to a local hotel nightclub (which didn't open as a club until 10pm) - and we had a major knees up and barbecue. There was a huge buffet, sorted out by my father in law in the day leading up to the wedding. My mum made 3 beautiful wedding cakes - one fruit and two sponge. We're all musicians, and have lots of friends who are too - so everyone sang a song or played something (even me, on the drums in my wedding dress!) - and we had such fun! It was honestly one of the most wonderful, laid back, happy days ever!

Cost bugger all too!

xx

Wedding dress, Check
Bridesmaids dresses, Check
Wedding ring, Check
Church service, Check
Reception in hotel, Check
Wedding cake, Check
Wedding band(s), Check

Fair play to you for being sensible and keeping the costs down, but you managed to get most of the elements of the dreaded "cookie cutter" wedding covered off.

I don't understand the disparaging attitude (not you by the way) towards everybody who got married in anything approaching a traditional way.

Everybody is free to do whatever they want for their weddings. Sure, writing "Cash Gifts Only" on invites is rude, but it is extremely rare and I think at this stage is reaching Urban Legend levels.
To have an expensive day and think that you might get some of it back in gifts is neither vulgar, nor unrealistic.

A lot of people really need to get over themselves

Why do people still have expensive weddings?

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