Why do people still have expensive weddings?

April O Neill · 13-05-2013 02:30PM

hoodwinked wrote: »

ditto for the meal, we ate early (for a wedding) as growing up dinner was always 6pm so we kept to that

That's the time the meal usually happens at these things.

Actually, some I've been to have been earlier than that.

As for people saying something that happened at your wedding was "really different", every newly married couple seems to come out with this at some stage in the post-wedding analysis.

Ush1 · 13-05-2013 02:31PM

Kyra Echoing Cap wrote: »

I love weddings myself they are always a great p*ss up and see nothing wrong with the fact they all follow a similar theme. I actually like being invited to weddings as I always have a great night at the wedding itself and then a good old sing song in the residents bar until the early hours. There is often another p*ss up with the wedding crowd the night after too and these are also very good nights.

If you plan on spending the rest of your life with someone I cant see why you wouldn't want to make it official and personally the only type of wedding that would interest me is a traditional Irish one.

Right, but you can understand how a lot of people wouldn't be interested in a "traditional Irish" wedding in a church and then off to a hotel reception?

April O Neill · 13-05-2013 02:33PM

LexieOnRale wrote: »

To be fair everyone thinks their wedding is special, the most original and the best they've been to, obviously, since you organised it. To everyone else, I'm betting its just like all the other weddings you have been to that particular year.

Yes, "people said it was the best wedding they'd ever been to" is very frequently trotted out.

Likely whoever said that was just making polite conversation.

touts · 13-05-2013 02:36PM

Because in Ireland there is no mid way point between 20 and 300. You either have a small wedding and everyone thinks you're a little odd but fair play to you for doing your own thing. OR you have a BIG all bells and whistles wedding where you have to spend €200 on canapes, drink, starter, maincourse, dessert, Toast drink, coffee, another drink, cake and glorified sandwiches at 11pm for Mick Whatshisface and his Wife who you have never met in your life but he drinks in the same pub as your father and he invited your parents to his daughters wedding 8 years ago so now you have to pay for the night out your parents had back then. IF you dare to cut it at 150 then you are insulting Mary Whodafeck from your mothers sewing club and whose son, the doctor don't you know, had a huge wedding last year and she was good enough to invite us so we could see all the money they were spending and there is NO WAY you are letting the family down by not inviting them and showing them an even better time. By the way HE had a Rolls.... Then of course there is Gran-aunt Betty. You can't not invite Aunt Betty. But she is too old and frail to figure out all this booking a hotel thing. Can you not just give her one of the rooms in the hotel you are booking. And don't forget her daughter and son in law who you haven't met since Granma's funeral in 1986. They'll be driving her. Best give them an invite and a room also for dragging them all the way across the country. It's only another 175 euro. And it is what Granma would have wanted, god rest her soul. And dear god we forgot Paddy up the road. Well if everyone else is invited you can't leave Paddy out. Remember he used to give all the kids in the neighbourhood a ride on his Honda 50 back when you were a young one. Sure poor Paddy would be so disappointed to be the only one left out. And he's done so well with the drink problem recently. But you wouldn't know what he would do if you left him out.

Yes I've been there. We had 40 at ours and 5 years later it is still a sore point at Christmas.

13-05-2013 02:39PM

Ush1 wrote: »

Right, but you can understand how a lot of people wouldn't be interested in a "traditional Irish" wedding in a church and then off to a hotel reception?

To a certain degree I find it hard to understand why they wouldn't want one same as I don't understand why people don't like attending wedding as I always have a great time at them and enjoy some of the aspects of attending a wedding which some people here are saying they dislike e.g. ending up in big conversations with strangers, the band and DJ, the sing song after its over etc

fishy fishy · 13-05-2013 02:41PM

Sittingpretty wrote: »

I have attended weddings of other faiths. I know WHY people give gifts of money. Read my post, I didn't say giving money was vulgar, i said expecting money as a gift to cover the cost of a wedding was vulgar and in my opinion, it is. Grown adults expecting their guests to cover the cost of the day they want is vulgar.

get over it. Wedding couples KNOW they will get present/money - money now over presents because they have all the items they need usually.

They will be expecting a present - just like you will when and if or when you did get married - this is a tradition - not vulgarity.

Presents are usually given as money these days - thats not vulgar
Expecting a present on your wedding day - this is not vulgar
using the money to cover the cost of the day - not vulgar

why would you think expecting a wedding present and paying for their wedding expenses with their money THAT THEY GOT AS A PRESENT vulgar in any way?

You DO know this is what most couples do - its not an "irish and vulgar" thing.

Its what is done.

kippy · 13-05-2013 02:43PM

For the great unwashed (myself included), it is probably one and the few chances they will ever get to spend an obscene amount of money on one day spent with friends, family and others.
They'll probably get a good bit of it back anyway.

Let them at it. Some people out there spend that on a car every few years.

Sittingpretty · 13-05-2013 02:45PM

fishy fishy wrote: »

get over it. Wedding couples KNOW they will get present/money - money now over presents because they have all the items they need usually.

They will be expecting a present - just like you will when and if or when you did get married - this is a tradition - not vulgarity.

Presents are usually given as money these days - thats not vulgar
Expecting a present on your wedding day - this is not vulgar
using the money to cover the cost of the day - not vulgar

why would you think expecting a wedding present and paying for their wedding expenses with their money THAT THEY GOT AS A PRESENT vulgar in any way?

You DO know this is what most couples do - its not an "irish and vulgar" thing.

Its what is done.

Didn't say its not what's done. That's my opinion. Clearly you have an issue with that opinion. That's fair enough, your prerogative

fishy fishy · 13-05-2013 02:45PM

kippy wrote: »

For the great unwashed (myself included), it is probably one and the few chances they will ever get to spend an obscene amount of money on one day spent with friends, family and others.
They'll probably get a good bit of it back anyway.

Let them at it. Some people out there spend that on a car every few years.

Kippy,

seemingly thinking like this is "irish and vulgar".

Boombastic · 13-05-2013 02:47PM

fishy fishy wrote: »

get over it. Wedding couples KNOW they will get present/money - money now over presents because they have all the items they need usually.

They will be expecting a present - just like you will when and if or when you did get married - this is a tradition - not vulgarity.

Presents are usually given as money these days - thats not vulgar
Expecting a present on your wedding day - this is not vulgar
using the money to cover the cost of the day - not vulgar

why would you think expecting a wedding present and paying for their wedding expenses with their money THAT THEY GOT AS A PRESENT vulgar in any way?

You DO know this is what most couples do - its not an "irish and vulgar" thing.

Its what is done.

Wow, nice attitude

fishy fishy · 13-05-2013 02:49PM

Sittingpretty wrote: »

Didn't say its not what's done. That's my opinion. Clearly you have an issue with that opinion. That's fair enough, your prerogative

you did say it was typically irish and vulgar in the extreme.

because people expect a wedding gift and put it towards their wedding expenses.

first of all - it is not typically "irish" - this is done all over the world
and second - I don't understand why it is vulgar - can you explain your opinion there?

hoodwinked · 13-05-2013 02:49PM

April O Neill wrote: »

That's the time the meal usually happens at these things. Actually, some I've been to have been earlier than that.

really? most weddings i went to was like 8pm before we ate. one or two were earlier but mostly 8pm

fishy fishy · 13-05-2013 02:50PM

Boombastic wrote: »

Wow, nice attitude

just the "irish" bashing again - can people do anything in Ireland without being negative about things. I guess not.

13-05-2013 02:52PM

Boombastic wrote: »

Wow, nice attitude

I don't really get why people have such a problem with people expecting to get cash gifts. Its a common gift given at occasions so why would a wedding be any different.

Do you not expect to get cash at your birthday, Christmas etc?

Sittingpretty · 13-05-2013 02:53PM

fishy fishy wrote: »

you did say it was typically irish and vulgar in the extreme.

because people expect a wedding gift and put it towards their wedding expenses.

first of all - it is not typically "irish" - this is done all over the world
and second - I don't understand why it is vulgar - can you explain your opinion there?

I did explain my opinion. Grown adults should not expect their family and friends to pay for their party. In my opinion that is vulgar. Clearly in your opinion, it isn't.

April O Neill · 13-05-2013 02:53PM

hoodwinked wrote: »

really? most weddings i went to was like 8pm before we ate. one or two were earlier but mostly 8pm

Usually between 5pm and 6pm is what I've always experienced.

hoodwinked · 13-05-2013 02:54PM

touts wrote: »

Because in Ireland there is no mid way point between 20 and 300. You either have a small wedding and everyone thinks you're a little odd but fair play to you for doing your own thing. OR you have a BIG all bells and whistles wedding where you have to spend €200 on canapes, drink, starter, maincourse, dessert, Toast drink, coffee, another drink, cake and glorified sandwiches at 11pm for Mick Whatshisface and his Wife who you have never met in your life but he drinks in the same pub as your father and he invited your parents to his daughters wedding 8 years ago so now you have to pay for the night out your parents had back then. IF you dare to cut it at 150 then you are insulting Mary Whodafeck from your mothers sewing club and whose son, the doctor don't you know, had a huge wedding last year and she was good enough to invite us so we could see all the money they were spending and there is NO WAY you are letting the family down by not inviting them and showing them an even better time. By the way HE had a Rolls.... Then of course there is Gran-aunt Betty. You can't not invite Aunt Betty. But she is too old and frail to figure out all this booking a hotel thing. Can you not just give her one of the rooms in the hotel you are booking. And don't forget her daughter and son in law who you haven't met since Granma's funeral in 1986. They'll be driving her. Best give them an invite and a room also for dragging them all the way across the country. It's only another 175 euro. And it is what Granma would have wanted, god rest her soul. And dear god we forgot Paddy up the road. Well if everyone else is invited you can't leave Paddy out. Remember he used to give all the kids in the neighbourhood a ride on his Honda 50 back when you were a young one. Sure poor Paddy would be so disappointed to be the only one left out. And he's done so well with the drink problem recently. But you wouldn't know what he would do if you left him out.

Yes I've been there. We had 40 at ours and 5 years later it is still a sore point at Christmas.

yeah when people started that ****e with us i straight up told them no, we have two rules,

either we have them on the list,
or they have MET (not know of, not sent a card actually come face to face with) our 2 year old daughter (she was 2 at the time)

we figured if grand aunty betty hasn't bothered her ass to make it to meet our one and only daughter she shouldn't be at the wedding...

and yes i was probably called every name under the sun by my inlaws for doing this but at least i am finally getting the apologies and the "we were wrong" speeches nowadays....

Boombastic · 13-05-2013 02:54PM

fishy fishy wrote: »

just the "irish" bashing again - can people do anything in Ireland without being negative about things. I guess not.

No, not negative about being Irish.

I'm having a wedding
I demand presents
I expect them because it's my wedding
I want cash because I already live with my Fiance and have everything, but I am so religious I want a big show off day all about me paid for with the presents I deserve and demand

@nx001 no I don't expect cash for my birthday or christmas off anyone. I am an independent adult, why would I expect others to give me cash? I'd rather spend some time in their company

fishy fishy · 13-05-2013 02:56PM

Sittingpretty wrote: »

I did explain my opinion. Grown adults should not expect their family and friends to pay for their party. In my opinion that is vulgar. Clearly in your opinion, it isn't.

its their business what they spend their money on - they get it as a present - none of your business. If they want to put it towards their wedding costs that is up to them - it's not "IRISH" to want to do that. Very insulting to you country if I may say so and your comment in my opinion was "vulgar in the extreme".

Also putting cash wedding gifts towards wedding expenses is not the same as expecting family and friends to pay for their party. :roll eyes:

hoodwinked · 13-05-2013 02:57PM

April O Neill wrote: »

Usually between 5pm and 6pm is what I've always experienced.

either way what ruins ANY wedding for me, is anything before and upto a 2pm service and food thats after or at 7pm....

that is most definitely when people should splash out and have more than champagne and orange juice for their guests, especially in these hotels with no nearby shops or bars that sell crisps....

fishy fishy · 13-05-2013 02:58PM

Boombastic wrote: »

No, not negative about being Irish.

I'm having a wedding
I demand presents
I expect them because it's my wedding
I want cash because I already live with my Fiance and have everything, but I am so religious I want a big show off day all about me paid for with the presents I deserve and demand

@nx001 no I don't expect cash for my birthday or christmas off anyone. I am an independent adult, why would I expect others to give me cash? I'd rather spend some time in their company

a bit of advice - don't "demand" anything from anyone - you won't have any guests at your wedding and who could blame them for not going - but Im sure when you do get married - you can tell your guests to donate all presents to charity.

Boombastic · 13-05-2013 02:59PM

fishy fishy wrote: »

its their business what they spend their money on - they get it as a present - none of your business. If they want to put it towards their wedding costs that is up to them - it's not "IRISH" to want to do that. Very insulting to you country if I may say so and your comment in my opinion was "vulgar in the extreme".

Also putting cash wedding gifts towards wedding expenses is not the same as expecting family and friends to pay for their party. :roll eyes:

It's also the guests business what they do with their money and if they don't contribute the expected amount or turn up with a present, they should be looked down on for not meeting expectations

Just on a side note...are all the presents returned when the divorce comes through?

John Mason · 13-05-2013 03:00PM

Deleted User wrote: »

How did that happen ?

I'm not in negative equity and most likely never will be.

So the system rewards you for being married and screws you for not. This is wrong.

Of course, it does my partner now owes half my assets and debts

its great, i am practially debt free at this stage

Sittingpretty · 13-05-2013 03:01PM

fishy fishy wrote: »

its their business what they spend their money on - they get it as a present - none of your business. If they want to put it towards their wedding costs that is up to them - it's not "IRISH" to want to do that. Very insulting to you country if I may say so and your comment in my opinion was "vulgar in the extreme".

Also putting cash wedding gifts towards wedding expenses is not the same as expecting family and friends to pay for their party. :roll eyes:

I can't decide if you're being deliberately obtuse or if you're not reading what I've written properly. I'm talking about people who calculate from their guest list how much money they can expect to receive in order to cover the cost of some aspect of their wedding.

Our opinions on the matter are clearly very different. That's fine by me. You're entitled to your thoughts on it.

13-05-2013 03:02PM

Boombastic wrote: »

No, not negative about being Irish.

@nx001 no I don't expect cash for my birthday or christmas off anyone. I am an independent adult, why would I expect others to give me cash? I'd rather spend some time in their company

Well I'm 28 years old and as far back as I can remember I've gotten a certain number cash gifts (and nearly only cash or voucher gifts as I've gotten older) at every occasion be it my communion, confirmation, every birthday, every Christmas. Then bigger events like my 21st and graduation from my degree I would have gotten significant cash gifts. A wedding is probably a bigger event than all those so I don't see why I wouldn't expect to get cash and possibly a certain amount of well thought out vouchers in place of cash.

Just to add I wouldn't agree with writing "cash only" or anything like that on a wedding invitation.

fishy fishy · 13-05-2013 03:03PM

Boombastic wrote: »

It's also the guests business what they do with their money and if they don't contribute the expected amount or turn up with a present, they should be looked down on for not meeting expectations

Just on a side note...are all the presents returned when the divorce comes through?

wouldn't like to attend your wedding with your attitude towards guests.

pookiesboo · 13-05-2013 03:04PM

Just browsing through this thread and a few people have said they've received invites with "cash only" or the amount they want written on it! Is this true? I've never seen that or would anyone I know who has invited me to a wedding have that printed on an invite. Maybe they should make new (and nicer) friends! Thats shocking :eek:

Sittingpretty · 13-05-2013 03:04PM

pookiesboo wrote: »

Just browsing through this thread and a few people have said they've received invites with "cash only" or the amount they want written on it! Is this true? I've never seen that or would anyone I know who has invited me to a wedding have that printed on an invite. Maybe they should make new (and nicer) friends! Thats shocking :eek:

I've not seen that myself but it (apparently) does happen.

fishy fishy · 13-05-2013 03:05PM

Sittingpretty wrote: »

I can't decide if you're being deliberately obtuse or if you're not reading what I've written properly. I'm talking about people who calculate from their guest list how much money they can expect to receive in order to cover the cost of some aspect of their wedding.

Our opinions on the matter are clearly very different. That's fine by me. You're entitled to your thoughts on it.

where does the "irish" come into it - do you think thats an "irish" trait? I have read what your wrote - I just think you were not thinking when you wrote what you did.

weddings happen all over the world - wedding couples can expect monetary presents and put it towards their wedding - you seem to think that it is only "irish and vulgar" to do this - it's not - its worldwide and part of the whole wedding expense/present - it is to be expected.\

Kids expect money for communion/birthdays etc. Why would you think it "irish" that wedding couples will expect monetary presents.

Boombastic · 13-05-2013 03:06PM

fishy fishy wrote: »

wouldn't like to attend your wedding with your attitude towards guests.

Why, because I wouldn't be standing at the door of the church with my hand out?

Why do people still have expensive weddings?

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