Why do people still have expensive weddings?

13-05-2013 12:53PM

Kyra Echoing Cap wrote: »

I don't see why you wouldn't want to get married though if you plan on spending your life with someone. Its almost like you are against marriage just for the sake of going against the established way of doing things.

Marriage means absolutely nothing to me at all, and it certainly doesn't mean I have to marry someone to spend my life with them or to show them I love them.

Kyra Echoing Cap wrote: »

Its almost like you are against marriage just for the sake of going against the established way of doing things.

And that statement to me sounds you are for marriage for the reasons that as you say, it't the established way of doing things, therefore because everyone else does it, I should too and you don't want to feel left out or people thinking you're odd.

hoodwinked · 13-05-2013 12:55PM

krudler wrote: »

People who aren't married in a cookie cutter Irish wedding setting don't have a "proper" wedding? jesus wept.

i think you missed where he/she said

Kyra Echoing Cap wrote: »

Yes I go to mass regularly but its not particularly the religious aspect that would make me want to go down the route of a traditional wedding. It just wouldn't be a proper wedding to me if it didn't follow that format and I'd feel I missed out on the proper experience if I did it differently.

and as for the cookie cutter comment just because someone gets married in a church and then onto a hotel, doesn't mean its a cookie cutter wedding....:rolleyes:

qo2cj1dsne8y4k · 13-05-2013 12:55PM

Kyra Echoing Cap wrote: »

But some people want a big proper wedding. If I ever get married I would want it to be a proper traditional wedding. I don't like these ideas of getting married abroad, coming back married etc. Church wedding followed by a hotel reception is the only way I would do it simple as that.

Sorry, a "proper" wedding? By "proper" wedding do you mean throwing money away on the typical Irish wedding that's no more special or different that Mary next doors wedding? I didn't realise not getting married in a church means you haven't had a proper wedding. I assume you must be very religious for you to consider a proper wedding to take place in a church

13-05-2013 01:11PM

Deleted User wrote: »

And that statement to me sounds you are for marriage for the reasons that as you say, it't the established way of doing things, therefore because everyone else does it, I should too and you don't want to feel left out or people thinking you're odd.

The fact I like the tradition doesn't mean I'm doing it for the sake of it or because other people would think I'm odd but I actually dont understand why you wouldn't if you plan on spending the rest of your life with someone. It makes sense on many levels to get married also like the financial benefits for married couples mentioned earlier.

Kerryfootball · 13-05-2013 01:28PM

Lexionrale - A wedding no more special than Marys next door, have you considered that its special for the couple getting married? Just because you don't think its special is your own opinion and id imagine you are in the minority.

April O Neill · 13-05-2013 01:29PM

hoodwinked wrote: »

and as for the cookie cutter comment just because someone gets married in a church and then onto a hotel, doesn't mean its a cookie cutter wedding....:rolleyes:

It does, in fairness. They're ALL the same. Everyone wants to believe their church + hotel shindig will be different but they never are.

13-05-2013 01:30PM

Kyra Echoing Cap wrote: »

The fact I like the tradition doesn't mean I'm doing it for the sake of it or because other people would think I'm odd but I actually dont understand why you wouldn't if you plan on spending the rest of your life with someone. It makes sense on many levels to get married also like the financial benefits for married couples mentioned earlier.

Well you see this is a problem with society and the legal system to only recognise married couples as a family.

I certainly wouldn't get married because it may make us better off financially.

This idea that only marriage makes a family is backward and offering financial incentives to make more people marry is wrong.

marriage does not make a better family.

Why should we have to pay more tax because we're not married ? this is wrong.

hoodwinked · 13-05-2013 01:31PM

April O Neill wrote: »

It does, in fairness. They're ALL the same.

no they are not, i have been to a few and they were totally different,

different masses.
different guests,
different entertainment,
different meals,
different set ups,

thats like saying because you go shopping every week every shopping center is the same

some were really good fun others were terrible.... just because the basic order of doing things is the same doesn't mean people don't add personal touches or do things differently...

Red Pepper · 13-05-2013 01:33PM

December2012 wrote: »

I do not get this at all.

What's so bad about weddings?

1) Mass
2) Travelling long distances for...Mass/Hotel (depends where bride lives)
3) Formal wear
4) Waiting around
5) Photos
6) Crap Food for the masses (no better than carvery)
7) Speeches (most are rubbish)
8) Waiting around
9) Small talk with strangers
10) Costs - can you do a wedding away from home for less than €400-€500?
11) Dodgy music
12) Crap night sleep and Hangover

What's not to like??

I can think of a few better ways to spend a weekend with friends/family.

Shenshen · 13-05-2013 01:35PM

hoodwinked wrote: »

some were really good fun others were terrible.... just because the basic order of doing things is the same doesn't mean people don't add personal touches or do things differently...

True, one may have and M&S, and the other has a Debenhams.
But other than that, yes, most shopping centres are exactly the same.

Sittingpretty · 13-05-2013 01:37PM

hoodwinked wrote: »

no they are not, i have been to a few and they were totally different,

different masses.
different guests,
different entertainment,
different meals,
different set ups,

thats like saying because you go shopping every week every shopping center is the same

All big Irish weddings are the same. I was at 9 weddings last year. Only discernible difference was the people getting married. For me personally I would love to attend an Irish wedding that was actually different.

Marriage is not for everyone but to think that a wedding is "different" because of the readings of the mass and the guests being different people is optimistic in the extreme.

Nothing personally wrong with big weddings if that's your thing and you can afford it then go for it.

It would stick in my craw for the rest of my days to have one day that cost 30k just to go along with an established tradition.

People expecting gifts of money from their guests in order to cover the cost of the wedding is very typically Irish and in my opinion, vulgar in the extreme.

Red Pepper · 13-05-2013 01:37PM

Can someone do a poll on who enjoys weddings?

Ush1 · 13-05-2013 01:39PM

Kyra Echoing Cap wrote: »

The fact I like the tradition doesn't mean I'm doing it for the sake of it or because other people would think I'm odd but I actually dont understand why you wouldn't if you plan on spending the rest of your life with someone. It makes sense on many levels to get married also like the financial benefits for married couples mentioned earlier.

You don't understand why you wouldn't marry someone or why you wouldn't have a wedding in a church and a typical hotel reception?

Grayson · 13-05-2013 01:41PM

Kyra Echoing Cap wrote: »

The fact I like the tradition doesn't mean I'm doing it for the sake of it or because other people would think I'm odd but I actually dont understand why you wouldn't if you plan on spending the rest of your life with someone. It makes sense on many levels to get married also like the financial benefits for married couples mentioned earlier.

Sorry, but are you saying that if you're going to spend the rest of your live together you should think about a traditional marriage?
Why? I can't see how those two are in anyway relayed. It's like you're saying that people who don't spend a years wages on a huge ceremony don't love each other as much as those that do. Or that those marriages won't last as long.

My perfect would be her, me, korean midget elvis in a huge catilac, in a drive through chapel in Vegas. Now that'd be a photo to show the grandkids.

Honestly though, if I get married, it'll be because I happen to love someone enough to do it, and I'd just be happy I met someone I cared that much about. I'd look for a wedding that made sense for us to have. And not do it because it's the "Proper" type of wedding.

John Mason · 13-05-2013 01:43PM

i got married last year (not a boring cookie cutter wedding, i might add)

i reason i got married was simple, in 10 minutes, i cut my negative equity from €70,0000 to €35,000

gobnaitolunacy · 13-05-2013 01:47PM

Because 'she who has to be obeyed' wants the big day.

Attended one last year, and it had the white horses & fairytale carriage/miniature dogs dressed up/a snow machine/doves being released....can you imagine a fella wanting all that sh*te?

(pS: there were no Hiaces pulling into the car park, surprisingly enough)

hoodwinked · 13-05-2013 01:50PM

Sittingpretty wrote: »

All big Irish weddings are the same. I was at 9 weddings last year. Only discernible difference was the people getting married. For me personally I would love to attend an Irish wedding that was actually different.

Marriage is not for everyone but to think that a wedding is "different" because of the readings of the mass and the guests being different people is optimistic in the extreme.

Nothing personally wrong with big weddings if that's your thing and you can afford it then go for it.

It would stick in my craw for the rest of my days to have one day that cost 30k just to go along with an established tradition.

People expecting gifts of money from their guests in order to cover the cost of the wedding is very typically Irish and in my opinion, vulgar in the extreme.

i guess you were unlucky to have unimaginative friends organising weddings then,

with ours we didn't go above 6k, that paid for the big white cookie cutter wedding as its been called here,

we only invited family, close family and a handful of friends to the ceremony/meal, then had a big party in the hotel afterwards...

the grooms uncle was the priest and we spent the whole mass laughing, he got people up and moving around because it was a small group, it was enjoyable and everyone commented on how different it was... maybe because it was personal rather than your run of the mill service.

for the afters at the hotel there was chocolate fingers and bacon fries along with the tea/coffee and people were able to relax, eat and chat while we did a handfull of photos (we didn't want to be standing around for hours getting photos done)

ditto for the meal, we ate early (for a wedding) as growing up dinner was always 6pm so we kept to that,and kept to normal food (rather than the traditional wedding stuff) and after wards people got to do what they wanted with music we love playing quietly in the background before the dj set up for the party,

because it was only family/close friends, we had time to actually spend time with people and enjoy our day,

it didn't break the bank and everyone commented on how it was a nice relaxing enjoyable day (and with my family they'd bitch to your face about aspects they didn't like, impossible to please is the term that decribes them best)

the day was like us, easy-going and fun.

this as opposed to another church/hotel wedding we were at where the church was 1.5 hours from the hotel, and everyone complained about everything from the distance, to the boring ceremony, to the sweet jars on the table having awful sweets, bad food, to the seating arrangements and the boring one man band/dj only playing jazzy-esq music for 6 hours...etc

and again a third where the ceremony was poignant and beautiful (rather than funny or boring) and the reception had 300 people, a photo booth, a great band, posh food...etc

13-05-2013 01:51PM

John Mason wrote: »

i got married last year (not a boring cookie cutter wedding, i might add)

i reason i got married was simple, in 10 minutes, i cut my negative equity from €70,0000 to €35,000

How did that happen ?

I'm not in negative equity and most likely never will be.

So the system rewards you for being married and screws you for not. This is wrong.

Dude111 · 13-05-2013 01:59PM

lightspeed wrote:

I dont get it at all. My brothers Wedding is gonna cost over €30000.

Yes well to be quite frank,IM SURPRISED PEOPLE HAVE WEDDINGS AT ALL ANYMORE!!!!!

People seem to be so messed up,they dont wanna try to work thru ANY PROBLEMS,the slightest thing and they split up........ Why bother getting married??

I do hope your brothers marriage lasts a long time!!

qo2cj1dsne8y4k · 13-05-2013 02:00PM

To be fair everyone thinks their wedding is special, the most original and the best they've been to, obviously, since you organised it. To everyone else, I'm betting its just like all the other weddings you have been to that particular year.

eviltwin · 13-05-2013 02:00PM

Deleted User wrote: »

How did that happen ?

I'm not in negative equity and most likely never will be.

So the system rewards you for being married and screws you for not. This is wrong.

She gets half the house and half the headaches but half the profit if the prices go up

hoodwinked · 13-05-2013 02:01PM

LexieOnRale wrote: »

To be fair everyone thinks their wedding is special, the most original and the best they've been to, obviously, since you organised it. To everyone else, I'm betting its just like all the other weddings you have been to that particular year.

what about the weddings ive been to that i would consider better than mine? :pac:

13-05-2013 02:02PM

Red Pepper wrote: »

1) Mass
2) Travelling long distances for...Mass/Hotel (depends where bride lives)
3) Formal wear
4) Waiting around
5) Photos
6) Crap Food for the masses (no better than carvery)
7) Speeches (most are rubbish)
8) Waiting around
9) Small talk with strangers
10) Costs - can you do a wedding away from home for less than €400-€500?
11) Dodgy music
12) Crap night sleep and Hangover

What's not to like??

I can think of a few better ways to spend a weekend with friends/family.

I love weddings myself they are always a great p*ss up and see nothing wrong with the fact they all follow a similar theme. I actually like being invited to weddings as I always have a great night at the wedding itself and then a good old sing song in the residents bar until the early hours. There is often another p*ss up with the wedding crowd the night after too and these are also very good nights.

Ush1 wrote: »

You don't understand why you wouldn't marry someone or why you wouldn't have a wedding in a church and a typical hotel reception?

If you plan on spending the rest of your life with someone I cant see why you wouldn't want to make it official and personally the only type of wedding that would interest me is a traditional Irish one.

April O Neill · 13-05-2013 02:08PM

hoodwinked wrote: »

no they are not, i have been to a few and they were totally different,

different masses.
different guests,
different entertainment,
different meals,
different set ups,

thats like saying because you go shopping every week every shopping center is the same

some were really good fun others were terrible.... just because the basic order of doing things is the same doesn't mean people don't add personal touches or do things differently...

I have found every single one I've been to completely identikit. Don't know what else to tell ya!

April O Neill · 13-05-2013 02:11PM

John Mason wrote: »

i reason i got married was simple, in 10 minutes, i cut my negative equity from €70,0000 to €35,000

Errrrr... go you?

13-05-2013 02:13PM

eviltwin wrote: »

She gets half the house and half the headaches but half the profit if the prices go up

Yes but if she stops working and decides to (raise children) and stop working, you got to pay everything and if you divorce she gets half, including what's in your bank account.

Sittingpretty · 13-05-2013 02:15PM

hoodwinked wrote: »

i guess you were unlucky to have unimaginative friends organising weddings then,

with ours we didn't go above 6k, that paid for the big white cookie cutter wedding as its been called here,

we only invited family, close family and a handful of friends to the ceremony/meal, then had a big party in the hotel afterwards...

the grooms uncle was the priest and we spent the whole mass laughing, he got people up and moving around because it was a small group, it was enjoyable and everyone commented on how different it was... maybe because it was personal rather than your run of the mill service.

for the afters at the hotel there was chocolate fingers and bacon fries along with the tea/coffee and people were able to relax, eat and chat while we did a handfull of photos (we didn't want to be standing around for hours getting photos done)

ditto for the meal, we ate early (for a wedding) as growing up dinner was always 6pm so we kept to that,and kept to normal food (rather than the traditional wedding stuff) and after wards people got to do what they wanted with music we love playing quietly in the background before the dj set up for the party,

because it was only family/close friends, we had time to actually spend time with people and enjoy our day,

it didn't break the bank and everyone commented on how it was a nice relaxing enjoyable day (and with my family they'd bitch to your face about aspects they didn't like, impossible to please is the term that decribes them best)

the day was like us, easy-going and fun.

this as opposed to another church/hotel wedding we were at where the church was 1.5 hours from the hotel, and everyone complained about everything from the distance, to the boring ceremony, to the sweet jars on the table having awful sweets, bad food, to the seating arrangements and the boring one man band/dj only playing jazzy-esq music for 6 hours...etc

and again a third where the ceremony was poignant and beautiful (rather than funny or boring) and the reception had 300 people, a photo booth, a great band, posh food...etc

That's great, I'm glad you enjoyed your day and 6 k is a very reasonable spend for a wedding.

fishy fishy · 13-05-2013 02:18PM

Sittingpretty wrote: »

All big Irish weddings are the same. I was at 9 weddings last year. Only discernible difference was the people getting married. For me personally I would love to attend an Irish wedding that was actually different.

Marriage is not for everyone but to think that a wedding is "different" because of the readings of the mass and the guests being different people is optimistic in the extreme.

Nothing personally wrong with big weddings if that's your thing and you can afford it then go for it.

It would stick in my craw for the rest of my days to have one day that cost 30k just to go along with an established tradition.

People expecting gifts of money from their guests in order to cover the cost of the wedding is very typically Irish and in my opinion, vulgar in the extreme.

the fact of the matter is that people give money instead of presents now because most couples are smart enough to live together before getting hitched and therefore have most of their household items.

Why is gift of money typically irish and vulgar? I don't understand this.

You obviously have never been to a US wedding where the bride and groom stand at the door waiting for their envelopes full of money before their meal, or even at a jewish wedding where bride and groom stand up and expect people to pin large monetary notes to their clothes.

If you think posting/discreetly handing a monetary present to the best man at an Irish wedding is vulgar, then please don't attend any other religions wedding - you would probably need and ambulance.

Sittingpretty · 13-05-2013 02:25PM

fishy fishy wrote: »

the fact of the matter is that people give money instead of presents now because most couples are smart enough to live together before getting hitched and therefore have most of their household items.

Why is gift of money typically irish and vulgar? I don't understand this.

You obviously have never been to a US wedding where the bride and groom stand at the door waiting for their envelopes full of money before their meal, or even at a jewish wedding where bride and groom stand up and expect people to pin large monetary notes to their clothes.

If you think posting/discreetly handing a monetary present to the best man at an Irish wedding is vulgar, then please don't attend any other religions wedding - you would probably need and ambulance.

I have attended weddings of other faiths. I know WHY people give gifts of money. Read my post, I didn't say giving money was vulgar, i said expecting money as a gift to cover the cost of a wedding was vulgar and in my opinion, it is. Grown adults expecting their guests to cover the cost of the day they want is vulgar.

hoodwinked · 13-05-2013 02:29PM

Sittingpretty wrote: »

That's great, I'm glad you enjoyed your day and 6 k is a very reasonable spend for a wedding.

well its all we saved so we went with what we had, nether of us is very flashy anyways...

we never expected anyone to cover the costs of our wedding, or their gifts to and any cash gifts we got we were so thankful for people were way more generous than we ever could have imagined.

we told people not to bother to get us anything because having lived together so long (and having a child) we really did have everything and them being there was genuinely gift enough...

Why do people still have expensive weddings?

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