Why do people still have expensive weddings?

krudler · 12-05-2013 03:28PM

Addle wrote: »

I enjoy wedding receptions.
They follow a format because it works.

but they're all the same.

Meal
Speeches
Into the reception area
Awkwardness
Drinks
Less awkwardness.
First dance
Bride dances with her dad (if applicable)
Awful band tries to get everyone up dancing
Garter removal thing
DJ arrives, breaks out the Grease megamix and Abba/Tina Turner/YMCA tracks to keep the oul wans happy.
Bouqet toss.
Bride and groom vanish to change or whatever it is they do
Rock the boat.
oul wans leave, young wans demand more current stuff
Party starts to quiten down.
National anthem as dj finishes.
Last ones standing have mood brought right down by singsong of dour Irish songs, everyone else is "sshhhed" while someone drunkenly belts one out.

rinse and repeat with slight differences for every wedding ever.

Shenshen · 12-05-2013 03:30PM

Stereomaniac wrote: »

You have the right idea, it seems. Within our social circles we all probably know people who would be willing to help us with different aspects of a wedding ceremony and reception. I mean, I play music, and if a friend of mine ever wanted me to perform at their wedding I would do it in a heartbeat. I am sure many people probably know someone who would be capable of doing the photography as well if they examined their Facebook friends list for long enough, ha.

We just handed cameras to about 5 people, some people also brought their own cameras along.
Fantastic pictures, lots of fun, and it came in a lot cheaper than paying someone to take "professional" shots.

April O Neill · 12-05-2013 03:40PM

CaraMay wrote: »

If they can't afford it then they are doing it because they are stoooopid. If they can afford it then they are doing it because they want to. Simples.

I really wish people would stop saying 'Simples'.

krudler · 12-05-2013 03:41PM

Shenshen wrote: »

We just handed cameras to about 5 people, some people also brought their own cameras along.
Fantastic pictures, lots of fun, and it came in a lot cheaper than paying someone to take "professional" shots.

i was at one where they left loads of disposable cameras on the tables, people were told to take pics all night and leave them there, must have been fun seeing what people were snapping all evening when they got them developed.

April O Neill · 12-05-2013 03:43PM

Musicmental85 wrote: »

It's personal. I had a big wedding, expensive? Yes but not compared to what some spend on 'small weddings'. I sent 300 invites, sat 198 and came in well under 20k. We postponed our honeymoon for six months to save. It was a amazing day, literally the best day of my life.

Funniest conversation I ever had was with a colleague who was horrified at my numbers, oh no we will have under 100. You couldn't have that many people! Biggest difference-their price per head was more than twice ours and our food was great. Yes theirs was better but not worth that level of premium. You have to shop around

If theirs cost more, with smaller numbers, you can be sure the food was far, far better at theirs. But small weddings generally will be a lot cheaper.

UCDVet · 12-05-2013 03:45PM

So basically....different people have different priorities they use when deciding to spend money?

Gee_G · 12-05-2013 03:47PM

FouxDaFaFa wrote: »

I guess there are a few reasons.
We're sold this idea of a "good" wedding from very early on: lots of guests, big dress, great expense and flourish.
Some people just genuinely want a big day they'll remember forever.
Some get pressured into in, having to invite a load of randomers because of family politics. Or getting married in a church if they're not religious because that's what expected.
I think the couple should do what they want but it's foolish to spend that much money if you don't have it.

If I find some poor unfortunate who agrees to marry me it will be a very small wedding, possibly even an elopement somewhere exciting and a celebratory party when we get back. I'd find a big wedding with so much attention on the bride very stressful. They can be quite formal and stuffy too. Why not go to a theme park or something?

Every now and then I think I'd love to Elope, just bring our son and go somewhere for a few weeks and have the honeymoon of our dreams too and have a party when we returned. But I'm afraid I'd regret it!

oldyouth · 12-05-2013 03:59PM

Women would appear to want the big day, just like their friends & family have enjoyed before them. For some reason, a public display of this milestone in their lives is essential. For many, the more lavish the wedding, the more 'love' they have in their life at this point in time.

Many use the excuse that they want to celebrate their wedding in front of all their friends and family but, I'm sorry, nobody has 300 of those. All they are trying to do is round up enough mugs to pay for an ostentatious event out of anticipated cash presents.

Men, generally, don't give a monkeys about the circus surrounding their marriage but will seek to support their partner's desires. I'm no different in that I would always try to give my loved one whatever she wants. I would, however, draw the line at spending 10's of thousands on a stupid day out. I think the younger generation coming through will have more sense when affirming their relationships, be it a wedding, civil ceremony or other format

_Whimsical_ · 12-05-2013 04:04PM

A "was it worth it?" poll would be good on this one.

Personally I think that even if I had a brilliant day I'd wake up the next morning wanting to tear my hair out if I'd just spent a ridiculous amount on a one day party. It must be the worst hangover ever knowing youre now 30k down after buying your neighbours,your parents cousins and your spouses mothers workmates a fancy dinner.

12-05-2013 04:06PM

What harm. People can spend their money as they wish.

The numbers invited is what drives much of the cost.

krudler · 12-05-2013 04:10PM

_Whimsical_ wrote: »

A "was it worth it?" poll would be good on this one.

Personally I think that even if I had a brilliant I'd wake up the next morning wanting to tear my hair out if I'd just spent 30k on a one day party.

That, jesus 30 grand would send you on the best holiday ever

southsiderosie · 12-05-2013 04:13PM

oldyouth wrote: »

Women would appear to want the big day, just like their friends & family have enjoyed before them. For some reason, a public display of this milestone in their lives is essential. For many, the more lavish the wedding, the more 'love' they have in their life at this point in time.

Many use the excuse that they want to celebrate their wedding in front of all their friends and family but, I'm sorry, nobody has 300 of those. All they are trying to do is round up enough mugs to pay for an ostentatious event out of anticipated cash presents.

Men, generally, don't give a monkeys about the circus surrounding their marriage but will seek to support their partner's desires. I'm no different in that I would always try to give my loved one whatever she wants. I would, however, draw the line at spending 10's of thousands on a stupid day out. I think the younger generation coming through will have more sense when affirming their relationships, be it a wedding, civil ceremony or other format

This whole 'it's the women's fault' thing is getting really annoying in this thread. Men may want a big party with all of their relatives and an open bar. Men also feel pressure from their families to invite every second cousin and long-lost neighbor, or feel pressure from friends to not seem stingy. Just because men don't want a big dress (ok, well maybe some men want that too!

) doesn't mean they don't want a big day.

Leverarchfile · 12-05-2013 04:14PM

lightspeed wrote: »

I dont get it at all. My brothers Wedding is gonna cost over €30000. Him and the bride to be have both been saving for over 2 years. I just cant understand why people still pay this kind of money for a wedding.

30k is a lot, you can do a big wedding a lot cheaper if thats what you want.

lightspeed wrote: »

What is wrong with just getting a neighbour to dress up as a priest, have it in the back garden and let all the guests tuck into a swiss roll?

Because the very same now people pissing and moaning about spending money, would be pissing and moaning about him not spending the money.

Leverarchfile · 12-05-2013 04:15PM

Deleted User wrote: »

The numbers invited is what drives much of the cost.

Not if most of them are giving cash presents, and most are decent enough to do so these days.

We broke even on our wedding thanks to the cash presents, if we had invited more we would have made a profit. A good thing for a couple starting out. Most invited couples will be giving at least €100.

oldyouth · 12-05-2013 04:21PM

southsiderosie wrote: »

This whole 'it's the women's fault' thing is getting really annoying in this thread. Men may want a big party with all of their relatives and an open bar. Men also feel pressure from their families to invite every second cousin and long-lost neighbor, or feel pressure from friends to not seem stingy. Just because men don't want a big dress (ok, well maybe some men want that too! ) doesn't mean they don't want a big day.

Who said anything about fault? Women want the big wedding, men don't give a fig one way or the other. Also, it is because the wedding is declared as a 100/200/300 person event, the parents on both sides start competing on who will invite the remotest or random guest. If the numbers are restricted, that behaviour can be eliminated.

Bottom line, men love women and women love weddings. It doesn't necessarily follow that men like weddings

asdfg! · 12-05-2013 04:22PM

It's no one's business how people spend their money or what's left of it when the public service get it's cut. You might just as complain about people buying a Mercedes when a Hyundai does the same job or even having a car at all when there's a bus service.

I've no idea how much my wife and I spent on our wedding but we could afford it at the time and it was a great day all round. Sure we could have spent it on something else but it's a one off, believe me it will never happen again.

But it's not your business to criticise me or anyone else for what they spend their money on. This is still a free country, at least in that respect.

April O Neill · 12-05-2013 04:25PM

Addle wrote: »

You got to speculate to accumulate!

What a horrible, cynical attitude.

eviltwin · 12-05-2013 04:26PM

oldyouth wrote: »

Who said anything about fault? Women want the big wedding, men don't give a fig one way or the other. Also, it is because the wedding is declared as a 100/200/300 person event, the parents on both sides start competing on who will invite the remotest or random guest. If the numbers are restricted, that behaviour can be eliminated.

Bottom line, men love women and women love weddings. It doesn't necessarily follow that men like weddings

It was the opposite in our house, I would have gladly just gone away on our own and done it very hush hush, it was himself who wanted the family do.

April O Neill · 12-05-2013 04:30PM

irish bloke wrote: »

Nothing tighter then someone giving a gift. Especially to a couple who have being living together for years. I mean do they think we eat with our hands and need another cutlery set... Mean ba*#ards....

I hope this is a joke.

Giving a gift, a thing the couple shouldn't expect (what with it being a gift and all), is tight?

Whatever about how much I spend on my wedding if I have one, gifts will just be seen as a lovely bonus.

April O Neill · 12-05-2013 04:33PM

Shenshen wrote: »

A lot of people seem to see a wedding not so much as a couple's special day, but as a cheap day out at someone else's expense, and they do feel entitled to it.
Odd.

In fairness, attending a wedding costs a lot of money for guests, even if they don't do the usual stuff like buying a new outfit. It's not the couple who has expense, it's the guests too. So, it's hardly a cheap day out.

April O Neill · 12-05-2013 04:37PM

krudler wrote: »

If I ever found somone who's entertain the notion of marrying me it'd be elope with herself and the best man/maid of honour, the parents I suppose, and then have a party when we got back, spending 30 grand on something that's identical to everyone elses wedding is insane.
Weddings as a whole are boring as hell, the awkward dinner with people you dont know, the afters where some terrible band plays terrible covers and then a worse dj uses his cringetastic wedding playlist, dancing to abba and then rock the boat, how freaking original. Marry abroad then have a party here I say.

This is it. Weddings in this country are so generic, and the fact that people pay huge money to have one of these cookie-cutter events blows my mind.

April O Neill · 12-05-2013 04:39PM

Addle wrote: »

I enjoy wedding receptions.
They follow a format because it works.

And loads of people hate having to attend weddings in this country, and find them dull as hell. Well, loads of people I know anyway. People just don't want to change the status quo.

Ilyana 2.0 · 12-05-2013 04:46PM

Tbh I think there's something distasteful about expecting your cash presents from your guests to cover the cost of a wedding that you wanted them to be at.

If you can't afford a big wedding, don't book one anyway and hope that the gifts will help you break even, or even make a profit. Weddings can cost a fortune for guests, especially if you were invited to the stag/hen party as well.

I work in a hotel; at one wedding I heard that the couple disappeared up to the bedroom during the drinks reception to open their cards and count their cash.

_Whimsical_ · 12-05-2013 04:47PM

Leverarchfile wrote: »

Not if most of them are giving cash presents, and most are decent enough to do so these days.

We broke even on our wedding thanks to the cash presents, if we had invited more we would have made a profit. A good thing for a couple starting out. Most invited couples will be giving at least €100.

Isn't it a bit crass though to hold parties that cost what the average person makes in a year and expect guests to pay for it though?

Personally I find the whole idea of that very distasteful.

April O Neill · 12-05-2013 04:49PM

Leverarchfile wrote: »

Not if most of them are giving cash presents, and most are decent enough to do so these days.

We broke even on our wedding thanks to the cash presents, if we had invited more we would have made a profit. A good thing for a couple starting out. Most invited couples will be giving at least €100.

You shouldn't plan a wedding hoping to make most of it back in gifts. Cynical in the extreme, and it could backfire badly.

Leverarchfile wrote: »

if we had invited more we would have made a profit.

:eek:

Ghastly. How crass. Eddie Hobbs, is that you?

April O Neill · 12-05-2013 04:52PM

asdfg! wrote: »

It's no one's business how people spend their money or what's left of it when the public service get it's cut. You might just as complain about people buying a Mercedes when a Hyundai does the same job or even having a car at all when there's a bus service.

I've no idea how much my wife and I spent on our wedding but we could afford it at the time and it was a great day all round. Sure we could have spent it on something else but it's a one off, believe me it will never happen again.

But it's not your business to criticise me or anyone else for what they spend their money on. This is still a free country, at least in that respect.

And in a free country, people can criticise whatever they like.

asdfg! · 12-05-2013 04:56PM

Since when is it crass to ask for cash? The whole point of wedding presents was to provide household items for the married couple. That was then and this is now. Most people already have most household items they need. You can set up a wedding list of course but that's not always practical. Our families and guests came from all over. No use setting up a list in Brown Thomas Dublin when most of the guests come from Galway and rest from England.

I prefer to give cash anyway and so do most people I know.

asdfg! · 12-05-2013 04:59PM

April O Neill wrote: »

And in a free country, people can criticise whatever they like.

You don't have the freedom to criticise how I choose to spend my money. As a private citizen I have the right to dispose of my income as I choose without you, the government or anyone else having an input.

That's what's meant by a free country.:mad:

April O Neill · 12-05-2013 05:00PM

asdfg! wrote: »

Since when is it crass to ask for cash? The whole point of wedding presents was to provide household items for the married couple. That was then and this is now.

Yes, but a present should never be expected. Ever. It was ever thus. It is very bad manners to expect or demand a gift. I learnt this as a child.

And it's a gift, and what that gift should be, and what it costs, is at the giver's discretion. Especially bearing in mind that weddings cost a lot of for guests before a gift is even factored in.

Addle · 12-05-2013 05:01PM

oldyouth wrote: »

Who said anything about fault? Women want the big wedding, men don't give a fig one way or the other.

2 massive generalisations.
Lots of women aren't interested in the big to do.
Lots of men are.

Why do people still have expensive weddings?

Comments