Why do people still have expensive weddings?

suicide_circus · 12-05-2013 02:16PM

Seanafitz wrote: »

Women want perfection .. Perfection cost money .. What man is going to deny his fiancé ether ??

i would never deny my fiance ether. There is nothing in the world more helpless and irresponsible and depraved than a fiance in the depths of an ether binge.

Ilyana 2.0 · 12-05-2013 02:17PM

Whenever I get hitched, I'd rather have only the most important people there and give them a lovely meal and a great day out, rather than having 300 people for your average Irish wedding in a hotel.

Each to their own, but the Irish norm is often silly money, and not my style.

Addle · 12-05-2013 02:18PM

eviltwin wrote: »

That doesn't necessarily mean you need to spend a fortune. A small, intimate wedding can be just as special as a big event.

As I wrote, each to their own.
I couldn't justify spending mega bucks on one day, however I would happily blow big bucks on a mega honeymoon!

irish bloke · 12-05-2013 02:22PM

Gee_G wrote: »

Feck all I've been told. A lot of people have gone back to buying Wedding presents rather than money in a card!

Nothing tighter then someone giving a gift. Especially to a couple who have being living together for years. I mean do they think we eat with our hands and need another cutlery set... Mean ba*#ards....

irish bloke · 12-05-2013 02:27PM

Sauve wrote: »

What kind of idiots would agree to get married, not set a budget, not discuss what type of wedding they want or can afford, and not put a halt to it when costs are getting out of hand?

The female kind...

Addle · 12-05-2013 02:31PM

And as for 'social pressure', what's wrong with doing something to please your folks?

irish bloke · 12-05-2013 02:32PM

eviltwin wrote: »

My wedding - including honeymoon - came in at just under 1000 euros. We got no end of slagging though for being cheapskates.

Ah ffs, no wonder your getting slagged.McDonald's and jury's inn in Galway was it???

I mean if you can't spend it on each other, what are you going to spend it on.

eviltwin · 12-05-2013 02:37PM

irish bloke wrote: »

Ah ffs, no wonder your getting slagged.McDonald's and jury's inn in Galway was it???

I mean if you can't spend it on each other, what are you going to spend it on.

Are you kidding? That would have cost more

inmyday · 12-05-2013 02:39PM

Addle wrote: »

And as for 'social pressure', what's wrong with doing something to please your folks?

Its not their wedding day, its a wedding for two people, not the folks.

Personally I would do alot of things to please my folks, but my "special day" is mine and my partners.

krazyklown · 12-05-2013 02:41PM

We are getting married in August of next year - at the moment our rough estimate is 29000. Its not my ambition to spend that amount of money and its certainly not to show off ( i actually hate attention and we are both from middle class families) but there are things that we feel a certain pressure to do.

Firstly we both come from the West and have large extended families where the norm is that you invite aunts,uncles & cousins and the neighbours in the parish not to mention your friends. My fiance isnt that long out of college where she had a big network of friends which has merged with her 'home' friends and makes it impossible to just draw a line and invite a subset without causing offence. We both moved up to Dublin two years ago where we have made more friends and ,genuinely, we would love them to join us. We have a rough guestlist which stands at about 320 - i expect there to be in the region of a 20% refusal rate and we have the meal @ 40 euro a head (haggled down from 55). So the reception on its own is looking at 12 grand.

I agree its a hideous amount of money to spend in one day - and i accept the OP's point that given the current economic climate that we may be in need of a catscan to be even thinking of spending such an amount for one day (normally i am quite frugal) but its our day and i am determined
(a) to enjoy it
(b) do everything i can to ensure our guests enjoy it
(d) ensure that nobodies nose is out of joint for lack of an invitation

12-05-2013 02:42PM

krazyklown wrote: »

We are getting married in August of next year - at the moment our rough estimate is 29000. Its not my ambition to spend that amount of money and its certainly not to show off ( i actually hate attention and we are both from middle class families) but there are things that we feel a certain pressure to do.

Firstly we both come from the West and have large extended families where the norm is that you invite aunts,uncles & cousins and the neighbours in the parish not to mention your friends. My fiance isnt that long out of college where she had a big network of friends which has merged with her 'home' friends and makes it impossible to just draw a line and invite a subset without causing offence. We both moved up to Dublin two years ago where we have made more friends and ,genuinely, we would love them to join us. We have a rough guestlist which stands at about 320 - i expect there to be in the region of a 20% refusal rate and we have the meal @ 40 euro a head (haggled down from 55). So the reception on its own is looking at 12 grand.

I agree its a hideous amount of money to spend in one day - and i accept the OP's point that given the current economic climate that we may be in need of a catscan to be even thinking of spending such an amount for one day (normally i am quite frugal) but its our day and i am determined
(a) to enjoy it
(b) do everything i can to ensure our guests enjoy it
(d) ensure that nobodies nose is out of joint for lack of an invitation

Well if they all want to come let them pay for it
Or just elope
you are adults!

Shenshen · 12-05-2013 02:44PM

inmyday wrote: »

Its not their wedding day, its a wedding for two people, not the folks.

Personally I would do alot of things to please my folks, but my "special day" is mine and my partners.

That was exactly my attitude as well, and looking back I'm glad I stuck by it.

And yes, we got a good bit of stick from some - we had no band, for example. Well, we both absolutely hate dancing, so why on earth should we have a band, or even a DJ?
My husband put together a track list of music we both like, and that was played off his iPod throughout the afternoon and evening.

Another grievance was that the menu we chose was vegetarian. We're both vegetarian, my husband has been one for at least 20 years, I've become vegetarian about 6 years ago. Yet people felt that if they were to come to our wedding, that somehow entitled them to a meat dinner which we of course would pay for? Because obviously, they couldn't possibly have one single meal without meat?

A lot of people seem to see a wedding not so much as a couple's special day, but as a cheap day out at someone else's expense, and they do feel entitled to it.
Odd.

southsiderosie · 12-05-2013 02:46PM

irish bloke wrote: »

The female kind...

:rolleyes:

Addle wrote: »

And as for 'social pressure', what's wrong with doing something to please your folks?

That would make more sense if we were talking about giving up a lazy Sunday afternoon to drive two hours in order to go to your parents house for dinner. Spending $45,000 to 'please your folks' is insane.

The other issue, and I had to make this clear to my mother, is that planning a wedding does take a lot of time and coordination. If she wants to do site visits, pick flowers, do food and cake tastings, draw up guest lists, send out invitations, coordinate catering, hire a photographer, and figure out the logistics of the day, then tell me where to show up - and she will pay for everything from start to finish - then maybe I will consider a big wedding. But I sure as hell am not going to do all that!

southsiderosie · 12-05-2013 02:49PM

krazyklown wrote: »

(d) ensure that nobodies nose is out of joint for lack of an invitation

Ah-ha, see, this is the issue.

Look, if you are planning a wedding, somebody's nose is going to be out of joint about anything and EVERYTHING: the food, the colors, the location, the availability of alcohol, the DJ, the date, etc. Being afraid of making someone else unhappy is the surest way to ensure that you are going to be unhappy with the planning process.

Gee_G · 12-05-2013 02:51PM

krazyklown wrote: »

We are getting married in August of next year - at the moment our rough estimate is 29000. Its not my ambition to spend that amount of money and its certainly not to show off ( i actually hate attention and we are both from middle class families) but there are things that we feel a certain pressure to do.

Firstly we both come from the West and have large extended families where the norm is that you invite aunts,uncles & cousins and the neighbours in the parish not to mention your friends. My fiance isnt that long out of college where she had a big network of friends which has merged with her 'home' friends and makes it impossible to just draw a line and invite a subset without causing offence. We both moved up to Dublin two years ago where we have made more friends and ,genuinely, we would love them to join us. We have a rough guestlist which stands at about 320 - i expect there to be in the region of a 20% refusal rate and we have the meal @ 40 euro a head (haggled down from 55). So the reception on its own is looking at 12 grand.

I agree its a hideous amount of money to spend in one day - and i accept the OP's point that given the current economic climate that we may be in need of a catscan to be even thinking of spending such an amount for one day (normally i am quite frugal) but its our day and i am determined
(a) to enjoy it
(b) do everything i can to ensure our guests enjoy it
(d) ensure that nobodies nose is out of joint for lack of an invitation

If that's what ye want, the best of luck to you both and enjoy every bit of it

I, however, would be the opposite. This might sound rude,but I'm really not worried about who's nose is out of joint for lack of invitation. I will invite who I want to my wedding, not because I feel I have to, but because I want to share my day with them!

As for parents, I would do absolutely anything for them but when it came to writing guestlist for our wedding, I had to put my foot down. Inviting people that I would not see from one end of the year to the other or that don't even bother keeping in touch with my parents ,never mind me, but they feel they have to be invited, no thanks!

Addle · 12-05-2013 02:53PM

inmyday wrote: »

Its not their wedding day, its a wedding for two people, not the folks.

Personally I would do alot of things to please my folks, but my "special day" is mine and my partners.

A marriage is between two people.
A traditional Irish wedding day is about much more than the couple getting married.
I've never been married, but I have been involved in weddings, and like any party, they're about being good hosts and about pleasing others.

krudler · 12-05-2013 02:57PM

If I ever found somone who's entertain the notion of marrying me it'd be elope with herself and the best man/maid of honour, the parents I suppose, and then have a party when we got back, spending 30 grand on something that's identical to everyone elses wedding is insane.
Weddings as a whole are boring as hell, the awkward dinner with people you dont know, the afters where some terrible band plays terrible covers and then a worse dj uses his cringetastic wedding playlist, dancing to abba and then rock the boat, how freaking original. Marry abroad then have a party here I say.

southsiderosie · 12-05-2013 03:03PM

Addle wrote: »

A marriage is between two people.
A traditional Irish wedding day is about much more than the couple getting married.
I've never been married, but I have been involved in weddings, and like any party, they're about being good hosts and about pleasing others.

No, they aren't like any party - unfortunately. Weddings seem to be the only time when the guests feel justified in commenting on every aspect of planning. In addition, the nice thing about planning a party is that you get to spend time with friends that you wouldn't get to see that often in a relaxed setting - which is the absolute opposite of a large wedding.

Any good host wants to be sure that their guests have a good time, but I don't see how this automatically translates into requiring a three-course sit-down dinner, open bar, and a DJ. There are other ways to have fun.

April O Neill · 12-05-2013 03:04PM

lightspeed wrote: »

I dont get it at all. My brothers Wedding is gonna cost over €30000. Him and the bride to be have both been saving for over 2 years. I just cant understand why people still pay this kind of money for a wedding.

I know others in work who say they are going to struggle to get the money together for a deposit on a house and yet spare no expense when it comes to the wedding day?

What i find odd is that plenty people from middle class tax bracket to those on the higher end will complain when taxes are increased but will spend this kind of money on one ****ing day?

What is wrong with just getting a neighbour to dress up as a priest, have it in the back garden and let all the guests tuck into a swiss roll?

I always wonder if it's a keeping up appearances thing? That showing people you can on this big day is more important to people than it actually being true?

Addle · 12-05-2013 03:06PM

krudler wrote: »

If I ever found somone who's entertain the notion of marrying me it'd be elope with herself and the best man/maid of honour, the parents I suppose, and then have a party when we got back, spending 30 grand on something that's identical to everyone elses wedding is insane.
Weddings as a whole are boring as hell, the awkward dinner with people you dont know, the afters where some terrible band plays terrible covers and then a worse dj uses his cringetastic wedding playlist, dancing to abba and then rock the boat, how freaking original. Marry abroad then have a party here I say.

I enjoy wedding receptions.
They follow a format because it works.

krazyklown · 12-05-2013 03:06PM

Gee_G wrote: »

If that's what ye want, the best of luck to you both and enjoy every bit of it

I, however, would be the opposite. This might sound rude,but I'm really not worried about who's nose is out of joint for lack of invitation. I will invite who I want to my wedding, not because I feel I have to, but because I want to share my day with them!

As for parents, I would do absolutely anything for them but when it came to writing guestlist for our wedding, I had to put my foot down. Inviting people that I would not see from one end of the year to the other or that don't even bother keeping in touch with my parents ,never mind me, but they feel they have to be invited, no thanks!

Thanks! We intend to!

Dont get me wrong there is only one person on the list that i wish wasnt! And its not a case of inviting people we dont want to invite, its a case of tradition dictating a little bit that we should be inclusive. I think we are both too nice to invite one person over another so we will just invite everyone and work from there. I can clearly see the opposing view - its just i personally wouldnt feel comfortable being that ruthless and not caring what anyone else thought. There are times when i wish i could!

eviltwin · 12-05-2013 03:08PM

krazyklown wrote: »

Thanks! We intend to!

Dont get me wrong there is only one person on the list that i wish wasnt! And its not a case of inviting people we dont want to invite, its a case of tradition dictating a little bit that we should be inclusive. I think we are both too nice to invite one person over another so we will just invite everyone and work from there. I can clearly see the opposing view - its just i personally wouldnt feel comfortable being that ruthless and not caring what anyone else thought. There are times when i wish i could!

Its your day and if its easier for you to do what you said for the quiet life then go for it. Just don't get into debt over it. I've seen so many couples start married life in debt and its really not worth it.

FouxDaFaFa · 12-05-2013 03:08PM

I guess there are a few reasons.
We're sold this idea of a "good" wedding from very early on: lots of guests, big dress, great expense and flourish.
Some people just genuinely want a big day they'll remember forever.
Some get pressured into in, having to invite a load of randomers because of family politics. Or getting married in a church if they're not religious because that's what expected.
I think the couple should do what they want but it's foolish to spend that much money if you don't have it.

If I find some poor unfortunate who agrees to marry me it will be a very small wedding, possibly even an elopement somewhere exciting and a celebratory party when we get back. I'd find a big wedding with so much attention on the bride very stressful. They can be quite formal and stuffy too. Why not go to a theme park or something?

Shenshen · 12-05-2013 03:09PM

Addle wrote: »

I enjoy wedding receptions.
They follow a format because it works.

From experience I can assure you that other formats work just as well if not better.

April O Neill · 12-05-2013 03:10PM

Daveysil15 wrote: »

How much do they actually make in gifts though?

Not as much as in the boom years, I would think - but they shouldn't be depending on that anyway.

omahaid · 12-05-2013 03:15PM

Three years after the big day as we wake up to night feeds and changing nappies full of nasty stuff I'm glad we spent a few bob and had a kick ass day and a kick ass honeymoon.

Stereomaniac · 12-05-2013 03:17PM

The last wedding I went to, I just gave the couple money. It makes sense I should pay my way.

Ms2011 · 12-05-2013 03:18PM

My wedding budget is around €6000.
I have 36 people coming for the ceremony & meal & a further 50 for the afters.
The 36 I have invited for the ceremony & meal are immediate family or close friends whom I could call at the drop of a hat with a problem or a favour to ask & they would always do their best to oblige. For these people I'm sparing no expense as my way of saying thank you.
The other 50 would be people I would class as friends or family but wouldn't see too often, for these I don't mind putting on finger food & a DJ.
My dress cost a mere €235 but I love it, my ceremony, hair & make-up is in the hotel I'm having my reception in so no travel expenses & a friends' hubby is doing the photography ;-)

lightspeed · 12-05-2013 03:22PM

scoey wrote: »

Well OP, I would imagine it is because either one or both of the people getting married want to have one.
Hope that helps.

No further research is required.

Stereomaniac · 12-05-2013 03:25PM

You have the right idea, it seems. Within our social circles we all probably know people who would be willing to help us with different aspects of a wedding ceremony and reception. I mean, I play music, and if a friend of mine ever wanted me to perform at their wedding I would do it in a heartbeat. I am sure many people probably know someone who would be capable of doing the photography as well if they examined their Facebook friends list for long enough, ha.

Why do people still have expensive weddings?

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