Unloved, alone, very sad

LegacyUser · 26-04-2013 9:03pm #1

Hi I've no close relationships, anywhere. My family was very troubled growing up, still is, I feel I was very much the scapegoat, because I wasn't like the others, I wasn't manly like my brothers, was sensitive and gentle, into fashion, very feminine but there was horrendous arguing which I was drawn into, I was blamed for responding, I was blamed for just fighting my corner, as adults today arguments haven't been forgotten things that were said or done or even weren't said are thrown back at me on a regular basis. I feel that if I was in prison my family would treat me better, I'm blamed just for being myself, I upset other's just by being myself,am labelled as ill, and I take it all to heart. I don't feel they love me. It's just a never ending cycle of hurt.

Outside of family I am chatty and reasonably popular, am friendly with a lot of people but I've no close friendships and only had one, fairly poorly functioning love relationship.

I just feel so sad because I feel that I am living this life alone, with nobody to share achievements with, in fact I really don't know if there's any point going on if I'm alone, who's it for? what's it for? I'm just continuously hurt and cry a lot, feel very empty.

I know all the self esteem theories, believe in myself, other's loss not mine etc but I just feel that my lot is so very unfair, how a gentle sensitive person who never sought to harm or hurt other's is blamed for so much, I just go on crying when I think of that and I feel alone when I do so, because there's nobody to hear me, nobody who care's. And nobody to share the occasional high point with either. I don't know what it's all for.

I'm not suicidal but I just don't know what the point of life is if this is it. Needed to share how I'm feeling somewhere.

taxus_baccata · 26-04-2013 11:23pm

Hi op, I really don't know what to advise. You didn't say what age you are but I felt so lonely during my mid twenties, it was a really awkward age. People are out on the p**see constantly, meaningful relationships are hard to come by. Be kind to yourself xox

As for your family situation, maybe seek counseling, you can't change what happened or their attitudes but you can distance yourself from the past.

miamee · 01-05-2013 3:05pm

OP, if I could give you a big hug, I would. It sounds like you need to distance yourself from your family as much as possible. This may be difficult if you live in the family home but start finding anything to go to so you are out of the house a few evenings a week. Be kind to yourself, make YOU your number one priority, nobody else. Try not to get drawn into arguments or even to events that might lead to arguments. Start making plans for some nice things, even if it's a few day trips, a visit to someone you like, starting a new class, whatever!

Hopefully things will start to look up for you soon x

holyhead · 01-05-2013 9:23pm

OP you have no control over how others behave, but you have control over how they treat you. Put yourself first. You need to work on yourself esteem first to truly enjoy what life has to offer. Don't dream about partners etc until you feel happy in yourself. Nobody can make you happy and nobody can love you until you learn to appreciate yourself for all your abilities and talents. When you are happy inside it will radiate out from you but sadly the reverse is also true.

All this manly stuff is a load of clap trap. Men have feelings and there is no shame is being emotional, touchy feely, in touch with your feelings etc. We are not robots. Don't be ashamed of being sensitive etc. A sensitive person is a great person to have as a friend. Sensitivity is one of the finest human traits.

Outside of work you need to build a life for yourself. Take it brick at a time and keep plugging away. Its not easy. The easy thing is to stay at home and feel sorry for yourself. But don't give in. Give yourself every chance to have best quality of life that you can.

Best of luck op

Lorna123 · 02-05-2013 2:58am

Mylonelinessiskillingme wrote: »

Hi I've no close relationships, anywhere. My family was very troubled growing up, still is, I feel I was very much the scapegoat, because I wasn't like the others, I wasn't manly like my brothers, was sensitive and gentle, into fashion, very feminine but there was horrendous arguing which I was drawn into, I was blamed for responding, I was blamed for just fighting my corner, as adults today arguments haven't been forgotten things that were said or done or even weren't said are thrown back at me on a regular basis. I feel that if I was in prison my family would treat me better, I'm blamed just for being myself, I upset other's just by being myself,am labelled as ill, and I take it all to heart. I don't feel they love me. It's just a never ending cycle of hurt.

Outside of family I am chatty and reasonably popular, am friendly with a lot of people but I've no close friendships and only had one, fairly poorly functioning love relationship.

I just feel so sad because I feel that I am living this life alone, with nobody to share achievements with, in fact I really don't know if there's any point going on if I'm alone, who's it for? what's it for? I'm just continuously hurt and cry a lot, feel very empty.

I know all the self esteem theories, believe in myself, other's loss not mine etc but I just feel that my lot is so very unfair, how a gentle sensitive person who never sought to harm or hurt other's is blamed for so much, I just go on crying when I think of that and I feel alone when I do so, because there's nobody to hear me, nobody who care's. And nobody to share the occasional high point with either. I don't know what it's all for.

I'm not suicidal but I just don't know what the point of life is if this is it. Needed to share how I'm feeling somewhere.

There are lots of us out there with no close relationships OP and it can be lonely, I agree with you. There is a site on the net called "meetup" and if you joined one of these groups in your area you would have things to do, people to meet and you would have some fun. It would be the first step to having a full life. I wish you the best with this OP and always remember we are here for ye if you need to rant and we love ye.

December2012 · 03-05-2013 9:08pm

Have you considered counselling?

Unloved, alone, very sad

Comments