Lion Mauls Woman Having Sex. Man Lives.

starlings wrote: »

em, I think you have the killing and eating in the wrong order.

I think they kill you first by asphyxiation, biting your throat, then eat you... tho they may just do that to big dangerous animals and puny humans can be eaten alive.

Pace2008 wrote: »

an event that, by itself, is extremely unusual (about 1 per 150 million deaths!

yet it happened twice in 1 day :O

Maybe there was no lion and the man was a cannibal? It's a good cover story.

The man will always live, them bitches is for the lions once we finiid wid theminness, amorrow lady like.

Deleted User wrote: »

Ow. My head.

Fookin fridgeidness, noted.

An explorer gets lost in Africa and is captured by hostile natives. He’s taken before the chief, who says, “You were caught trespassing on sacred burial grounds. We can kill you immediately, or you can attempt the trial of the three huts.”

“What’s the trial of the three huts?” the explorer asks.

“In the first hut is a giant boa constrictor. You must tie the snake into a knot so it can’t kill you. In the second hut is a huge lion with a toothache. You must pull the tooth and leave him purring like a kitten. And in the third hut is the mighty Gullenda, a warrior woman who has never been sexually satisfied. If you can sate her incredible sexual appetite after completing the tasks in the first two huts, we will deliver you back to your people, a free man.”

The explorer doesn’t hesitate. “I’ll take the trial of the three huts.”

“You’re a brave man,” says the chief. The tribe trots the explorer through the jungle to a clearing, where three huts stand, and they shove him into the first hut, which is festooned with giant empty snakeskins.

The natives wait outside and listen to groaning and shrieks from the man, and the occasional angry hissing. Finally everything is quiet. They go to the hut, expecting the explorer to be dead, but as they reach the door he staggers out, coated with sweat and grime. They look inside the hut and find the giant snake tied into a knot like a pretzel, completely helpless.

“You have survived the first trial!” They take a moment to cheer him, then push him into the second hut. The noise is much worse. The man’s agonized screams are interspersed with roaring and snarling from the lion, and the sides of the hut bulge as things crash against it from inside. Finally everything is still. They tiptoe toward the entrance, expecting to peek inside and find the lion eating the explorer, but as they reach the door he staggers out, his clothes in strips, claw marks all over him. They look inside the hut. The enormous lion is relaxing inside, purring like a kitten.

The tribe cheers like maniacs. “No one has survived the second trial!”

The explorer, looking a little disoriented, raises his shaking arms over his head in triumph. “All right! Now where’s that warrior woman with a toothache?”