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Can't agree where to live with my partner

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Comments

  • #32
    meeeeh
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,612 ✭✭✭✭meeeeh


    tinkerbell wrote: »

    Yes it is handy having grandparents about when you have kids but if you're choosing to have kids, you should be doing it with the view that you are responsible for the kids, not that you could get the grandparents to mind them regularly (not saying "you" as in "you personally" but more addressing the idea that it should be the dealbreaker in deciding whether to live closer to his parents. There are so many people who live in a big city and parents live in the country who do not have the support of grandparents living close by to babysit now and again. You just get on with it so your boyfriend needs to cop onto himself. He's being a bit childish in my opinion. If this is how it's gonna be for every aspect of your relationship, you both need to have a serious discussion about your ideas for the future.
    I ended in hospital three times without previous warning. Once the ambulance had to be called. We were incredibly lucky that bf's parents were around to mind our child. That is the sort of support I'm talking about not free childminding service. Just to be clear.

    I know a pair for whom living close to his parents doesn't work. But neither did living half way between. I'm just saying that there are other considerations to think through.

    I never felt hard done because I had to move, I do sometimes though because my bf is a workaholic. There are different aspects that will have to be thought through and work commute could be one. Op, you will know best how much you have to compromise but if after eight years this is the only complaint, you probably have good relationship and it's worth to talk things through and see what are your preferences.


  • #33
    Stavro Mueller
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,673 ✭✭✭Stavro Mueller


    I'm interpreting what Smash said in a slightly different way. My take on it is that he was happy enough to go along with the plan you'd agreed because it was something that was out there as a theory but not a reality. But now that it's starting to become a reality, it has caused him to balk. Perhaps there was always this idea somewhere in the back of his head that he'd be going home to mammy and the family and all that. He might not have even been aware that that was what he wanted until recently. Moving to this new town is going to put an end to this dream of his.

    Even though he has been in Dublin for years and has been travelling home, my guess is that he never really settled. Or to look at it a different way, he has never really left his roots. There are still all those ties to home - very strong ties as it turns out. The only thing I an suggest to you is to stick to your guns. I really hope it doesn't cause you to break up. Hopefully if he realizes you're not for turning he might come to terms with what you've agreed in his own head.


  • #34
    Heartache04
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14 ✭Heartache04


    Just to update everyone and thank you for the time you took to give advice.

    My partner and I came in from work last night and had a big chat. Both of us admitted how upset we both were over this issue but he told me he wanted to work things out as he doesn't want to be without me and sees his future with me. We both agreed not to rush into buying but instead rent (thanks for that suggestion) and see how we like it. We have decided to try an other county next to his which is only an hour from my home town so if that works out we'd be both happy. We are planning to go look at different villages /areas and see what we think. We both said we feel much better after talking things through and the pressure is off to move to a certain place and buy straight away. The other county is much nicer to be honest and I don't know why I didn't think of it before. Much better not to rush in to these things! :)

    It's great to hear from others on this issue. Thank you all very much... I may or may not be back on for more advice... :)


  • #35
    fog arty
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 29 ✭fog arty


    Compromise is a 2 way street and he is not compromising. If he is digging in on this what do you think he will be like on other important issues.


  • #36
    Heartache04
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14 ✭Heartache04


    fog arty wrote: »
    Compromise is a 2 way street and he is not compromising. If he is digging in on this what do you think he will be like on other important issues.

    Please see my update above we have had a chat and been honest about everything and he is taking on board my point of view and is looking at areas that are no more than an hour from where I am from. We are both much happier looking at other county as it is beautiful and lots of nice places to chose from. If this works out we will both be happy!


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  • #37
    Nayeli Squeaking Bug
    Posts: 81,310 CMod ✭✭✭✭ Nayeli Squeaking Bug


    Hi OP
    I'm glad things seem to have worked out for you both

    If you need more advice in the future please PM to unlock this - in the meantime I'll be closing this

    thanks


This discussion has been closed.
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