Irish Jokes

Bootup · 01-08-2012 11:19am

Paddy tripped on the stairs and broke his leg. The doctor put a cast on it and warned that he wasn't to use the stairs until the cast came off.

Four months later the doctor removed the cast and pronounced him well on the way to recovery.

"Oh good," he responded. "Is it all right for me to walk the stairs now?"

"Yes," said the doctor, "if you will promise to be careful."

"I can't tell you what a relief it will be," he sighed. "It was such a nuisance crawling outside and shinnying up and down that drainpipe all the time!"

gammygils · 07-08-2012 1:56am

Paddy went to the Pub every night with one bootlace untied.

Murphy said to him one night ''Jaysis Paddy, Why do you always have one bootlace open?''

''Well'' says Paddy ''It was written on the box...... Taiwan!''

Bootup · 15-08-2012 7:16pm

Paddy was drinking in a bar in London when he gets a call on his mobile phone.

He orders drinks for everybody in the bar as he announces his wife has just produced a typical Irish baby boy weighing 25 pounds.

Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but the man just shrugs, "That's about average up our way, folks...like I said - my boy's a typical County Clare baby boy.."

Two weeks later Paddy returns to the bar.

The bartender says, "Say, you're the father of that typical Irish baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth, aren't you? Everybody's been making' bets about how big he'd be in two weeks. So how much does he weigh now?"

Paddy answers, "Seventeen pounds."

The bartender is puzzled and concerned. "What happened? He was 25 pounds the day he was born."

Paddy takes a slow swig of his Jameson Irish Whisky, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says, "Had him circumcised."

Bootup · 19-08-2012 5:15pm

Paddy is cleaning his rifle and accidently shoots his wife.So he dials 999...
Paddy.."Its my wifw.I've accidently shot her,i've killed her!"
Operator.. "Please calm down sir,can you please make sure she is actually dead"
*click* *BANG*
Paddy.."Ok,done that.What next?"

jayteecork · 20-08-2012 11:44pm

Christy Brown got a parrot for his bithday and tried teaching it to talk .

Say "cwisti" he says , but the parrot ignores him , say " cwisti ye kwunt", but still the parrot ignores him ,

Christy then gets very angry and kicks the parrots cage and says " say cwisti ye tupit cwunt ",

the parrot turns his head to him and says " Féck off ya retard , ya can't even féckin say it yerself ....."

Bootup · 26-08-2012 3:57pm

Paddy was telling Mick about his first sky dive.

When I got to the door I couldn’t jump.
So the 6' 7" black instructor unzips his fly & drops out his 10" & says if you don’t jump you're going to get this baby up your arse!!!

Mick asks “Did you jump?”.
Paddy replies “A little bit when it first went in”.

Bootup · 31-08-2012 12:40pm

Three Irishmen, drunk as can be, come staggering down the street singing Danny Boy at the top of their lungs. They stopped in front of Flaherty's house still singing. After a few minutes, the window flies open and Mrs. Flaherty yells out, "Why don't you drunken sots go somewhere else?!"

"Are you Mrs. Flaherty?" asks one of the drunks.

"You know damn well I am," she says.

"Well, can you tell us which one of us is your husband so the other two of us can go home?"

gammygils · 01-09-2012 2:26am

Ever hear about the Kerry homosexual who split up with his partner for having sex behind his back?

Bootup · 02-09-2012 3:42pm

Irish Birth Control

Mrs. Donovan was walking down
O'Connell Street in Dublin when
She met up with Father Flaherty.
The Father said, 'Top o' the mornin'
To ye! Aren't ye Mrs. Donovan
And didn't I marry ye and yer
Hoosband two years ago?'
She replied, 'Aye, that ye did, Father.'
The Father asked, 'And be there
Any wee little ones yet?'
She replied, 'No, not yet, Father.'
The Father said, 'Well now,
I'm going to Rome next week
And I'll light a fertility candle for ye
And yer hoosband.'
She replied, 'Oh, thank ye, Father...'
They then parted ways..

Some years later they met again.
The Father asked, 'Well now,
Mrs. Donovan, how are ye these days?'
She replied, 'Oh, very well, Father!'
The Father asked, 'And tell me ,
Have ye any wee ones yet?'
> She replied, 'Oh yes, Father!
Two sets of twins and six singles,
Ten in all!'
The Father said, 'That's wonderful!
And how is yer loving hoosband doing?'

She replied, 'E's gone to Rome
To blow out yer fookin' candle.'

Bootup · 01-10-2012 6:09pm

Paddy was about to go on a trip to England. The day before he left, he asked his next-door neighbor, Mrs. Dunne, if she wanted anything from England.

"Yes," she said. "could you please find my son Neely. He's been gone 10 years and has not written or phoned me, ever! I write to him but he never replies. I try to phone him but he never seems to be in. Anyway, here's his address."

On the back of a handy envelope she scribbled:

Neely Dunne
WC1
London, England.

The next day, the man embarked on his journey. The plane landed at Heathrow. He got off the plane and was walking down the corridor when he saw a sign saying 'WC'. He entered the room, and saw that it was a washroom.

He proceeded to the first toilet stall, knocked on the door and said: "Are you Neely Dunne?"

"Yes, but I ran out of paper," came the reply.

"Well, that's no excuse not to write your mother!"

Bootup · 10-10-2012 1:15pm

MonkieSocks · 15-10-2012 3:29pm

Now on sale at IKEA in Ballymun, Dublin. LESBIAN beds, no nuts or screwing involved, it's all tongue and groove...
__________________________________________

Due to a water shortage in Ireland , Dublin swimming baths have announced they are closing lanes 7 and 8....
__________________________________________

I got a letter from Screw Fix Direct thanking me for my interest, but explaining they were not a dating agency...
__________________________________________

Paddy thought his new girlfriend might be the one but after looking through her knicker drawer and finding a nurse's outfit, a French maids outfit, and a police womans uniform, he finally decided if she can't hold down a job, she's not for him
__________________________________________

I got sacked from my job as a bingo caller the other day. Apparently,

'A meal for two with a terrible view' isn't the best way to announce number 69
__________________________________________

Paddy is doing some roofing work for Murphy.

He nears the top of the ladder and starts shaking and going dizzy.

He calls down to Murphy and says

"I tink I will ave to go home, I've come all over giddy and feel sick."

Murphy asks "Ave yer got vertigo?"

Paddy replies "No I only live round the corner."
__________________________________________

After 100 years lying on the sea bed, Irish divers were amazed to find that the Titanics swimming pool was still full!

Bootup · 16-10-2012 5:57pm

Paddy always slept with his gun under his pillow. Hearing a noise at the foot of the bed, he shot off his big toe.
'Thank the Lord I wasn't sleeping at the other end of the bed,' Paddy said to his friends in Donegal's pub. 'I would have blown my head off.'

O'Gara was arrested and sent for trial for armed bank robbery.
After due deliberation, the jury foreman stood up and announced, 'Not guilty.'
'That's grand,' shouted O'Gara, 'Does that mean I get to keep the money?'

Gandr · 16-10-2012 6:13pm

two irish guys looking at a job advert in a forestry office.Tree Fellers Wanted was the add.**** Paddy theres only two of us...

Bootup · 22-10-2012 5:59pm

Two Irish couples decide to spice up their sex lives by swapping partners.

Afterwards, Paddy says, "That was bloody great! I wonder how the girls got on."

Bootup · 29-10-2012 12:25pm

Paddy and Mary, being good Irish Catholics, had so many children that they didn't know what to do.

Paddy says to Mary, "Sure, and we have to get some advice from the parish priest. We can't keep on with anymore children."

So they went to see the priest, and the priest says to Paddy, "Now, me boyo, you know the church only allows two ways to limit the wee ones. One is to abstain altogether, and the other is the rhythm."

Paddy scratches his head and says: "Well, now, Father, how in the hell am I going to find a ceili band at 4:00 o'clock in the morning?"

Bootup · 03-11-2012 5:31pm

Paddy: "Your new secretary is very sexy..."

Seamus: "Thanks! She's actually a robot, named Doreen ... If you squeeze
her right breast, she takes dictation & if you squeeze her left breast, she
types letters. Will work as long as you like, no complaining, no sick days,
no medical, no dental......

I'll lend her to you for a day & you can see how functional and efficient
she is".

Next day, Paddy called Seamus from the hospital & shouted: "Seamus… You
bastard! You didn't tell me that the hole between Doreen's legs is a Pencil
Sharpener..."

Bootup · 06-11-2012 2:47pm

Two irish men landed themselves a job at a saw mill. Just before morning Paddy yelled, "Mick! I lost me finger!"

"Have you now?" says Mick. "And how did you do it?"

"I just touched this big spinning thing here... Feck there goes another one!"

Bootup · 09-11-2012 4:07pm

After a long and careful planning regimen, some bank robbers began their caper.
Once inside the bank shortly after midnight, their efforts at disabling the internal security system got underway immediately.
The robbers, who expected to find one or two large safes filled with cash and valuables, were surprised to see hundreds of smaller safes scattered throughout the bank.
The robbers cracked the first safe's combination, and inside they found only a bowl of vanilla pudding.
As recorded on the bank's audio tape system, one robber said, "At least we'll have a bit to eat."
The robbers opened up a second safe, and it also contained nothing but vanilla pudding.
The process continued until all the safes were opened.
They found not one pound sterling, a diamond, or an ounce of gold. Instead, all the safes contained covered bowls of pudding.
Disappointed, the robbers made a quiet exit, each leaving with nothing more than a queasy, uncomfortably full stomach.
The newspaper headline read: IRELAND'S LARGEST SPERM BANK ROBBED EARLY THIS MORNING!

Bootup · 16-11-2012 1:35pm

Paddy, suffering from a severe toothache, finally got up enough nerve to visit his dentist, but lost it again when he was about to get into the chair. The dentist told his assistant to give Paddy a shot of whiskey kept on hand for just such circumstances as this.

"Ye got your courage back now?" the dentist asked.

"No!" replied Paddy.

So a second shot was brought, then a third.

"Now have ye got your courage?" asked the dentist.

"You're damn right!" Paddy said, squaring his shoulders. "I'd like to see the SOB who'd dare to touch me teeth now!"

Bootup · 20-11-2012 3:19pm

Two salesmen are boasting at the bar.

"I've been selling fridges to the Eskimos for over ten years!"

"So what? I've been selling cuckoo clocks to the Irish for over ten years!"

"What's so special about that?"

"I sell five sacks of birdseed with every fu*king clock."

Bootup · 29-11-2012 3:01pm

A fellow decided to decorate his bedroom. He wasn't sure how many rolls of wallpaper he would need,
but he knew that the Irishman who lived next door had recently done the same job and the two rooms were identical in size.

"Murphy," he asked, "How many rolls of wallpaper did you buy for your bedroom?"

"Ten" said Murphy.

So the fellow bought the ten rolls of paper and did the job. It looked wonderful, but he had 2 rolls of wallpaper left over.

"Murphy," he said. "I bought ten rolls of wallpaper for the bedroom, but I've got 2 left over!"

"Dat's funny," said Murphy. "So did I."

Bootup · 09-12-2012 4:56pm

Mick was in court for a double murder and the judge said, 'You are charged with beating your wife to death with a spanner.'
A voice at the back of the courtroom yelled out, 'You b*stard!'
The judge continued, 'You are also charged with beating your daughter to death with a spanner.'
Again, the voice at the back of the courtroom yelled out, 'You f*cking bast*rd!!!'
The judge stopped, looked at the man in the back of the courtroom, and said,'Paddy, I can understand your anger and frustration at this crime, but I will not have any more of these outbursts from you or I shall charge you with contempt! Now what is the problem?'
Paddy, at the back of the court stood up and responded, 'For fifteen years I lived next door to that b*stard. And every time I asked to borrow a f*cking spanner, he said he didn't have one!'

Bootup · 12-12-2012 3:03pm

Paddy charges into the benefits offìce ."I've been ringing 0800 1730 for 2 days now . Why the feck doesn't anybody answer !" . Girl replies . "Those are our opening times you daft C*nt !

ART6 · 17-12-2012 3:41pm

There was a brothel at the top of a hill, with a large red light at the bottom of the hill..

There were four men ....
one was walking briskly up the hill;
one was inside the brothel;
one was walking slowly down the hill and
the fourth man was sitting in his car at the bottom of the hill.

What were the nationalities of the four men?

* The man going up the hill: was rushin
* The man in the brothel: him-a-layin
* The man walking down the hill: was finish

* The man in the car at the bottom was Irish, and he was waiting for the light to turn green!

Bootup · 19-12-2012 6:25pm

Paddy finds a Sandwich with 2 Red wires stickin out of it.
He phones the police & says 'Bejesus, i've found a sandwich dat looks like a bomb'
The operator asks, 'Is it Tickin?' Paddy says, 'No,i tink it's Beef'

Bootup · 01-01-2013 8:23pm

A Scotsman, American, and an Irishman are in a bar. They are having a good time and all agree that the bar is a nice place.
Then the Scotsman says, "Aye, this is a nice bar, but where I come from, back in Glasgow, there's a better one. At MacDougal's, you buy a drink, you buy another drink, and MacDougal himself will buy your third drink!"
The others agree that sounds like a good place.
Then the American says, "Yeah, that's a nice bar, but where I come from, there's a better one. Over in Brooklyn, there's this place, Vinny's. At Vinny's, you buy a drink, Vinny buys you a drink. You buy another drink, Vinny buys you another drink." Everyone agrees that sounds like a great bar.
Then Paddy says, "You think that's great? Where I come from in Dublin , there's this place called Murphy's. At Murphy's, they buy you your first drink, they buy you your second drink, they buy you your third drink, and then, they take you in the back and get you laid!"
"Wow!" say the other two. "That's fantastic! Did that actually happen to you?"
"No," replies Paddy, "but it happened to me sister three times!"

Madam · 03-01-2013 5:25pm

Does anyone seriously find these 'jokes' funny>

ZENER · 04-01-2013 12:04am

. . . I don't get it . . .

Agent Mug · 04-01-2013 7:47pm

Being Irish is about driving a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then on your way home grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab to sit on a Swedish sofa and watch USA shows on a Japanese TV, and most of all being suspicious of anything Foreign.

Oh and only in Ireland can you get a pizza to your home faster than an ambulance, only in Ireland do banks leave both doors open and chain pens to the counter.

Also supermarkets make sick people walk to the back of the shop for prescriptions whilst healthy people get their fags at the front of shop.

We might be Irish, but by fuсk we're funny.

Happy new year to you all.

Hilly Bill · 13-01-2013 12:19pm

Paddy is fitting a kitchen in a posh house when the woman asks him if he'd like something to drink. Paddy accepts and soon after the woman brings him a mug of coffee.

"Excellent coffee, to be sure," says Paddy.

"Thank you," says the woman. "My husband brought it back from Brazil."

"That's great," says Paddy, "and it's still warm as well."

Madam · 13-01-2013 7:47pm

Hilly Bill wrote: »

Paddy is fitting a kitchen in a posh house when the woman asks him if he'd like something to drink. Paddy accepts and soon after the woman brings him a mug of coffee.

"Excellent coffee, to be sure," says Paddy.

"Thank you," says the woman. "My husband brought it back from Brazil."

"That's great," says Paddy, "and it's still warm as well."

Was he being sarcastic do you think:rolleyes:

Bootup · 24-01-2013 5:10pm

Paddy and Mick visit London for the very first time and they pass a shop with an ad in the window !!!FOR ONE WEEK ONLY SUITS £5, SHIRTS £2, TROUSERS £2.50!!!
Paddy say's "For fooks sake Mick we could make a small fortune back home with these prices." So they go to the bank and empty their accounts, get their van and go back to the shop.
Paddy goes to the clerk at the counter and says " Hello there fella,can we have 500 suits, 200 shirts and 200 pairs of trousers please"
The clerk says " You guys are from Ireland right?"
Mick says " no shi* Sherlock,did the accent give it away "
The clerk says " Well yes,that and the fact that this is a drycleaners ".

Bootup · 25-01-2013 12:33pm

Four American guys are in Ireland on holiday,go night para gliding.They attach small lights called chemlites to make their jumpsuits visible to the rest of the team.
Late one night, lost after a practice jump, they knocked at the door of a small cottage.
When a man answered, he was greeted by the sight of four men festooned in glowing chemlites.
"Excuse me," one of them said, "Can you tell us where we are?"
Paddy paused before answering,and then replied, "Earth."

fangee · 25-01-2013 12:40pm

Madam wrote: »

Does anyone seriously find these 'jokes' funny>

Not only are they not funny but I find them offensive.

Yeah. Lets internationally perpetuate the myth that all Irish people are thick as pig ****.

Hilarious.

Mossin · 26-01-2013 10:26pm

fangee wrote: »

Not only are they not funny but I find them offensive.

Yeah. Lets internationally perpetuate the myth that all Irish people are thick as pig ****.

Hilarious.

Then when you read them replace the 'Irish' part with some country that you don't like and you'll find them hilarious :rolleyes:

They are just jokes ffs

Luca Brasi · 27-01-2013 3:07pm

fangee wrote: »

Not only are they not funny but I find them offensive.

Yeah. Lets internationally perpetuate the myth that all Irish people are thick as pig ****.

Hilarious.

Kerry County Council want to allow elderly people from rural areas drive with only three or four pints on board. Now thats funny.

fryup · 28-01-2013 7:50pm

Luca Brasi wrote: »

Kerry County Council want to allow elderly people from rural areas drive with only three or four pints on board. Now thats funny.

yep, and we wonder why the world laughs at us

Agent Mug · 29-01-2013 12:23am

A Texan driving round Ireland in a big Mercedes car sees a old farmer sitting on a old tractor, so he pull up and goes over to the old farmer and says "howdy sir do you mind me asking you how many acres you have" the old farmer thinks and says "well be jasus I don't really know, it be about, maybe 14" and the Texan tell him "well sir back home in Texas I have a ranch that is further than the eye can see, and some times I get into my car and it take me three whole days to drive from one end of my ranch to the other" to which the old farmer reply "I use to have a car like that, but I got rid of it"

Madam · 30-01-2013 5:50pm

Mossin wrote: »

Then when you read them replace the 'Irish' part with some country that you don't like and you'll find them hilarious :rolleyes:

They are just jokes ffs

So thats why Bootup tells these offensive 'jokes' - he doesn't like the Irish, is that what your saying?

If so wtf is he doing on an Irish website?

Ash.J.Williams · 30-01-2013 5:55pm

fangee wrote: »

Not only are they not funny but I find them offensive.

Yeah. Lets internationally perpetuate the myth that all Irish people are thick as pig ****.

Hilarious.

As a nation, we are doing a great job of that anyway.

Bootup · 31-01-2013 11:50am

Two Irish nuns have just arrived in USA by boat, and one says to the other, "I hear that the people in this country actually eat dogs."
"Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do."
As they sit, they hear a pushcart vendor yelling, "Hot dogs, get your dogs here," and they both walk towards the hot dog cart.
"Two dogs, please!" says one. The vendor is very pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over.
Excited, the nuns hurry to a bench and begin to unwrap their 'dogs'.
The mother superior is first to open hers.
She begins to blush, and then after staring at it for a moment, leans to the other nun and in a soft brogue whispers, "What part did you get?"

Plazaman · 01-02-2013 11:32am

Madam wrote: »

Does anyone seriously find these 'jokes' funny>

Madam wrote: »

Was he being sarcastic do you think:rolleyes:

Madam wrote: »

So thats why Bootup tells these offensive 'jokes' - he doesn't like the Irish, is that what your saying? If so wtf is he doing on an Irish website?

Well if you don't think they're funny and you're not posting any jokes, why not just stay out of this thread, there are plenty more threads on the site.

*********************************************************
Mick and Paddy were having a competition as to who could throw a stone the highest. Paddy went first and threw the stone up in the air. Mick timed it with the stopwatch and 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 seconds later it hit the ground. It was Micks turn and Paddy took the stopwatch. Mick threw his stone up in the air. 5 seconds passed, 10 seconds, a minute, 10 minutes passed and there was no sign of the stone coming back down. I win shouts Mick jubilantly and runs off. :pac:

*********************************************************
A very posh English Lady was flying from London to Dublin on Aer Lingus. She had bought her Chihuahua with her and paid for a seat for it. The Captain made the announcement that the were nearing the time to begin their descent into Dublin and the lady went to strap the dog in but he was missing. She frantically searched the plane until eventually the stewardess told her she had to take her seat. As the plane was coming into land she looked out the window of the plane and to her amazement what was there sitting on the wing of the plane beside the engine??? Mick's stone.

*********************************************************

philstar · 02-02-2013 10:23am

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

is that a joke or a riddle??

i've read it 10 times and i still don't get it, plz someone explain

Madam · 03-02-2013 7:46pm

What be black and blue and found floating in the Irish sea?
A gob****e who tells an Irish Joke.

Bootup · 03-02-2013 9:50pm

A painter by the name of Paddy Murphy, while not a brilliant scholar,
was a gifted portrait artist.
Over a short number of years, his fame grew and soon people from all
over Ireland were coming to him in the town of Doolin, County Clare,
to get him to paint their likenesses.
One day, a beautiful young English woman arrived at his house in a
stretch limo and asked Paddy if he would paint her in the nude.
This being the first time anyone had made such a request, Paddy was a
bit perturbed, particularly when the woman told him that money was no
object; in fact, she was willing to pay up to £10,000.
Not wanting to get into any marital strife, Paddy asked her to wait
while he went into the house to confer with Mary, his wife.
In a few minutes he returned. "T'would be me pleasure to paint yer
portrait, missus," he said "The wife says it's okay.
"I'll paint ya in the nude alright, but I have to at least leave me
socks on so I have a place to wipe me brushes."

Hilly Bill · 04-02-2013 2:31am

philstar wrote: »

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

is that a joke or a riddle??

i've read it 10 times and i still don't get it, plz someone explain

The 2 jokes are connected but is better when said in person. In joke one, mick threw his stone up and it didnt come down so he won.
In the second joke, the woman lost her dog and we are led to believe that the dog was on the wing of the plane but in fact it was the stone that didnt come down in joke number 1.

The jokes are still racist though. Swap the word Irish for Paki and the thread would have been closed ages ago.

Duiske · 06-02-2013 1:26am

Madam wrote: »

What be black and blue and found floating in the Irish sea?
A gob****e who tells an Irish Joke.

An Englishman, a Frenchman and an Irishman were in a pub talking about their children.

'My son was born on St George's Day, 'remarked the Englishman, 'So we obviously decided to call him George.'

'That's a real coincidence', observed the Frenchman', My daughter was born on Valentine's Day, so we decided to call her Valentine.'

'That's really incredible', drawled the Irishman, 'Exactly the same thing happened with my son Pancake.'

Madam · 06-02-2013 8:31pm

Duiske wrote: »

An Englishman, a Frenchman and an Irishman were in a pub talking about their children.

'My son was born on St George's Day, 'remarked the Englishman, 'So we obviously decided to call him George.'

'That's a real coincidence', observed the Frenchman', My daughter was born on Valentine's Day, so we decided to call her Valentine.'

'That's really incredible', drawled the Irishman, 'Exactly the same thing happened with my son Pancake.'

Ah the old ones are the worst:rolleyes:

Surly the French guy didn't call his daughter Valentine byw?

Bootup · 09-02-2013 3:11pm

One fine day in Ireland, a bloke is out golfing and gets up to the 16th hole. He tees off and unfortunately, it slices into the woods on the side of the fairway.
He goes looking for his ball and comes across this little guy with a huge lump on his head and the golf ball lying right beside him. "Goodness," says the golfer. Then proceeds to revive the poor little guy.
Upon awakening, the little guy says, "Well, you caught me fair and square. I am a leprechaun, and I will grant you three wishes."
The man says "I can't take anything from you, I'm just glad I didn't hurt you too badly," and walks away.
Watching the golfer depart, the leprechaun thinks to himself, "Well, he was a nice enough guy, and he did catch me, so I have to do something for him. I'll give him the three things that I would want. I'll give him unlimited money (so he'll never have to go without a pint of ale), a great golf game, and a great sex life."
A few weeks later the Irishman is out golfing again. As he's walking to the 16th green, he hears a voice calling him from the woods. He walks over, and sees the leprechaun again. He asks how his head is feeling.
The leprechaun says, "Oh, I'm fine. And might I ask how your golf game is?"
The golfer says, "It's funny you should ask, but it's been amazing. It seems I can't miss anymore!"
"I did that for you," responds the leprechaun, "And might I ask how your money is holding out?"
"Well, now that you mention it, every time I put my hand in my pocket, I pull out a twenty euro note" he replied.
The leprechaun smiles and says, "I did that for you, too. And might I ask how your love life is?"
Now the golfer looks around, as if to be sure that no one else can hear and says in a low voice, "Well, it's been okay."
"Just okay?" the leprechaun asks. "How often do you have sex?"
"Oh, maybe once or twice a week."
Floored, the leprechaun stammers, "Only once or twice a week?"
The golfer replies, "Well, that's really not bad for a Catholic priest in a small parish."

Irish Jokes

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