I seem to have fallen off the radar...

af_thefragile · 11-11-2012 03:23AM #1

I will admit I do have a tendency of being a wallflower but ever since I left facebook a few years ago, I seem to have pretty much lost all but a very small handful of friends. People I used to be pretty close to before now I rarely hear from and I seem to be becoming more of a ghost as time passes by.

Before facebook became a big thing, a few years ago, I used to be fairly popular. Now I was still a wallflower back then and would rarely go to social events but I knew half my college and like I wasn't totally left out of it all. My friends used to call me often or text me and if not I would speak to them on msn at least fairly often and we'ld all keep in touch even if we didn't see each other for a while.

Then came facebook which I was a part of for a couple of years. I was still fairly popular but I just didn't get into the whole facebook thing. I would rarely go onto it and post comments etc. I didn't like sharing my personal life on a public space and I preferred speaking to my friends in person rather than online. Also all these people whom I would rarely speak to started adding me on facebook and I was like "I'm not your friend! You rarely bother speaking to me when we see each other in college, why the heck do you expect me to add you as my friend?!". So yeah, i never really liked facebook, I stopped going onto it and then finally decided to delete my account.

Now since then I have seemed to have completely lost contact with the majority of my friends. Now I can't blame it on facebook completely as I myself am a bit anti-social but I see my friends still in contact with everyone else because of facebook and I feel totally left out because I'm not on it anymore.

Now I don't really care right now cuz its the final year of my college and soon I'll move onto a new life but its just surprising how quickly people, even the ones whom you thought were your friends, forget you when you're not in the whole "social scene" any more...

Unique User Name · 11-11-2012 03:27AM

Friendship is a two way street buddy. If you're not making the effort to stay in touch with others what makes you think they should?

LETHAL LADY · 11-11-2012 03:28AM

Friends are fickle, have you tried gaydar?

Esel · 11-11-2012 03:33AM

I see what you did there...

DEFTLEFTHAND · 11-11-2012 03:36AM

I closed my facebook this year and also lost contact with some people. I have a core group of close friends who live around me and I also get along well with my girlfriends mates. I'm happy enough with my tight circle, I'm not really an extrovert anyway and having hundreds of 'friends' is not important to me.

GodOfEmptiness · 11-11-2012 03:38AM

af_thefragile wrote: »

I will admit I do have a tendency of being a wallflower but ever since I left facebook a few years ago, I seem to have pretty much lost all but a very small handful of friends. People I used to be pretty close to before now I rarely hear from and I seem to be becoming more of a ghost as time passes by.

Before facebook became a big thing, a few years ago, I used to be fairly popular. Now I was still a wallflower back then and would rarely go to social events but I knew half my college and like I wasn't totally left out of it all. My friends used to call me often or text me and if not I would speak to them on msn at least fairly often and we'ld all keep in touch even if we didn't see each other for a while.

Then came facebook which I was a part of for a couple of years. I was still fairly popular but I just didn't get into the whole facebook thing. I would rarely go onto it and post comments etc. I didn't like sharing my personal life on a public space and I preferred speaking to my friends in person rather than online. Also all these people whom I would rarely speak to started adding me on facebook and I was like "I'm not your friend! You rarely bother speaking to me when we see each other in college, why the heck do you expect me to add you as my friend?!". So yeah, i never really liked facebook, I stopped going onto it and then finally decided to delete my account.

Now since then I have seemed to have completely lost contact with the majority of my friends. Now I can't blame it on facebook completely as I myself am a bit anti-social but I see my friends still in contact with everyone else because of facebook and I feel totally left out because I'm not on it anymore.

Now I don't really care right now cuz its the final year of my college and soon I'll move onto a new life but its just surprising how quickly people, even the ones whom you thought were your friends, forget you when you're not in the whole "social scene" any more...

I signed up especially to tell you; Grow a f*cking pair.

kincsem · 11-11-2012 03:40AM

GodOfEmptiness wrote: »

I signed up especially to tell you; Grow a f*cking pair.

Is this bullying?

af_thefragile · 11-11-2012 03:40AM

Unique User Name wrote: »

Friendship is a two way street buddy. If you're not making the effort to stay in touch with others what makes you think they should?

Well I do acknowledge that and I'm not complaining. Its just I find it weird how much people seem to be relying on facebook and other such social media to stay in contact with one another lately. Just because I left facebook and fell out of its whole noise/scene, I seem to have lost all the friends I used to have.

Now if I wanted I could get back onto facebook and get back into the whole "scene". I've seen people in my class who used to be fairly socially inactive and generally would be left out of everything become among the popular kids in the class because they started to participate in social events more. While on the other hand I used to be fairly popular but because I never managed become a part of the facebook noise and stopped going to night outs, I seemed to have become completely isolated. Like I only have about 2 friends in college and 2 other friends from outside of college now...

af_thefragile · 11-11-2012 03:41AM

GodOfEmptiness wrote: »

I signed up especially to tell you; Grow a f*cking pair.

You need to re-evaluate what you're doing with your life if that's all you signed up for at 2am on a saturday night...

Mr Blobby · 11-11-2012 03:41AM

GodOfEmptiness wrote: »

I signed up especially to tell you; Grow a f*cking pair.

OF WHAT !!!!

Tomatoes, Spuds or Strawberries

Don't leave me hanging....

GodOfEmptiness · 11-11-2012 03:47AM

af_thefragile wrote: »

You need to re-evaluate what you're doing with your life if that's all you signed up for at 2am on a saturday night...

Indeed I do!!!
Where has it all gone all so wrong...

Rabies · 11-11-2012 03:52AM

kincsem wrote: »

Is this bullying?

No, its horticultural advice

GodOfEmptiness · 11-11-2012 04:06AM

Rabies wrote: »

No, its horticultural advice

Get 'em in early, who knows...A whole new outlook???
Seriously, as long as you have a core of people that you can interact/get on well with, why a flying f**k about the superficial banality of Facebook, it's only voyerism at it's most naked, even the local peeping-tom would stay better concealed...
You're grand!

Capt'n Midnight · 11-11-2012 04:14AM

LETHAL LADY wrote: »

Friends are fickle, have you tried gaydar?

DEFTLEFTHAND wrote: »

I'm happy enough with my tight circle

Esel wrote: »

I see what you did there...

:pac:

af_thefragile · 11-11-2012 04:15AM

^I'm not really too concerned about it all. Like as I mentioned, its my final college year so I don't care if I have zero friends left by the time I finish college. Once I leave college, I'll soon find a job or something and move on with a new life (probably in a new country).

I was just wondering how it could have happened that I ended up losing so many of my friends, many of whom I would have considered to be fairly close friends, it all can't just be because of facebook...

Canis Lupus · 11-11-2012 05:02AM

Someone has already said it's two way. Just because you have no access to facebook does this mean you can't call/text/meet up with these people?

Chuck Stone · 11-11-2012 05:15AM

Difficult to tell if you're talking about cyber 'friends' or real people tbh.

I have no cyber friends I'd compare to actual real world people I'd trust.

Any honest human being will tell you that they have maybe two or three people that they'd trust entirely.

I have exactly one friend who I'd trust with my life (real world).

onemorechance · 11-11-2012 06:39AM

af_thefragile wrote: »

I was just wondering how it could have happened that I ended up losing so many of my friends

This is how:

af_thefragile wrote: »

I'm not really too concerned about it all. ...I don't care if I have zero friends left by the time I finish college.

11-11-2012 08:15AM

af_thefragile wrote: »

^I'm not really too concerned about it all. Like as I mentioned, its my final college year so I don't care if I have zero friends left by the time I finish college. Once I leave college, I'll soon find a job or something and move on with a new life (probably in a new country).

I was just wondering how it could have happened that I ended up losing so many of my friends, many of whom I would have considered to be fairly close friends, it all can't just be because of facebook...

When you move to a new country, you'll understand the value of facebook.. I don't even know what country half my friends are in at any given time so without it, I'd literally never be able to see them ever again. No way of knowing their phone numbers, no idea where their home house is, just nothing.

Why don't you just join again? Add a few people so at least when you leave Ireland, you'll be able to find a few people again.

Maximus Alexander · 11-11-2012 08:24AM

af_thefragile wrote: »

I was just wondering how it could have happened that I ended up losing so many of my friends, many of whom I would have considered to be fairly close friends, it all can't just be because of facebook...

People will very rarely come out and say it when they get tired of making all the effort in a friendship. They will just stop making that effort. This appears to be what has happened to you.

The same thing happens with marriages, but that's a lot more messy, what with being legally bound to the person.

up for anything · 11-11-2012 09:03AM

You really need to move with the times, and adapt Facebook to suit you and not let Facebook adapt you to suit it. There isn't much difference between FB and MSM. All you need to do is keep a regular minimal presence on your wall and do your social arranging using the Chat facility. Then there is the fact that using the internet is more cost-effective than using a mobile/landline for a lot of people.

Was there a time when you regularly used the telephone or your mobile to keep in contact with people and arrange nights out etc? I remember people, mainly older ones, who refused to give house room to that new-fangled invention the telephone. They generally ended up being eaten by their cats or breaking their dogs' starving hearts.

Now I don't really care right now cuz its the final year of my college and soon I'll move onto a new life but its just surprising how quickly people, even the ones whom you thought were your friends, forget you when you're not in the whole "social scene" any more...

How are you going to stay in contact with the new friends that you expect to make in your 'new life'?

weisses · 11-11-2012 10:28AM

What's facebook ?

kneemos · 11-11-2012 10:51AM

I think what people are telling you is that with your attitude theres a good chance your going to end up alone.

11-11-2012 11:40AM

OP, you remind me of my ex-friend who got really snotty with everyone for not keeping in touch just because she wasn't on Facebook.

The truth was, she expected everyone to make the effort with her and gave very little back. Most people use Facebook because it's an incredibly handy way of staying in touch, especially these days, when people are emigrating all over the world. If you choose not to use it, you need to make up for it in other ways - texting or e-mailing regularly, for example. You can't expect to sit back and for other people to make all the effort, which is what she did.

I agree that you need to make Facebook work for you. I use it in the same way I used MSN or texts back in the day. Mainly for chat, private e-mails and now the added bonus of seeing and commenting on photos. I hardly ever update my status or post on walls or any of that stuff.

anncoates · 11-11-2012 11:44AM

Your user name is a bit, whiny, as well.

Just saying.

Kold · 11-11-2012 11:46AM

I think that guy was right. You should grow a pear.

Wanderer2010 · 11-11-2012 11:54AM

I personally find Facebook very false and when I signed up briefly I had people from work who normally wouldnt say two words to me wanting to friend me, how false is that? I withdrew from it fairly soon after as it just seems to be open season for nosey people to peer into your life.

OP, I think you ARE upset by it because as usual, the lady doth protest too much and you have said at least 3 times that it doesnt bother you when it obviously does, no shame in feeling a bit left out. My advice would be to sign up again when you finish college and start a new job/new county etc and use it as a base to keep in touch with the few people you want to and also to make a new network in your new workplace. That way you can have new contacts, even if you only choose to email or meet face to face with them, Facebook will give you a push start.

looksee · 11-11-2012 12:01PM

I don't like fb, but the group I am in uses it for normal contact. I almost never look at my own page, and have all access and information set to minimum. The only people I friend are others in the group so that I can see photos etc, everyone else I just ignore 'friend' and 'play game' requests.

It is useful enough but you have to use it with care - don't do any of those 'thank' things, don't play games, don't use it to access other sites - unless you want to get bogged down in a mesh of contacts and spam.

As to falling off the radar, well you have as much responsibility to stay on it as other people have to contact you.

faceman · 11-11-2012 12:10PM

af_thefragile wrote: »

I will admit I do have a tendency of being a wallflower

Before facebook became a big thing, a few years ago, I used to be fairly popular. Now I was still a wallflower back then and would rarely go to social events

I can't blame it on facebook completely as I myself am a bit anti-social

OP by your own admittance you are antisocial and even during your popular phase you rarely went to social events. Over time this appears to have impacted your relationships. Its nought to do with Facebook. Facebook is a social platform no different to a phone call or text.

Do you put as much effort into keeping in touch as you expect your friends to?

*gives obligatory response of join a club and take up a hobby*

11-11-2012 12:12PM

Straighten your back and smarten yourself up.

Hippies! · 11-11-2012 12:39PM

School years the average person has 17 friends. By the time you reach 40 you'll be lucky to have 2 or 3. That was the pre facebook era.

It's still the case for most but Facebook to me is like an inflatable matress. It's to prop up the insecurities and vulnerabilities of less independent individuals in a cushioning layer of happyness and connectedness. You can be 40 on facebook with 300 friends but how many of them would you actually confide in about that abnormal growth on your anus? Those are the real friends. The ones that will listen to you discuss anus abnormalities with a sympathetic ear and never judge you.

I seem to have fallen off the radar...

Comments