Did you ask your partner's parents before proposing?

I haven't proposed to anyone yet, so no.

Rabies wrote: »

Really?
If her father said no what would you have done? Walked away and ended the relationship?

Cause not!
Marry her anyway and be known as the rebel of the family.

Yes, it's still done.

My husband did not ask permission from my father though as, unsurprisingly (to me, my husband, my family) I am not his "property" to be given away. My sisters husband did not ask, nor did my brother request his father in law's permission for the same reason.

However, my cousin's (3 girls) now husbands all asked permission, and it was expected and encouraged by my cousins.

If you're asking for a particular reason, I'm sure you'll know by now if it's expected of you or not.

It's the opposite in my house. My parents keep asking people to marry me

Merch wrote: »

Insane!
Its in my head to ask where they live as maybe there are certain places that this is more likely to happen , but I still think its mad, but better not. On the other hand, which century were they living in?/did this occur in?
The 20th? seems like eons ago, so maybe

They live(d) in Raheny and this was within this century! I think they imagined it was romantic or some such nonsense. It was actually embarrassing as the "asking permission" by the 2 younger cousins boyfriends was completely staged and obviously set up in advance in consultation with the women

I asked her father the day before I proposed, seemed like a nice tradition to keep up.

i asked her fathers permission - he said yes = im married a month now

NiallSparky wrote: »

I think it's disrespectful to the potential wife. It's an outdated, sexist practice.

Agree with this. I mean, it's not like I'm borrowing a ladder or something that he might be using. That would be different.

NiallSparky wrote: »

I think it's disrespectful to the potential wife. It's an outdated, sexist practice.

Mickey H wrote: »

Agree with this. I mean, it's not like I'm borrowing a ladder or something that he might be using. That would be different.

It's not really asking for their permission, it's more to do with asking for their blessing, i.e. Would they be happy to see the pair of you together for (life) a long time.

HeyThereDeliah wrote: »

I see it as a little bit of tradition tbh, I would not be offended if it happened or not I don't see it as an issue.
What I find interesting is people who are against it go with other traditions like the church wedding ,the white dress, giving the bride away etc either it's all sexist/outdated or its all tradition, it's the people who pick and choose to suit their own agenda that annoys me.

I agree, it's more of a tradition then anything, and done out of respect for her parents.. I don't think it's sexist, as you said, if it was, then so is all of the stuff that comes afterwards.. (Giving her away etc..)

If they were going to disapprove, you would already know, and you wouldn't ask/care.. In which case, they may have been correct..

Gbear wrote: »

I don't think it should really be seen as sexist.

It's a courtesy to your wife-to-be's parents. You're not really asking for permission. If they say no you're not going to say "oh well" and not marry her.

It's a bit like if there's one seat on a bus. You ask the person sitting beside the empty seat "do you mind if I sit there?" to be polite. You're going to sit there regardless. You're not asking on the basis that they own the chair and you actually need permission.

.. Comparing Your possible wife-to-be, to a seat on the bus.. :D

I don't think it's quite like that..

It's no more sexist or outdated than most other traditions to do with weddings/marriage.

I assume anybody who thinks it's sexist also disagrees with the guy getting the girl an engagement ring, or her wearing white on the big day, or the guy being the one to propose etc

It's simply a gesture and, as Allyall put it, the guy is more asking for the father's blessing as opposed to actual permission. It is the first part of the husband-to-be taking over from the father as the most important man in the girls life (the second part is the father then walking her down the aisle and passing her over to the groom).

I'm not married/engaged, but when I do, if the girl has a close bond with her father, then I see it as something that would be right to do. Obviously, if the father was a prick/abusive/absent from her life etc, then fcuk him.