If I were Dictator of this country

kincsem · 14-09-2012 04:56PM

All prisons on islands off the west coast. If you want to stay warm wear a jumper. No TV. Read a book.
Tax of 1000% on hoodies, spray paint, piercings, and tattoos.
SUV and 4x4 drivers have to prove their need for those vehicles, and their ability to drive them off road in the mountains. Also prove you can dig or winch out the vehicle. Repeat test every year.
Cars confiscated and sold at auction if the driver uses a phone when driving.
No parking within half a mile of schools (unless a resident.)
TDs and senators paid by the hour, and they have to swipe in. Daily checks by citizens to see that TDs are not being swiped in by their mates. Dismissed if fiddling time or expenses (expenses backed by receipts.)

OldNotWIse · 14-09-2012 04:58PM

I'd have ATM's that can dispense coins for all those "day before payday" days when you have nine euro in your account.

tayto lover · 14-09-2012 05:00PM

davet82 wrote: »

kill public sector unions, cut the dole, kill all public servents, kill all politicians, make it law to have any woman i want, bring in the death penalty for even petty crime, legalise drugs and that pretty much covers the rest of the replies to this thread, did i miss any? :P

I'd have you committed to a mental asylum.

OldNotWIse · 14-09-2012 05:00PM

kincsem wrote: »

All prisons on islands off the west coast. If you want to stay warm wear a jumper. No TV. Read a book.

Tax of 1000% on hoodies, spray paint, piercings, and tattoos.

SUV and 4x4 drivers have to prove their need for those vehicles, and their ability to drive them off road in the mountains. Also prove you can dig or winch out the vehicle. Repeat test every year.

Cars confiscated and sold at auction if the driver uses a phone when driving.

No parking within half a mile of schools (unless a resident.)

TDs and senators paid by the hour, and they have to swipe in. Daily checks by citizens to see that TDs are not being swiped in by their mates. Dismissed if fiddling time or expenses (expenses backed by receipts.)

I'd make them do the same with their inbred, over priced pedigrees too. "Say, do you actually need that St. Bernard? There's no snow forecast this winter. Oh and you there, whats with the husky on a lead? Lose your sleigh?"

Curly Judge · 14-09-2012 05:06PM

It's been proved that the death penalty doesn't prevent murder.
So I'm against it!
However, I would introduce the death penalty for illegal parking because that would most assuredly work.
I mean, it's only logical

zenno · 14-09-2012 05:08PM

kincsem wrote: »

All prisons on islands off the west coast. If you want to stay warm wear a jumper. No TV. Read a book.

Tax of 1000% on hoodies, spray paint, piercings, and tattoos.

SUV and 4x4 drivers have to prove their need for those vehicles, and their ability to drive them off road in the mountains. Also prove you can dig or winch out the vehicle. Repeat test every year.

Cars confiscated and sold at auction if the driver uses a phone when driving.

No parking within half a mile of schools (unless a resident.)

TDs and senators paid by the hour, and they have to swipe in. Daily checks by citizens to see that TDs are not being swiped in by their mates. Dismissed if fiddling time or expenses (expenses backed by receipts.)

I can agree on this for sure. The tattoo part though would destroy me from a €1,000% TAX.

Cars confiscated and sold at auction if the driver uses a phone when driving.

I agree with this completely. Who would trust a driver to drive a stick with one hand ?.

Pompey Magnus · 14-09-2012 05:14PM

When voting in a referedum your ballot paper will have 3 randomly selected basic questions relating to the referendum. Any ballot paper which gets less than 2 correct answers will be deemed invalid.

Perhaps something similar for general elections. 3 questions relating to basic national policies of the various major parties or indepentent candidates.

Anyone who just unquestionly votes for the party that they inherited from their parents or for the guy who filled the pothole outside the house should have no say in the running of this country.

Rothko · 14-09-2012 05:30PM

All the scobes and skangers in the country would be forced to move to Aran island where they will all fight it out in a Battle Royale-like tournament.

abba twar screams · 14-09-2012 05:40PM

OldNotWIse wrote: »

I'd make striking a sackable offence.

Is that yourself, Michael O' ?

CillianL · 14-09-2012 11:02PM

I think I'd also have to deal with the PC trolls who take offense too easily

I'd make them cut all the grass in the phoenix park...with a nail clippers

I like the stocks idea, it could actually make more money than executions and I agree with the destruction of the junkies idea it would save a fortune for this country!

Stained Class · 14-09-2012 11:18PM

Make Motor tax 100euro a year, regardless of vehicle.

Drug dealing punishable by death. (No Compromise on this).

Sale of size 16 clothes & over banned.

Compolsory Irish in schools abolished with immediate effect.(wasta money)

Long term Dole scroungers given food vouchers instead of cash.

Zero special benefits for the Travelling Community.

Mr_Right · 15-09-2012 06:12PM

This thread is pointless!

Rigol · 15-09-2012 06:34PM

Any male aged 7 - 18 who satisfies any 2 of the following criteria is given a suspended sentence of 10 years.

1. Can pull a wheelie on a bmx.
2. Presently has or ever had a 1 blade haircut.
3. Is named Anthony or Damien.
4. Wears or has worn no top ourdoors during summer.
5. Is related to someone who has a rothweiller.
6. Has dined outside a chip-shop more than once.

noxqs · 15-09-2012 06:50PM

I would introduce:

1) A two tiered judicial system, one for my fellow banksters and one for the average joe.

2) Massive pensions to all top public sector workers

3) Private slush funds for union officials, backed by government cash such as the HSE.

4) Hire my pals to top positions within the government and quangos, and party hard with all the money we funnel out.

.. wait a second, this sounds familiar...

- Nah, lets just put poison in Dutch Gold beer, that should remove half the social welfare bill.

EclipsiumRasa · 15-09-2012 07:00PM

The Weekly Organised Religion Egg & Spoon Race:

Every religion operating in Ireland has to send a member to perform an egg race the length of O'Connell Street in Dublin, every week on Saturday morning. Otherwise, it gets written into law as a dangerous cult and gets hunted down by the army, who could use a little excitement (I am a dictator, I want a happy army who are looking forward to the weekend).
Statistics are published weekly and updates given during the Lotto. Whoever is losing the most is not protected by the blasphemy law and journalists are allowed discuss the religion as "least likely to endorse an actual diety"
Most consistent winners are not allowed to be called a religion, and must instead call themselves "profession egg-and-spoon-racer team"
There are no laws against the open carrying of water pistols on O'Connell street. This extends to foreign TV crews, who may now represent a significant source of national income.
Anyone who drops the egg has to start all over again from the start. Rules are rules!
The event is never called off, regardless of riots, hurricane conditions, several feet of snowfall. Plainly the one true diety works in mysterious ways.

Additionally, I can be voted out without need for a violent popular uprising, but I demand a golden parachute before I'll leave. Not a large cash sum: I want an actual parachute made of gun. Doesn't have to be 1:1 scale, I'm not in it for the money; I'm a patriot.

Alan_Curry · 15-09-2012 07:42PM

If I were dictator of this country, I would rejoin Ireland with the United Kingdom, force the Irish the accept British rule and force them to identify with Britain. I would outlaw the Irish language and anything that symbolizes the Irish culture. Alcohol would have to be banned, too, along with GAA matches. Ireland would have to directly answer to Westminster and Irishmen would be eligible for conscription into the British army.

I would also have gingers sent to extermination camps and have them wiped out.

eth0 · 16-09-2012 12:46AM

Pompey Magnus wrote: »

When voting in a referedum your ballot paper will have 3 randomly selected basic questions relating to the referendum. Any ballot paper which gets less than 2 correct answers will be deemed invalid.

Perhaps something similar for general elections. 3 questions relating to basic national policies of the various major parties or indepentent candidates.

Anyone who just unquestionly votes for the party that they inherited from their parents or for the guy who filled the pothole outside the house should have no say in the running of this country.

But for now i can just buy a few wheelbarrows worth of tar and fill potholes for a day or 2 while telling people to vote for me?

Doesnt seem like a bad gamble, couple of quid for the tar and 2 days actual work with a good chance of getting a 5 year dos job and 450k

hightimes1 · 16-09-2012 01:43AM

if i were dictator of this country i would place a voting button in every household of this country and make them vote on everything that affects them

Wee Willy Harris · 16-09-2012 05:24AM

i'd enforce my own distinct flavour of crisp on you all

jugger0 · 16-09-2012 05:50AM

First off id ban alcohol and cigarettes. Every man in the country would have to do a minimum of 1 years service in the Army which i would turn into the most elite ass kicking force in the world, id buy a shed load of vehicles and long range missiles. All women would be required to have at least 3 children to give us a decent supply pool of human resources. The best soldiers would be sent undercover into the occupied counties to shoot and blow up the enemy, then when things were really getting close to civil war up there id send in the entire army and carry out cruise missile strikes against as many military installations in mainland Britain as i could. Once the Brits were blown back to the stone age we'd move in and start the plantations, id ban the English language and the playing of cricket, all ulster Scots would be sent to Barbados as slaves, the welsh would be sterilized, everyone would work as slave labor for the rest of their lives...

16-09-2012 06:19AM

CillianL wrote: »

In the last few years we've seen a collapse in the public's faith in the justice system seeing how elites in the boom years bankrupted this country and yet have got away unscathed.
and the successive Fianna Fáil cabinets on O'Connell Bridge as an example to wanton traitors....

davet82 wrote: »

kill all public servents, kill all politicians

Chuck Stone wrote: »

Tax the pensions of the politicians and civil servants who presided over the economy during the celtic pyramid at 99%.

You know, much as I dislike the shysters and the thugs and the common street criminals who presided over this country for much of the 80's 90's 00's and continue to do so, is it just me who thinks the people who insisted on voting them back into public office again and again and again should carry some of the blame here?

I mean I know some of these answers are just humorous and others are semi-serious, but FFS it's not as if it wasn't obvious that Ireland was the most openly and (tolerant) corrupt country in Europe by 1982 at the latest. WTF did everyone keep voting them all back in?

I've always said society gets the government it deserves. If people are happy with a $hit Bond villain that treated the country like his own personal fiefdom then so be it. Complain the first time OK, but re-elect him of your own free will? Yikes!

Mr.Crinklewood wrote: »

I`d introduce...

A household tax linked to the total square footage of your windows.

The English landlords tried to pull that stunt in the 1840s. It didn't end well for anyone involved!

But anyway, if I was a dictator I think I'd punish my people for this. I'd make the new official language Welsh, and I'd have it all done through the Cyrillic/Russian alphabet.

Kwiecien · 16-09-2012 10:49AM

I'd cover the country with a sliding glass roof. Only I can decide when it rains here

Honest opinion · 16-09-2012 11:24AM

Mr.Crinklewood wrote: »

I`d introduce...

A one cent tax on texts.

A fifty cent tax on every GB of data downloaded by the home user.

A household tax linked to the total square footage of your windows.

A twenty cent tax on all alcoholic drink on St.Patricks day.

A ten Euro annual tax on all mobile phone / laptop / tablet devices.

A Two Hundred and Twenty Euro tax on silly ****ers who stop at the landing at the top of escalators and refuse to move, even when there is a massive queue building up on the bloody escalator.

Words cannot describe my hatred for you right now :eek:

suicide_circus · 16-09-2012 11:34AM

If i were dictator, petty vandalism such as graffiti would go down 80% while heavy sack beatings would rise a shocking 900%

Gloomtastic! · 16-09-2012 11:39AM

I would pass a death sentence on anyone who uttered the words 'I'm entitled .....'

I would ban all car drivers from turning right.

amjon. · 16-09-2012 11:54AM

Death squads, zero tolerance, death camps, mega prisons, leave UN.

OldNotWIse · 17-09-2012 12:08PM

Alan_Curry wrote: »

If I were dictator of this country, I would rejoin Ireland with the United Kingdom, force the Irish the accept British rule and force them to identify with Britain. I would outlaw the Irish language and anything that symbolizes the Irish culture. Alcohol would have to be banned, too, along with GAA matches. Ireland would have to directly answer to Westminster and Irishmen would be eligible for conscription into the British army.

I would also have gingers sent to extermination camps and have them wiped out.

jugger0 wrote: »

First off id ban alcohol and cigarettes. Every man in the country would have to do a minimum of 1 years service in the Army which i would turn into the most elite ass kicking force in the world, id buy a shed load of vehicles and long range missiles. All women would be required to have at least 3 children to give us a decent supply pool of human resources. The best soldiers would be sent undercover into the occupied counties to shoot and blow up the enemy, then when things were really getting close to civil war up there id send in the entire army and carry out cruise missile strikes against as many military installations in mainland Britain as i could. Once the Brits were blown back to the stone age we'd move in and start the plantations, id ban the English language and the playing of cricket, all ulster Scots would be sent to Barbados as slaves, the welsh would be sterilized, everyone would work as slave labor for the rest of their lives...

I didn't think it possible for someone to make Fine Gael look good...

allibastor · 17-09-2012 01:12PM

A dictatorship is actually not a bad idea, subject to the person handing back power when they have fulfilled their need. They did it n rome in times of military need and it worked well. its just when people get greedy it becomes a problem.

to be fair, what has democracy done for anyone lately.

markesmith · 17-09-2012 02:14PM

jugger0 wrote: »

...the welsh would be sterilized...

As you do :pac:

whomitconcerns · 17-09-2012 02:17PM

abba twar screams wrote: »

make everyone earning over 200k per year live on social welfare rates for a month to give them a bit of perspective

Really and do you find it so inconceivable that anyone on that salary might not deserve it?

But anyway on some of the others an absolute 0 tolerance for antisocial behaviour. man woman or child all treated the same for it..parents liable for children also that commit them..none of the ridiculous excuses...yes i know i almost killed that 80 year old woman for her pension, but sure I have a drug problem..so its ok then...

If I were Dictator of this country

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