Zapp Brannigan

Jonah42 · 14-09-2012 04:53PM

Lrrr: Surely you know McNeal. She is an unmarried human female struggling to succeed in a human male's world.

Zapp: Maybe that's just her excuse for being incompetent.

Jonah42 · 14-09-2012 04:54PM

We fight this battle not for ourselves, but for our children, and our children's children, which is why I'm forming a children's brigade.

stimpson · 14-09-2012 04:57PM

How did I defeat the killbots? Simple, I sent wave after wave of my own men knowing full well that eventually the killbots would reach there kill limit and shut down.

derfderf · 14-09-2012 04:57PM

Zapp: and have the boy lay out my formal shorts.
Kif: the boy sir?
Zapp: You. You lay out my shorts.

derfderf · 14-09-2012 05:01PM

120_Minutes wrote: »

"captains log, stardate....ehhhhhhhhhh"

"ugh, march 12th"
"yes, march 12th....point two"

tvnutz · 14-09-2012 05:10PM

Good old Zapp, his greatest achievement was when he defeated the Pacifists of the Gandhi Nebula.

Funglegunk · 14-09-2012 05:17PM

tvnutz wrote: »

Good old Zapp, his greatest achievement was when he defeated the Pacifists of the Gandhi Nebula.

And the Retiree people of the Assisted Living Nebula.

Dalken · 14-09-2012 05:22PM

Leela: You know, this might actually work. The Omicronians seem to have trouble telling one person from another.
Zapp: True. At the negotiations, they thought Kif here was the statesman and I was a jabbering mental patient.

suicide_circus · 14-09-2012 05:46PM

Zapp Brannigan: Now, like all great plans, my strategy is so simple an idiot could have devised it. On my command all ships will line up and file directly into the alien death cannons, clogging them with wreckage.

1ZRed · 14-09-2012 06:26PM

Leela: You know, Zapp, someone ought to teach you a lesson.

Zapp: If it's a lesson in love, watch out. I suffer from a very sexy learning disability. What did I call it, Kiff?

Kif: Ugh... sexlexia

marcbrophy · 14-09-2012 06:45PM

I have made it with a woman!

I always thought he said 'mated with a woman'! :pac:

noodler · 14-09-2012 06:51PM

"So it's mutiny, is it? I never thought I'd see the day".

"Come Kiff, I found a children's Spacesuit you can wear"

*Neutral Planet"

"If I don't make it, tell me wife hello"

Plazaman · 14-09-2012 07:00PM

Your hand while strong and masculine is soft as a velvet child.

She's a beautiful ship alright. Shapely. Seductive. I'm gonna Fly Her Brains Out

bonerjams03 · 14-09-2012 07:10PM

Ah, yes. Comets, the icebergs of the sky

say_who_now? · 14-09-2012 07:12PM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qWdGYtqbbHI

"You look like a woman who appreciates the finer things in life. Come over here and feel my velour bedspread."

Quatermain · 14-09-2012 08:17PM

"But we're defenceless! Like fish in a barrel!"
"What would you suggest?"
"Hide in this barrel...like the wily fish!"

Witcher · 14-09-2012 08:20PM

'Here lies the greatest soldier I've seen since my mirror got grease on it'

Zapp and Kif turn up at Planet Express after leaving the DOOP;

Professor: Leela, who are you talking to?
Zapp: Just a broken-down hobo who's hit rock-bottom. And his commanding officer

a fat guy · 15-09-2012 12:34PM

Leela: You know Zapp, once I thought you were a big pompous buffoon. Then I realised that inside, you were just a pitiful child. But now I realise that outside that child is a big pompous buffoon!

Captain Zapp Brannigan: And which one rocked your world?

IvySlayer · 15-09-2012 12:44PM

Leela: Lift off.
Zapp: I'll roger that.

The Master of Disaster · 15-09-2012 12:45PM

"Will those cowards stop getting blown to bits out there!"

stimpson wrote: »

How did I defeat the killbots? Simple, I sent wave after wave of my own men knowing full well that eventually the killbots would reach there kill limit and shut down.

"Whatever your cause we're willing to send in wave after wave of men, right men?!"

Cookie_Monster · 15-09-2012 12:49PM

Hey, freakshow! Your face has been declared a weapon of mass disgusting!

You, ensign. What's your name?
Hugh Man, sir.
Hugh Man? Now that's a name you can trust. Run down to the central battle computer and enter these codes. Chop, chop!
Kif: Um, sir, there's something about that ensign that's...
You're damn right there is. That strapping young lad is gunning for your job, and he just might get it.

Laika1986 · 15-09-2012 12:57PM

This thread is crap, I'm gonna go make my own thread with blackjack and hookers

a fat guy · 15-09-2012 12:58PM

Kif Kroker: Captain, may I have a word with you?

Captain Zapp Brannigan: No.

Kif Kroker: It's an emergency, sir.

Captain Zapp Brannigan: Come back when it's a catastrophe.

Captain Zapp Brannigan: It was almost the perfect crime, but you forgot the one thing: rock crushes scissors.

[Suddenly thoughtful]

Captain Zapp Brannigan: But paper covers rock. And scissors cuts paper. Kif, we have a conundrum. Search them for paper. And bring me a rock.

hal9000 · 15-09-2012 01:03PM

Captain Zapp Brannigan: [huge spaceship appears] What the hell is that thing?

Kif Kroker: It appears to be the mothership.

Captain Zapp Brannigan: Then what did we just blow up?

Kif Kroker: [looks on map] The Hubble Telescope.

Thwip! · 15-09-2012 03:09PM

We have failed to uphold Brannigan's Law. However I did make it with a hot alien babe. And in the end, is that not what man has dreamt of since first he looked up at the stars?
Kif, I'm asking you a question.

Captain Zapp Brannigan: I'm de-promoting you, soldier. Kiff, what's the most humiliating job there is?
Kif Kroker: Being your assistant.
Captain Zapp Brannigan: Wrong. Being *your* assistant.

Zapp Brannigan: The Spiderians, though weak and gilrly in combat, are masters of the textile arts. Taste like king crab, by the way. The lazy bugs actually wove this tapestry celebrating my victory as I was killing them.

George Takei: You see, the show was banned after the Star Trek wars.
Captain Zapp Brannigan: You mean the mass migration of Star Wars fans?
Nichelle Nichols: No, that was the Star Wars trek.

Witcher · 15-09-2012 03:57PM

Kif: Sir, they're headed straight for us.

Zapp: A well calculated
move... straight out of Sun Tzu's
ancient text The Art of War or my
own master work; Zapp Brannigan's
Big Book of War. But the one thing
their captain doesn't realise, and
never will is tha...

Kif: Sir, they've docked with us and
have come aboard.

Zapp: Then I have risked
all and lost. Kiff old man, I'll be in the
escape pod. If that wicker chair I like
survives the slaughter have it sent to
my PO box.

Zapp: Take her to the brig!
Fry: Er, we don't have a brig.
Zapp: Then take her to the laundry-room
which from now on will be refered to as the
brig!
Zapp: Ah, back into my old uniform
Kif: What should i do with your civilian
clothes sir?
Zapp: Take them to the laundry-brig

Marsden · 15-09-2012 04:06PM

Easy there soldier, you spooked felicity.
There, there boy.

Zapp Brannigan

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