What is the most ridiculous lie you have gotten away with?

1ZRed · 13-09-2012 12:22AM

castletownman wrote: »

Me: I love to travel myself.
Random Girl: Where's the best place you visited?
Me: Hawaii's nice. A buddy of mine lives in Seattle, that's a good spot. But the best place I have to say, the moon. Hi, Neil Armstrong.

Nailed it!

Someone else was sitting down and having dinner while watching E4, not just me

Neadine · 13-09-2012 12:24AM

ballsymchugh wrote: »

seriously, why the fook would some guy want to stick his mickey into his own mouth?

More to the point, how the hell do people figure out they can do these things in the first place????

Profiler · 13-09-2012 12:27AM

In the days before the interweb and wikioogle I convinced a number of people that Michael Carruth controversially beat me in the run up to Barcelona 1992.... I've never been inside a boxing ring.

1ZRed · 13-09-2012 12:27AM

NegativeCreep wrote: »

Jealousy. Try it, it's mighty

Not someone else that can do this! There was a thread going around "things you can't do but everyone else seems to be able to" well feck sake, I'm starting to think I should post there with this!

TwoBirds · 13-09-2012 12:28AM

Not sure if it qualifies as a 'lie' exactly, but I was a secret smoker for about a year while living at home and my parents never knew. I used to leave the house every time I wanted to smoke, head into the field behind our back garden and crouch down behind the hedge. I'd been travelling in Europe (pre-smoker era) and when my mam asked me why I kept going into the fields for ten minute periods every day, I just told her that my travels had given me a real affinity for the outdoors. She never questioned it. :rolleyes:

M5 · 13-09-2012 12:30AM

"Of course i can afford that 500,000 mortgage"

Pottler · 13-09-2012 12:31AM

I've a mate who was chatting up a bird and blagged her that he was a Vet(the animal kind, not the Nam kind). She piped up that "OMG, so am I". How fecked was he!:D

token101 · 13-09-2012 12:39AM

Told a girl in the UK that I made the Ireland team for amateur wrestling and I wanted to join WWE when the Olympics were over.

Pherekydes · 13-09-2012 08:05AM

Me: I bought the winning ticket to last week's lottery, but it got lost in the wash.

Lottery: Ah ok, here's your winnings.

Kraftwerk91 · 13-09-2012 08:32AM

Pottler wrote: »

I've a mate who was chatting up a bird and blagged her that he was a Vet(the animal kind, not the Nam kind). She piped up that "OMG, so am I". How fecked was he!:D

He could have just said, "Yes, I fought in Iraq. You?"

Xavi6 · 13-09-2012 08:35AM

When I did my J1 in Chicago a few years back, myself and the four lads I was with told all the local girls we met that we were the next great Irish boyband 'Ocean' and we were there to record our debut album.

Hook. Line. Sinker.

GalwayGirl00 · 13-09-2012 08:37AM

1210m5g wrote: »

I told my niece that when the ice cream van plays its music it means its out of ice cream mu ha ha

Brilliant!!! Evil, but brilliant:P

working fool · 13-09-2012 09:35AM

An ex found a pair of panties I'm my car
I told her they were mine and to call my bluff she suggested to dress me up as a girl
Worked out well till it actually happened and I looked better than her
She got jealous and left anyway .

summerskin · 13-09-2012 10:05AM

Me and three mates phoned ahead to a popular nightclub in Manchester which always had huge queues (and lots of very hot and easy girls who were hoping to pick up a footballer as a conquest) and I pretended to be the agent of four Australian golfers that were over for the British Open the following week. I gave the names as Shane, Wayne, Duane and Bruce, saying that they preferred not to give their real names as they wanted to avoid the paparazzi as two were married.

Sure enough we were put on the guest list, walked to the front of the queue, admitted to the VIP area and were given a bottle of champagne each as we had photos taken(only the "single" golfers were in the pics) for the club to put on their hall of fame. And we all got lucky too. One of the lads got doubly lucky, even. The handsome bastard.

Following that I decided to try it again but on a bigger scale, and called the production company of the movie "Love Actually" saying that I was representing the New Zealand movie director Jane Campion(we picked her as we were pretty sure that no security staff would have a clue what she looked like) and that as she would be in London at the time of the premier could they arrange tickets for her.

We went as far as setting up a friend of ours in New York to leave an answer phone message pretending to be the agency, and asked them to leave details with "our New York office" as she was there for the next few days working on a new project with Kevin Spacey.

Sure enough, 8 hours later we were told that they had indeed left a message and that Jane's name was down on the list, along with a plus 3 for her guests. We hired a limo, got there about 45 minutes early in case we were knocked back and also wanted to avoid any undue attention. My wife's friend, who was about ten years younger than Campion, put on a kiwi accent for the whole evening.

We phoned through as instructed ten minutes before our limo arrived at Leicester Square (we only lived 2 miles away so that part was easy), had the limo doors opened, walked down the red carpet, into the theatre, not a question asked.

Then we got wankered on free booze before and after the movie. Happy days. We used the "Campion trick" a further three times, albeit for smaller events, until we got rumbled.

splendid101 · 13-09-2012 10:10AM

It's not the most ridiculous lie, but I was out on Paddy's Day and told two hot Ukrainian girls that my name was Patrick and it was my birthday.

Mr Benevolent · 13-09-2012 10:11AM

I can't reveal the lies I told as it would reveal who I really am. And that wouldn't be good. Not illegal, but controversial.

DipStick McSwindler · 13-09-2012 10:12AM

This post has been deleted.

summerskin · 13-09-2012 10:24AM

Confab wrote: »

I can't reveal the lies I told as it would reveal who I really am. And that wouldn't be good. Not illegal, but controversial.

Lies.

Mr Benevolent · 13-09-2012 10:26AM

summerskin wrote: »

Lies.

And?

summerskin · 13-09-2012 10:29AM

Confab wrote: »

And?

What's the point in posting on a thread about outlandish lies, drawing attention to yourself and then not sharing the story?

it's as bad as those people on facebook who write crap like "OMG had worst news ever! Help me! Really need a friend right now" and when someone asks about it they say "can't talk about it on FB". Attention seeking at it's finest/lowest.

Yunnie · 13-09-2012 10:37AM

ballsymchugh wrote: »

seriously, why the fook would some guy want to stick his mickey into his own mouth?

He didn't he got paid a bucket of money to do it, kind of like why would a cam girl want to get naked for a loser on camera.

De Hipster · 13-09-2012 10:48AM

Once gate crashed a party* with the 'Don't you know who I am' line ...worked a treat.

The manager of the venue & the marketing guy for Citroen WRC team were extremely apologetic - the bouncer who had originally (correctly) turn us away was not convinced & none too pleased at being trumped by senior more gullible management!

*Sebastian Loeb's WRC title winning party in Wales circa 3yrs ago - my thing, but not quite hollywood!

ArtSmart · 13-09-2012 11:06AM

summerskin wrote: »

Me and three mates phoned ahead to a popular nightclub in Manchester which always had huge queues (and lots of very hot and easy girls who were hoping to pick up a footballer as a conquest) and I pretended to be the agent of four Australian golfers that were over for the British Open the following week. I gave the names as Shane, Wayne, Duane and Bruce, saying that they preferred not to give their real names as they wanted to avoid the paparazzi as two were married.

Sure enough we were put on the guest list, walked to the front of the queue, admitted to the VIP area and were given a bottle of champagne each as we had photos taken(only the "single" golfers were in the pics) for the club to put on their hall of fame. And we all got lucky too. One of the lads got doubly lucky, even. The handsome bastard.

Following that I decided to try it again but on a bigger scale, and called the production company of the movie "Love Actually" saying that I was representing the New Zealand movie director Jane Campion(we picked her as we were pretty sure that no security staff would have a clue what she looked like) and that as she would be in London at the time of the premier could they arrange tickets for her.

We went as far as setting up a friend of ours in New York to leave an answer phone message pretending to be the agency, and asked them to leave details with "our New York office" as she was there for the next few days working on a new project with Kevin Spacey.

Sure enough, 8 hours later we were told that they had indeed left a message and that Jane's name was down on the list, along with a plus 3 for her guests. We hired a limo, got there about 45 minutes early in case we were knocked back and also wanted to avoid any undue attention. My wife's friend, who was about ten years younger than Campion, put on a kiwi accent for the whole evening.

We phoned through as instructed ten minutes before our limo arrived at Leicester Square (we only lived 2 miles away so that part was easy), had the limo doors opened, walked down the red carpet, into the theatre, not a question asked.

Then we got wankered on free booze before and after the movie. Happy days. We used the "Campion trick" a further three times, albeit for smaller events, until we got rumbled.

em, wouldnt the cost of the limo....

summerskin · 13-09-2012 11:12AM

ArtSmart wrote: »

em, wouldnt the cost of the limo....

£30 for half an hour hire, well worth the money.

RossyG · 13-09-2012 12:17PM

I've got a rather clingy friend called Clear. When I worked in a bank (a pre-Santander Abbey in England, for the record) he'd come in some days for a chat while I was serving on the counter.

Questions were asked by a couple of colleagues and I persuaded them that I was an aristocrat from Cork and that Clear was my valet/ghillie/squire/whatever. I explained that it was a noblesse oblige thing, that as my dad has Mr Clear senior as his manservant I, as the youngest, had to have Clear junior as my manservant.

"Oh, right," one of my colleagues said. "So he's your Clear."

"Exactly!" I replied. "That's why I have to have St Paddy's Day off. Clear has to lead me on horseback through Cork city to reinforce the feudal line."

They were fascinated.

God, I was bored in that job.

Kraftwerk91 · 13-09-2012 03:15PM

Confab wrote: »

I can't reveal the lies I told as it would reveal who I really am. And that wouldn't be good. Not illegal, but controversial.

With a statement like that, you have a promising career in politics.

Caveman1 · 13-09-2012 03:44PM

Went to the FAI award a few years back, a friends uncle got a few tickets for it, Myself and a few of the lads got all dressed up in tuxedos, after the awards we went onto a nightclub where of course we told every girl we were professional footballers, one of the lads got lucky and brought a girl home, they ended up falling for each other so after a few weeks he had to tell her he wasnt a footballer and now to this day they are still together with a baby and all.

talla10 · 13-09-2012 04:04PM

I once managed to convince a girl i was a wonderful lover and expert at sex.

She didn't believe me next morning.

Wacker The Attacker · 14-09-2012 02:45PM

ballsymchugh wrote: »

seriously, why the fook would some guy want to stick his mickey into his own mouth?

Thats a superhero power to most blokes

blacklilly · 14-09-2012 03:03PM

Usually while out I'll tell some dodgy lies to a group of guys, an example of a few are:
I'm French , I can do an amazing French accent well until someone pipes up whos actually French.
I drive a vintage 911, told this one recently while on a week end break down the country, the group of lads saw me in my actual car the next day and they actually looked slightly disappointed.
I'm on the Irish equestrian team.

Told a large group from Aus that I was in a band and I was really famous, was high fiving anyone who passed by, was jumping into pictures. Was telling them they'd be in the paper the following day. They totally fell for it, myself and my friends ended up In a penthouse suite of the four seasons that night and to this day they probably think they partied with a rock star!

What is the most ridiculous lie you have gotten away with?

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