What is the most ridiculous lie you have gotten away with?

Propane Nightmare · 12-09-2012 12:37AM #1

Just the tip.

What about you?

admiralofthefleet · 12-09-2012 12:41AM

'I do'

Pilotdude5 · 12-09-2012 12:47AM

I'm not a pilot or a dude.

Wacker The Attacker · 12-09-2012 12:49AM

I'm sterile

BillyMitchel · 12-09-2012 12:52AM

Saying I was up all night with the runs when in reality I was up all night reading the feeky mcGee thread!!

Best I can remember anyway.

Intensive Care Bear · 12-09-2012 12:53AM

I told my niece that when the ice cream van plays its music it means its out of ice cream mu ha ha

Kraftwerk91 · 12-09-2012 12:53AM

"I'm hung like Ron Jeremy."

Wacker The Attacker · 12-09-2012 12:55AM

Kraftwerk91 wrote: »

"I'm hung like Ron Jeremy."

Ron Jeremy can suck himself off

nua domhan · 12-09-2012 12:56AM

Slept in for work and didn't wanna be blacklisted so told them i'd hit the car when they rang to ask where i was!

Fuppin area manager and all came in to check i was alright, got loads of sympathy and tea all afternoon!

oppenheimer1 · 12-09-2012 12:57AM

I once convinced a girl that gullible wasn't a real word.

Senna · 12-09-2012 12:59AM

Nearly my whole CV;

In my personal time I like to visit the theatre, read classical literature and help deprived children.

da fúck i do

eth0 · 12-09-2012 01:15AM

Senna wrote: »

Nearly my whole CV;

In my personal time I like to visit the theatre, read classical literature and help deprived children.

da fúck i do

Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

Wacker The Attacker · 12-09-2012 01:18AM

eth0 wrote: »

Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

Reading a classic in the theatre on a deprived child

ballsymchugh · 12-09-2012 01:18AM

Wacker The Attacker wrote: »

Ron Jeremy can suck himself off

seriously, why the fook would some guy want to stick his mickey into his own mouth?

dodderangler · 12-09-2012 01:18AM

Denial is a river is Egypt

dave3004 · 12-09-2012 01:29AM

ballsymchugh wrote: »

seriously, why the fook would some guy want to stick his mickey into his own mouth?

All mouths have warm climates !

mauzo · 12-09-2012 01:32AM

ballsymchugh wrote: »

seriously, why the fook would some guy want to stick his mickey into his own mouth?

If I had a penis I could get in my mouth id do it all the time!!!

Senna · 12-09-2012 01:33AM

ballsymchugh wrote: »

seriously, why the fook would some guy want to stick his mickey into his own mouth?

Dogs seem to enjoy it?

Not me but a mate used to work as a rep for one of the drinks companies. He travelled from business to business all day so didn't have an office that he had to clock-in at. He'd lay in bed after a session on the beer the night before and when his boss rang him to ask were he was, he hang out the bedroom window (with the noise of the traffic below) and tell the boss he was sitting in traffic in some part of Dublin. He done it a hundred times and never got caught.

marshbaboon · 12-09-2012 01:34AM

I convinced my parents I was in school for 4 months when I wasn't.

I ****ing hated school...

NegativeCreep · 12-09-2012 01:35AM

ballsymchugh wrote: »

Wacker The Attacker wrote: »

Ron Jeremy can suck himself off

seriously, why the fook would some guy want to stick his mickey into his own mouth?

Jealousy. Try it, it's mighty

Kraftwerk91 · 12-09-2012 01:37AM

ballsymchugh wrote: »

Wacker The Attacker wrote: »

Ron Jeremy can suck himself off

seriously, why the fook would some guy want to stick his mickey into his own mouth?

No need for burds anymore, shweet.

Cee-Jay-Cee · 12-09-2012 11:27PM

I got a job as assistant site foreman on a large construction site in London with only year 1 of a diploma in civil engineering dine I told them I had a diploma and 2 yrs experience and they never asked for certs or references. Twas the easiest job I ever had.

say_who_now? · 12-09-2012 11:49PM

"I'm a virgin".

OR:

"No sorry I'm gay...", and the next morning-

"Damn girl, you weren't lying when we bet last night you couldn't turn me! I think you just did!".

Ronin247 · 12-09-2012 11:53PM

Nothing happened........

Dangerous Man · 12-09-2012 11:59PM

I didn't get away with it but I used to love making up stupid stories and push them as far as I could until someone figured out that they were bullshit.

One of my favourites was that I saw Marc Overmars (the then Barcelona soccer player.) Anyway, I started it off like this:

'Hey, you won't believe who I saw today.'
'Who?'
'Marc Overmars.'
'When?'
'About half-one.'
'Where was this?'
'In the Barn House.' (Local shithole of a bar.)
'Fuck off.'
'Seriously - he was there. I know what you're thinking but seriously - it actually was him. I couldn't understand it myself at first.'
'Why would he be in the Barn House? What's he even doing in Ireland?'
'I don't know but it was him. I wasn't sure at first but I had a good look and it was definitely him.'
'What was he doing then?'
'Having a pint of Carlsberg. He was actually wearing his own jersey.'
'Ah here...'
'Full kit actually - he started a fight.'
'Idiot.'

castletownman · 13-09-2012 12:08AM

Me: I love to travel myself.
Random Girl: Where's the best place you visited?
Me: Hawaii's nice. A buddy of mine lives in Seattle, that's a good spot. But the best place I have to say, the moon. Hi, Neil Armstrong.

Nailed it!

ArtSmart · 13-09-2012 12:10AM

Telling Bertie 'shure it'll be grand'.

superblu · 13-09-2012 12:14AM

Filled some bird with a ferocious load of sh1te in a bar in town about being a real foodie and how I loved going to various restaurants in town. I actually could not believe my own ears when I told her that chorizo and squid with an Italian Pinot grigio would be my desert island meal. I had just read the lucinda o Sullivan restaurant review in the Sunday independent magazine before heading out and recycled the whole article pretty much verbatim. It was a pretty novel approach to getting my rock and roll but highly recommended. She had a few years on me mind you.

minidazzler · 13-09-2012 12:15AM

Convinced a bunch of girls from Tipp that I had recently inherited a lordship and manor down in Skibbereen while at a festival. They believed every word of it, myself and my friends played off each other and they never actually learned the truth.

Convinced a different group of girls at the same festival that I converted to Islam to please the family of a girl I married so she could stay in the country to become a doctor. I had a whole spiel about how she was one of my best friends and that while nothing sexual was ever between us, I'd do anything yada yada yada. They believed it all, even though I had a few inconsistencies. The weird part is they were sober at the time, (well as sober as you can be at a festival).

1ZRed · 13-09-2012 12:19AM

When I was younger I made my cousin believe I was a Pokemon but I just hadn't evolved yet. The gobshite believed me for yearrrs!

Dangerous Man · 13-09-2012 12:22AM

I convinced a bouncer I was half-Chinese.

I convinced another bouncer that I couldn't speak English despite the fact that I can only speak English.

What is the most ridiculous lie you have gotten away with?

Comments