Asking too much, where do you draw the line with friends?

B.A._Baracus · 11-09-2012 01:04AM

Allowing someone else to use your place for sex is madess. But another question .... When should you & when should you not help your 'mates'?

I like to help those close to me with anything. Its a given. But alot of a persons friends tend to be glorified acquaintances.

I dont mind helping with simple small stuff. But actually question to myself "should I?" depending on who it is and whats being asked.

Am I alone? :P

hatrickpatrick · 11-09-2012 02:50AM

Another one from Thailand, (toilet story this time) - we were staying in Laos, the hotel we were in only had double rooms and there were 9 of us, and somehow I managed to talk my way into getting the double room to myself

Sounds good right? Nice big room, no arguing about when to turn the light off, no being woken up by early birds in the morning, general relaxation... Right?

BIG mistake.

The room immediately became the room I was repeatedly asked to vacate so people could mess around with girls in, the only exception being that if I brought a girl back myself I got dibs on the room.

So the first night we were there one of the lads (who will remain nameless, we'll call him "John" for the sake of this conversation) brings a girl back (also nameless, "Mary" for now). I'm half asleep on the bed, they ask can they use the room so I start waking myself up.
John asks if he can use my toilet first, which he does. He's in there for ages. I mean ages. Couple of nasty sounds emanate from it. Then he leaves, and "Mary" asks if she can also use it.

Mary goes in, I hear the toilet flushing, followed by a scream which can only be likened to the wailing of the damned, then the sound of loudly splashing water. Mary runs out of the toilet like a rocket. I jump out of bed and have a look, basically John had used ALL of my toilet paper and blocked the toilet, and when Mary tried to flush it after him it had finally bubbled over. Unfortunately he was clearly also suffering the effects of the infested drinking water over there, if you catch my drift. The stuff is seeping over the edge of the bowl and rapidly snaking its way across the floor.

I'll spare you the gory details of what happened next and simply say that I spent the rest of the night sitting on the stairs playing with my phone, and the room service spent a good 45 minutes fumigating the room.

Funniest part is, at breakfast the next morning I started to raise this incident with John, and before I can get going he responds with "Oh yeah sorry about that, yeah 'Mary' isn't too well at the moment, think she might have eaten something in McDonald's....."

It's one thing to befoul your mate's bedroom with your sh!te, it's another thing to try and blame the girl you brought back, particularly when she's not even there to defend herself.

Seriously, take responsibility for your own mess, dammit!

Wompa1 · 11-09-2012 03:10AM

Are you that guy that never shuts the f**k up about when they were in Thailand or when they were in Australia etc.?

11-09-2012 03:13AM

OP, tell him no. if he persists, tell him fvck off.

I myself am the only one amunsgt myself and 3 friends who drives and owns a motor vehicle.

I am a busy person, live by myself far far away from my friends by myself ( + 1 other but neither here nor there )

The other day i was in work. My phone beeped once to say i had received a text message, then again 2 mins later to say i had received a facebook message.

Both from the same person and both said this "(name) I require you urgently"

rang him, "Whats up ?"

Friend: "hey, will you give me a lift from clondalkin to Newbridge"
ME: "NO"
Friend: "ah go on, dont be a prick"
Me: "go fvck yourself" *hang up*

saw him days later and he brought it up again "thanks for the lift asshole"

I swiftly replied with "fvck you, i was in work doing something with my life you inconsiderate asshole. im not running around like a gimp for you cos you want to see some tart that you wont make the effort for, as i said, **** off"

as you can imagine he was shocked. But fvck it, who cares ? just because we worked for what we have (Cars, apartments) means we have to let friends use them for whatever they please just because their friends ?

i have what i have because i earned it, i'm not letting anyone other bollox exploit that.

and also i'm busy and dont need this kinda crap nudging in on my day when im trying to get things done.

since that incident, this "Friend" has never asked me for a favor since and it sent the point across to the other 2 (they never ask anyway so their cool)

/rant

tl;dr = OP, tell them no and then go away and stand your ground and dont take sh/te

BillyMitchel · 11-09-2012 03:24AM

After a night out or what ever I'd have no problem asking but random times of the day I'd either charge, look for a four baller or just tell them to fock off!

OP do you feel like they are taking advantage or maybe you live in a 10 bedroomed mansion?

retalivity · 11-09-2012 03:34AM

hatrickpatrick wrote: »

Another one from Thailand

OK.

we were staying in Laos

amazing.

really? wow....

Merch · 11-09-2012 03:37AM

dutopia wrote: »

Their behaviour seems way out of line. If I were you, I'd confront the issue directly and tell your friends you're not comfortable with your place being used in this way. Explain that they would be welcome in an emergency or something, but not as a place to crash whenever they feel like it.

I remember a friend of mine used to crash at my apartment usually one night a week. I didn't mind but after a few weeks my wife wasn't happy about it, so I explained it straight to him. He didn't take offence and understood the situation. Sometimes you just have to tell your friend you're not happy about something, if they take it the wrong way, maybe you weren't as good friends as you realised in the first place.

why? did he not live near or was he shaggin some one in your spare room? Understandable the wife is not happy about it, have had other halves that didnt want to share with anyone else if moving in together.

Real Life wrote: »

ive used friends houses for such things and ive allowed them use mine. i dont see the problem, maybe it changes as you get older though

I think so, have had people do the same when younger too, if Im not getting laid, no one is!

Jay D wrote: »

it's interesting to see other people's views on it. To be honest I'm not going to start having it. Like f*ck that. I'm paying a small fortune every month so that I do actually have my own space and I'm just not willing to let it be used for that by other people. Fair enough if on a night out or something but I'm f*cked if I'm vacating my place for a few hours when I'm unbelievably busy with life's goings on as it is. The home is for tuning out, I don't see me as being unreasonable at all.

Did he want to use your bed too or was it a spare room/couch? what was wrong with his own place? other half? Plus you might catch something itchy

DonkeyStyle \o/ · 11-09-2012 04:10AM

Jay D wrote: »

Fair enough if on a night out or something but I'm f*cked if I'm vacating my place for a few hours when I'm unbelievably busy with life's goings on as it is.

Hours? What are they doing, shooting a porno? Pff, tell them to fuck off.

dave3004 · 11-09-2012 06:13AM

I'd gladly offer my apt up as a sex lair for my friends....but if I am jealous ..... Then I wouldn't.

11-09-2012 10:12PM

Happy days. So we're almost 50/50 on this, although I do reckon the ones against the idea have a slightly better argument

eth0 · 11-09-2012 10:15PM

OneArt wrote: »

I find that really weird asking if they can have sex in your house. Actually it seems really f*cking rude. What the hell? Go get your own gaff.

You must not be used to much, nothing wrong with it as long as they open the window when they're finished. You'd be a mean spirited lad to deprive your friend a place to go for a shag

Paddy Cow · 11-09-2012 10:41PM

Why can't they just go to a hotel?

eth0 · 11-09-2012 10:43PM

Paddy Cow wrote: »

Why can't they just go to a hotel?

Prostitution would be cheaper

B.A._Baracus · 11-09-2012 10:45PM

Paddy Cow wrote: »

Why can't they just go to a hotel?

They'd rather use their mate (op in this example) than pay 50-100 euro on a room.

CuriousG · 11-09-2012 10:51PM

I don't know how people think that's ok, all jokes aside, if my friend asked that of me, I'd tell them where to go.

Madam_X · 11-09-2012 10:52PM

I don't see a problem with it - hardly dreadful IMO. Maybe it would depend on the individual case though. If I wasn't there it'd make no odds to me. The "sister" thing is hilarious.

Gmol · 11-09-2012 11:28PM

B.A._Baracus wrote: »

Allowing someone else to use your place for sex is madess. But another question .... When should you & when should you not help your 'mates'?

I like to help those close to me with anything. Its a given. But alot of a persons friends tend to be glorified acquaintances.

I dont mind helping with simple small stuff. But actually question to myself "should I?" depending on who it is and whats being asked.

Am I alone? :P

He's behind you

enfant terrible · 11-09-2012 11:31PM

Around a fiver, but asking for a fiver back seems really cheap.

cruais · 11-09-2012 11:35PM

Jay D wrote: »

Recently, I had a friend ask me could he spend a few hours in my apt. Now he also said his sister was with him and just needed it for a while.

The problem I had is that he has in the past suggested using my apartment for bringing a girl over, to do whatever, and I am ****ed if I'd ever allow that for that reason. So in the end I refused the request just saying I needed space. It's not the first time someone has asked me this. Another friend asked me before and I point blank refused him, even though he is a good friend. I just think they've a f*cking cheek and would they not just book a hotel?

Personally I am not quick to request help off people, maybe too much so on some occasions and I just feel there's a certain line, or knowing of what is acceptable and what's not.

I know most people have at some stage gone through this, for whatever request made by their friend. Just wondering, where do you draw the line and what sometimes písses you off?

Leaving the sister aside.... Your a cock blocker

cartell_best · 12-09-2012 12:17AM

live and let live, love and let love and let us live to love what we've lived and love what we've lived.

12-09-2012 12:19AM

wonder what the age of people seriously who'd have no problems anytime having that in their's. Not meaning to sound patronising mind you.

In addition, do they have a job, or have much else on in their lives at all?? :P

CuriousG · 12-09-2012 12:24AM

cartell_best wrote: »

live and let live, love and let love and let us live to love what we've lived and love what we've lived.

'Live and let live' doesn't really apply when it is your house................. :pac:

Madam_X · 12-09-2012 12:24AM

In my 30s, have a job - if I didn't, I'd be at home a lot and probably wouldn't want to entertain it. If they had a good reason for it and it was just a one-off, it really wouldn't make a difference to me. I genuinely don't see a problem.

Asking too much, where do you draw the line with friends?

Comments