Are kids really worth all the hassle

granturismo · 31-08-2012 09:33AM

xDramaxQueenx wrote: »

no, wiping someone elses ass? no thankss.

Who will wipe your ass or pay for someone to do it when you get old? Thats what kids are for.

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar · 31-08-2012 09:33AM

Abi wrote: »

I'll put it this way, you're not likely to find parents in this thread with any regrets.

you're not likely to find many parents who will admit publically to regretting having children

anncoates · 31-08-2012 09:38AM

It's human nature to miss the shit out of the things that kids restrict: spare time, socializing and lack of responsibility, but I still wouldn't change my kids for the world.

Nymeria · 31-08-2012 09:53AM

You're never going to get a proper answer on this subject OP, it's too subjective. The people who have or want children can't understand those who don't and the people who don't have and don't want can't understand those that do.

I don't hate kids, I just have no maternal desire whatsoever. I'm 28, and now more than ever I know that having and raising children would not make me happy. I am planning to get sterilised for my 30th birthday present to myself

. Its quite funny when people say 'oh you will regret it later in life'...that can be applied to most choices we make! In life there will always be the other choice that you didn't make, its not fruitful to dwell on this. And besides, could you imagine going up to a parent of young children and saying 'don't worry, you'll change your mind about them later' :eek:.

I have 3 nephews and a niece who I spend quite a bit of time with, collecting from school, making lunch with, doing homework, taking them for days out etc. While thats not the same as a full time parent it allows me to enjoy them in small doses, which is all I can handle. I'm looking forward to getting to know them as adults and building a hopefully rewarding relationship.

Not having children doesn't mean I plan to party every night and end up a crazy clubbing alcoholic. I have plans for my future that include travel and adventure and further education, but in reality people who have children can achieve this also.

I think to say that a persons life can be divided up into a; having children or b; having crazy adventures is way too simplistic. There are people who have young children and still get to fulfill other life goals, and there are people without children who are happy to plod along doing the same thing, there is no one size fits all.

I'm looking forward to a time when not having children is more accepted as a valid lifestyle choice and not just something that selfish people who don't really know themselves do - I certainly don't feel that I'm missing out, and if in years to come I regret it (highly doubtful) then its my own fault. Children deserve to be really wanted and loved not just something to be had because people feel they 'should'.

Nymeria · 31-08-2012 10:05AM

CJC999 wrote: »

I felt the same as you OP all through my 20's and into my early 30's. I now have a 2yr old and another child due any day now. I wouldn't swap them for the world, I would give up absolutely everything for them.

You may feel that way now and it probably means your just not ready to settle down and start a family just yet but more than likely that will change. I couldn't be bothered going out anymore, it's a pain in the hole apart from the obvious expense. Id rather have a few beers at home lying in comfort on the sofa watching tv.

Do you really want to be that sad 40 something still out every night at the weekend trying to pretend your 10yrs younger while all your friends are at home with their families?

Way to generalise that just because you changed your mind that everyone will, not everybody wants to just go along with what everyone else is doing, and not everyone who doesn't have children at 40 will be in the corner of a nightclub desperately clinging to their youth.

Some of us (me) have thought long and hard about the realities of a life without children and concluded that it is the right choice for us.

floggg · 31-08-2012 10:06AM

Confab wrote: »

OP, are you male or female? If you're male and single you don't have the option to start a family anyway.

Really? I'm male but I'm pretty sure 5 minutes of unprotected "passion" with some drunk young one in coppers could give me a good down payment on one (as long as I hide her passport for 9 months).

I also don't plan on being single for ever.

Abi · 31-08-2012 10:09AM

poldebruin wrote: »

I have two young kids now and I do have regrets, but only insofar as I didn't have them a little earlier in life.

I see what you're saying, but you wouldn't do without them. You'd merely choose to have them at a different time in your life rather than do without them altogether.

branbee wrote: »

Is that down to them just not wanting to admit it though? ... They're right in my case but I don't believe every parent feels the same way.

Perhaps you are right, maybe it's a case that I just can't comprehend a parent regret having their child / children. It wouldn't be a healthy or happy situation for either the parent or the child(ren).

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar wrote: »

you're not likely to find many parents who will admit publically to regretting having children

Perhaps not to anyone face to face, but on a discussion board where you can post anon, why not?

Cienciano · 31-08-2012 10:16AM

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar wrote: »

you're not likely to find many parents who will admit publically to regretting having children

I'd say the reason behind that is that there's not many people who regret it. As Abi said, this is a messageboard, 99% of people don't know who everyone is. I can honestly say I don't regret it in the slightest.

splashthecash · 31-08-2012 10:21AM

floggg wrote: »

So growing up as a kid, it's kind of assumed as inevitable that you will end up starting a family and raising a few sprogs of your own.

Lately though, I've been looking around at friends and colleagues starting families, and I'm starting to think to myself - being a parent looks like a load of ****e!

Seriously, apart from the inexplicable amounts of money they gobble up on you, they completely take over your whole life. You can kiss goodbye to a social life, friends, hobbies etc. You will end up spending most of your time working just so you can support the ingrates, and when you do have time off, it will invariably be spent cleaning up after them, or taking them some place etc.

I'm single and while I am doing ok financially, I'm not exactly flush. But there are plenty of people raising families on my wages. it horrifies me to think what I would have to give up to support another human being or two on my wage. Never mind the socialising and reasonable clothes, i'd be back to my colleg diet of koka noodle sandwiches!

So, are they really worth all the crap that goes with them?

Is there any parents here with buyer's remorse (or a strong grievance with the condom company)?

If your parents read this post they might have buyer's remorse.

Also, you are indirectly referring to yourself in the below..
You will end up spending most of your time working just so you can support the ingrates, and when you do have time off, it will invariably be spent cleaning up after them, or taking them some place etc.

floggg · 31-08-2012 10:28AM

Nymeria wrote: »

I'm looking forward to a time when not having children is more accepted as a valid lifestyle choice and not just something that selfish people who don't really know themselves do - I certainly don't feel that I'm missing out, and if in years to come I regret it (highly doubtful) then its my own fault. Children deserve to be really wanted and loved not just something to be had because people feel they 'should'.

Well if you get sterilised and regret it, that doesn't mean you still can't have kids. With all the kids in the world without loving homes, I can't think of anything more loving than adoption.

Somebody commented earlier about wanting to continue your genes - that's a dumb reason to have kids. When I die, I'll be dead. I won't know or care what my genes are up to.

When I'm on my death bed though, I think there might be a lot of comfort in knowing a took in somebody tiny and vulnerable and gave them a loving home, an education and a chance in life that the may never have had otherwise.

Plus, with adoption, you get to pick your kid. Which, if you do your background checks thoroughly, can help your chances of raising a premiership footballer to live off in your old age.

****, now I'm leaning towards wanting a kid again

branbee · 31-08-2012 10:28AM

Cienciano wrote: »

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar wrote: »

you're not likely to find many parents who will admit publically to regretting having children

I'd say the reason behind that is that there's not many people who regret it. As Abi said, this is a messageboard, 99% of people don't know who everyone is. I can honestly say I don't regret it in the slightest.

Maybe cause admitting it to everyone on the internet would mean admitting it to themselves. Its something you're not 'supposed' to feel. And even if it is anon, nobody wants people judging them regardless.
I can honestly say I don't regret having my daughter.
But I can also say if she didn't come along I wouldn't have wanted a child. I dunno if that's the same thing really.
But I do regret having her so young, not for my reasons, but for her.

Although on her first day of school one of the dads did say he was very jealous of my youthful good looks and I made him feel old, so I guess I should be thankful for that!

floggg · 31-08-2012 10:31AM

splashthecash wrote: »

If your parents read this post they might have buyer's remorse.

Also, you are indirectly referring to yourself in the below..
You will end up spending most of your time working just so you can support the ingrates, and when you do have time off, it will invariably be spent cleaning up after them, or taking them some place etc.

No they wouldn't. What, just because I may not want a kid, I'm not a good person?

They wanted kids, they had five of them. If they hadn't wanted kids, they would have been fully entitled not to have any.

And yea, I am an ingrate. Don't get my wrong, I love my parents, and try to spend as much time with them as I can, and am thankful for all the opportunities they gave me.

But I reckon few if any kids show their parents half as much gratitude as they deserve for all the hard work and sacrifices that goes into raising kids these days.

IvyTheTerrible · 31-08-2012 10:37AM

granturismo wrote: »

Who will wipe your ass or pay for someone to do it when you get old? Thats what kids are for.

My goodness I hope that's not the reason people have kids! I didn't have my baby so I have someone to look after me, I'll look after myself financially and otherwise thanks very much!

Nymeria wrote: »

You're never going to get a proper answer on this subject OP, it's too subjective. The people who have or want children can't understand those who don't and the people who don't have and don't want can't understand those that do.

I don't agree with this. I've always wanted kids but I completely understand why lots of people don't ever want kids. I really really hate when people say "you don't understand you don't have kids". Really really sweeping statements tbh.

Nymeria wrote: »

I am planning to get sterilised for my 30th birthday present to myself .

In all sincerity, good look finding a practitioner in Ireland who will do that. Extremely difficult (which I find unfair).

Nymeria wrote: »

I think to say that a persons life can be divided up into a; having children or b; having crazy adventures is way too simplistic. There are people who have young children and still get to fulfill other life goals, and there are people without children who are happy to plod along doing the same thing, there is no one size fits all.

Totally agree with this

Nymeria wrote: »

Children deserve to be really wanted and loved not just something to be had because people feel they 'should'.

+1 million

anncoates · 31-08-2012 11:15AM

That's a novel one that I must try in other discussions.

I believe in opinion A and disagree with opinion B so claim that most people who believe in opinion B are in fact lying because they are secretly afraid to say they actually believe opinion A.

Nymeria · 31-08-2012 11:21AM

IvyTheTerrible wrote: »

In all sincerity, good look finding a practitioner in Ireland who will do that. Extremely difficult (which I find unfair).

Yeah I've heard some horror stories about GP's refusing people under a certain age or women who don't already have a few children :mad:. Thankfully I'm living in Edinburgh for the next few years, and have looked into the Marie Stopes clinic in the UK. As far as I know they require younger patients to have a few counselling sessions but thats it. It costs about 1500 pounds sterling so I have already started saving

mr kr0nik · 31-08-2012 11:21AM

starbelgrade wrote: »

I wouldn't swap being a dad for all the money in the world.

Maybe for a lie-in on a Saturday :-)

Melion · 31-08-2012 11:24AM

I wouldnt swap my daughter for anything in the world. I might not be able to go out drinking anymore, i might not be able to afford trips over to Liverpool anymore but i dont care, getting a hug off her and being told she loves me is better than any night out or football match. A simple thing like the smile on her face when she sees me is enough to make me never ever regret it.

anncoates · 31-08-2012 11:25AM

Nymeria wrote: »

Yeah I've heard some horror stories about GP's refusing people under a certain age or women who don't already have a few children :mad:.

I doubt it's a big conspiracy. In most cases, at least..

Probably just wary of elective, irreversible medcical procedures at a young age.

westies4ever · 31-08-2012 11:33AM

I firmly believe that the majority of parents are liars, when they say they wouldnt swop their kids for the world. its usually swiftly followed by them telling me I should have some of my own. They just want everyone to be as miserable as them :P

seamus · 31-08-2012 11:39AM

westies4ever wrote: »

I firmly believe that the majority of parents are liars, when they say they wouldnt swop their kids for the world.

You're wrong. Wishful thinking on your part.

I wouldn't swap my dog for the world. 10 billion euro? Nope, gimme my doggy,

I've heard plenty of people give plenty of reasons as to why they don't want kids. And I understand them all, I have no issue with them. "I want to spend all my money on me and spend half of my days in my underwear playing computer games and eating pizza" is a perfectly valid reason to not want kids. Being selfish is OK. In fact, if someone is selfish, then they probably should avoid having kids.

What I don't understand is evangelists who seem to think that everyone should have kids and "grow up" or "cop on". It's like telling people they should own a house, and they're just being ridiculous for refusing to buy one.

smash · 31-08-2012 11:41AM

westies4ever wrote: »

I firmly believe that the majority of parents are liars, when they say they wouldnt swop their kids for the world. its usually swiftly followed by them telling me I should have some of my own. They just want everyone to be as miserable as them :P

If you don't have kids, who gets your beer from the fridge for you?

IvyTheTerrible · 31-08-2012 11:49AM

seamus wrote: »

It's like telling people they should own a house, and they're just being ridiculous for refusing to buy one.

And look where that got us!

westies4ever · 31-08-2012 12:00PM

seamus wrote: »

You're wrong. Wishful thinking on your part.

I wouldn't swap my dog for the world. 10 billion euro? Nope, gimme my doggy,

I've heard plenty of people give plenty of reasons as to why they don't want kids. And I understand them all, I have no issue with them. "I want to spend all my money on me and spend half of my days in my underwear playing computer games and eating pizza" is a perfectly valid reason to not want kids. Being selfish is OK. In fact, if someone is selfish, then they probably should avoid having kids.

What I don't understand is evangelists who seem to think that everyone should have kids and "grow up" or "cop on". It's like telling people they should own a house, and they're just being ridiculous for refusing to buy one.

I'm with you on the doggy part!

floggg · 31-08-2012 12:00PM

seamus wrote: »

I've heard plenty of people give plenty of reasons as to why they don't want kids. And I understand them all, I have no issue with them. "I want to spend all my money on me and spend half of my days in my underwear playing computer games and eating pizza" is a perfectly valid reason to not want kids. Being selfish is OK. In fact, if someone is selfish, then they probably should avoid having kids.

I hope your not trying to suggest that people who may not want kids aren't going to do anything productive with their lives? lots of people may not want them because of the freedom it gives them to achieve other things with their lives, be it travel, education, work, etc.

The lives of many childless people or couples could objectively be viewed as far more purposeful and meaningful than somebody who's greatest achievement is passing on their genes (though equally there are many wonderfully productive parents who contribute to the world).

I also hope it isn't a case that being childless is seen as selfish. I can't see how its any more selfish than having them. Most people (with planned kids) tend to have kids for what the kids can bring into their own lives.

How is that not equally as selfish as somebody who chooses not to because their priorities are elsewhere?

If having children was a selfless act, we would have a lot more people adopting or fostering kids in order to give them a good home. People don't do that, they desire their own kids for whatever reason, and they choose to bring a new life into this world for their own reasons rather than offering a home to an existing child which has a need of one.

Seems kind of selfish to me.

If I do have kids, it will most certainly be by adoption. I could go the surrogacy route etc etc, but why would i go to all that effort when there are kids out there that need a home which i could provide.

IvyTheTerrible · 31-08-2012 12:06PM

floggg wrote: »

I hope your not trying to suggest that people who may not want kids aren't going to do anything productive with their lives? lots of people may not want them because of the freedom it gives them to achieve other things with their lives, be it travel, education, work, etc.

The lives of many childless people or couples could objectively be viewed as far more purposeful and meaningful than somebody who's greatest achievement is passing on their genes (though equally there are many wonderfully productive parents who contribute to the world).

I also hope it isn't a case that being childless is seen as selfish. I can't see how its any more selfish than having them. Most people (with planned kids) tend to have kids for what the kids can bring into their own lives.

How is that not equally as selfish as somebody who chooses not to because their priorities are elsewhere?

If having children was a selfless act, we would have a lot more people adopting or fostering kids in order to give them a good home. People don't do that, they desire their own kids for whatever reason, and they choose to bring a new life into this world for their own reasons rather than offering a home to an existing child which has a need of one.

Seems kind of selfish to me.

If I do have kids, it will most certainly be by adoption. I could go the surrogacy route etc etc, but why would i go to all that effort when there are kids out there that need a home which i could provide.

I thought Seamus was just commenting on "I'm selfish" as one of the many reasons why people don't have kids, not that everyone who doesn't have kids is selfish, to be fair.

gabsdot40 · 31-08-2012 12:07PM

We adopted our 2 kids so we went to quite a bit of trouble to get them and they were very wanted,
in saying that they wreak my head sometimes. I can't wait for Monday to get them back to school.
But being a parent is great and I think my kids are amazing and I enjoy being with my family more than anything else.
So yes Kids are totally worth it IMO

Plus, with adoption, you get to pick your kid. Which, if you do your background checks thoroughly, can help your chances of raising a premiership footballer to live off in your old age.

This is not true BTW. You can't pick the child you adopt.

seamus · 31-08-2012 12:12PM

floggg wrote: »

I hope your not trying to suggest that people who may not want kids aren't going to do anything productive with their lives?

No, just giving an example of a reason why someone mightn't want kids. There are literally thousands of them, from genuine fear of childbirth, to idealogical reasons for not bringing another person into the world.

Some people see childlessness as the person just being selfish for not wanting to share their space. Even if that was the case, I see no issue with that.

Leftist · 31-08-2012 12:13PM

westies4ever wrote: »

I firmly believe that the majority of parents are liars, when they say they wouldnt swop their kids for the world. its usually swiftly followed by them telling me I should have some of my own. They just want everyone to be as miserable as them :P

what a weird pov. There are some seriously braindead posters on this forum.

floggg · 31-08-2012 12:19PM

gabsdot40 wrote: »

Plus, with adoption, you get to pick your kid. Which, if you do your background checks thoroughly, can help your chances of raising a premiership footballer to live off in your old age.

This is not true BTW. You can't pick the child you adopt.

It was a joke.

Sperm and egg donors are are the way to go if you want a guaranteed champion - though I'm not sure how I would convince Messi and Maradonn's daughter to pony up.

westies4ever · 31-08-2012 12:24PM

Leftist wrote: »

westies4ever wrote: »

I firmly believe that the majority of parents are liars, when they say they wouldnt swop their kids for the world. its usually swiftly followed by them telling me I should have some of my own. They just want everyone to be as miserable as them :P

what a weird pov. There are some seriously braindead posters on this forum.

Thanks for being insulting - I was joking. I thought this was After hours? Lighten up!

Are kids really worth all the hassle

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