Are kids really worth all the hassle

Wompa1 · 31-08-2012 12:45AM

homeless student wrote: »

what??are you sure that was fot me? I dont have kids and will never, thankfully:cool:

ah ok. Thought you did since you said it's better than having your kid brought home by the Gardai.

I bet more than half of the people on this thread who say they won't have kids will end up having kids. I think I'd be happy to have kids when all of my friends and wife have died. But then I have nothing I'd want to spend money on anyway so maybe others get more kicks out of material possessions than I do.

homeless student · 31-08-2012 01:00AM

Wompa1 wrote: »

ah ok. Thought you did since you said it's better than having your kid brought home by the Gardai.

I bet more than half of the people on this thread who say they won't have kids will end up having kids. I think I'd be happy to have kids when all of my friends and wife have died. But then I have nothing I'd want to spend money on anyway so maybe others get more kicks out of material possessions than I do.

nope, i was just imagining a nightmare scenario like the one i mentioned.
ya I like material possessions:)

False Prophet · 31-08-2012 01:13AM

Are kids really worth all the hassle?
Yes
1) Think of all the silly/stupid posts/pictures you can spam of them in facebook:)
2) You have the power to force/mold a kid into whatever religion/sports team/failure/hangups that you have;)
3) You can do what im going to do and train them to become world class international superstars:D

blatantrereg · 31-08-2012 06:25AM

False Prophet wrote: »

Are kids really worth all the hassle?
Yes
1) Think of all the silly/stupid posts/pictures you can spam of them in facebook

You can get them to chase rodents and hide under cars and things. Then take photos and put captions like 'Meow meow meow meow' on them. Lolkids.

PizzamanIRL · 31-08-2012 06:48AM

All i see in the original post is 'money money money, blah blah blah, im afraid to spend money'

branbee · 31-08-2012 06:54AM

I had my daughter when I was 17- obviously she was a 'surprise'. Before I fell pregnant I knew I never wanted kids. Even now I would be happy to admit that if I hadn't had her I would not plan to have kids.
Having said that once they arrive they are not just 'kids', they are the little person you created and as they get older they get their own personalities that you love and they really arent just an endless list of inconveniences!
I completed an honours degree and started an internship in the same field since she was born. I have friends that I talk to regularly and I see them as often as I would if I didn't have a child. So I don't think having a child traps you or puts an end to your life as you know it unless you allow it to.

blatantrereg · 31-08-2012 07:02AM

branbee wrote: »

I had my daughter when I was 17- obviously she was a 'surprise'.

You must have been relieved to find out you hadnt just gotten very fat

summerskin · 31-08-2012 07:16AM

Lots of 16-25 year olds in this thread. 90% of them will have kids, 99% will settle down with someone, and none will remember the nonsense they are sprouting on here.

When I was 19 i had all the same views. I was never going to be settled down, I was going to travel the world and be a free sprit, never having kids.

20 years later and I'm in love with my wife and two children. Your life changes as you grow older and so do your priorities, it's folly to think otherwise.

floggg · 31-08-2012 07:30AM

say_who_now? wrote: »

And now just imagine if your parents had thought the same way you do before they had you- you wouldn't be here!

Isn't it better to ask these questions before I have a kid, thn having one and resenting it/being miserable.

To all the "sure what else would you be doing with your life/being on the pull/in a pub" comment leavers, that sort of response, is revealing, condescending and sad.

There are lots of couples who for whatever didn't or couldn't have kids. Their lives and relationships can be plenty fulfilling and they aren't prowling around Coppers drunk every weekend. If the assumption is that your life isn't complete without kids, then that's real sad because you mustn't be a fully rounded person if you need a child to give your life meaning. It's also a really bad reason to have a kid.

And to everybody who assumed childless at 40 meant single, it's revealing about the state of your own relationships if you couldn't see people wanting to be in a LTR without kids.

tbh · 31-08-2012 07:51AM

summerskin wrote: »

Lots of 16-25 year olds in this thread. 90% of them will have kids, 99% will settle down with someone, and none will remember the nonsense they are sprouting on here.

When I was 19 i had all the same views. I was never going to be settled down, I was going to travel the world and be a free sprit, never having kids.

20 years later and I'm in love with my wife and two children. Your life changes as you grow older and so do your priorities, it's folly to think otherwise.

exactly.

My son is 18 months old now, and not only is he the coolest little dude on the face of the planet (sorry, other parents) but he thinks the sun shines out of me as well. In my 20's and early 30s I've done the all-night drinking, the beach parties, the lost weekends, I've travelled all over the place and I've broken some hearts, and had my heart broken. Had an absolute ball.

Yes it can be tough when he's wide awake at 0630 on a Saturday morning, mad for craic, or he's grumpy and won't eat his dinner, and yes it's terrifying to think that he depends on me and my wife keeping our jobs and earning enough to give him everything he needs, but I can say with hand on heart that I've genuinely never been happier than when I've been curled up on a couch with my little pompom reading "That's not my tractor". Normally, when he's focused on something, a bomb could go off and he wouldn't flicker. But if I pretend to cry, he'll literally drop everything and run to me to give me a hug. You've no idea how that feels until you've experienced it yourself.

Edit to say: I know not everyone wants to be a parent, and I understand and respect that.

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar · 31-08-2012 07:56AM

well im 29, only a few months from thirty and I can safely say I'm never having children (outside of some horrible horrible accident)

im sure I'd love the little parasite if it ended up happening but I just dont want the pressure. If all I have to worry about in my life is me it reduces the level of hassle I'll have to deal with before I die by a large amount. I don't have to make something of myself, I don't have to fight for the best jobs or promotions I just have to find things to occupy my time with and enjoy my life how I want to.

maybe I'll feel different when i'm 55 and childless but that's life and I'm not going to try and spawn just so I don't potentially feel lonely as an older man. There is no right way to live your life, if you're happy more often than not you probably did whatever was right for you. *shrug*

Giselle · 31-08-2012 08:19AM

branbee wrote: »

I had my daughter when I was 17- obviously she was a 'surprise'. Before I fell pregnant I knew I never wanted kids. Even now I would be happy to admit that if I hadn't had her I would not plan to have kids.
Having said that once they arrive they are not just 'kids', they are the little person you created and as they get older they get their own personalities that you love and they really arent just an endless list of inconveniences!
I completed an honours degree and started an internship in the same field since she was born. I have friends that I talk to regularly and I see them as often as I would if I didn't have a child. So I don't think having a child traps you or puts an end to your life as you know it unless you allow it to.

Well done

seamus · 31-08-2012 08:20AM

I have a child on the way, and tbh we reckon we're in exactly the right place for it.

We've done the twenties thing of going out at 12pm on Saturday and waking up at 3pm on Sunday afternoon with the vaguest memories of the previous twelve hours. We've done the going off on holidays and sitting around doing nothing thing. We've spent inordinate amounts of time sitting on the sofa watching TV just because we had free time and no obligation.
We could probably have done more international travelling. But then you don't have to be young to do that, and we're not big travellers. I don't feel any loss by not having gone to Oz or Thailand. I'd rather do that when I'm 50 and flush with cash than at 20 and slumming it in hostels tbh.

I honestly don't feel like I'll be losing a lot. Some sleep, and the odd time I'll have to turn down an invite to the pub on a Friday night. Boo-hoo.

Chances are I'll actually have a better social life because saying "Ah fnck it" and sitting on my ass watching TV on a Saturday afternoon will no longer be an option.

There's a lot of martyrdom about kids. People whinging about how hard they have it. Then they go and have more kids. That's when you know they're just being whingey fnckers trying to out-hardship everyone else.

Sappa · 31-08-2012 08:30AM

I reckon your either cut out for kids or your not it's very simple.
Some people yearn to be parents,I am happier with just my wife and our dog in our lives.
I know many couples who never had children and they have very exciting lives,it's insulting to say it's a bit sad if someone in there 40s is having a good time out at the weekend and childless.
Each to there own but you either feel that need to have a child which I never had or you just never think about it and are happy to keep things as they are.

floggg · 31-08-2012 08:30AM

SafeSurfer wrote: »

Looks like a thinly disguised "I didn't have sex threads".

Not since Tuesday night, no

anncoates · 31-08-2012 08:49AM

floggg wrote: »

So growing up as a kid,

As opposed to...

My kids are worth it to me and even though it's really hard sometimes, I could never be without them now. That said, I made sure to have them later in life so I could live a little before.

floggg · 31-08-2012 08:51AM

summerskin wrote: »

Lots of 16-25 year olds in this thread. 90% of them will have kids, 99% will settle down with someone, and none will remember the nonsense they are sprouting on here.

When I was 19 i had all the same views. I was never going to be settled down, I was going to travel the world and be a free sprit, never having kids.

20 years later and I'm in love with my wife and two children. Your life changes as you grow older and so do your priorities, it's folly to think otherwise.

I'm 27, and starting to feel like I don't want any. When I was younger, I always just assumed it would happen, and I think I would make a good Dad if it did.

In my case, being gay, a lot more thought and effort would have to go into it than for most, but I would be willing to go through that no problem if I thought it was something I really wanted and that I good offer a good home to a child.

At first I didn't want to be gay because I wanted a normal family. Now though, as I get older, and now that the prospect of marriage equality is getting closer and closer, I've started to question is it something I actually really want, or was it just a case of buying into society's hype that having kids is the be all and end all of our lives.

seamus · 31-08-2012 08:52AM

Sappa wrote: »

I know many couples who never had children and they have very exciting lives,it's insulting to say it's a bit sad if someone in there 40s is having a good time out at the weekend and childless.

Actually, I would be of the opposite opinion. If you don't have children and your life isn't a constant party, then that's just sad. What's the point in working a 9 to 5 job and living a dull existence, only to die at the end of it. At least people with children can say they're working for their children.

But if you're childless, then throw caution to the wind, take the low-paying but really fun job and blow all your money on frivilous things. Why waste your time being frugal and sensible - you're going to die anyway!

anncoates · 31-08-2012 08:57AM

Don't get the negativity about having kids to stave off loneliness. Fair enough, it's wrong if you have kids you don;t want or love but if you like the feeling of being surrounded by family and friends in life, a family perpetuates that.

It can be lonely later in life without family although some people are fine with that and more power to them.

Mr Benevolent · 31-08-2012 08:58AM

OP, are you male or female? If you're male and single you don't have the option to start a family anyway.

anncoates · 31-08-2012 08:59AM

seamus wrote: »

I have a child on the way,

seamus wrote: »

There's a lot of martyrdom about kids. People whinging about how hard they have it. .

lol

seamus · 31-08-2012 08:59AM

anncoates wrote: »

lol

...did I whinge about it?

smash · 31-08-2012 09:00AM

floggg wrote: »

Lately though, I've been looking around at friends and colleagues starting families, and I'm starting to think to myself - being a parent looks like a load of ****e!

You only see snippets of their life, not the full story.

Mr Benevolent · 31-08-2012 09:00AM

seamus wrote: »

Actually, I would be of the opposite opinion. If you don't have children and your life isn't a constant party, then that's just sad.

WTF? You're watching far too many road trip movies. Or was that remark directed at single people? I have a girlfriend and a place to live and I love my life and my girlfriend. I hate parties and I don't have kids. Life is great.

On kids, I have a 18 month old niece and she's great, but we won't be having kids for a while yet.

Abi · 31-08-2012 09:00AM

floggg wrote: »

So, are they really worth all the crap that goes with them?

I'll put it this way, you're not likely to find parents in this thread with any regrets.

anncoates · 31-08-2012 09:04AM

seamus wrote: »

...did I whinge about it?

I wasn't implying that.

I was just saying that when you have one you'll see that kids are bloody hard work.

Not so hard that people should necessarily be always looking for kudos for something they elected to do, I admit.

seamus · 31-08-2012 09:07AM

anncoates wrote: »

I was just saying that when you have one you'll see that kids are bloody hard work.

It's OK, I have enough nieces and nephews to know that they are hard work. But not so hard that you need to go on and on about it. Your life doesn't stop, it changes.

anncoates · 31-08-2012 09:14AM

seamus wrote: »

It's OK, I have enough nieces and nephews to know that they are hard work. But not so hard that you need to go on and on about it. Your life doesn't stop, it changes.

That said, I have so much sympathy for people that raise children alone. It must be incredibly hard.

poldebruin · 31-08-2012 09:31AM

Abi wrote: »

I'll put it this way, you're not likely to find parents in this thread with any regrets.

I have two young kids now and I do have regrets, but only insofar as I didn't have them a little earlier in life.

I'm 38 now, and did enjoy my 20's and early 30's. When I was younger I didn't know what I wanted with regard to having kids and a family.

As you get older, I suppose priorities change - the urge to go to the pub or club dwindled naturally before I had kids. It was replaced with other social activities though - the idea that your social life dissappears is a nonsense. Someone elase mentioned that this is only hr case if you allow it to be.

Reading through the thread there seems to be a common misconception (speaking for myself) that any kid you have will be just like the other kids that you see, with their annoyances, talking too much, being a hassle etc. The difference is when it is your kid, you don't find these things annoying, but endearing - I like when my little one tells me about her toy horses hooves, wiping his snot and dribble or his bum. It's completely different when it is someone else's kid - even a niece or nephew (dare I say it!)

It's not all sweetness and light - far from it, it's tough work and the biggest commitment in your life, it brings stress and pressure that I never felt before children - but these things are all acceptable, and more than worth it imo.

branbee · 31-08-2012 09:33AM

Abi wrote: »

floggg wrote: »

So, are they really worth all the crap that goes with them?

I'll put it this way, you're not likely to find parents in this thread with any regrets.

Is that down to them just not wanting to admit it though?
Not saying it is I just know that people always say to me 'I know you wouldn't change her for the world' etc. I've never once said this to anyone though, they just assume its how I should feel. They're right in my case but I don't believe every parent feels the same way.

Are kids really worth all the hassle

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